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Twirling
Barred Spiral


Registered: 02/03/03
Posts: 2,468
Last seen: 2 years, 3 days
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Literal and emotional purging
#2005396 - 10/13/03 01:35 PM (20 years, 4 months ago) |
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In anticipation of trying mescaline, I felt an excitement as to discovering this uncharted territory. The coming up was fine and dandy, but as it went on, and as with most psychedelics, it has the ability to enhance the negative and painful aspects of life. I went outside to reflect on what I was feeling, and why I wasn?t able to enjoy life. I started thinking about my growing up and all the negative things that happened. There was loneliness, a letting go of the promises of childhood. No more security. I felt lost and not sure what to do in life.
This is much of what I hoped to achieve out of mescaline, however it didn?t occur to me that I would be facing those emotions head on. I went back inside and suddenly felt this intense pain in my stomach. I knew I was going to throw up. Without hesitation I went into the bathroom and purged everything I was holding on to. I?m not talking about the 30 grams of dried cactus matter, although that did come up as well, but it was like I suddenly had the realization that I still held onto the past. Much like the way the cactus was coming up, so did the painful parts of my past. And much like the cactus (I originally typed ?And my like the cactus?), it ended up in the toilet. I knew that purging was a physiological reaction to how the past was resurfacing. I no longer wanted it to be apart of me, and yet, I wanted to suppress it because it was interfering with the way I really see life at this point in time.
And this is why I love psychedelics. The more you try to use them as a way of dealing with things you?d rather not acknowledge, the more they throw those things in your face so that you have to. And in this case, it all came out of my face? literally.
-------------------- The very nature of experience is ineffable; it transcends cognitive thought and intellectualized analysis. To be without experience is to be without an emotional knowledge of what the experience translates into. The desire for the understanding of what life is made of is the motivation that drives us all. Without it, in fear of the experiences what life can hold is among the greatest contradictions; to live in fear of death while not being alive.
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fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger


Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 30 days
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Re: Literal and emotional purging [Re: Twirling]
#2005412 - 10/13/03 01:41 PM (20 years, 4 months ago) |
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Hehe, sounds interesting. It is all there, in our mind, we just need to learn how to operate it effectively.. Myself, I think I will go to bed a bit early and sort of swim in my thoughts... think about this and that.. good night! Peace.
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If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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Twirling
Barred Spiral


Registered: 02/03/03
Posts: 2,468
Last seen: 2 years, 3 days
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Re: Literal and emotional purging [Re: fireworks_god]
#2005441 - 10/13/03 01:49 PM (20 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
fireworks_god said: It is all there, in our mind, we just need to learn how to operate it effectively..
Ain't that the truth! I was looking to have a purly mindblowing time opening up to the world and feeling connected, but sometimes in order to get to that point you have to face the past.
-------------------- The very nature of experience is ineffable; it transcends cognitive thought and intellectualized analysis. To be without experience is to be without an emotional knowledge of what the experience translates into. The desire for the understanding of what life is made of is the motivation that drives us all. Without it, in fear of the experiences what life can hold is among the greatest contradictions; to live in fear of death while not being alive.
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fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger


Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 30 days
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Re: Literal and emotional purging [Re: Twirling]
#2005463 - 10/13/03 01:59 PM (20 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Twirling said:
Quote:
fireworks_god said: It is all there, in our mind, we just need to learn how to operate it effectively..
Ain't that the truth! I was looking to have a purly mindblowing time opening up to the world and feeling connected, but sometimes in order to get to that point you have to face the past.
Yep yep. We need to know who we are and how we got here before we can truly start creating who we will be.. Peace.
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If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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