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my torturous crush - what to do?
    #7277003 -

I have a crush on this guy and it is like a form of slow torture because I only see him every now and then. I can't stop thinking about him but nothing ever happens
I *think* he might be attracted to me too. Or at least i have gotten that vibe in the past. He checks me out - like looks me up and down, pretty regularly, and has asked me a couple of times if i was moving with my boyfriend when i told him i had bought a house (stupidly i missed the cue to tell him I dont have a boyfriend). I met him through a very left political group that i was casually involved in and have gotten more involved in since! lol. This guy is the leader of the political group. He is 28 or 29 and is *way* smart - he has written books and is a tutor at uni, writing a phd, edits the newspaper for the political group and writes half the articles in it - probably a workaholic or just bluddy smart. Anyway, I don't know how to get something to happen because i am quite shy about guys and flirting etc. I think he is a bit hesitant to do much because i have become involved in the group - There is quite an atmosphere of mistrust in the group because there is the possibility of police infiltrators and many members of the group have been contacted by secret police. I don't know if he rarely replies to emails for that reason, though i have asked before and i know he gets them. I have invited him to a couple of things (a rave and a house cooling party at my house) and he didn't go. He made a point of saying he would come to my house cooling party but then didn't. He looked kind of bummed when i told him i was moving away. So this has meant i havent quite been confident to ask him out. See I can't quite tell if I am imagining things or not because of the contradictions. Any thoughts? Any thoughts on what to do to work out if he is interested?


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.

Edited by enotake2 (08/09/07 05:21 AM)

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Re: my torturous crush - what to do? [Re: enotake2]
    #7277035 -

BTW we are just a peaceful socialist group, if you were wondering. Spying is a historical mainstay under capitalism for socialist groups, because they are opposing ideologies. Just thought I would explain that.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.

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Re: my torturous crush - what to do? [Re: enotake2]
    #7277123 -

Ahhh....revolutionary love.  Does he look like Che?  Oh, how dreamy.  :inlove:

haha  Just kidding.  I was in a similar situation.  I ended up writing the girl a Myspace message.  She never got back to me.  Do something in person.  If he turns you down...big whoop.  Move on to the next guy.

Don't pussy out like I did.  Fortune and fate favor the bold.

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Re: my torturous crush - what to do? [Re: enotake2]
    #7277126 -

enotake2 said:
BTW we are just a peaceful socialist group, if you were wondering. Spying is a historical mainstay under capitalism for socialist groups, because they are opposing ideologies. Just thought I would explain that.


The government does not give a shit if you espouse socialism. In fact, there is a lot of socialism going on in America today. They only give a shit if you are spouting revolution and sedition.

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Re: my torturous crush - what to do? [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #7278784 -

Do it in person. Trust me it's the best thing to do.

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Re: my torturous crush - what to do? [Re: Justice_Fish]
    #7278843 -

Lol, missing the cue to tell him you didn't have a BF didnt really help, but go invite him out for a one on one

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Re: my torturous crush - what to do? [Re: Helixx]
    #7281662 -

be confident and approach him. either he will let you know hes not interested(which does not sound like what will happen) or he will be incredibly turned on to you and your confidence. i love nothing more in a woman.


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Re: my torturous crush - what to do? [Re: LeftyBurnz]
    #7283500 -

So what do you reckon if I wrote him a text saying "Hey (name)re hot. Would you like to go out to dinner sometime?". This was my brother's suggestion. Is that too forward?

Man, I don't even know if he has a girlfriend :S I guess I can only get a bit embarrassed if he says no. He'll get a bit of an ego-stroking and that will be it, right?


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.

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Re: my torturous crush - what to do? [Re: enotake2]
    #7283864 -

I recommend you do something drastic before he up and moves to god knows where before you get the chance to even find out what the deal is. You'll regret not knowing.

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Re: my torturous crush - what to do? [Re: enotake2]
    #7283984 -

enotake2 said:
So what do you reckon if I wrote him a text saying "Hey (name)re hot. Would you like to go out to dinner sometime?". This was my brother's suggestion. Is that too forward?

Man, I don't even know if he has a girlfriend :S I guess I can only get a bit embarrassed if he says no. He'll get a bit of an ego-stroking and that will be it, right?


leave out the "youre hot". just ask him if he would like to go do something. if hes interested in you, thats all he needs to hear.

if he has a girlfriend, either he will politely tell you that he is taken and then you know. OR he has a girlfriend and will still take you up on the offer, who knows, he may be in a dead end relationship. and yes, it will stroke his ego, so long as he finds you attractive and fun to be around. anyones ego gets a jolt when they find out someone finds them attractive.

youll never know either way if you dont at least take the first step.


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Re: my torturous crush - what to do? [Re: LeftyBurnz]
    #7284961 -

i would question a girls 'intelligence if she said
hey you're hot lets go to dinner.

hot, out of all that i am, that's the factor? that's your vocabulary? See don't let other people like your brother put words in your mouth.

You know what is ugly about gift cards? They aren't your words. You vest no thought in them, no sentiment, no emotion. No soul-blood. You just pick em up and give em away.

That's why they're ugly.

You have to learn to express from your deepest soul-core, or you can be intellectual and fancy.

But you have to learn to do it yourself out of sincerity.

now, i don't know the whole dating scene, but i know a girl will go to dinner with you even if she isn't interested in getting physically/emotionally/spiritually intimate with you..... BUT going to dinner with NO connotations and then just waiting to see where it goes is generally a lot better than confessing your undying eternal love for someone like I have done in the past

this man told me on a cruise ship, keep your cards close to your chest....... he was a smart man. i suppose it applies for girls to an extent too.

Never hesitate or swallow your intention to communicate or touch or something like that though, because what those feelings of anxiety are is fuel, and they are ready to sparked up and given to the other person where an exchange takes place, but if you don't give him this fire it will just burn a hole in your stomach and you will regret it

so its not fear, its not anxiety, its just exhilaration waiting to give you an exciting time if you just LISTEN to it.


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I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

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Re: my torturous crush - what to do? [Re: adrug]
    #7292958 -

adrug said:
I recommend you do something drastic before he up and moves to god knows where before you get the chance to even find out what the deal is. You'll regret not knowing.


Yeah I agree.

I decided to say what my brother said. It felt like the right thing, if a bit brash. He rang me back and asked me what I was doing then (it was saturday night). I was an hour away from where he was. Anyway, we are meeting tomorrow for lunch. He is too busy to do dinner this week. lol. I'll let you know how it goes.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.

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Re: my torturous crush - what to do? [Re: enotake2]
    #7292994 -

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things; they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is for wussies and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words 'fuck you,' and grab the other girl's ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

11. Warm her up when she's cold... but not by giving her your jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say, "If you don't stop bitching about the cold right now, you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

15. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say "No, she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell


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Edited by TurntableJunky (08/14/07 02:53 AM)

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Re: my torturous crush - what to do? [Re: TurntableJunky]
    #7302299 -

:rofl:  :lolz0rz:

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Re: my torturous crush - what to do? [Re: ChiefGreenLeaf]
    #7303209 -

Thanks TJ, I needed a good laugh. That's some classic shit :rofl2:

Read this on bluelight, best advice ever.

Quote:
I have a solution to this issue. If I want to go out on a limb and tell someone how I feel, its me telling them. Stop EXPECTING something back. Thats not how it works. Every person is different. Everyone develops and experiences emotions at different rates. Stop pressuring them.

If I am going to tell someone for the first time that I am developing feelings for them, I start it off by saying, "I have something to talk to you about before I leave today. I dont want you to say anything." I tell them how I feel, if they look like they are going to speak, I put my finger to thier lips till Im done. When Im done I kiss them, and tell them Im looking forward to seeing them at our next meeting, then I leave. I always do this right before I was leaving anyway.

I do that all important look back as Im leaving and smile, and then dont look back again as I leave. Its about you being confident, not needing them to feel something. You are opening up, giving them this bit of yourself, and not asking anything back. You are not pressuring them or trapping them into saying one way or the other. You are showing that you can love someone for who they are and not for how they feel about you.

I also express to them that I care about them, and if they dont, thats ok. I will be there for them and I wont stop caring. Tell them that you are thier friend first, and if thats all they want thats ok. Tell them nothing will change between you unless THEY want it to (and then follow through with that!!) and if this scares them and they withdraw, LET THEM!! Just keep on being you, keep being thier friend, and let them come back. Be willing to just be thier friend if they dont feel the same. If you arent willing, then your "love" for them is the lie.

The first time I used this tactic, it turned into a 5 year relationship. We are still best friends (I hooked him up with my best female friend after we serperated and I couldnt be happier for them). The last time I did it, the next time I saw the person, he immediatly grabbed me and kissed me and said the feeling was mutual. Ive also had someone grab me as soon as I turned to leave and keep me for the day so we could say "I love you" over and over 

Trust me, when a person has the freedom to explore how they feel about you AND thier reaction to how you feel about them at thier own pace, THAT is when you get an honest answer. If you push them, it will never be honest because they wont know unless they have already been thinking about telling you!!



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Entropy is increasing.
To send me a PM, go to my journal

Edited by Grok (08/16/07 11:52 PM)

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