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father is hurting me by trying to help
    #13585703 -

My father and I are polar opposites when it comes to certain views. I love him with all my heart but some of the ways he 'helps' me turns out to hurt me more. I feel SO much pressure from him that even things I enjoy doing, he turns it into a burden. I tried explaining to him that some of the ways he is trying to help causing major issues... He grew up to be tough and that being upset or crying is a sign of weakness... All my life he pushed that on me. But I am laid back and try to avoid pressure. he sees this as laziness. Every time I see him I am in a great mood... and 100% of the time I see him, I get depressed and/or angry.

today I couldn't take it anymore... a normal talk turned into the typical argument...but today it turned into a war. I got so fed up because he absolutely DOES NOT understand my side. and it made realize that things between us are NEVER going to change. I closed my eyes and tears started coming out. This made him so angry that he went nuts and said I will never get anywhere in life.

I didnt know how to react because I do not hurt people... So I started punching myself in the face as hard as I could. My father tried to stop me and I jumped out of the parked car and started punching a dumpster near by. He got out of the car and I was screaming like a madman. After that I just collapsed on the ground, having one of the worst nervous breakdowns of my life.

As much pain as I am in right now, both physically and mentally... After 27 years, I think my father got the very first glimpse of what he is doing to me inside. But I still feel so hurt. the pain on the outside is NOTHING compared to the pain I am feeling on the inside. and today I just self-destructed.

I dont even know what type of advice im asking for in this post. Will my father ever be able to see me eye to eye?

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Re: father is hurting me by trying to help [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13585816 -

One can only hope... It sounds like you deal with/understand your emotions a lot better than he does.


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Easiest and Stealthiest Way to Grow Psilocybin
:awebig: :awetrippie: :raveface: :awecid: :etbig:
"you may be wearing an Armani suit, but it's just pyjamas" - Mooji

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Re: father is hurting me by trying to help [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13585817 -

Hey man hang in their. I have an uncle who used to be same way. He use to call me names all the time, telling me I was weak and a pussy, but he had no fucking idea who the fuck I was. I would be in a good mood and he would fuck it up just like u said. One day I did snap at him and pretty much told him to fuck off. I would of punched him in his face had he continued. Anyway he no longer disrespects me. Sometimes these things need to happen. I don't know ur dad but I'm sure he's gonna have alot of thinking to do. I really hope he realizes what he's doing. My heart goes out to you both. Good luck.


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https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv

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Re: father is hurting me by trying to help [Re: zZZz]
    #13585949 -

Dude have you considered not blaming all your life's problems on your dad?

You're 27?

Edited by lasttime (12/05/10 04:24 PM)

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Re: father is hurting me by trying to help [Re: lasttime]
    #13586626 -

ever consider not being a dick and make rude comments? I do not blame him for ANY of my life problems, I blame only myself. This thread is about having difficulty connecting with my father when I am having troubles. I am still in horrible shape right now, I dont need trash talk

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Re: father is hurting me by trying to help [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13586735 -

Thread title: "Father is hurting me"

So...do something about it?

Sorry man, I'm not trying to be a dick. It seems like you have a lot of growing up to do though. You're 27. An adult by any definition. And you punch yourself because you're angry at your dad to prove a point?

have you ever tripped before?

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Re: father is hurting me by trying to help [Re: lasttime]
    #13587073 -

Age means very little... mentality means everything.

OP are you M/F?


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notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

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Re: father is hurting me by trying to help [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13587105 -

Sounds like you need to man up and stop throwing temper tantrums.

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Re: father is hurting me by trying to help [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #13587161 -

"Age means very little...mentality means everything"


Umm, wouldn't you say age and mentality should be connected? That's where the notion of being immature comes from

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Re: father is hurting me by trying to help [Re: lasttime]
    #13587314 -

I guess the statement was meant to intend that when im a father, I want to be there for my kids until they are matured, and even beyond that. Age is rather insignificant to me, mental stability is much more important and that would be my focus as a supportive element.


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

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Re: father is hurting me by trying to help [Re: Mickalopagus]
    #13587361 -

i agree completely. op's father sounds like a shitbag. but op isn't a kid anymore. he needs to stop whining and begging for sympathy and go move on with his life. sorry if this sounds "mean", but it's real advice...

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Re: father is hurting me by trying to help [Re: lasttime]
    #13587821 -

you need to completely let your father know how you feel about your situation. if he doesnt change then its time to stop worrying about it and move on

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Re: father is hurting me by trying to help [Re: nglsnv]
    #13589027 -

Have you tried writing him a letter telling him what an asshole he is to you?

If he won't listen to you, it may be helpful to write a letter because you could say something, and he could just block it out, forget about it, or whatever. If you write a letter (assuming he reads it) it'll be there for him to read over and over again.

If you've been trying for 27 years, he just may not be the best person to have in your life. I'm not saying never talk to him again, but the idea of having a close relationship might just be too unrealistic.

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Re: father is hurting me by trying to help [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #13589212 -

I agree with all of you and sorry I got mad at you LASTTIME. I would understand if it happened a lot, or more than once... But this was the first and only time I ever did something like this. I was in a state of mind that was beside myself. It was a complete meltdown. It was years and years of repressed emotions exploding into 5 minutes of pure insanity.

Although I still feel like shit, it was the first time my father and I TRULY saw each other eye to eye. He was extremely apologetic afterwords because he is saw what all the unnecessary pressure was doing inside. I have been telling my father for many years that he is always putting too much pressure on me, and the pressure is what was causing the anxiety most of the time. He would always yell  and give me that "I DID EVERYTHING FOR YOU and you take it for granted" speech.  And he always saw my pain as a sign of weakness.

I never wanted to tell him this because I did want to hurt him... but I explained to him that when he was not around, I had little to no stress and actually excelled in school and work. I told him that I WANT him to help me, but when I need it. and he understands that now. I saw MY pain and fear in his eyes, which is an emotion I NEVER see in him... he told me that this incident was a positive thing, which I can also see.

I love my father so much and he loves me the same. If someone told me a psychotic breakdown in a Wal-mart parking lot would bring us closer together, I would probably have called them crazy:tongue:

Thank you everyone. Since I have no one to talk to, it's nice to have you all... I feel much better that I was able to express my feelings to someone. It feels good to vent. but sorry about this whole sob story. I really do love you all, the shroomery will always have a place in my heart.

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