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OfflinePed
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Two Experiences With Two Asian Women
    #1659931 - 06/25/03 12:20 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

If you were expecting a HOT and SEXY story, press your back button now.  (Admittedly, I used that anticipation to lure you here.)

The first story begins at Avatamsaka Monastery, here in Calgary, AB.  I had shown up there hoping to become a layperson monk, performing monastic duties of practice without taking monastic vows.  This place is just swarming with Koreans, Chinese, and Vietnamese.  I am a white jellybean.

So, naturally, compounded with my existing feelings of paranoia, I am feeling even more insecure.  Kava Kava was no help in this environment.  Everywhere are 20 foot tall bronze statues looming, commanding awesome reverence and respect.  I feel like I'm walking on bubble-wrap inside a room where silence is paramount.  Everything I do is somehow trespassing on these people's beliefs.

I am assigned a fluently English-speaking Chinese woman to show me the ropes.  This woman is hands-down the most beautiful feminine example I have yet encountered.  Tall, but with the typical oriental frame, confident, gentle, obviously quite intelligent, articulate and kind.  This to my queasy feelings is like propane to a lit cigarette.

She asks me quite simply why I have arrived here and chosen the path I am seeking to follow.  The explanation I've recited with ease to so many in the past came out this time stammered and broken; I was running off at the mouth like a fool.  My stare at her was hard, and she seemed to lean away as though she were standing next to a barking dog.  It did not go well. 

Regardless, she explained what was necessary to explain, and left me to prepare for the ceromony at 6:30.  To pass the time, I wandered off to the library, which was a massive archive of Dharma texts.  Most were written in oriental langauges, some bilingual, even fewer dedicated to english.  I remove the first English book I can find, and begin reading. 

Coming across an inspiring passage from The Twelve Conditions, I drew my notebook from my bag and knelt on the carpet to scribble it down quickly.  I had placed the book on the carpet to read from as I write.  A monk appears infront of me.

In heavily accented English; "It would best if you wrote on the desk over there.  Do you see?"

I had assumed that he meant the desk would be a more convenient place for me to do writing.  "Oh, no, it's just a short passage.  It's no tr--"

"It is disrespectful.  The carpet is dirty."

Now, his tone was not tight-lipped or scornful in any way.  Regardless, I felt like I'd just been snapped in the face by his bamboo cane.  I apologized, picked up the book and moved to the desk with my tail between my legs.  :shake:

How distressing.

On the bus ride home was the second experience with Asian women.  I was sitting on a seat which was parallel to the bus wall.  Closer to the front of the bus was an Asian girl, about 17, looking obviously unconfident, unhappy, but absent of the usual angst-filled resentment. She sat with her hands folded loosely on her lap, looking down.  She reminded me of myself at 17. 

The bus stopped, and the obligatory punk-shit teenage boys boarded like starved, wiry trolls, speaking loudly, unware of any universe greater than that beyond the tip of their own penis.  Not noticing the Asian girl, they stomp past both her and I to the back of the vehicle and continue arguing with eachother about video games and Nitrous Oxide modifcations to cars they will never have. 

After some time, there was a break in their conversation.  The leader of the pack piped up out of nowhere, no doubt regurgitating some useless hate he picked up from his parents, "You know, the good thing about Asian people is,"  I looked at the girl, whose eyes fell to her hands.  "They keep to themselves."

She looked absolutely defeated.

This was terrible to observe.  Part of me wanted to initiate some violent justice, another part wanted to move next to the girl and strike idle conversation, so that she'd feel appreciated instead of isolated.  Neither actually transpired, as I was too weighted down by my own what-ifs, my own hangups and insecurities.

How distressing.

           


--------------------


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Invisibledownforpot
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Re: Two Experiences With Two Asian Women [Re: Ped]
    #1660040 - 06/25/03 12:51 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

damn i was hoping you were gonna fuck em or some shit.


--------------------



http://www.myspace.com/4th25


"And I don't care if he was handcuffed
Then shot in his head
All I know is dead bodies
Can't fuck with me again"


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OfflineJuR
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Re: Two Experiences With Two Asian Women [Re: Ped]
    #1660302 - 06/25/03 02:45 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Great post
tell me more you must have done some other things as a would be monk?


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InvisibleWorld Spirit
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Re: Two Experiences With Two Asian Women [Re: Ped]
    #1660320 - 06/25/03 02:55 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Deleted by admin


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OfflineCrass
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Re: Two Experiences With Two Asian Women [Re: Ped]
    #1660435 - 06/25/03 03:59 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

I can understand how that would be rude for that boy to said..

But as my grandma said to me one day at her house that is in the soon-to-be-ghetto in a few years.. "The mexicans around here are always so loud and rude, the police will come ot their house to ask them to turn down their music and they just turn it back up when they leave, thats the problem with them, unlike when the polish and germans were here, we kept to ourselves"

Just thought that was interesting.


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InvisibleRipple
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Re: Two Experiences With Two Asian Women [Re: Ped]
    #1660952 - 06/25/03 11:42 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Hey Ped, great post! :grin:

Thanks 


--------------------
The bus came by and I got on that's when it all began!



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OfflinePed
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Re: Two Experiences With Two Asian Women [Re: Ripple]
    #1661094 - 06/25/03 01:11 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

At the monastery I will spend two hours a day cleaning, sweeping, or whatever they will have me do.  I will be instructed on suitable meditative practices and posture, ways to cultivate compassionate feelings and help other people productively.  They'll teach me the deeper aspects of Dharma (I have fifty volumes of text to read already! :eek:).  I will also learn to speak Mandarin.  It is a Chan (Zen) and Pure Land Buddhist school.

I don't live there, as nice as that would be.  I haven't taken monastic vows, as that would involve some life-changes I'm simply not prepared to make.  I would have to abandon my relationship, cut off all my hair, become celebate, and remove a lot of things (like meat, desserts, and the shroomery) from my life completely.  I would not be permitted to wear any clothes apart from the one set of robes I would be given.

I'm certainly not prepared for that.  So, I suppose I could be thought of as an "acting monk" in the way Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation was an "acting ensign".  He had the duties of an Ensign, but no where near the amount of responsibilities. 

It is very uncomfortable there.  Many (if not all) of the attendees of the services and classes held there are much more learned in Buddhist concepts than I am myself, having only the Internet and some books as resources on Buddhism.  My eagerness in that place is being met with a lot of amusment.  One of the monks suggested to me that I may be grapling with an identity crisis. 


--------------------


:poison: Dark Triangles - New Psychedelic Techno Single - Listen on Soundcloud :poison:
Gyroscope full album available SoundCloud or MySpace


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InvisibleRipple
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Re: Two Experiences With Two Asian Women [Re: Ped]
    #1661105 - 06/25/03 01:18 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Do they wear under ware under those robes? I would hate to have them bad boys un-supported. :smile: 


--------------------
The bus came by and I got on that's when it all began!



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OfflineboOM
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Re: Two Experiences With Two Asian Women [Re: Ripple]
    #1661112 - 06/25/03 01:23 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

wow great post really interesting to read


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OfflineAzmodeus
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Re: Two Experiences With Two Asian Women [Re: Ripple]
    #1661300 - 06/25/03 02:19 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Ripple said:
Do they wear under ware under those robes? I would hate to have them bad boys un-supported. :smile: 




I don't know....i think i would enjoy the freedom... :smile:


--------------------
"Know your Body - Know your Mind - Know your Substance - Know your Source.

Lest we forget. "


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InvisibleRipple
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Re: Two Experiences With Two Asian Women [Re: Azmodeus]
    #1661497 - 06/25/03 03:24 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Hmmmmm.....maybe so :smile: 


--------------------
The bus came by and I got on that's when it all began!



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InvisibleRipple
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Re: Two Experiences With Two Asian Women [Re: Ped]
    #1661502 - 06/25/03 03:27 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:



I don't live there, as nice as that would be. I haven't taken monastic vows, as that would involve some life-changes I'm simply not prepared to make. I would have to abandon my relationship, cut off all my hair, become celebate, and remove a lot of things (like meat, desserts, and the shroomery) from my life completely. I would not be permitted to wear any clothes apart from the one set of robes I would be given.

I'm certainly not prepared for that. So, I suppose I could be thought of as an "acting monk" in the way Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation was an "acting ensign". He had the duties of an Ensign, but no where near the amount of responsibilities.


One of the monks suggested to me that I may be grapling with an identity crisis.




Sounds a bit like your looking for the best of both Worlds Ped. Maybe there's some truth in what the monk suggested?


--------------------
The bus came by and I got on that's when it all began!



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Invisibletomatoes
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Re: Two Experiences With Two Asian Women [Re: Ped]
    #1662148 - 06/25/03 07:09 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

nice story. heart goes out.  :heart:   


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Invisibledilatedcreature
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Re: Two Experiences With Two Asian Women [Re: downforpot]
    #1663026 - 06/26/03 03:46 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

shh he's a fag hahaha


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Invisibledjfrog
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Re: Two Experiences With Two Asian Women [Re: Ped]
    #1663323 - 06/26/03 03:46 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

I think what you're doing may not make sense to people stuck in either culture but is actually probably a very good thing to do. We make progress when we step out of our boundaries, and we step out of the boundaries of our own limited knowledge we can't help do things in a manner some find amusing. But its the only way to step past those boundaries.

Really though Ped I'm impressed by what you're doing.


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Offlinejimbu
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Re: Two Experiences With Two Asian Women [Re: djfrog]
    #1663446 - 06/26/03 03:58 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

yea i think it's a great thing to do.

what's wrong with wanting the best of both worlds?

there are what we see as imperfections in every culture, where is the harm done in taking the great things from each of them?


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OfflineRedNucleus
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Re: Two Experiences With Two Asian Women [Re: Ped]
    #1663974 - 06/26/03 10:05 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

You should see that it would have been good if you had some amount of conversation with the asian girl from the bus. You may feel nervous, but this is not important. It is ok to do something and go away feeling nervous and embarrased. You still know you did something good for that person by speaking to them.

I hope you find whatever you are seeking with this.


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OfflinePed
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Re: Two Experiences With Two Asian Women [Re: RedNucleus]
    #1664017 - 06/26/03 10:38 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

>>> It is ok to do something and go away feeling nervous and embarrased.

In fact, that was one of the things I turned over when debating with myself whether or not to approach her. Something still held me back. Next time, though, my own self-defenses will be a little weaker.

>> I think what you're doing may not make sense to people stuck in either culture but is actually probably a very good thing to do.

Thanks, DJ. Your support means more to me right now than that of the monks!

>> Sounds a bit like your looking for the best of both Worlds Ped. Maybe there's some truth in what the monk suggested?

Absoultely, Ripple. I certainly won't be able to live my life with one foot on either side of the fence. And certainly, there is nothing heroic about sailing out to sea with my boat still anchored to shore. There will come a time when I will have to decide whether the monastic lifestyle is for me, or if I want to chase the love I have for the woman in my life, assuming it will endure. In my heart of hearts, I know what the right decision is. It doesn't seem as though what's "right" is what's important right now, though.

In all honesty, what first attracted me to Buddhism were completely selfish desires. I wanted peace of mind for myself, for me, so that I could feel better. Practing with that intent, though, is somewhat self-defeating, I think. It's that self-centeredness that impairs our peace of mind. All that has changed, though.

In the words of the ven. Master Hsuan Hua,

"Our mind has no self-mastery because it is controlled by "otherness". When our body is here but our mind isn't, it's a case of being controlled by something else. If the mind isn't thinking of the south, it's thinking of the north; if it's not thinking of the east and west, then it's thinking of south and north. It never stops. The random thoughts swirl around. They kick out the host and let the external guest-dust rule. Thus the mind has no self-mastery. To attain self-mastery means having no random thoughts. Then self-nature emits a bright light which illuminates heaven and earth. Both body and mind are pure, free, and at ease."

What is important, I've come to realize, is emitting that light, not attaining the freedom and ease we all seek. When we attain peace, we exude that peace with our words and actions. Other people will see that peace and seek it for themselves. By achieving peace of mind, we help bring peace to the whole world.


--------------------


:poison: Dark Triangles - New Psychedelic Techno Single - Listen on Soundcloud :poison:
Gyroscope full album available SoundCloud or MySpace


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