Wiccan_Seeker said:

My last session with MXE, and my last major psychoactive session, was on new years night, and over a month had passed.  Much has happened in that month, among things I quit caffeine, which truly feels as a good decision now on Day 10.

A dear online friend told me  "I notice you getting stuck in patterns again, its high time for a new session", and indeed he was right

Weapon of choice, my trusty sidearm MXE.

I went to the store after fasting to buy food for the evening (french cheeses and french bread, tasty and convenient to prepare while intoxicated) got back, weighed out 30mg MXE and gulped it down the hatch at 7 PM.

I no longer take MXE sublingually, earlier experimentation has proven it irrational, I just sprinkle the powder on my tongue, slosh some water through my mouth to dissolve it, gulp it down and chase with clean water, on am empty stomach.

10 minutes 20 minutes 30 minutes, descending furthrer and further into anesthetic dissociation. At 40 minutes it was like I got hit by a bullet train, out of nowhere BAM a big wave washed over me.  It got extremely uncomfortable. I staggered to the toilet like a darted animal's last steps, slammed on the bowl, my eyes were pinched shut, I could see for miles and miles of undulating darkness, my body grossly distorting.  I fought to open my eyes and got back in my chair. It felt like all my organs were squeezed out of me, my body image was contorted like it was a crumpled ball of paper.

"I let go.. I surrender.. Smite me, smite meeee..." I almost begged as I fought myself not to resist the effects but instead surrender to them. I was intoxicated like in those Hammer House Of Horrors B movies, or like in an anime, my whole world spun, I was flailing helplessly, visual field flattened and twisted, the flames of the candles lighting the room pulled apart to shiny fuzz a meter wide. And in this utter mayhem witrh my body image all fucked up and my organs spilling out I forced myself to surrender. It succeeded and I went to bed to get comfortable.

Your bed usually does the trick!  I squirmed around on my memory foam matress under the warm blanket getting evermore comfortable and euphoric and thinking of things I would really wanbt out of my life.

It got joyous, and I got back out again to start on my french bread meal.

After 4 hours had passed I got behind the PC and logged in to a social platform where I have a bunch of good friends. I got it with IM by a girl who had broke up with her BF and wanted my advice.  I explained to her that I was intoxicated on a psychedelic, that I had just found out my keyboard wasnt edible and so, was in no state to offer her effective advice. Then I met up with close friends in the virtual environment and we chit chatted away. It was noticable that although most effects had subsided, I was completely dissociated from all my usual anxieties, social precautions and the like. I wasnt a complete idiot because I felt the voids in thought where they would have been, but a large part of my worry center was offline.

I was reminded of the Tech N9ne  lyric "I'm simulated man, I'm hella blown away, and all my problems that I had have all gone away" That kinda feeling.  I guess that that is one of the sought after effects for addicts, the inner stillness and freedom from everyday worry.

5.5 hours after ingestion I broke away from my virtual company, took 20 more milligrams, made an incense sacrifice and prepared for what was to come.

Flickering. Flickering behind closed eyes is usually how it starts, a flickering and a swirling around of a blackness darker than dark, the Void of Nothingness.

I began to enter what we dissociative aficionados call The Hole. Some people when I write lyrically about The Hole get all chuckly because it sounds sexual to them, but actually its something that I think is more primal even than sex.

There is a place within all of us that we spends about 1/3 of our day in.  Its the place where we go if we faint, the place where we emerge from when the foetus' brain starts working and what we descend into when we die. The Dream, that other worldly dimension that comes so naturally to us, that when sleeping is shrouded deeply into clouds of amnesia.

When you take a dissociative like Ketamine or Methoxetamine, you dissociate away from everyday reality and move towards passing out, towards slipping over the amnesia border of that place. With drugs like these though, you can approach the border between the two worlds very closely, and there will be very little amnesia. That place, where the Dream of Flesh and the boundless realm of our Dreams meet, that is what we Dissociaters call "The Hole".

To call it the eighth wonder of the world would not do it justice, because the other wonders, the Taj Mahal, the Great Wall of China, thew Pyramids, they all emerged into the waking minds of their architects FROM THAT PLACE -- the realm of the dreams, fantasies inspirations and insights we all can access.

And taking a drug like MXE can get you there and show you things usually forgotten if one goes there in a dream.

Personally I adhere to the belief that we dont conceive of whats in that realm, we receive it, like a radio picking up the radio waves around it. We color what we see with what we know, but that what enters, the raw feed, that I think comes from the source we all can access, which explains the many anecdotes that exist like people meeting in a dream and both remembeing it after the fact, or a witchdoctor finding a lost goat by entering a trance and searching the jungle in it.

In the shallow hole I saw many sights and had many thoughts. I played with the thought of the Shroomery expanding to include a place where our artistic members can show off their cretions, psychedelic art, beautiful glass pieces, the many poems, pictures of themselves geeking out at shows and gatherings and all this with captions by the creator, a kind of Gallery of Shroomery, which conceivbably also includes the possibility of those members selling the wares they showcase.  I didnt "think it up" in the usual sense, no in my minds eye I browsed a possible future Shroomery and saw what was there. I browsed to the Shroomery Store, and it had expanded to a place here members could put pics up of stuff they want to sell, the Shroomery using a system of payment to handle the transaction in turn for a cut of the profits, and it becoming a sort of very visual Marketplace like place, a kind of ShroomBay

an hour and a half later, the clock insisting it was 2 AM, another 20mg went down the hatch, and I knew I was up for something big.

With every booster dose I sacrifice a stick of Nag Champa incense on my home altar before my protective Nkisi and I only use that incense when setting sail psychedelically, so just smelling Nag Champa sets me off mentally for a Deep journey.  Such a stick lasts an hour and by an hour into the booster, the MXE is kicking ass. I have a rule that there will be no boosting until the incense is burnt, and this spared me many mishaps.

My eyes closed naturlly, you just do that when entering the Holey Land. What followed was epic, magnificent, I became unbelievably euphoric and at the same time it was both solemn and joyful in its mystique.

I saw The Hole as the place our souls comne from to dream a dream of flesh that is our lives, and in our death entering into the Void of All and Nothing, where time and space have no meaning, to move to our next incarnation.

I whispered in reverie:  "ohh no drug can come close, nothing compares, to this, to this.. This is Home.." I I whispered "Ohhh I wish I could live forever to forever experience this" andwas infused with the "knowledge" that we reincarnate forever and thus that the length of a single life matters not, that we will forever and ever enter and exist that Place.

At times both my eyes were seeing two completely different things, I reverse-blinked (brief eye opening) to sync them, I tore down the walls of my eyesockets and begun to see things all around, 360 degrees, above me below me even behind me.  My awareness of my physical body had become erased, I just felt that part of my body touched by my breath, my mouth throatr and lung lining, all other feelings erased, I soared through the void at unspeakable velocity morping my being into every conceivable shape, my inner voice crying "Home, Home, Home!"
I still cry thinking back

It isnt the drug doing it.  The Home is the place we go to when we lose consciousness, the drug just brought me there, consciously. Even if you would never touch MXE, this place of unspeakable freedom is your Home too.  You visit it in dreams and will go there when you die -- thats how it feels to me.

3:30. I was in a dilemma. Boost, or let it be. I consulted my Higher self and her said the Hole would be deeper but it wouldnt be a joy, it would just be educational. It was fine if I stopped and fine if I went on.
I went on.

The Hole returned and much stronger now, but now it was void of emotion.  I wasnt up or down, there was no emotion at all. Mentually it was very interesting and engaging but emotionally it was lacklustre.

I decided to a grand finale and at 5 AM took another 20mg, total now 110 mg, and went to bed when the Hole came a-knockin.

Eyes open or closed it mattered not, in darkness the visions were soooo intense, as intense as actually seeing them.  Compared to earlier trips they were highly symbolic.  I experimented with steering, seeing things I wanted to see and asking to be taken to vistas I needed to see.. Sleep overtook me and I dropped over the edge of Amnesia.

It keeps getting better and better. 20 mg is the perfect booster dose when I have no tolerance and havent used in a month.  A month interval is just right for MXE, shorter is too short and longer is, well, a wast of experience

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I can only think about cuddling with you as I read that.

Wiccan_Seeker said:

I had just found out my keyboard wasnt edible

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