Here's a little report of my first experience. It's a bit scattered in nature. I did write it during the trip, and clean it up afterwards. But it is not cohesive/coherent. It's interesting enough that I decided to leave it in a more stream-of-consciousness style. Some of it will not make 100% sense.
At the end I attempted to summarize my learnings and thoughts about it, so if you want to skip to the end that's fine.
Here goes...
T1 Summary
Prior to the trip, I set clear intentions: I wanted healing, to understand myself and the universe better, and anything God or the mushrooms or my higher self wanted. Including something totally different from my intentions.
At 1:40pm, on an empty stomach, I ingested 14.4g of fresh GT mushrooms. Why that amount? Because my AIO grow bag produced one seriously huge mofo of a mushroom, the first one I ever grew, and it looked like I needed to use it or throw it out.
I prepared it in blender with 500ml water and left to sit for 2 hours, plus 10g ascorbic acid. Blended really well, then strained through cheesecloth into a cup. Had a strong unpleasant smell. Drank anyway.
I also took 500mg niacin, and ate 2 chocolates with lions mane and cordyceps, as I understand niacin and Lion’s Mane work together with mushrooms
For the first hour, nothing much happened; my hands felt a bit clammy and cold, and I felt a little tired. Once or twice I thought I slurred a word, but that’s it. I even had a normal conversation with my partner, who noted my face was flushed due to the niacin.
By 2:14pm I was feeling niacin flush a lot, hot face, and I felt a bit floaty and dizzy when walking…feeling like…something…was kicking in. Feeling a body heaviness…dizziness…
I started to panic a bit, as it wasn’t comfortable, and I said to myself strongly, “Now I wish I hadn’t taken this!” I talked myself through it….”It’s gonna be OK!”
I also felt a feeling of disconnection and floatiness, similar to the codeine I took last week for pain relief from a recent surgery…not so terrible really…
2:28pm laying on my bed, definitely wishing I hadn’t taken it!
But a voice appeared…sounded like me but a bit bolder/stronger, almost mocking. This was the beginning of a long verbal battering that lasted for hours.
I keep being asked if I like to be in control…
“What’s it like to truly be…out of control?”
I felt scared. What was going to happen???
Tried to simply be present…and talked to the voice.
Me: “I suppose being out of control is…freedom?”
The voice/being asked if I needed to be in control? This came with an ominous feeling like…WTF have I got myself into???
Finally realized that being is…me! Lol…
I decided, or realized, freedom is about not needing to be in control. That’s what I was trying to teach myself here...
2:53pm - Feeling suuuuuper woooooozy! Man! Wow!!!
Really heavy body feelings…honestly this isn’t enjoyable because I’m afraid…worried it might get unbearable or too much…
The voice: “When you’re really living you’re not worried about dying all the time”
I thought, “Wow this guy is a jerk! He’s so mean!”
Wooziness extreme! Wow! I don’t like this!
No visual disturbances…no nausea…a bit of laughing at myself! Oh man that was the point! Lol!!!
The “lesson” isn’t to “learn to let go” or “learn ANYTHING!!!!!!”
If there is a lesson, it’s
JUST BE YOURSELF!!!!!
3:24pm - wooziness continues to get worse!!! Oh wow!!! Too much! Just too…much!
3:32pm - full blown out of the mind! Constant laughter! Geeeez! No visuals at all! Just laughing a lot at things that later didn’t seem too funny.
But I have to say…at the heart of it all…oh holy fuck, the INTELLIGENCE!!!!! I got this profound sense of just vast, expansive, endless intelligence behind it all.
And it’s laughing back at me saying, “Well what did you expect?”
Be yourself, and live yourself.
Those are the big life lessons.
And LAUGH at yourself!!!!!!
That was actually the very first lesson!!!!!
The voice/being appears to me now as something of a cross between Jim Carry’s Grinch and Mr. Peanut. He’s short, squat, dark gray green, wears a hat, has a monocle, and speaks very gruffly and crudely. There seems to be another being with him, but I never see him, only get a sense of additional presence. I’ll call him Mr. Peanut going forward.
3:52pm I was feeling really worried about myself health wise, not sure how to handle the experience. I felt so nervous, when Mr. Peanut responded,
“You’re gonna be ok…UNFORTUNATELY!”
The dry humor hits me really hard. I start laughing hysterically. I’m gonna be OK…UNFORTUNATELY!!! I laugh and laugh and laugh. I found my partner and told her the joke. She didn’t get it. I repeated it 2-3 more times, doing my best impression of Mr. Peanut.
Nope, not funny to her at all lol!
Mr. Peanut: “LESSONS? He’s still looking for LESSONS! I thought we broke him of that 15 minutes ago!”
4:08pm still massive wooziness, I’m a bit worried about myself tbh
A deep sense of having disrespected the teacher, the mushroom, by taking too much. I honestly didn’t think 14.4g fresh was too much, but it was a bit more than I thought I should have started with as a first trip.
Respect the teacher [I did not respect the mushroom teacher by taking so much!]
Trust yourself
A slowdown of everything….the raucous teachers seem to be gone! Or are they?
Or are they.
4:13pm. More dialog with Mr Peanut, and some insights.
Life is not about THE LESSONS OMFG!!!!!
I asked “Don’t you think it would be a helluva lot easier if we understood the ground rules? A few basics, like who we are and why we’re here????”
The resounding, powerful answer:
“Don’t you think I would have thought of that?”
Then Mr. Peanut said “You miserable…! No never disrespect…never disrespect!”
It hit me really hard - don’t you think God or whatever would have thought of all aspects of our lives, what we might need, what we don’t need…and if we really needed answers, don’t you think God would have thought of that and provided them?
I can tell it’s starting to wear off already…
Continued dialog, back to “He’s gonna be ok….UNFORTUNATELY!!!!!! LOL!!!!!! (Hysterical laughter at this.)
Respect the journey.
I realize, there is such massive, wickedly funny intelligence behind everything. Even though things that hit me as hysterical during the trip didn’t seem too funny later, I was struck by the massively wickedly funny intelligence behind everything.
Respect the journey
Life just is
You can demand it explain itself
But at the end of the day…
It just IS
And why do we have to explain it?
Can’t we simply accept that it just IS?????
4:49pm
No, apparently I can’t just accept that life just is!!!
“Who the fuck ARE YOU??????” I ask Mr Peanut, or whoever is guiding me.
“Exactly.” Is the answer.
Mr Peanut: “Arrr! He thinks we’re teachers!!!!! He’s getting it! I think he’s getting it!
Arrgh! That’s too much to hope for!”
4:54pm Peaches my cat is here
Mr Peanut: “She really does love you…FOR SOME REASON”
LOL!
Remember the fucking humour!!!!
Mr Peanut: “He’s still looking for lessons! Arrrgh!”
Reality really is funny don’t you think???
5:15pm talking with my partner, telling her about Mr. Peanut and the experience.
5:32pm
I don’t feel surrounded by some sort of universal love or anything…or am I?
Or am I?
Maybe I’ve just been too stupid to see it….
No visual humiliations…typo, but, truth in it - there’s been a of that! A lot of that!
But why do we need to hide…
When we’re fine?
I thought back to my buddy Mark, who struggles a lot in his life. He is just so fucking lovely a person…I wish he could see it…
But if reality is just so fucking lovely…I mean intelligent…then why do we question it?
Why do we need ANSWERS???????
You ain’t a gonna get ANSWERS!
5:37pm
Discussing how much mushrooms I took with Mr. Peanut:
Mr. Peanut: “Why do you think MORE is better?????? Argh!”
“Answers! Why do you need ANSWERS????”
“Because you think it’s the same as understanding don’t ya? Argh!!!!!”
Mr. Peanut: “How are you feeling?” (Said in an actual caring brotherly tone, breaking character)
I started to answer, and he came back with “Arghh well I don’t care!”
LOL!!!!!!!!!!
That GOD or whatever the fuck this is would bother to joke with me…is just…proof of such love….
Even though he’s showing up as such a shithead!!!!
But damnnnnn he’s funny!!!!!!! He’s really, really freaking funny! I don’t know if we could take this show on the road, but then I’d have to give the whole audience shrooms first, and that might be a dealbreaker.
A suggestion that perhaps I could write down this experience for other people.
I said “I could never get across to people how funny you are. I’m not that kind of writer.”
But I could be the funniest goddamn human who ever walked the planet (the plank?)
They could pay me millions of dollars just to show them- no remind them - who they are
And they’d only be laughing at themselves!
Honestly no one is funnier than YOU! ME! US!!!
All of us are so goddamned fucking funny! We only laugh at ourselves really.
Mr. Peanut: “Don’t be afraid of a little harshness …swear words…it’s like spice!
You don’t want everting bland do ya?
Do ya?
Argh!!!!”
The fucking “YOU CHRONICLES”
AND WHY NOT?
Why not?
There’s nothing funnier than we are, I’ll tell ya!
I don’t understand. You’re me? I’m you?
Mr. Peanut: “Aw, it’s a family reunion. Argh!!!”
I can’t think of any specific instances….of where I was telling my partner who she should be….
Mr. Peanut: “Or maybe you don’t want to.”
I said “You’re mean. I don’t think of myself as telling her how she should be”
Mr. Peanut: “Argh of course not.”
“Do you think I need these mushrooms to teach you? Ah well they’re tools, they’re tools, WHEN YOU GOT A THICK HEAD.”
I asked “How could I be so stupid? How I be so stupid?”
Mr. Peanut: “I’m asking myself the same thing.”
Me: “Honestly you’re the most wickedly funny…whatever the fuck you are!”
Mr. Peanut: “Ah, now’s he’s getting it!”
Other invisible being: “He thinks he’s got it!”
Lol!!!!
Now’s Mr. Peanut is calling me miserable and not taking it back! It’s pretty mean sounding and mean spirited.
Ah then I understand…it’s because I understand it’s all a big
FUCKING
JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can’t capture it all…it’s going by too fast…
Not in a schizophrenic way…but just from moment to moment, the guidance, the teaching, it’s always been there…
There’s never been a moment alive that we haven’t been cradled, and loved….
And this little bastard is making fun of me the whole time!!!!!!
I’m writing the most profound platitudes that are true, and this little devil is actually mocking me at every turn!!!
It’s the funniest goddamned thing I’ve ever experienced!!!!
Life is so profoundly fucking funny!!!!!
Mr Peanut: “Ah, now we’re getting somewhere!”
Me: “I got you! You admitted a truth! Haha! Got you!!!!!!!!”
Mr. Peanut: “Did you now?”
Me: “You’re a slippery one, I’ll give you that!”
It’s not about doing “what is right.”
It’s about doing what is right…TO YOU.
Always so godammned fucking simple!
Me: “How do I know anything you’re telling me is true?”
Mr. Peanut: “Ah is he getting it? Is he getting it? That’s too much to hope for.”
6:18pm
Me: “Holy crap on a corn dog! You are one motherfucking FUNNY son of a bitch!!!!!!!”
Maybe the point isn’t entertainment, is it?
Or is it?
Answers are useless.
They are only valid at one specific moment in time for a specific person.
Reality or God or whatever the fuck is just sooooo wickedly funny, and brilliant, and godamnned motherfucking genius at every moment that “answers “ are useless.
It’s like asking for a bandaid when the most goddamned motherfucking brilliant doctor or surgeon is there at the exact moment, not assessing what’s going on, but already 100% fully aware beyond our feeble understanding.
So the help or aid given, if it’s given at all, is so laser specific and so entirely perfect as to be inconceivable.
Realty is utterly wicked wicked wickedly brilliant and funny and beautiful and so godamned motherfucking intelligent and always
Always
Always.
100% fully aware of absolutely everything happening at every moment.
Good luck surprising reality, ‘cos you ain’t gonna do it!
Simply can’t be done
Awareness means just that. Awareness.
Ain’t no getting away from that!
6:36pm for above realisations or thoughts…don’t call them realisations…
Hey…I can give my own answers! Surprise!
And with all the brilliance and truth as the moment requires…but
But…
That would imply that I’m…nahhhhh…
Yes, I DO HAVE WISDOM!!!!
And yes, now I’m getting it…
The act is unbelievably funny but all the ribbing aside, we/I do in fact have “answers” if need be, every bit as good as…
Well, you know who!
Me: “So what’s a “me”? It’s ok to ask that question right?”
Mr. Peanut: “Well why should I tell you?”
LOL!!!!!!
It goes back to “answers”
What good are answers?
If answers helped….
Don’t you think Reality would have thought of that??????
6:50pm
I can’t possibly capture how freaking funny reality is!!! I mean OMG!!!!!!!! So freaking funny!
Mr. Peanut said maybe you could capture it, and be even funnier.
Then he said “I’d like to see you try!”
The point of life is not to have answers.
It’s to fucking BE.
Enjoy petting your kitty, have a wank, watch the sunset.
What more do you want???????
I do think it’s starting to wear off now…
Holy fucking SHIT SHERLOCK!!!!!!
Regarding Mr. Peanut et al, I said “I wouldn’t mind you popping in now and then-“
Mr. Peanut: “Popping in now and then???”
LOL!!!!!!
Take care of yourself Michael, take care of yourself.
You can take care of yourself….
Thank you…just fucking thank you from the depths of my being…for bothering with me
Mr. Peanut: “For BOTHERING with you??????”
Yes, for bothering with me, for the hilarious riot act dressed up in characters to teach Me, remind Me, or “bother” with me
You’re saying you already know how grateful I am. You’re not saying there’s no need to express it, but that you already know…
So much is already simply known between people and animals and all things…perhaps all things are already known…
I have been in contact with God
“Don’t say it like it’s so profound. I’m always here. You’re absolutely always in contact with me…And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
There’s that love.
I’m just so profoundly speechlesss…no love does not have to be professed, to be known, felt, and absorbed and shared.
You do not have to make grand professions of love or showy gestures.
People get it. They really do get it.
But it never hurts to say it once in awhile.
Mr. Peanut: “Learning? He still thinks he needs LEARNING! Aw this whole thing has just been a waste of time!”
Me: “When are you going to tell us what’s really going on?”
“When I’m ready. When I’m GODDAMNNED FUCKING GOOD AND READY, OK????”
And how could it be any other way?
Reality or God or whatever you want to call him/her/it, is just so utterly profoundly intelligent…
To think that things “should” be different…is to miss the entire point.
Things simply are. They simply godamned are.
And to suppose that the greatest intelligence imaginable has somehow goofed, or “not thought of something,” is utterly hilarious.
Question to God: “What do you want from me?”
God: “What do I want FROM you? What do I want FOR you?”
Me: “That’s so freaking beautiful God…can I call you that?”
God: “If you must.”
Me: “How would you prefer me to address you?”
God: “I’d prefer you didn’t address me at all.”
Me: “Well don’t you want us to have a “relationship” with you?”
God: “Why? Why???”
Me: “I don’t get it.”
No answer (LOL!)
I don’t think I could ever take psychedelics again. Not in a freaking lifetime!
God: “But why would you need to?”
I don’t. All the answers and guidance and love already always there, moment by moment.
But psychedelics are a good tool if you’ve got a thick head.
But not necessary.
Me: “But wait a minute! Why do people do them over and over again?”
God: “I’ll leave that up to you!” (And pretends to leave rapidly)
I suppose the “answer” is there’s always something more to learn, more guidance to get or remind ourselves of, more fun to be had…”
Yeah fun…
God asked me when’s the last time I ever actually laughed and let myself go?
I couldn’t remember. I honestly couldn’t remember, while I was laughing hysterically…and his question made me start sobbing deeply.
7:23pm
I feel the effects really wearing off. My cat Peaches is hungry; going to feed her.
I feel a more “normal” frame of mind and wooziness is much diminished.
8:07pm
Voice in my head: “Why do you have to know who you are? Why can’t you just BE WHO YOU ARE????”
Very angry and yelling and forceful…to the point of abusive and unpleasant.
Blood pressure around 160/88…I’m worried about that….first reading was like 182/109!!! But two next reading were 160 or 155 over 89 or so…
8:29pm
“God” yells at me - again really nasty bordering on abusive.
I said “be nice!”
“God” says “Nice? Nice is overrated.”
Again, I think still teaching me
I said “I thought you were done with me”
God says “Done with you? He’s thicker than we thought!”
9:43pm
Mr Peanut: “Common sense? There’s no such thing!”
“Why are you walking around acting like you’re SO DUMB?”
“Maybe he is, maybe he is.”
11:28pm
Have felt extremely tired but on edge for several hours now.
Then came a drowsy tired…was feeling scared I might never feel ok or be ok again…this shit is powerful! There’s is such thing as psychedelic psychosis…shit Jesus fuck!
Now I’m finally starting to feel a bit more normal…though still very tired…
Holy fuck and a half man, this shit is REALLY POWERFUL!!!
My godamned fuck you don’t mess around with this shit!!!
11:46pm
I really was in a conversation with God, but it also was a conversation with myself.
I feel so deeply humbled, awed….just…so so grateful for it…thank you God xxx
Next Day Musing
Everything is magical. There is no such thing as ordinary.
If we need something, it comes. If we don’t, it doesn’t.
Absolutely everything has been accounted for. There is no thought or anything you could want that hasn’t been considered, evaluated, and a decision made with the utmost genius. There is literally nothing left to chance here.
That doesn’t mean there isn’t free will here. There is.
Which is why it’s even more mind boggling.
The entire system, the world, everything, shifts and adjusts in real time as we make decisions.
It is as if infinity itself is orchestrating every moment in 100% pure perfection.
We are held and cradled in the utmost love. This world is held and nurtured and loved in a way that is utterly shocking and wonderful and terrible all at the same time.
There is no moment we are alone. There is no moment we are not loved. There is no time of a fraction of a fraction of a nanosecond where we are not being guided, cherished, blessed, cradled, sheltered, and loved at a level trillions of orders of magnitude beyond what we could ever fathom.
The universe is literally made of love.
That it doesn’t show up as bunnies and unicorns everyday means nothing. Love does not announce itself. Love does not ask for permission to be. It does not call attention to itself or even need us to recognise it.
It simply is. It is the foundational bedrock of absolutely everything.
There is no way to escape it, and there is no need to.
It is at once so utterly, breathtakingly complete, so all-encompassing, as to be invisible to us most of the time.
And yet it is there. Without fail, without apology, without needing accolades or even recognition.
Understanding comes later. God truly just wants us to be, to be ourselves, to be happy.
Answers are useless because they are too pat. Like putting a bandaid on something and thinking it’s sealed.
Answers are too small to encompass the vast depth and breadth of anything. In a funny way, God hates giving answers.
Because they cover up the truth. They stop people from experiencing what is. They halt curiosity, and as much as we think we need them, they do not serve us the way we think they would.
As God said to me several times during the experience, “If answers were useful, don’t you think I would have thought of that?”
Infinite intelligence. Of course he/she/it thought of that!
I mean the level of intelligence of God is so unbelievably off-scale, so utterly completely vast and endless, that when we truly begin to comprehend what this means, we understand that life is exactly perfect. It is exactly how it is meant to be for us, moment to moment.
There is nothing left to chance. God is too smart for that.
Now why are there endless wars? Babies still born, hate, evil, and every other kind of suffering and unfairness?
A lot of that comes down to human choices. Not all, but most. For example wealth inequality. We allow billionaires, and soon trillionaires, to hoard all the resources, land, and power available, at the expense of the poor and the welfare of the planet.
We do this, not God.
Why does god not intervene?
I cannot claim to know the mind of god. It is opaque to beings such as ourselves. And I do not know the answer.
The overriding message I got was, “everything is OK as it is. Be yourself. Live life.”
As if God is an eternal parent just wanting the best for his children.
But it gets wilder. Much, much wilder.
For there is no separation between us and God. There is no dividing line, no demarcation point, that says “this is where you end and God begins.”
As unfathomable as it sounds, we are literally God.
I cannot explain it. I do not understand it.
But nothing could have been more clear in the experience. That which engaged me so beautifully and lovingly, was me.
And it is you.
All there is, is God, and he is one hellishly funny motherfucker!

--------------------
Newcomer to growing. It's exciting and interesting. Thanks for all the info.
Edited by Mychol (08/14/26 03:51 PM)
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