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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? [Re: Epigallo]
    #9232153 -

bradley said:
The first paragraph says nothing about your propensity for perceiving meaning - it shows that you are superstitious.



  Ratci just do what we tell you daggumit.  :wink:


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[quote]skalthren said:
It's nice of you to imply that I've been brainwashed by the government, but the truth is that I'm simply intelligent enough to recognize the subtleties of these issues instead of going "durr hurr, weed should totally be legal!"[/quote]

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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? [Re: AroundtheSon]
    #9232216 -

i enjoyed it :smile:

I want to show it to my girlfriend because she is the same way.


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"If you take a psychedelic,and aren't afraid you've done too much, you haven't done enough."

:mushroom2: Terence Mckenna :mushroom2:

Edited by spacemonkey69 (11/12/08 08:00 PM)

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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? *DELETED* [Re: Ratci]
    #9232252 -

Post deleted by roby000

Reason for deletion: s

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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? [Re: roby000]
    #9232293 -

lollers

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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? [Re: roby000]
    #9232297 -

LOL :dielaughing:


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┼ ··∙   long live the shroomery  ∙·· ┼
...╬π╥ ╥π╬...

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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? [Re: AroundtheSon]
    #9232301 -

lol all you like you townie im in yale right now snorting coke off a skull and bonesman's nut sack

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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? [Re: Ratci]
    #9234798 -

Ratci said:
No, writing an essay isn't necessary but it is highly recommended. Especially for me, because I only have a 2.8 GPA and even though I killed the SATs I feel I need some help with that shit GPA


I know your situation I left high school with a 2.6, I did great on the ACTs, and wrote a KILLER essay. As a result of my essay and ACT scores I got a $17,000 scholarship.

Now listen to me, your essay would be GREAT for a creative writing class once your in college. However, this is not that time to tell the college some of the less desirable qualities for college students. First of all, you need to show them your interest in learning rather then superstitions or OCD. I would suggest if you use this essay then tell them how all that represents you as a person in more detail. Secondly, a college doesn't want to hear about the size of your ring, they would rather hear about the significance that ring has to you. Third of all, you really shouldn't try and show how responsible you are by telling them your engaged. I know it is really exciting but colleges normally frown upon 18 year old married girls, because they aren't as willing to get out there and experience everything, they want someone thirsty to learn.

This personal area is for YOU to brag about YOU, what did you do in High School, how did those experiences help you grow as a person, and how you want to use those experiences to further grow in college


just a suggestion

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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? [Re: Ontheisland]
    #9234947 -

pretty good advice, if you ask me.  :rastamon:

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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? [Re: Ontheisland]
    #9234953 -

The problem is that I'm trying to show the college how I've grown as a person, but I'm not sure how to do that without discussing some of my flaws. The original was about how I used to be depressed and how it made me stronger and how it made me realize that I wanted to be a writer, but most of my classmates discounted that because they said the college wouldn't want a depressed girl among their ranks. However, my boyfriend's mom said that they'd appreciate honesty. And I'm just not sure which way I should go.

I'm waiting for an email from my 12th grade teacher about the essay; I think I'll just go whatever she says ^^;; but thanks for the help, to all of you who were helpful.


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People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion. --Albert Einstein

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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? [Re: Ratci]
    #9234975 -

I just read this so called "essay". All i have to say is :rofl2:  Comedy gold.


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ToiletDuk said:
For the record, I would show you my butthole but you would fall down and worship it as a God and you would give up everything to roam the land converting the heathens by fire and sword. Millions would die. No, no the cost is too great. I cannot.


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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? [Re: Ratci]
    #9234997 -

Did you ever work in high school, even a baby sitting job? did you ever volunteer? Are you part of a church or any sort of organized religion? Did you ever help out for an event after school? were you in any sports? were you in any clubs? were you in band, choir or orchestra?

those are the topics you want to bring out in the essay, the problem with going with the ring essay or the essay about depression is the person reading the essay is going to perceive it however they want to... you have no room for discussion- so if they have any questions then they can't be answered, or if they think your crazy- you can't tell them you are just trying to be cute.

Or did you ever help take care of a family member? are you parents divorced? even if they aren't divorced you could talk about how your family has helped you through school and how they have helped you grow.



remember when writing it though be extremely detailed (even if you think it is to much, it probably isn't. Your writing is good enough that you can work the detailed perspective. Do be mindful of transitions in paragraphs and sentences)

go to this link, I think it will help you http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/transitions.html

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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? [Re: Ratci]
    #9235045 -

Ultimately, they don't care about you. Assuming you don't have any incredible talents, they want you to either raise their retention rate, GPA, contribute to research, become recognized, - something that makes a good appearance on the institution. New age diamond girl doesn't cut it. Show that you're smart. Be original. This attitude isn't original, presenting your personal growth on a silver platter. Better to be a malevolent intellectual, psycho-serial sodomist. You see? Shock them with rationality, ever so subtley. Entertain.

(I drank too much by accident). Doesn't happen too often. I think you're probably onto something, but as is the general concensus, DO NOT turn this in as is.

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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? [Re: Ontheisland]
    #9235051 -

You forgot to mention that it sounds like 5 year old wrote it after watching the Labryinth for the 500th time. Princess diaries over there, needs to wake the fuck up to reality. I understand OCD is a serious condition, so I won't be too harsh on her, but come on, the fact that she believes minute things are controlling her life tells me this girl needs a serious dosage of reality.


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ToiletDuk said:
For the record, I would show you my butthole but you would fall down and worship it as a God and you would give up everything to roam the land converting the heathens by fire and sword. Millions would die. No, no the cost is too great. I cannot.


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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? [Re: Ratci]
    #9235057 -

Quote:

When I decided that my favorite number was four, I started keeping the television’s volume at a number divisible by four for good luck. It’s this sort of attitude about the little things that caused my promise ring to be able to teach me a fundamental truth about life.



do you have OCD?


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"If we could sniff or swallow something that would, for five or six hours each day, abolish our solitude as individuals, atone us with our fellows in a glowing exaltation of affection and make life in all its aspects seem not only worth living, but divinely beautiful and significant, and if this heavenly, world-transfiguring drug were of such a kind that we could wake up next morning with a clear head and an undamaged constitution - then, it seems to me, all our problems (and not merely the one small problem of discovering a novel pleasure) would be wholly solved and earth would become paradise." - Aldous Huxley
:drooling:GIVE ME OPIATES OR GIVE ME DEATH:drooling:

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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? [Re: aDoS]
    #9235072 -

I heard if you keep your tv volume at 5 or above, demons will appear in your life and make you fight with your bf.


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ToiletDuk said:
For the record, I would show you my butthole but you would fall down and worship it as a God and you would give up everything to roam the land converting the heathens by fire and sword. Millions would die. No, no the cost is too great. I cannot.


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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? [Re: TrippinTeddy]
    #9235078 -

thats probably why I went crazy when I was on speed


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"If we could sniff or swallow something that would, for five or six hours each day, abolish our solitude as individuals, atone us with our fellows in a glowing exaltation of affection and make life in all its aspects seem not only worth living, but divinely beautiful and significant, and if this heavenly, world-transfiguring drug were of such a kind that we could wake up next morning with a clear head and an undamaged constitution - then, it seems to me, all our problems (and not merely the one small problem of discovering a novel pleasure) would be wholly solved and earth would become paradise." - Aldous Huxley
:drooling:GIVE ME OPIATES OR GIVE ME DEATH:drooling:

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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? [Re: aDoS]
    #9235080 -

Yes, for the last time, I do have OCD. I got it from my father :wink: whom I love very much

And thank you for the advice, bradley and ontheisland

Trippin, you are now 0shroomed and ignored


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People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion. --Albert Einstein

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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? [Re: aDoS]
    #9235083 -

when your on speed, the proper volume level is 3 1/2 or below, that way you don't upset the spirit world anymore than you already have with your reckless drug use.


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ToiletDuk said:
For the record, I would show you my butthole but you would fall down and worship it as a God and you would give up everything to roam the land converting the heathens by fire and sword. Millions would die. No, no the cost is too great. I cannot.


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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? [Re: Ratci]
    #9235084 -

a good treatment for OCD is injecting heroin into your penis vein


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"If we could sniff or swallow something that would, for five or six hours each day, abolish our solitude as individuals, atone us with our fellows in a glowing exaltation of affection and make life in all its aspects seem not only worth living, but divinely beautiful and significant, and if this heavenly, world-transfiguring drug were of such a kind that we could wake up next morning with a clear head and an undamaged constitution - then, it seems to me, all our problems (and not merely the one small problem of discovering a novel pleasure) would be wholly solved and earth would become paradise." - Aldous Huxley
:drooling:GIVE ME OPIATES OR GIVE ME DEATH:drooling:

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Re: My college essay, plz to help revise? [Re: Ratci]
    #9235093 -

Ados you're now on ignore


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People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion. --Albert Einstein

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