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Invisiblesynthesis
everydayjunglist

Registered: 09/30/03
Posts: 398
Loc: va
Things you have to believe to be a Republican today
    #2903014 - 07/18/04 06:00 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

ok i dont like partisan politics, and judge politicians by their standpoints on each issue not by their party... but this was a funny chain letter about the current republicans in power:




Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

*Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's
daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him
and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden"
diversion.

*Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade
with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

*The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our
highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

*A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind
without regulation.

*Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary
Clinton.

*The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

*If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

*A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies,
then demand their cooperation and money.

*Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health
care to all Americans is socialism.

*HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at
heart.

*Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.

*A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable
offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which
thousands die is solid defense policy.

*Government should limit itself to the powers named in the
Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the
Internet.

*The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but
George Bush's "military" record (Texas and Alabama Air
National Guard) is none of our business.

*Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our
prayers for your recovery.

*You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft
can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to
adopt.

*What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but
what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Feel free to pass this on.

If you don't send it to at least 10 other people, we're likely to be
stuck with Bush for 4 more years.

Friends don't let friends vote Republican.


--------------------
http://www.infowars.com


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Anonymous

Re: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today [Re: synthesis]
    #2903115 - 07/18/04 07:08 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

it was lame the first time somebody posted it.


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Invisiblesynthesis
everydayjunglist

Registered: 09/30/03
Posts: 398
Loc: va
Re: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today [Re: ]
    #2903204 - 07/18/04 07:59 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

mushmaster said:
it was lame the first time somebody posted it.




damn it, i looked around and didnt see it posted. oh well, delete this post then if necessary (mods). and no its not lame, its the truth.


--------------------
http://www.infowars.com


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Anonymous

Re: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today [Re: synthesis]
    #2903607 - 07/18/04 10:14 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

and no its not lame, its the truth.

it's a political parody. tongue-in-cheek. it's an attempt at humor, and a lame one at that. do you believe that the author is really suggesting that to be a republican one must believe that tobacco doesn't cause cancer, jesus hates homosexuals, and creationism should be taught in schools? i sure hope he isn't. do you feel that to be a republican one must actually believe things such as those?

at best, this is a political parody. at worst, it's negative stereotyping of the sort that i thought would be below good liberals.


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Invisibleafoaf
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Registered: 11/08/02
Posts: 32,665
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Re: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today [Re: ]
    #2903669 - 07/18/04 10:52 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

here's my luvdem impersonation:

good liberals?

the only good liberal is a dead one


or

good liberals is an oxymoron

pretty good, right?


--------------------
All I know is The Growery is a place where losers who get banned here go.


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Invisiblesir tripsalot
Administrator
 Arcade Champion: Skeleton Park

Registered: 07/10/99
Posts: 6,486
Re: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today [Re: afoaf]
    #2903808 - 07/18/04 11:47 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Those jokes were too funny.


--------------------

"Little racoons and old possums 'n' stuff all live up in here. They've got to have a little place to sit." Bob Ross.


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Anonymous

Re: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today [Re: sir tripsalot]
    #2903814 - 07/18/04 11:50 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

i'd post the "things you have to believe to be a democrat" but it's about twice as lame.


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Invisiblesynthesis
everydayjunglist

Registered: 09/30/03
Posts: 398
Loc: va
Re: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today [Re: ]
    #2903919 - 07/19/04 12:09 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

mushmaster said:
and no its not lame, its the truth.

it's a political parody. tongue-in-cheek. it's an attempt at humor, and a lame one at that.




i thought it was a very good attempt at humor. the author did a good job.

Quote:

do you believe that the author is really suggesting that to be a republican one must believe that tobacco doesn't cause cancer, jesus hates homosexuals, and creationism should be taught in schools? i sure hope he isn't. do you feel that to be a republican one must actually believe things such as those?




no, where did i say it did. its a joke, lighten up. i found it quite funny. of course you don't have to adhere to those values if you are a conservative.

this chain letter pokes fun at the people that choose to vote bush/cheney though, not at republicans in general. i guess its over your head though  :tongue:


--------------------
http://www.infowars.com


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Anonymous

Re: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today [Re: synthesis]
    #2904053 - 07/19/04 01:00 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

no, where did i say it did. its a joke, lighten up. i found it quite funny.

there is a sticky post at the top of the forum called "forum rules". read it. humorous posts are not permitted unless pre-approved by a moderator.


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Invisiblesynthesis
everydayjunglist

Registered: 09/30/03
Posts: 398
Loc: va
Re: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today [Re: ]
    #2904276 - 07/19/04 02:44 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

mushmaster said:
no, where did i say it did. its a joke, lighten up. i found it quite funny.

there is a sticky post at the top of the forum called "forum rules". read it. humorous posts are not permitted unless pre-approved by a moderator.




it doesnt say that anywhere in the forum rules.
:whatever:


--------------------
http://www.infowars.com


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OfflineHagbardCeline
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Re: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today [Re: synthesis]
    #2904288 - 07/19/04 02:51 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

synthesis said:

it doesnt say that anywhere in the forum rules.
:whatever:




Maybe you should read them one more time.  Apparantly your political views have distorted your vision.  Liberals tend to be near-sighted.


--------------------
I keep it real because I think it is important that a highly esteemed individual such as myself keep it real lest they experience the dreaded spontaneous non-existance of no longer keeping it real. - Hagbard Celine


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Invisiblesynthesis
everydayjunglist

Registered: 09/30/03
Posts: 398
Loc: va
Re: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today [Re: HagbardCeline]
    #2904300 - 07/19/04 02:56 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

who said i was a liberal?
:whatever:

the rules are 1. No flaming and 2. cite your sources.

perhaps you should reread them?


--------------------
http://www.infowars.com


Edited by synthesis (07/19/04 03:08 AM)


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OfflineHagbardCeline
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Re: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today [Re: synthesis]
    #2904314 - 07/19/04 03:03 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

In fact, it seems I was correct. I only said that your vision was distorted and that Liberals tend to be near sighted. You demonstrated for us that your vision is indeed not operating properly, though the ailment you suffer may not be near-sightedness, as you didn't correctly interpret the meaning of my post.

Unless of course you suffer from some sort of mental defect?


--------------------
I keep it real because I think it is important that a highly esteemed individual such as myself keep it real lest they experience the dreaded spontaneous non-existance of no longer keeping it real. - Hagbard Celine


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Invisiblesynthesis
everydayjunglist

Registered: 09/30/03
Posts: 398
Loc: va
Re: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today [Re: HagbardCeline]
    #2904324 - 07/19/04 03:06 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

do you have anything meaningful to say, or do you just troll the forums and post random nonsense because you are in need of attention? please enlighten "us."

and im still waiting for you to point to me where i violated any rules.  :wink:


--------------------
http://www.infowars.com


Edited by synthesis (07/19/04 03:09 AM)


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OfflineHagbardCeline
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Re: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today [Re: synthesis]
    #2904338 - 07/19/04 03:12 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Meh, a troll I guess. I mainly do it to entertain myself.

My cynicism keeps me from wasting energy on enlightening anyone anymore. Maybe I'll try to get motivated.

and im still waiting for you to point to me where i violated any rules.

You can't be serious?!?


--------------------
I keep it real because I think it is important that a highly esteemed individual such as myself keep it real lest they experience the dreaded spontaneous non-existance of no longer keeping it real. - Hagbard Celine


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OfflineJPZ
lost in mexico
Registered: 06/28/04
Posts: 193
Loc: Monterrey
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today [Re: synthesis]
    #2904380 - 07/19/04 03:38 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

:lol:

However, it should be titled, "Things you have to believe to be a Neo-Con today"


--------------------
I do declare, I can float in the air.

"If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up."


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Invisiblesir tripsalot
Administrator
 Arcade Champion: Skeleton Park

Registered: 07/10/99
Posts: 6,486
Re: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today [Re: synthesis]
    #2904392 - 07/19/04 03:46 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Things you have to believe to be a Democrat today:

Drug addiction is a disease that should be treated with compassion and understanding...unless the addict is a Conservative talk show host.


The United States should be subservient to the United Nations. Our highest authority is not God and the U.S. Constitution, but a collective of tinpot dictators (and their appeasers) and the U.N. charter.


Government should relax drug laws regardless of the potential for abuse, but should pass new and unConstitutional anti-gun laws because of the potential for abuse.


Calls for increased security after a terrorist attack are "political opportunism," but calls for more gun control after a criminal's spree killing is "a logical solution."


"It Takes a Village" means everything you want it to mean...except creeping socialist government involvement in the nuclear family.


Disarming innocent, law-abiding citizens helps protect them from evil, lawless terrorists and other thugs.


Slowly killing an unborn innocent by tearing it apart limb from limb is good. Slowly killing an innocent disabled woman by starving her to death is good. Quickly killing terrorists, convicted murderers and rapists is BAD.


Every religion should be respected and promoted in public schools the name of diversity, so long as that religion isn't Christianity.


The best way to support our troops is to criticize their every move. This will let them know they're thought of often.


Sexual harassment, groping and drug use are degenerate if you're the governor of California, but it's okay if you're the President of the United States.


Sex education should be required so that teens can make informed choices about sex, but gun education should be banned because it will turn those same teens into maniacal mass-murderers.


Minorities are blameless for the hatred of the racist; women are blameless for the hatred of the rapist; but America is entirely at fault for the hatred of Islamofascists.


Poverty is the cause of all terrorism...which is why the leaders of al Qaeda are typically U.S.-educated and were raised in wealth and luxury.


The Patriot Act is a horrific compromise of Constitutional rights, but anti-Second Amendment laws and Franklin Roosevelt's Presidential Order 9066 must be regarded "reasonable precautions."


We should unquestioningly honor the wishes of our age-old allies, even when said allies no longer act like our allies and have vested economic interests in propping up our enemies.


Socialized medicine is the ideal. Nevermind all those people who spend every dime they have to get to the United States so they can get quality medical care...that their nation's socialized medical community can't provide.


Michael Moore, Noam Chomsky and Natalie Maines are perfectly qualified to criticize our leadership, but Arnold Schwarzenegger, Charlton Heston, and Dennis Miller are just ignorant political hacks.


John Lott's research on how gun ownership reduces crime is junk science, but Michael Bellesiles is still an authority on why gun control is good (even though he was forced to resign from Emory due to research misconduct over his book "Arming America").


Bush's toppling the Saddam regime was a "diversion," but Clinton's lobbing a couple of cruise missiles at Iraq in the thick of the Lewinsky sex scandal was "sending a message."


A president who lies under oath is okay, but a president who references sixteen words from an allies' intelligence report should be dragged through the streets naked.


Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning Second Amendment rights and shopping the courts for judges sympathetic to causes that wouldn't pass in any legislature.


"The People" in the First Amendment means The People; "the People" in the Fourth Amendment means The People; "the People" in the Ninth Amendment means The People; "the People" in the Tenth Amendment means The People; but "the People" in the Second Amendment (ratified in 1791) means the National Guard (created by an Act of Congress in 1903).


You support a woman's "right to choose" to kill her unborn child, but don't believe that same woman is competent enough to homeschool the children she bears.


Proven draft-dodging is irrelevant, but baseless claims of AWOL status is crucial to national security.


Threatening to boycott Dr. Laura's and Rush Limbaugh's advertisers is exercising Freedom of Speech, but threatening to boycott CBS's "The Reagans" and Liberal actors over their asinine anti-American remarks is censorship and McCarthyist blacklisting


--------------------

"Little racoons and old possums 'n' stuff all live up in here. They've got to have a little place to sit." Bob Ross.


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Invisibleluvdemshrooms
Two inch dick..but it spins!?


Registered: 11/29/01
Posts: 34,011
Loc: Lost In Space
Re: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today [Re: afoaf]
    #2904506 - 07/19/04 05:34 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

afoaf said:
here's my luvdem impersonation:

good liberals?

the only good liberal is a dead one


or

good liberals is an oxymoron

pretty good, right?



Nope. There must be at least one good libbie somewhere. If only we could find one.

To be more accurate, libbies aren't necessarily bad, just wrong.


--------------------
You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity. What one person receives without working for another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for that my dear friend is the beginning of the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it. ~ Adrian Rogers


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OfflineGazzBut
Refraction

Registered: 10/15/02
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Re: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today [Re: ]
    #2904509 - 07/19/04 05:34 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

humorous posts are not permitted unless pre-approved by a moderator.




Pre approved humour???? WTF!


--------------------
Always Smi2le


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Anonymous

Re: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today [Re: ]
    #2905229 - 07/19/04 01:07 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

haha. and you say i've got to lighten up....  :wink:


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