I want so fucking badly to succeed in this world. I had dreams when I was younger of being something awesome. Instead... well, I have next to no friends. I don't go to parties. Half the time I don't even feel like being around people. I used 0 cell phone minutes last month. Zero. Not even my family contacts me. I know more people online than I do offline.
I am terrified that I will die and no one will even notice.
I want to start a business and I don't know what to do because I'm too fucking unconfident. I need everything planned out and I don't know how to plan it. Every thing I try gets torn to shreds by the few friends I do have who gouge holes in it, and I'm too fucking stupid most of the time to come up with a rebuttle.
I miss being in college, at least being a pothead in college meant I had people to spend time with regularly.
Fuck.
The one upside to things right now is my girlfriend, she's the shining star in my life, but I'm constantly terrified I'm going to lose her because she's so damn awesome - people tell me that I won the chick lottery with her, and I really did.
I just want to make some kind of mark on this world... or at least get people to acknolwedge that I exist, and I'm not some waste of skin.
Thanks for letting me vent.
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