Seriously, words cannot express my sheer hatred for Diglett. Look at it, just look at the gay thing. It's the pinnacle of lazy goddamn design, like the people in charge of Pokemon drawing that day just didn't give a shit. Did they reach 149 and get tired of drawing little fucked up monsters, unable to do just one more?
That must've been how this was, like they'd run completely out of ideas so they just said "fuck it, draw a curve and stick three ovals on it, there ya go... yeah kid, it's a Pokemon, you fucking love it." How much more boring can you get? It's like a wad of poo with eyes and a cock helmet for a nose. It seriously makes me so angry I'm shaking, I'm quivering and shaking and trying to type through the cloudy tears that have welled up in my eyes, droplets threatening to course down my cheeks in rivulets as the only physical means I have to deal with the sheer emotion attempting to escape from my body.
I don't know if I could ever bring myself to use a Diglett in battle. It's actually supposed to be a good one to use in the game, but just look at it. Look again at the thing. I'd be ashamed to associate with it as a noble Pokemon trainer. It's lazy, it's boring, and it makes me think of fecal matter. Diglett evolves into Dugtrio, which is actually just three Digletts popping out of the same hole in the ground. I chose Diglett over Dugtrio for this because at least there's three of Dugtrio, so it's value for money.
Half a dozen eggs. Half a dozen eggs?! Who the fuck came up with that one, and who the fuck sold him the crack? One's even broken and bleeding. It's just ... not right. It's also six Pokemon, and that's cheating. Also, what creep would fight with living eggs anyway? Some kind of fucking idiot would. This thing eventually evolves into a palm tree with legs and three heads, and that's pretty damn stupid, but it can't reach the levels of sheer garbage that is six eggs. SIX EGGS! What's the point, even?
Psychic Pokemon are badass, but when they're being represented by things like six fucking eggs, the whole side is let down. They're six eggs. Six fucking eggs. They don't even look friendly. They look like fuckers. They look like cunts who'll talk about you behind your back. They probably even discuss the best way to kill you, like sacrificing one of their number by having it dive into your throat to choke you, and you wake up, unable to breathe, looking around at all the murderous eggs, laughing at you as you flail and convulse, panicking when you feel the desperate need for oxygen, consciousness leaving your mind, the laughter of the egg people echoing in your ears, their cruel grins a blur in your tear-stricken eyes. Then it starts to fade, to drift away. So scared, but so peaceful. Come now, my child. The egg people have delivered you.
That's what they will definitely do. Never let them out of the ball.
Where do we begin? Do we start with the cold, dead eyes and eery smile that make Slowbro look like one of those mentally retarded child murderers? We could start there, couldn't we? Or maybe we could start with THE SHELL THAT IS EATING ITS FUCKING ASSHOLE! No! No! Again, no! It's unacceptable is what it is. No wonder he's got such a distant smile on his face, he's being rimmed by a giant shell 24/7. As a proponent of sexual deviancy, and just weirding me out with its soulless gaze, I cannot approve of Slowbro. He's a horrible, pink, dirty bastard.
Edited by Anonymous (03/12/10 08:15 AM)
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