breakthrough without elves

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Sophistic Radiance
Free sVs!

Registered: 07/11/06
Posts: 43,135
Loc: Center of the Universe

breakthrough without elves

#8157504 - 03/17/08 02:01 PM (18 years, 5 months ago)

I broke through on DMT last night (I think). I didn't see any elves, but something pretty fucking amazing definitely happened. The last few days have taught me a hard lesson that I've been waiting on way too long, which is that smoking DMT out of the tweak pipe is for losers who want to look cool by using hard drug paraphernalia (like me). The bong is an infinitely superior method.

So to the trip. I tripped twice last night. My first trip was underwhelming; I think I put too little weed in the top. I was specifically aiming for a breakthrough, but my first trip was mild, a series of complex visuals lasting five minutes; the type of experience with DMT I have grown very used to.

So with that in mind, I loaded up a fuck-ton of DMT in the bowl along with a fuck-ton of weed, for safety's sake. I wasn't playing around anymore. I inhaled as much of the vapor as possible. I can't remember if I took three or four hits, but my world was exploding by the time I put down the bong. Almost immediately, I had forgotten I had even done any drugs, and instead struggled to understand why my entire sensory experience was crumbling; I felt like I had been taken seriously ill and lost control of my body as my vision and sensation melted into a soup of patterns and weirdness.

I can't say, chronologically speaking, how this experience led into the next. I had become a beam of energy; coarse, raw, blasted out of my past life into the next. I wondered how this had happened; I knew I didn't really die, but what the fuck HAD happened? Was it the end of time? Did 2012 hit? After all, I was experiencing a new phase of reality. The strangest part of it was that my internal monologue was almost sober in the way it reacted to being propelled into another reality.

Next, the weirdness intensified. This part of the trip I'm having extreme difficulty trying to articulate, because it was not strictly visual at all. All of my senses - but mainly sight, sound, and touch - were rolling around and playing with each other. My memories and experiences were transformed into a strange mosaic that pumped away with the regularity of, but with a whole different rhythm from, my heartbeat. All my senses were rolled together into a series of symbols that could be seen, felt, and heard all at once, a tangible language of my experience. I'm finding now that I really can't explain this part for a damn, because it was so much more than that I can't even describe it. I sat there, pushing away at something; like I was trying to swallow something tremendously huge, or trying to squeeze something out of myself, and it was all I knew. I could see the struggle as a contracting and expanding... thing made of green and yellow. I saw many other visuals as well, technological and organic indescribables thumping away, though I didn't "grab hold" of anything I saw, my mind simply struggling to swallow what had happened to it. I began to sense I had altered myself, that this was in fact not ordinary reality, that it had changed somehow.

The chronology here is very confusing. But eventually, I practically felt I had given birth to myself. I got up and walked around my room a bit while still completely in DMT-land, exploring yet another new reality. There were no black lines, and it seemed the borders of objects were infused with colorful, psychedelic energy. I could see the details of my room very clearly, but consciously had very little recollection of my past life in this room. It was all such a mess, which usually bothers me, but I saw the mess as a playground. I stumbled around poking at things, looking behind all the weird little items I had left lying around. I felt my previous reality had been a painful struggle wherein I made messes, but I had transcended into the next reality where I was free to explore this fascinating, nuanced, unique mess like it was a museum. Eventually I lay down and my mind began the slow process of returning to reality. As I was coming down I consciously had to fish my identity back up out of the chaos, remind myself that I was just a single human being with a temporary, self-controlled life. I wanted nothing more than to be a person again.

This is the worst trip report I've ever written. My entire experience last night is the most indescribable thing I've felt on drugs by many orders of magnitude. The way my mind grappled with the drug surprises me; throughout the entire experience I was struggling to explain what had happened to me, but I avoided the obvious "I'm on drugs" answer because it seemed too powerful to have been caused by drugs. There was a constant feeling of coming to life as something new. Although the trip is obviously over by now, it stays with me in strange ways. At any moment I can choose to reexperience my senses as I did last night, a trancelike vortex of colors, sounds, feelings, pure experience. It's the synaesthesia generated by existence itself. My life feels like a playground.

So I didn't see any entities. But to say I tripped balls is an understatement. I felt I had died, and I awakened into a new reality; is that not what it means to break through? I've read not everybody sees the entities. This trip completely redefines psychedelics for me as a whole. In my years of studying the nature of tripping, reading experience reports, trying to wrap my brain around all of it, I never came remotely close to imagining or predicting what this experience would feel like. It was eternity crammed into ten minutes, it was the next world.

I'm really rambling here, but that's because I haven't even chipped the surface in this post. I'm going to reflect on it further. I am DEFINITELY going to smoke DMT again, and perhaps make some more sense of the swirling maelstrom of experience it thrust me into.

--------------------
Enlil said:
You really are the worst kind of person.

Edited by Tchan909 (03/17/08 02:20 PM)

Extras:

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