OK i just typed up my trip report from lasnight but my computer fucked up and the entire story is gone. I'll try to write it up again.
I used to live for tripping. I couldn't wait to get my hands on shrooms or acid or whatever I could find. Because of what happened lasnight, I don't think I could ever trip again, at least not for a fucking hell of a long time.
My friend and I dosed at 11 on a half eighth for each of us. By 11:30 we started to feel the effects, head rush, minor visual changes. By 12 we decided to eat the other eighth to make the trip longer and stronger. We had NO idea what we were in for. So we started watching Alice In Wonderland to chill out and get into the mood. At 12:30 or so we were feeling a lot of effects, we felt cold, our heads were pumping and visuals were starting to come into play at an amazingly rapid pace. I started to get nervous wondering how far we were gonna go. I kept reassuring myself I would have the time of my life: I haven't tripped since the beginning of summer and pretty much the entire summer was waiting for the day I finally got shrooms, I should be enjoying myself. By 1:00 I started the peak (the journey into hell). Time slowed down like it didn't exist. My entire vision was clouded with not happy colors and little funny elves, but rather a vision of hell and purgatory. Everywhere I looked I found billions of tiny eyes and grinning smiles. Not like a happy smile, but rather an evil smile, like they were all laughing at us. Like they were punishing us. I found it impossible to get comfortable, as everywhere I looked for comfort turned out to scare me more. Even my blanket which I hope would be warm and thick and comforting, turned out to be absolutely hollow with billions of frightening little eyes staring at me and breathing. Not one thing in the room was happy -- we even had Bob Marley playing with the happiest songs but I just couldn't find enjoyment. I was freaking out to an extreme degree. My friend assured me he was having fun, so I just decided to keep my nightmare to myself. I felt so utterly alone as I have never felt before. All these faces were staring and grinning at me with just the scariest "smiles" I have ever seen. I've seen these faces before on previous trips, but never to this degree. And I couldn't get away from them. When I closed my eyes, I saw the colors and patterns which I used to get on trips but they scared me too -- and the faces reappeared under the pattern, as if teasing me like "Too bad you can't have these patterns." By 2 am I was totally immersed in hell, the absolute worst nightmare I could ever think of. I felt like the madd hatter -- I really went into madness. I couldn't tell any real thing from a fake thing. No words made sense to me. I couldn't bear to look at my friends face because he had that same grin that all the other faces had (but I also had the same grin on my face, though subconsciously). Not one thing of comfort in the entire room. Everything was breathing and "laughing" at me and freaking me out as I have never and hopefully will never be. The absolute scariest, most unbearable part of the entire trip happened at exactly 2:12 am. I looked at the clock to see how much longer I was going to trip, and then I looked away. I went into a completely different world (hell) with only absolute madness all around me. The purest, absolute worst, scariest madness. At this exact time is when "time" came to an absolute standstill. After what truly seemed like a frightening eternity, I looked back at the clock only to find it was STILL 2:12AM. I went into such a panic that I was reduced to nothing more than a small, scared animal. I forgot I ever had a normal life, a normal family, friends ... I didn't think there was any other life for me than 2:12 AM. After another eternity of pain and suffering, I looked back at the clock to see that it was STILL 2:12 AM. And no, this was not a hallucination. I could see with my eyes clear as day that it was the same time for what really felt like weeks. It just didn't change. I was convinced that I would never be a normal person, I have turned into a true mental patient. I didn't know anything, I was confused and just plain scared. 2-3 AM was the longest time I have ever experienced. The absolute bottom of the barrel. I really could never explain the terror I felt, you have to experience it to understand. There is so much more but it would take way too long to write up. From about 2 to 3, I started to try and "play" Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 but I was so lost in another world of utter madness that i did nothing in the entire game but go back in forth in the half pipe for eternity. There was nothing else existing in life, just pain and suffering. When even one minute passed by, I was absolutely ecstatic. Really, one minute was such an amazing difference and refreshing thing, knowing that this nightmare will hopefully soon end with every passing minute. By 3 (literally years later) I began to finally come down, and I started to talk to my friend whom i said almost nothing to the entire time. I told him exactly how I felt and he agreed that that was EXACTLY what he experienced, as well. he thought I was having fun so he didn't want to say anything, and I thought he was having fun so I didn't say anything the entire trip. We were just kidding ourselves. I really didn't have one second of fun the entire trip. 3 - 3:30 felt like a very long time as well, but at least minutes were moving by. That's all I cared. The more reality came back to me the happier I got. The second I realized what a word meant I was so happy to be back from such a terrible place. At about 4, I was getting back to reality at a slow but sure pace, but my friend started to trip hard again, and experienced the hell for i think 15 or so minutes more, then we both came down quicker. I was so excited to come back and see my friends in the morning, just anything so long as it wasn't seeing the faces from the trip. Anything connected to reality made me happy. Even just a little sticker, reminding me that the pain is over. There really is so much more to say, but I can't go on forever about how this trip truly changed me. Even when I was pretty much back to baseline, I felt mentally and physically abused. Like a rape victim. My entire body ached and my mind was destroyed and tired, but neither my friend nor I could go to sleep because the second we closed our eyes we started seeing and feeling the fear that we did before. We were scared to fucking blink. It is one of those trips that I am happy I took because it taught me so much, but unfortunately it taught me and made me realize a lot of things I wish I never had to realize. I would never repeat this trip if I was even payed to do it. Nothing in the world could have prepared me for the places I went in the trip. Just too fucking much. My friend, I found out, thought that he had barbed wire stuck in his arm through the trip. He actually saw it and actually felt it, piercing his skin. We both, right before going to sleep around 6 or so, came to the ultimate conclusion that we are still not ready for the psychedelic realm. Sometimes the realm can be fun, but sometimes (like lasnight) it can be so amazing frightening that no words or expressions could explain it. We realized that playing with such amazingly powerful substances was like playing with the gods. The entire trip was the faces (the gods) tormenting us, saying "You aren't ready and therefore must be punished for even trying to play with the gods." This trip was even more powerful than my 3 1/2 hit acid trip from a while back which I was able to handle. I just hope nobody else has to go through what I or my friend went through, I'm sure many people are not stable enough to survive something like that.
Anyway, thanks for reading this and thanks for always guiding me along, and providing help whenever I needed. I feel like I grew up with the Shroomery, like everybody on this board is family. I wish you all well in your psychedelic excursions, but me, I'm finished (at least for many years). Until I feel ready for such an experience again (which I don't think I will ever be) I am signing off of this experience. I wish you all the best.
Sean
We're all MADD here...
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So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. - Galatians 5:16
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