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OfflineShroom_Herder
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Down a road, across a path and through a forest
    #3449228 - 12/05/04 11:04 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Short story that I wrote:

Quote:

A full blue sky lights up as I open my eyes. I can see the yellow sun blazing down on me, smiling with the full warmth of its comfort. Across the blue sky I see the moon, wise as it is filling my mind with thoughts of the world and worlds to come.
An eagle flies by.
I can see the eagle?s eyes; set and predetermined on something my eyes cannot reach. I begin to chase the eagle, full of wonder as to what its mission is. The eagle suddenly looks around and sees me accompanying it on its journey. He begins to slow down so I may catch up. We run for hours, days, months, years, all time has stopped. The eagle begins to lower itself to the mighty earth and lands on a small tree. Situated in a small grassy meadow filled with mist. Gently yet firmly he grips the tree and sits they?re awaiting my arrival.
I arrive at the sapling but ass I arrive I see that sapling it is not. A great majestic tree it is, with more branches then there are stars in the universe, and knowledge of all living things that live on this great earth. I know this place is magical; the very mist that floats here glows golden. I approach the tree with care, not knowing what deed I must do next. Suddenly, as though from both the tree and the eagle I hear a noise that starts of as a noise, very majestic yet primitive, but finishes as the words of a great king of kings, a great man of men. The words are simple yet they bring me with more comfort then any other words I have heard before.
?Do not be afraid?.
I am filled with a great courage that seems to originate from my very center. Then I notice however that the courage seems to come from all around me, suddenly, as though he was created from the very mist a great lion appears, great and strong, and he guides me to the tree.
I stand in front of the tree filled with doubt. Wondering what I should do next. Ignorance clouds my mind as I wish for an answer to the question ?What next??.
The answer came to me not from myself, but through another. Over a small hill and through a small stream came a small animal. Green, yet blue, red yet white he was all colors mixed into one. The turtle came up and suddenly small he was no more. As tall as the lion himself the turtle shambled up the slippery slope. He stopped at the tree, at a small spot where the branches didn?t grow. With care and timing the turtle did a most drastic thing, carefully and calmly he hit the tree.
?Stop it? I shouted, worrying he would hurt the tree.
He did it again.
?Stop it!? I repeated, this time with anger in my voice.
The turtle stopped and looked at me, and in its eyes I could see a hurt, a pain deep inside, sad that I had become angered at it.
I stood there and cried. The sadness inside the turtle?s eyes had brought me to my knees. I looked up and saw that the turtle was no longer sad, it had gone back to it?s rhythmic pounding of the tree. It was then when I noticed the sound of the tree. Hollow, as though inside it was nothing, yet something else, something more important then thing, the sound was knowledge.
And as I understood a door opened in the tree that I entered. I saw all in it?s true light. As I watched the sky with no purpose, the eagle gave me one. As I desired the destination, the tree gave me one, as I needed courage, the lion gave it to me, and as I needed wisdom, the turtle showed it to me.
I left the tree and walked. Down a road, across a path and through a forest. I would search for the mystical animals that helped me today, yesterday, many years ago and many years into the future.




By: The Shroom Herder.


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We Can't Stop Here, This Is Bat Country


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InvisibleHendostan
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Re: Down a road, across a path and through a forest [Re: Shroom_Herder]
    #3449266 - 12/05/04 11:16 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

I like it :thumbup: Keep working on it, I think you could polish that into something grand. It's never a bad idea to write about those things from which you draw strength. You have an awesome story going there, thanks for sharing :smile:


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OfflineShroom_Herder
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Re: Down a road, across a path and through a forest [Re: Hendostan]
    #3449285 - 12/05/04 11:21 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Hey thanks alot. It wasn't very good. Some things sound stange because I kept on having to go back to make things make sence, plus I kept on getting new Ideas and I had to go back to implement them. I might work on it some more but right now I'm working on an actual book I want to write, Im up to around 35 pages (in MSword) and its basically like this yet more magical.


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We Can't Stop Here, This Is Bat Country


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InvisibleHendostan
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Re: Down a road, across a path and through a forest [Re: Shroom_Herder]
    #3449315 - 12/05/04 11:28 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

It starts out writing in present tense (I open my eyes, I begin to chase the eagle, etc..) then goes into past tense (I saw all in it's true light, I watched the sky, etc...) You should probably keep it the same, either one is good but switching makes it a little confusing. Also I suggest a thesaurus..I think at one point you used the word 'small' three times in the same sentence..I apologize if that was intentional repetition :wink: I hope you're cool with me throwing some ideas at you, I don't want to offend you or anything, I always enjoy constructive criticism though :smile:


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OfflineShroom_Herder
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Re: Down a road, across a path and through a forest [Re: Hendostan]
    #3449348 - 12/05/04 11:35 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

yaya the small 3 times was intentional.

I do have a problem with the tense thing, alot of times when I wright that happens.

but hey thanks, of course I'm a writer I appreciate any imput, it's not a very good story and I only wrote it cuz I was bored but it was fun...


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InvisibleHendostan
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Re: Down a road, across a path and through a forest [Re: Shroom_Herder]
    #3449361 - 12/05/04 11:39 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Yeah, the more I read that sentence, the repetition makes sense, it's kinda cool. I have a hard time writing a whole story in present tense, I start feeling like I"m just listing things...I see this, then I do that, then this happens, etc, etc, etc..Not easy to make it work.


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