First, to be a psychedelic author, you must indulge in, well psychedelics. Secondly, you must write about them. It sounds easy (and is) but it is actually not.
This article will have you on your way to writing about Acid, Jenkem, whatever really; Using my instructions you will be able to write pieces that give Pinchblech and McBoner a run for their psychedelic money.
Part One: Everything is Connected
Who remembers this old mantra? Sounds true, and the partly bullshitty field of quantum physics says it also is. Basically, what this means is make shit up, homeskillet! Don't really matter WHAT you say about your trip, just HOW much you care to say something. Besides, no one was in your head when your head was tripping, so how the fuck they gonna know?
This is a chance to all you budding Psychedelic Authors (and even those with budding bosoms) to stand up, and finely say: My experiences are UNIQUE! I have DMT experiences off of DXM! LSD is like caffeine! Elves? What elves, there are motherfuckin' dwarfs were I go, and they tell the ELVES who is boss"
Seeing that everything is connected, the psychedelic vomit actually organizes itself into a Red Velvet Cake, or so the Hobbit told me on LSA. Basically, I should be able to type anything I want, and be taken seriously, all while I hide behind the bullet proof shield of subjectivity. Fuck all you nigga's; I'll be taking my business elsewhere! And to those who think Banana's AREN'T psychedelic, you need to pay more attention to your brain. Banana's are only for true psychedelic assholes/elitist.
Part 2: Rhetoric!! Whooooooopee!!!?????
Rhetoric is very important in the psychedelic experience; Naturally, when "exploring the realms of divine mathematical spirituality" (getting zooted) make sure you use a good dose of rhetoric (usually the dose of rhetoric is equal or greater than the dose of drugs ingested) to cover your tracks. Enough rhetoric will make anyone look like an asshole when they attempt to discredit your "trip" I have written entire Trip Reports in rhetoric, and it made me look like a Grandmaster Shaman or something. Asking hard-ASS questions make it seem like you know the answer. If you don't know the answer, make it up. The Magical Cape of Subjectivity will protect you.
So using a little Rhetoric, along with connecting everything by making shit up, you have the bare bones of an EXCELLENT trip report. The dwarfs did yell "whoopee!" when I entered hyperspace, but why does Schrodinger's Cat deny the existence of omelette's in a multi-dimensional reality? I fucking KNOW the answer (the elves told me) but I'm not going to tell you because if you can figure it out, you probably aren't clinically sane, anyway. Is anyone REALLY sane though?
Remember though, do not use TOO much rhetoric, or you will appear to be like a washed up game show host, reading the question cards alone, for hours, after everyone has left the studio. Kinda creepy, kinda weird, but defiantly not healthy for your fuckin' soul. If you be nice to rhetoric,will it be nice to you? STFU, you silly dwarfs....
Part 3: What's a metaphor?
A metaphor is when you are too lazy to use like or as, and just flat out say one thing is another. This is very useful in writing trip reports because it makes you appear wise LIKE the Dali Llama. Hell, My trip reports are the Dali Fucking Llama. How's that metaphor?! (That's a rhetorical question, by the way)
The more obscure the metaphor, the better it is. Everyone understand the metaphor of life being a "ride" Go one step above your self and claim that life is like Mothballs, Gambit, or Foghat, even. You have to be clever though. Sadly, cleverness and ingenuity are traits necessary to break this field open. But it can be done, you just have to make shit up and try to connect it. Being lazy with cleverness is like asking Rhetorical questions you can answer, like "What time is it?" and "How come these eggs taste funny?"
So using metaphors to back up your rhetoric which backs up the shit you made up, to a surprisingly deep, and well translated "ghost image" of the psychedelic experience. This article is a Meat Tenderizer: Using it's valleys and spikes, within the cold metal grip, I hammered home the point to make it digestible by tenderizing. Do I tend to do these things? Metaphors are important, because it is heavily connected to everything being connected, and the more solid the Metaphor, you are obviously good at making shit up.
With a little practice, overnight all young amateur psychonauts will make Leary and McKenna look like (insert metaphor here) Too fucking lazy to make shit up right now.
I have PhootLong names!
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"I'm looking at you looking at it" SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL PLEASE! www.youtube.com/apollyphelion Creator of the World's Worst Comic Book
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