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How many 20-something people out there have Old school baby boomer parents who just don't have a fucking clue?
Do they intervene in your life because they think they know better than you and just end up making things worse because they don't understand that the world has changed radically from when they were young? Do they try to install naive ideals in you that have no place in modern society? Do they vainly grasp at straws, trying to understand you, but always come up short due to senility and the prejudice of inapplicable past experience? Does their complete ignorance of the pulse of the world cause them to suggest courses of action through life that seem ludicrous, pointless, and ultimately dangerous to your prosperity and well-being in modern society?
Well then, you might be victim to:
Baby Boomer No Want To Lose Control Syndrome!
See, the Boomers finally managed to wrest control of the world from the last remnants of the WWII generation around the 1970's. Since then, they have been desperately trying to keep their children from taking over the world. Their motivation in holding us down ranges between fear that we are unworthy to meet the challenges of running the world, to the flat out greed of not wanting to give the next kid his turn on the merry-go-round. They feel as if their turn has not been long enough, which is of course, bullshit. Their turn has been plenty long, they just forgot to do everything they said they were gonna do with it, because they were too busy eating acid in the 60?s, disco dancing in the 70?s, snorting coke and selling out in the 80?s, finding a religion to absolve them of their heinous sins in the 90?s, and, finally, securing their retirement funds through war and fascism in the 00?s. The Boomers feel that things haven?t changed enough during their lifetimes, but they refuse to blame themselves for this.
But things have changed since the Boomers took over. And the Boomers haven't exactly been keeping up. They've been slacking off in their old age, getting lazy, and letting their minds wander. Now they don't know how anything works and they have to pay children to do everything for them. Soon, they will run out of things to offer us, and they will be utterly doomed, because they've been screwing us our entire lives and we're gonna remember that shit. And, rapidly, ruthlessly, viciously, the new generation stands on its own legs and casts aside the crutches of the old world and its obsolete rules and limitations. They can?t fool us with their green pieces of paper and flashing noisy boxes forever. The drugs that blew their minds don?t phase us a bit, and we are immune to all of their powers. Indeed, the media they have created to entertain themselves has completely desensitized us to compulsory moral obligations. Generation X has reflected upon the past that preceded it, spat into the dirt and said ?That?s not good enough. We can do it better if only someone would give us our fucking chance to make a difference instead of hogging all the power to their own dying empire.?
The fact of the matter is that the Generation Xers are now, at this point in time, far more qualified to run the world than their older counterparts. We're the ones that can withstand barrages of mentally subversive advertising without a second glance, We're the ones who have evolved livers that process junk food, and We're the ones who know how to use computers (and usually end up having to show Mom and Dad how).
And so, since things have changed, the Boomers struggle helplessly to adapt. They go buy Tool and Nine Inch Nails albums. They rent '8 Mile' at Blockbuster, and, after viewing it, 'raise the roof' to Slim Shady for his 'fresh raps'. They try so hard to be cool, and keep up with the kids, because they know, deep inside, that they are wilting flowers and soon they will die and no one will care. They desperately cling to whatever scraps of youth they can buy, driving plastic surgery and viagra sales through the roof.
And worst part is that they think they're hip. I mean, don't get me wrong, when my relatives started to take an interest in the music and movies and books I liked, I thought it was cool. But now they think that since they've seen a tiny glimpse of my world, they understand everything and thus retain their superiority over me. In reality, this superiority is rapidly diminishing as the process of time and evolution brings young to its inevitable triumph over old.
But I think the boomer generation needs to realize that they have now become the students of generation X. Sorry boomers, you fucked yourselves. You created us, and we are your new masters. The fact is that we will outlive you, and when you get old and senile, we're going to put you in a crooked nursing home where they make you stitch wallets for export to Taiwan, unless of course you start treating us with some respect. So time's up bitches. It's our turn now.
But still there exist those vampiric fucking geezers that never wanna stop rockin. They burden us with their healthcare and their bad habits, obsolete ways of 'having a good time'. These are the boomers that suck the blood out of the Xer's: making us toil at their businesses for shit pay, fucking up the environment out of sheer laziness and bad habits, fucking up foreign relations with no thoughts to the wars and bitter grudges it will create for generations to come, and screwing up the entire economy with gluttonous overspending, inviting the collapse of the American government, to be cleaned up by the children, as usual.
These assholes need to step back, have a little faith in the offspring they've created, and acknowledge the fact that as the next progression of the evolutionary human line, Xer's are superior to Boomers. We think more deeply than you, our music rocks harder than yours, and our vision of the world and what it could be is better for everyone than yours. It?s time to face the facts, boomers: YOUR KIDS ARE SUPERIOR TO YOU!!! You grew up with Pong, we grew up with Grand Theft Auto. You grew up with ham radio, and we grew up with the Internet. You grew up with black and white TV, and we grew up with the special effects wizards of ILM. The circumstances of our development have made us superior to you, and even though you created that environment and us as well, we owe you nothing but a nice warm glass of shut the hell up. It?s nothing personal, it?s just that in the game of Time, we are the current winners. So pay up, losers. Game Over.
Quit suppressing the Renaissance and give us our fucking turn! Because if the Gen X turn doesn't happen, then the whole thing will eventually fall in the lap of these little Ritalin snorting pokemon punks that are in Junior High right now, and those kids will fuck it ALL up.
There's another type of boomer that doesn't want to give up control and those are the ones that are afraid. They are afraid of their own children. They bought the CDs, movies and books, and they still don't get it. They probably never will. And so they are scared, because their children seem weird and scary to them. Their children listen to music that sounds like noise, laugh at jokes that don't make sense, are constantly strung out on drugs, and seem to have no moral values or principles whatsoever. To these poor ignorant old geezers I say: DON'T PANIC! We're not evil, you're just a bigot. Get over the fact that you had things your way and now its time for ours. Have faith that things are gonna work out all right even if you don?t understand how they are working out.
Then of course, there are the fascist watcher Boomers, the ones that think they know better than all. They worry and concern because the new generation doesn't see things their way, and therefore, must be wrong. They too, have no faith in the process of evolution and the inevitable triumph of good over evil. To these people I say: YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT! You used to know shit, but then shit changed, and now what you thought you knew amounts to shit. Get over it.
Of course, all of these positions stem from the fact that most Baby Boomers simply refuse to acknowledge the painful truth that THEY WILL DIE. That?s right boomers, I?m talking to you: YOU WILL DIE. It doesn?t matter how much life energy you steal from Generation X through the socialist healthcare system. YOU ARE STILL GOING TO DIE. It doesn?t matter how much money you steal from us via inflation and deficit spending. YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. It doesn?t matter how much human labor you leach from us via your stranglehold over the means of production. YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. Death is not a choice, it is an inevitability. The only choice boomers have is how they will be remembered. You can either be remembered as the gentle stewards who showed us how to run the world with loving care, or you can be remembered as the greedy old misers who had to have the world pried from their cold, dead hands. But it doesn?t really matter, because YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!!! So get over it. Make your appeals to whatever God you believe in, get your wills in order, smoke some grass, shoot some smack, shit do whatever you gotta do, but please just chill out and calm down so we can get to work, dammit.
Many Boomers expect the new generation to build a new world. The truth is, we don?t have to build shit because you already built it for us. So hand it over so we can make the upgrades. Its about fucking time.
-------------------- Deep in the heart of Central Texas
lurks a Doktor
Native Dallas brick-chopper...
um, condence then people might read and respond. btw myne don't have shit for a clue. but i'm not quite sure u do either (i.e. Many Boomers expect the new generation to build a new world. The truth is, we don?t have to build shit because you already built it for us. So hand it over so we can make the upgrades. Its about fucking time.)
-------------------- The multiple troubles of man,
My brother, like slander and pain
Amaze you? Consider the heart
That holds them all in strangeness
And doesn't break.
"The Dude abides..."--jeffrey lebowski
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