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OfflinePhred
Fred's son
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Registered: 10/19/00
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'Things I've learned from my children"
    #2617073 - 04/29/04 05:10 PM (17 years, 3 months ago)

For those with no children-this is totally hysterical! For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.


The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas: Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):


1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.


2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.


3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.


4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.


5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.


6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.


7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.


8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.


9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.


10. Certain Lego blocks will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.


11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.


12. Super glue is forever.


13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.


14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.


15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.


16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.


17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.


18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.


19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.


20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.


21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.


22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.


23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.


24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story: One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,"..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.


25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.







pinky


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OfflineYouEnjoyMyself
PHiSH

Registered: 03/01/03
Posts: 8,127
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: 'Things I've learned from my children" [Re: Phred]
    #2617091 - 04/29/04 05:14 PM (17 years, 3 months ago)

hahaha, those are great! awesome post!


--------------------
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Invisiblevinsue
Grand Old Fart
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Registered: 02/17/04
Posts: 17,938
Loc: The Garden State(NJ)
Re: 'Things I've learned from my children" [Re: Phred]
    #2617094 - 04/29/04 05:14 PM (17 years, 3 months ago)

All true! :yesnod:


--------------------

"All mushrooms are edible; but some only once." Croatian proverb. BTW ...
  Have You Rated Ythans Mom Yet ?? ... :taser:  ... HERE'S HOW ... (be nice) .  :mod: ... :peace:


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OfflineChiefThunderbong
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Registered: 10/18/02
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Re: 'Things I've learned from my children" [Re: Phred]
    #2617112 - 04/29/04 05:18 PM (17 years, 3 months ago)

Oh man that was great.....I think the funniest part was I was planning to mix clorox and brake fluid before I got to the end. The three little pigs cracked me up too.  :lol: :thumbup: :thumbup:


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Offlinekindkesey
take it further
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Registered: 03/16/03
Posts: 2,789
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Re: 'Things I've learned from my children" [Re: Phred]
    #2617147 - 04/29/04 05:26 PM (17 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

pinksharkmark said:



25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.


pinky




the frist thing after i read that, my thought was "really i'll have to try that!"

:lol:


--------------------
Stay Kool, and enjoy the bus ride.....



"Intrepid Search For Innerspace"

DAVID JONES where are you?


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Offlineiloveraving
Fighting themachine...

Registered: 08/27/02
Posts: 1,965
Loc: ..long road ahead..
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Re: 'Things I've learned from my children" [Re: ChiefThunderbong]
    #2617166 - 04/29/04 05:30 PM (17 years, 3 months ago)

That was funny. Maybe I'll have kids one day  :lol:


--------------------
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Offlinefunkyjunky
Sigh Low Sippin'
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Re: 'Things I've learned from my children" [Re: Phred]
    #2617453 - 04/29/04 06:28 PM (17 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.



I'm still going to try it  :lol:.

I think that number should be a little higher too  :wink:.


--------------------
Long Live the Shroomery
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Offlined33p
Welcome to Violence

Registered: 07/12/03
Posts: 5,381
Loc: the shores of Tripoli
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: 'Things I've learned from my children" [Re: funkyjunky]
    #2617482 - 04/29/04 06:33 PM (17 years, 3 months ago)

More like 93%. Im one of them.


--------------------
I'm a nihilist. Lets be friends.

bang bang


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InvisibleOldSpice
Geritol Breath...
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Registered: 08/25/03
Posts: 59,080
Loc: Crankytown, Texas
Re: 'Things I've learned from my children" [Re: Phred]
    #2617484 - 04/29/04 06:33 PM (17 years, 3 months ago)

Thats great stuff :smile:


--------------------
So hard to be ....WDWGFH?
Texas is humongus compared to France
Our Gair, who art in Texas,
Paw Paw be thy Name....
My friends are thirsty


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InvisibleZero7a1
Leaving YourWasteland

Registered: 10/23/02
Posts: 3,594
Loc: Passing Cloud
Re: 'Things I've learned from my children" [Re: Phred]
    #2618013 - 04/29/04 08:26 PM (17 years, 3 months ago)

My friend told me if you mix powdered chlorine and brake fluid it makes a fire ball.

Be carefull... Im glad i dont have any brake fluid.


--------------------
What?


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OfflineScolecite
enthusiast

Registered: 12/27/03
Posts: 348
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
Re: 'Things I've learned from my children" [Re: Zero7a1]
    #2620303 - 04/30/04 09:39 AM (17 years, 3 months ago)

The black smoke is probably a Chlorine Gas Cloud, a completly noxious gas that will just plain ol' kill you.

My friends brother died (absoulutly serious) from it when he was young and its a horrible way to go.


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Offlinegreenhaze
one toke overthe line

Registered: 06/03/02
Posts: 514
Loc: the severed garden
Last seen: 15 years, 8 months
Re: 'Things I've learned from my children" [Re: Phred]
    #2620880 - 04/30/04 12:19 PM (17 years, 3 months ago)

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
------------that would be awesome.....


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InvisibleZero7a1
Leaving YourWasteland

Registered: 10/23/02
Posts: 3,594
Loc: Passing Cloud
Re: 'Things I've learned from my children" [Re: Scolecite]
    #2624326 - 05/01/04 03:22 AM (17 years, 3 months ago)

its dangerous stuff to play around with. My advice to anyone is dont do anything unless you know what will happen because of it. If your gonna do something dangerous... know how to handle it.


--------------------
What?


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OfflineYouEnjoyMyself
PHiSH

Registered: 03/01/03
Posts: 8,127
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: 'Things I've learned from my children" [Re: kindkesey]
    #2625462 - 05/01/04 12:17 PM (17 years, 3 months ago)

same here, i read that and was like "oh that would be interesting to try."


--------------------
-Wash uffitze drive me to firenze


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Offlinejyak
Lurker
Male

Registered: 09/09/11
Posts: 51
Loc: SE QLD :) Flag
Last seen: 6 years, 3 months
Re: 'Things I've learned from my children" [Re: Phred]
    #15489655 - 12/09/11 07:55 AM (9 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Phred said:

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
[...]
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
pinky




I literally thought, wow, I've gotta try that, and the Jell-O thing too, I reckon I could give it a good shot :P
I wonder why... Is it because we're competative?
Or like to  be hands-on, kinesthetic-like when learning things?
Or.... I want answers!


Edited by jyak (12/09/11 08:00 AM)


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OfflineBeanhead
IS IRONIC PARADOX
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Re: 'Things I've learned from my children" [Re: jyak]
    #15489839 - 12/09/11 09:34 AM (9 years, 7 months ago)

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story: One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,"..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

:pimpslap2:

this kid is growing up to be awesome


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OfflineApostle
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Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,440
Loc: FL Flag
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Re: 'Things I've learned from my children" [Re: Phred]
    #15489937 - 12/09/11 10:15 AM (9 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Phred said:


25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.











yep


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OfflineKada
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Registered: 02/15/05
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Re: 'Things I've learned from my children" [Re: Phred]
    #15489947 - 12/09/11 10:21 AM (9 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Phred said:
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.




The whole post was hilarious ty! lolz

I'm quoting this because when I read it, I did a quick inventory in my head to find out if I had the meterials try this later lol.

I do! I accidentally bought to much of both last week. :aweoverdose:


--------------------
~The Cultivators Motherload~

"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein

"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama

Live long and prosper.



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OfflineApostle
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Re: 'Things I've learned from my children" [Re: Kada]
    #15489955 - 12/09/11 10:24 AM (9 years, 7 months ago)

its probably toxic..


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