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Shop: Original Sensible Seeds Feminized Cannabis Seeds   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: sudly]
    #25973588 -

We did the rest of the blow last night and talked for a good long while. Even wrote some stuff down and all is well. I’m not the kinda guy that just lets go so easy. Y’all might think I’m crazy for trying to make this work. I feel people can change.

I told her if it ever happens again I won’t hesitate to leave. I mean it! She said it hasn’t happened in over two years. I want to believe her guys. I want to help her heal. I can’t hold this against her. I can’t.

Only thing is her babies dad and mom don’t want her daughter staying with us for the summer again. They are going to have her daughter stay with my gf’s mom for three weeks here, then summer camp for the rest. I feel bad because it’s partly because my gf is staying with me...


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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333] * 3
    #25974066 -

She’s going to cheat again, she’s going to hide it better, you’re going to lose it.

If you let this go you will condition her to believe she can be forgiven for cheating. You will incentivise her to do it again because you’re afraid of walking away.

I have empathy for your situation, I truly do, trying to come to terms with letting someone go is hell. She’s already cheated, that’s a massive wound and it sounds like you want to put a bandaid over a lost limb.

If it was two years ago, does your gut really agree? If you have no qualms, feelings, intuitions or thoughts against it then maybe there’s trust but I don’t believe you do.

So of course you’ll do what you want to do, and I look forward to your next thread whenever it may be, even though I know how painful it will be, because it will give us more insight into a newly heartbroken man.


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.


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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: sudly] * 4
    #25974118 -

Oh she’ll definitely cheat again
It’s just gonna erode your happiness and sexual confidence over time
But hey it’s totally worth it when there quite literally billions of other women and at least one of them is completely perfect for you

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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: Tripsten] * 4
    #25975328 -

She might not cheat again if she finds a dude she respects. But she will cheat on you again. It's already worked in the past.


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Everything you need in one spot.

My Q&A thread. Ask me questions here rather than in Private Message
Bod's chat thread

5g a day keeps the 5g away

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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: bodhisatta] * 1
    #25975346 -

:burn:

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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: Reblackah] * 1
    #25975476 -

Not burn
We are genuinely trying to warm and help him from our collective experience in relationships

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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: Tripsten] * 1
    #25975490 -

He may be a respectable person just this particular female doesn't respect him and the journey to re-earn and re-learn that Respect isn't worth it for a 29 and 26 year old

People learn to see someone as a nuisance for instance. Don't be on the receiving end of that.


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Everything you need in one spot.

My Q&A thread. Ask me questions here rather than in Private Message
Bod's chat thread

5g a day keeps the 5g away

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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: bodhisatta]
    #25975497 -

Hey man I won’t lie that reply you just did above mine has given me new and good insight on a situation I feel I may be in as well
Although I’ve been pretty insecure in the wake of two psychological traumas so I could be making it up as well

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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: Tripsten]
    #25975543 -

You guys can say whatever you want. Unless you know the full extent of our relationship you may just be talking out your ass. I may just be the one who leaves this time if I find a new one. Until then I’ll be riding this relationship out.


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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333] * 7
    #25975556 -

MadHatter333 said:
I may just be the one who leaves this time if I find a new one. Until then I’ll be riding this relationship out.


I think that's pretty immoral man. If your head is in a place where you're looking for someone new then it's really not OK to string someone along just to keep you company in the meantime. They should be set free - it's the right thing to do.

I know she's done you wrong but you know as well as I do two wrongs don't make a right.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333] * 4
    #25975568 -

My heart goes out to you man, I hate people who sneak around and lie like that, selfish insatiable fucks who want it all.


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“How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d”

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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: TempestDnB]
    #25975583 -

Yeah... it’s pretty damn fucked! Y’all don’t think she can change? I feel like anything is possible. If my test results come back positive for anything I’ll for sure leave. I don’t want to string her along, I’d rather try to make this work.


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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333]
    #25975641 -

I think people can change, absolutely. I don't think any of us are the same minute to minute even - such is the nature of the human condition - we're in a constant state of flux.

However when it comes to our base/primal instincts; they're the hardest thing of all to change, and in some instances they just never will. A person is much more than just that of course, but they're a fundamental part of each of us.

Some people are OK with/can do monogamy, and some can't. I'm sure some people can work really, really, really hard to resist their deep/ingrained nature when it comes to trying to maintain the former if it's not their way/desire, but it will probably crack at some point.

So I wouldn't expect her to ever be able to do monogamy. However I do think that you could probably work with her to do non-monogamy ethically, since truth telling is far higher up the tree of basic/primal instincts (providing she's not a compulsive liar, which is doesn't sound like she is).

I think you need to ask yourself if you'd be OK with that.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #25975672 -

She might change and do a monogamous relationship with a person she considers perfect. Someone will consider you perfect and there's someone out there she will consider perfect. For her you didn't hit that criteria for her, yea shitty i know.

but you don't want to try to manufacture yourself into something for her. Nor do you want her to manufacture some way to see the relationship in a new light.

Especially given it's less than 10 year relationship and no kids there's no point in trying to put a square peg in a round hole. Y'all both do yourselves favors and find someone far more compatible


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Everything you need in one spot.

My Q&A thread. Ask me questions here rather than in Private Message
Bod's chat thread

5g a day keeps the 5g away

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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: bodhisatta]
    #25975685 -

I want to get over my ex, it's been over a year now and the shit keeps popping into my head. I hate relationships.


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“How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d”

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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: TempestDnB] * 2
    #25975738 -

MH3, I've moved over to team gtfo :shrug: Sorry. This sounds like a toxic relationship.

If you stay together for financial/housing/care-giving reasons then maybe being more direct about that being the case rather than waiting to see if someone wanders in to leave her for.


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My Shoebox Factory Beginner's Tek | Shoebox Assembly Tek | Methodology/teks I use | How I Store Bulk Items

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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: ShaperDreaming]
    #25975767 -

My first real long term relationship of three years took me almost the same amount of time to get over (three years). This one is going on five years. Maybe I should just leave...

Her past wasn’t exactly the easiest past. Her biological father wasn’t there for her. He got with a new woman who they had a daughter with and the mother of her sister didn’t want her dad to see his daughter. Her mom had her at the age of 13. She’s seen abusive patterns throughout her childhood.

Her step-dad was a meth addict who treated her mom like shit, physically abused her, even raped her... she found out later in life that her mom was also doing drugs and she would leave for weeks, leaving my gf to take care of her two younger brothers.

Her first relationship was with a black guy who cheated on her many times with older women. My gf was 14 and he was 18... he took her virginity and wasn’t nice about it... they were together for two years, him cheating throughout the relationship.

Her babies dad also cheated on her in the begging of there’s.. she thought I was cheating so she wanted to hurt me I suppose. Still doesn’t make it right, but I’m trying to understand the cause of all this, rather than labeling her as a sick person...


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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333]
    #25975783 -

MadHatter333 said:
This one is going on five years.


Maybe I'm too old for this shit, but my opinion is that anyone who's 21 (if I did my math right) isn't any where near the person they're going to turn out to be. You two grew together, it just sounds like you're ending up at a different place. Just think about the growth you've made since you started dating her... at the age she's now.


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My Shoebox Factory Beginner's Tek | Shoebox Assembly Tek | Methodology/teks I use | How I Store Bulk Items

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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333]
    #25975786 -

I’ve thought about being with other women too throughout our relationship. I’ve even expressed interest to certain women who weren’t exactly on the same page. If they were I may have been the cheater. I think it’s pretty normal to fantasize about other people especially being so young. Acting on it is a different story all together.

And yes ShaperDreaming, we have come a long way from the beginning. We’ve helped each other heal a lot! We’ve also caused some wounds. Wounds heal with time either way. So why let go? If there’s even a slight chance we can continue to help each other heal?

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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333] * 1
    #25975822 -

MadHatter333 said:
So why let go? If there’s even a slight chance we can continue to help each other heal?


Honestly, I think because after reading your incidents over the last few days of explosive arguments you're still causing a lot of wounds and it sounds like you're getting into situations you dislike yourself for being in after. Sounds toxic, doesn't sound like you're healing :heart: I've been that person in those relationships and I'm pretty far away from them now. Some of the shit was me, and I had to get some distance, but some of that shit was my partner, and they didn't change and we keep triggering each other to hurt one another. The hurt only heals if you recover from it. Gotta break the cycle to end it sometimes.

Especially with the history and cycles of abusive and bad relationships you've discussed here. If you look into stories and cases of domestic violence/abuse there aren't stories of couples or people fixing the other. There are stories of couples trying that and sticking it out and causing a repeated cycle of harm. There are far more stories of people who are in agressive/angry/destructive relationships that don't end until one person fixes their own thing. You can't fix another person, only yourself

Mush love MH3, not trying to hate, but this sounds different after reading a few more pages. I like to give folks the benefit of the doubt, but unless you like getting triggered into damaging property, maybe this isn't an environment you can heal in?


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My Shoebox Factory Beginner's Tek | Shoebox Assembly Tek | Methodology/teks I use | How I Store Bulk Items

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