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Please critique my new song
    #7826163 -
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It's called Stay With Me...

I still plan on cleaning it up a bit and maybe adding a few instruments once I get my MIDI controller...

But let me know what you think!


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:musicnote:Music doesn't stop at the ears when it begins at the heart.:musicnote:


:psychsplit:"Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind."
            -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:psychsplit:

Edited by boxcarguy07 (01/03/08 01:14 AM)

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Re: Please critique my new song [Re: boxcarguy07]
    #7826253 -

errr... pulling of lyrics is so hard. I'm a huge fan of instrumental music for the simple fact I'm so fucking picky about the sound of the persons voice/style/content they sing in.

That said, try taming the lower end on the vocal tracks. It gets really bassy at points (in a bad way). I also couldn't understand what you were saying for the first few lines. Maybe that was the effect you were going for. I just wasn't feeling the vocals...

It also sounds like the guitar is being played from far away (or maybe its applied effects)...try to get it sounding a little cleaner so we can hear all the nice details in your playing.

and the only thing I can say about the lyrics is: Less is more.

Good luck with it.


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Shroomery Composition Contest

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Re: Please critique my new song [Re: Toddo]
    #7826270 -

Toddo said:
errr...  pulling of lyrics is so hard.  I'm a huge fan of instrumental music for the simple fact I'm so fucking picky about the sound of the persons voice/style/content they sing in. 

That said, try taming the lower end on the vocal tracks.  It gets really bassy at points (in a bad way).  I also couldn't understand what you were saying for the first few lines.  Maybe that was the effect you were going for.  I just wasn't feeling the vocals... 

It also sounds like the guitar is being played from far away (or maybe its applied effects)...try to get it sounding a little cleaner so we can hear all the nice details in your playing.
 
and the only thing I can say about the lyrics is: Less is more. 

Good luck with it.


:thumbup: Thanks for the tips!
What exactly do you mean about taming the lower end of the vocals? Does my voice just not sound good when it goes low, or is it the way it sounds when recorded?

It seems like most people in this sections are into stuff like psytrance and the like... but I just gotsta have lyrics in my songs! :smile:


--------------------
:musicnote:Music doesn't stop at the ears when it begins at the heart.:musicnote:


:psychsplit:"Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind."
            -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:psychsplit:

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Re: Please critique my new song [Re: boxcarguy07]
    #7826297 -

Oh, people are into all sorts of shit on here...and I mean ALL sorts hehe. My 'home' genre is actually soundtrack/classical.

Just filter out the lows via EQ. Mess around with it until you get a nice sound.


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Shroomery Composition Contest

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Re: Please critique my new song [Re: Toddo]
    #7829485 -
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I tweaked with it quite a bit and I feel like I have a much better sounding product. Of course it's not perfect yet, but I'd have to re-record it to get it where I want it. This was just a quick thing.
Let me know if it's better, please! :smile:


--------------------
:musicnote:Music doesn't stop at the ears when it begins at the heart.:musicnote:


:psychsplit:"Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind."
            -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:psychsplit:

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Re: Please critique my new song [Re: boxcarguy07]
    #7830472 -

Right on man :thumbup:  I've only listened to the second upload.

I also found there is a low frequency that I don't care for much, but I can't really describe it.  I'm not very versed in the technical grammar of music, so it's hard to describe.

Do you have some sort of reverb and/or echo effect going on within the track?  Unfortunetly I found it distracting and it seemed to even take away from the track overall.  Seems like there is almost this humm to it.

I'm not a singer AT all, so it's hard to give some constructive critisism on it when I'm absoulutely horrible, but I'll try.  I found it almost sounded like your voice was just trying to "hold on" when you were letting all your last words/phrases ring out(for example: the "stay with meeeeee" chourus part).  Almost like it wasn't coming from the diaphram but instead from the throat.  I could hear it(the note you were trying to hold or however one would put it) dying, essentially.  I like your lyrics, but in a few spots I couldn't really make out what you were saying(mainly I think it was because of the effects I talked about earlier, namely the humm/reverb/echo thing).

I like your acoustic playing a lot.  There are two parts I really like.  One starts at around 1:50 and ends around 2:10.  An instrumental/solo section if you will.  That definetely added to the song in a good way. 

Near the end was another great part with a bunch of chords...started around 4:12 and went to 4:40.  Definetely the favourite part of the song for me.  Nice playing.  :thumbup: :cool:

The last phrase of the song you sang was "I'll still be here tomorrow" me thinks?  It just felt like it cut off abruptly.  I think if one note should fade out/stretch or whatnot, it should be that last bit.

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Re: Please critique my new song [Re: Spooge]
    #7830520 -

Thanks a lot bro!

Yeah, I added a reverb to the track... it was a LOT "deeper" in the first upload, and toned down a lot in the second one. I'll see what I can do about toning it down even more, because to me it sounds too shallow without any reverb at all.

The vocals probably were coming from the throat rather than the diaphragm... first of all, because I'm not much of a singer, and second of all because I recorded this at 2:00AM and I'm at my parent's house for Christmas break, so I was trying to not be too loud.

You're right, the last note would sound better held out a bit.

once again, thanks for the criticism... just what I was looking for!


--------------------
:musicnote:Music doesn't stop at the ears when it begins at the heart.:musicnote:


:psychsplit:"Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind."
            -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:psychsplit:

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Re: Please critique my new song [Re: boxcarguy07]
    #7830527 -

Quote:
and second of all because I recorded this at 2:00AM and I'm at my parent's house for Christmas break, so I was trying to not be too loud.



That's totally the root of what I'm hearing :smile:

I think you got a good track in the making man.  :thumbup:

How long you been playing guitar?  And recording?

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Re: Please critique my new song [Re: Spooge]
    #7830554 -

Been playing guitar for about 3 years...
been recording for just a couple months, but everything before this has been really low-quality. Like, the microphone that's built into my laptop quality.
But for Christmas I got a real microphone, and a Lexicon Lambda recording interface, so I've been messing around with that, and this is the first full track I've recorded with it.
Glad you like it!

I just got a keyboard today, and will be using it to record with as well as soon as I get another MIDI cable... do you think that a tubular bell chiming once along with each electric guitar strum would be overkill?


--------------------
:musicnote:Music doesn't stop at the ears when it begins at the heart.:musicnote:


:psychsplit:"Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind."
            -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:psychsplit:

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Re: Please critique my new song [Re: boxcarguy07]
    #7830590 -

Quote:
do you think that a tubular bell chiming once along with each electric guitar strum would be overkill?


I think it probably would, but don't take my word for it.

You won't know until you try.  It's all about experimenting :smile:

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Re: Please critique my new song [Re: Spooge]
    #7831838 -
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Alright, I remixed it another time...
Got rid of most of the reverb, left just enough so that it feels like there's some "space"... Dropped the low frequencies in the voice and the guitar. Sounds a lot better now... take a listen please!


--------------------
:musicnote:Music doesn't stop at the ears when it begins at the heart.:musicnote:


:psychsplit:"Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind."
            -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:psychsplit:

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Re: Please critique my new song [Re: boxcarguy07]
    #7831883 -

I like this one better :thumbup:  I can hear the guitar's presence.

I seemed to be able to make out the vocals all the way through as well :cool:

2:47 to 4:10 : I found that before and after this you have this nice sounding acoustic guitar and then in this part it kind of goes into overdrive/distortion right?  It may just be personal preference, but I didn't like the amount of distortion being played on the chords.  In this same part though, I liked the backup singer parts :cool:

As a guitar player, 4:10 to 4:40 is still my most favourite part of the song.  :cool:

The ending is MUCH better. 

Good job :thumbup:

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