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OfflineSpooglywoogly
swoooooosh
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Registered: 11/06/07
Posts: 38
Last seen: 15 years, 4 months
3 years later...im getting ready to revisit the mushroom.
    #7665001 - 11/21/07 09:44 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

This is almost a blog entry as much as anything.

Around 4 years ago i had an extremely traumatic trip. visually it wasnt overly spectacular but psychologically i felt as though my brain was fusing and i became overwhelmed with anxiety and fear.

I dont want to over dramatize the context of the trip, but it did have implications.

some friends had organised a small local music festival and we were all camped out for the evening. there was a pokey little stage, beer tent, bbq etc. i cant remember if this was my first experience of mushrooms or not but it was certainly very formative. i had bought some before i arrived at the festival and was all set and ready for a brilliant night tripping with close friends...

unfortunately some of them had forgotten to buy any and so rushed back into town to grab some before the shop closed.

after an hour they hadnt returned and i was anxious to get going and start the adventure. so i washed down the slimey buggers with the end of a warm can of grolsch. completely unceremonious and disgusting. i was looking forward to the prospect of them arriving back to find me already away with the elves and pixies.

an hour passes...

no return?

i start feeling the effects.

i guess at this point its important to note that around this time i was in the early stages of a slow growth weed anxiety/paranoia. after picking apart my brain and squashing it again ive realised that weed was the instigator in my downward spiral.

strangely, i can remember the exact moment when my trip went 'bad' (as they say) and in retrospect its a true testament to the willingness of a paranoid mind to engineer its own downfall.

i was sat on a chair in the middle of some grass with myself pointed at the stage. i mentioned to a friend that id eaten my shrooms and was feeling a little weird. and so, being the chirpy girl that she is: she pulled a huge face and went wOOOAAHH woooooaaahh woooooaaah bouncing her head right up to mine and away again.

subconsciously my brain multiplied what was the simplest and plainest of things and turned it into a nice little nest egg on which to break down.

something like this:
heh thats stupid.
thats the sort of archetypal thing that would make some 1 lose it if they were having a bad one.
am i having a bad one?
ooooeeerrr
and so on
and so forth.

In the end i spent the next few hours growing increasingly more anxious, unable to find solace in any person. i guess after exhausting all options i decided to sort the mess out myself. since being around people only made matters worse...

i felt so freakish and bizarre i had no fear of wandering off into the darkness, since i was the most horrible thing at that point there was nothing i could possibly run into that could be worse. i gathered some extra layers and wandered off away from the noise and light and lay down under a tree and looked back at it all.

i didnt experience any profound revelations or insights. i just instantly felt calmer by getting away from the light and sound. that in itself was about the most important thing i worked out. since mushrooms mess with your perceptive senses. if it all becomes overwhelming and frightening: lighten the load, dont pour light into your eyes, dont flood your ears with sound.

once i had come down a little, i took great pleasure in explaining my amazingly simple yet to me crucial discovery.

so that was the trip itself. nothing overly spectacular. although. hours and hours later. darkness had fallen and still no sign of my friends. WTF?!

come morning.

"swim wake up: will's dead."

they'd crashed the car and one of the brightest and most exciting people i had ever met was killed.

i know thats the most well trodden cliche for the dead. but in this instance it was actually true.

================================

fast forward a few years. ive gone in and out the other-side of weed paranoia amongst other things and regained a much steadier mindset which i thought was gone for good. And as ive continued to dabble here and there in different drugs over the years. The time has come for me to return to the mushroom.

ive spent a lot of time pondering and more recently listening to the words of terence mckenna. hes an extremely calming and informative presence.

i feel now that while i am still full of questions and cynicism towards the world i am at least mentally ready and extremely eager to begin an adult exploration of the mushroom psyche.

i decided the best way to prepare myself and be a part of this trip was to grow the mushrooms myself. i gathered the necessary ingredients and have begun the cultivation. i am currently 14days after inoculation and im truely excited about what lies ahead.

i have 2 strains in jars at the moment. b+ and huautla.

big thanks to this message board. ive learned alot just by trauling through and finding answers.

im so excited! :laugh:

======================================================
======================================================

on a side note. theres a few finer points about this trip i still havent clarified and im interested in any advice. i was considering combining the trip with a bit of mdma, just to ensure 'positive thinking'. any thoughts?

also. the current climate is deep dark wet winter. i really want to get out into nature to take the shrooms but with things as they are this seems practically impossible. i dont fancy being cooped up at home or at anyone elses home...

there doesnt seem to be a solution to that problem though.


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InvisibleRobMarley420
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Registered: 05/01/05
Posts: 12,554
Loc: Mushroom Mountain
Re: 3 years later...im getting ready to revisit the mushroom. [Re: Spooglywoogly]
    #7665095 - 11/21/07 10:26 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Happy trails. :scrambled:

Enjoy the mushies! :smile:


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InvisibleShroomyJay
Stranger

Registered: 10/31/07
Posts: 287
Re: 3 years later...im getting ready to revisit the mushroom. [Re: RobMarley420]
    #7665430 - 11/22/07 01:14 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Very interesting. My bad trips have always involved weed. Now I never mix weed with trips, and sometimes I'll even abstain for a couple of days prior to tripping.

Instead of MDMA, I would recommend Xanax (1mg or less) if you can get it. Or try a natural tranquilizer like Kava. I stopped tripping for years and years after a really bad LSD/weed trip. I finally decided to try mushrooms again, with a bit of Xanax, and had a beautiful, life-changing experience.

I'm curious what this part of your post means: "ive gone in and out the other-side of weed paranoia amongst other things and regained a much steadier mindset which i thought was gone for good."

Sounds interesting. Care to elaborate? Weed still stimulates anxiety in me from time to time.


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OfflineSpooglywoogly
swoooooosh
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Registered: 11/06/07
Posts: 38
Last seen: 15 years, 4 months
Re: 3 years later...im getting ready to revisit the mushroom. [Re: ShroomyJay]
    #7665806 - 11/22/07 06:26 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

i skimmed over that part of my experience because i thought if i start writing about that as well then id trail off and write an extra 1000words.

without going into the gorey soap opera details. after that car crash i spent the next few months getting steadily more and more paranoid. my memory of that period is so hazey now that im not sure if it was a year or several months or less. At the time it certainly felt like the long haul.

a friend of mine was committed after what doctors described as a drug induced psychosis. (his was from cocaine and cannabis) from speaking to him i reckon i was only a few months behind when i stopped smoking.

in terms of manifestation, it was fairly standard weed paranoia. i would go from feeling engaged and enthused by my surroundings. to feeling threatened and out of touch. no confidence to hold conversation and no confidence in what i was saying.

Making eye contact became extremely difficult because i could see everyones thoughts expressed through tiny inflections and reactions in their face and eyes. while im sure this was partly heightened by smoking weed. i still find it extremely easy to read a person based on body-language and eye contact.

smoking so much by myself that i became unable to sleep due to the heightened brain activity. im sure alot of people have experienced the feeling of being physically exhausted but mentally charged to the point where they just stare into space.

eventually i had an experience with cannabis which demonstrated to me slow clearly where my problem lay, that i just stopped smoking the next day.

it was on new years day. after a big party. i went back with a friend to hang out and recover. we were laughing, taking the piss and i felt really good. the most comfortable i had in a long time. lets make a mix! after smoking one pipe, i went from having fluid funny conversation with a good friend to feeling wary and isolated as before.

prior to that id had a panic attack from weed and various other freakish moments of mental activity.

3 or 4 years later, ive grown up alot. whilst i still get daily returns of paranoia, its only brief and i dispose of it as quickly as it arrives. even to this day strangers automatically assume i smoke weed.


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InvisibleShroomyJay
Stranger

Registered: 10/31/07
Posts: 287
Re: 3 years later...im getting ready to revisit the mushroom. [Re: Spooglywoogly]
    #7666745 - 11/22/07 11:57 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Do you think the weed caused your paranoia, or only magnified it? I continue to have panic attacks when I stop smoking for long periods of time. I think weed just brings it out more easily.

I can relate to the heightened brain activity thing. As I understand it, it has to do with activity in the amygdala, which also causes anxiety. I'll also sometimes have problems with eye contact for the same reasons.

One thing I've found to deal with anxiety while shrooming is to just empty my head of all thoughts. Anxiety always seems to be anchored to a thought process of one kind or another, and by removing the thought process, one kills the anxiety.


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OfflineSpooglywoogly
swoooooosh
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Registered: 11/06/07
Posts: 38
Last seen: 15 years, 4 months
Re: 3 years later...im getting ready to revisit the mushroom. [Re: ShroomyJay]
    #7666906 - 11/22/07 12:44 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

yeh i think thats pretty much it. the weed didnt create the paranoia it just accentuated it.

i just wont smoke weed when i next take shrooms that seems to be the best way to eliminate the possibly of spiraling out of control.

i think you should quit smoking yourself :smile: it can only be beneficial from what you've described.


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Offlinecube talk
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Registered: 10/11/07
Posts: 1,223
Last seen: 1 month, 12 days
Re: 3 years later...im getting ready to revisit the mushroom. [Re: Spooglywoogly]
    #7667245 - 11/22/07 03:02 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Damn man, you realize your about to have the most insane fun time lol!?


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OfflineSpooglywoogly
swoooooosh
Male

Registered: 11/06/07
Posts: 38
Last seen: 15 years, 4 months
Re: 3 years later...im getting ready to revisit the mushroom. [Re: cube talk]
    #7667397 - 11/22/07 03:58 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

lets hope so :wink:


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Offlinehaymaker
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Registered: 10/26/07
Posts: 1,374
Loc: United Kingdom Flag
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
Re: 3 years later...im getting ready to revisit the mushroom. [Re: Spooglywoogly]
    #7667419 - 11/22/07 04:04 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

i hope it goes well.

my last trip went a bad for the last few hours, resulting in the worst nights "sleep" iv ever had. i was so paranoid.

as a result im making sure my next trip is perfect. with nothing to do for the next day or two.

safe journey.


--------------------
"Make hay while the sun shines"
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OfflineSpooglywoogly
swoooooosh
Male

Registered: 11/06/07
Posts: 38
Last seen: 15 years, 4 months
Re: 3 years later...im getting ready to revisit the mushroom. [Re: haymaker]
    #7670000 - 11/23/07 11:17 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

this is just a little advert for whomever might be interested.

ive posted a thread in the music section with some links to some music ive written.

so if u like music please give it a listen.

http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Cat/0/Number/7669786/an/0/page/0

thanks :wink:


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