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MadHatter333
We Are All Mad Here
Registered: 09/20/17
Posts: 4,650
Loc: Your Mom’s Rabbit Hole
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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: ShaperDreaming]
#25977409 - 05/07/19 09:04 AM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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I met her over five years ago at a spiritual class “Meeting your Spirit Guides” she was going through a lot and this place helped us grow a lot. We didn’t start dating till six months after meeting. She’s read self help books, we have a whole bookcase full of them. She has confronted her family. She does want to seek professional help. We’ve been talking about seeing a couples counselor and personal counselors. We just need to do it!
Idk about the sex club thing just yet until we’ve established healthy boundaries and strengthen our relationship. I’m not leaving though, still here.
-------------------- TEKs I Like
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ShaperDreaming
Weirdo
Registered: 10/30/18
Posts: 3,429
Loc: United States
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333] 1
#25977419 - 05/07/19 09:10 AM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
MadHatter333 said: We’ve been talking about seeing a couples counselor and personal counselors. We just need to do it!
Idk about the sex club thing just yet until we’ve established healthy boundaries and strengthen our relationship. I’m not leaving though, still here.
This sounds like the perfect time to set the expectation that you (separately/together/both/each) go to counselors. Honestly I think they can be really shit sometimes for "general" issues, but if you have a focus with a clear end (like "We want to set goals and expectations for our relationship after getting back together when we recently split"), they can be helpful. Seems like a great reason to go, as ya'll obviously have shit to work through.
And, yeah, no not saying you should go to a club! Shit, just saying you're normal.
Edited by ShaperDreaming (05/07/19 09:12 AM)
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MadHatter333
We Are All Mad Here
Registered: 09/20/17
Posts: 4,650
Loc: Your Mom’s Rabbit Hole
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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: ShaperDreaming]
#25977434 - 05/07/19 09:21 AM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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I went to a counselor before and it just seemed like he didn’t know what do about my situation. Like he was just running the clock spinning his wheels not really going anywhere. I think it would be good if we set goals first and really stuck with it. Will be looking into that today.
Going to head out and look for jobs. Got a buddy needing mush, so that’s a little extra $ in my pocket. Thank you shaper for talking to me like a normal person. Not telling me to just leave... Which is hard for me to do if I think something can work.
You rock!
-------------------- TEKs I Like
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Tripsten
Stranger
Registered: 10/23/17
Posts: 1,104
Last seen: 3 years, 9 days
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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333] 5
#25977441 - 05/07/19 09:23 AM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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“Thank you for talking to me like a normal person not just telling me to leave” What do you mean lol both are still talking to you like a normal person, all anyone did period was give you the answer that is most likely to them based on what they’ve seen through life You can’t just write that off because it’s either not what you wanted to hear , hard to hear or hard to accept, see you back here in a few months lol
Edited by Tripsten (05/07/19 09:24 AM)
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Shenmue
Dark Lord of the Sith
Registered: 12/21/18
Posts: 2,514
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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: ShaperDreaming] 1
#25977447 - 05/07/19 09:27 AM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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Yeah she'll change once she's around 35 and can't get laid anymore. If you have ANY respect for yourself then you need to end this relationship. People are usually as loyal as their options. She would leave you in a heartbeat for someone better looking with more money and you know it.
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Shenmue
Dark Lord of the Sith
Registered: 12/21/18
Posts: 2,514
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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: Shenmue]
#25977461 - 05/07/19 09:37 AM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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If you have a baby with her make sure you get a DNA test! The test is cheap and she'll never know you did it. You only live life once so dont spend it raising her bastard. GET A DNA TEST!
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student
Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333] 3
#25977474 - 05/07/19 09:44 AM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Tripsten said: You can’t just write that off because it’s either not what you wanted to hear , hard to hear or hard to accept
I really feel like this is what you did with any advice that came your way regarding getting her pregnant MH3. The Lizman had some very worthy and valuable input, and mirrored what many of us were saying regarding becoming a father with this woman, and even though you'd agreed with him on many previous occasions you turned on him in a second just because you did not want to hear it.
I find that very unfortunate.
I think your tossing and turning in regards to all that has been happening these last couple of months shows that you have quite a lack of mental stability in yourself. I think you need healing from all the pain you've been through and you won't find it if you stay clinging to this. It seems like you have some considerable work to do and you seem fearful about confronting and doing it, instead retreating to the safety of an unhealthy (yet familiar) situation. I get it, it's human, but it is clear that you are being irrational at this point.
I really sympathise with what you're going through, I've been through SO much shit in my own life in regards to unhealthy relationships, so much pain, destruction, dissolution; and I cannot stress enough that I think you are deluding yourself right now with this sudden change of heart, and that you seem to be comforting yourself in whatever you can whilst blocking out the obvious notion that there will be much pain in the future of this path.
At the end of the day, you're gonna do what you're gonna do, and I want you to know that I am not judging you or what you decide to do in any way, shape or form.
All I want to do is help, and in any way I can lessen the suffering in the world.
Please, step back for a while and have a serious think about all this.
Deep down, you know. Don't trust your head; it's running you in circles.
Trust your gut.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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ShaperDreaming
Weirdo
Registered: 10/30/18
Posts: 3,429
Loc: United States
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333] 1
#25977476 - 05/07/19 09:45 AM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
MadHatter333 said: Thank you shaper for talking to me like a normal person. Not telling me to just leave... Which is hard for me to do if I think something can work.
I mean, like I said before, the only person who can really change someone is themselves. If you're not going to leave I may as well help point you in the right direction to make sure you're safe for yourself and those you love as best as possible.
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Tripsten
Stranger
Registered: 10/23/17
Posts: 1,104
Last seen: 3 years, 9 days
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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: ShaperDreaming] 1
#25977529 - 05/07/19 10:11 AM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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At the least take some time separated from her man Take a few weeks or even months to chill by yourself and see if you really even want her
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LizardWizard
GnomeGrower
Registered: 01/07/15
Posts: 13,717
Loc: the parking lot
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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333] 2
#25977592 - 05/07/19 10:39 AM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
MadHatter333 said: I feel like you have some harbored past hurts LizardWizard. You don’t even know the full relationship dynamics we have. Yeah she may have did this or that, but it doesn’t make her any less able to be a mother to my child. I can sit here all day talking bad about someone... do you know her good side though? No.
It almost feels like you’re projecting because of something that happened in your past. Lots of good comes from having a baby. Sometimes the kids that have a rough childhood have more to teach the world. You may think it’s selfish or :tard: but I think it’s creating something new in a different way.
I’m sure by Thursday she won’t be pregnant. If she is I want us to keep it. She’s already had two abortions with our children. It would be my child. I know she hasn’t cheated for at least two years. I just know.
So if you, a person on the other side of a screen, want to judge my relationship so harshly, not even knowing the full story, then idk what to say to you... other than, I’m keeping my baby.
*cringe*
:tard:
Quote:
you turned on him in a second just because you did not want to hear it.
-------------------- The best things in life can be smelled on one's fingers.
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Tripsten
Stranger
Registered: 10/23/17
Posts: 1,104
Last seen: 3 years, 9 days
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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: LizardWizard] 1
#25977617 - 05/07/19 10:46 AM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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Being able to recognize when a women, or any person really, isn’t good for a type of love some one else is looking for literally does not signify projection or past hurt lol
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Tripsten
Stranger
Registered: 10/23/17
Posts: 1,104
Last seen: 3 years, 9 days
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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: Tripsten]
#25977630 - 05/07/19 10:51 AM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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For some it CAN be But not everyone that’s just what people fall back on in these types of arguments and discussions when they don’t wanna be wrong or don’t wanna accept
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LizardWizard
GnomeGrower
Registered: 01/07/15
Posts: 13,717
Loc: the parking lot
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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: Tripsten] 1
#25977664 - 05/07/19 11:15 AM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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the shitty thing is the kid isn't gonna have a choice, he's gonna be forcefed that bullshit every day to no fault of his own, and he'll likely become a shitty person because of it, but hey, that's how the world works, right? Not enough happy hormones? Just pop a pill! Erh, I mean baby!
Ever thought of having a vasectomy? It would be a real great -1 BD party party for your kid.
-------------------- The best things in life can be smelled on one's fingers.
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MadHatter333
We Are All Mad Here
Registered: 09/20/17
Posts: 4,650
Loc: Your Mom’s Rabbit Hole
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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: LizardWizard]
#25978138 - 05/07/19 03:46 PM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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Now you Guys are just being insulting. What I choose to do with my life and who I choose to be with is my choice. I appreciate all the input, but I’m staying in this. And to the people who said she’s going to do it again don’t even know... so yeah. Thanks....
And to the person who got three upvotes for saying that you helped should take a second glance at your ratings and see that you didn’t take peoples advice in your own post. I know what I want. A baby was only if she was pregnant I would keep it. She’s going to get BC soon.
I went to the clinic and my test for HIV came back negative. Got to wait a week for the other results to come in (I’m pretty sure I’ll be clean). We are starting with a clean slate, no more bringing up the past. It’s going to be open communication and good times from here on.
-------------------- TEKs I Like
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bodhisatta
Smurf real estate agent
Registered: 04/30/13
Posts: 61,891
Loc: Milky way
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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333]
#25978156 - 05/07/19 03:53 PM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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Gotta make your own mistakes
What's true of humans is that emotions strengthen beliefs. But rational logic coming from strangers on the internet strengthens them even more.
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MadHatter333
We Are All Mad Here
Registered: 09/20/17
Posts: 4,650
Loc: Your Mom’s Rabbit Hole
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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: bodhisatta]
#25978175 - 05/07/19 04:08 PM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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Don’t worry bod, I’m not flipping my cakes anymore...
Your guy’s rational logic did strengthen my beliefs. It’s helped me to see from other perspectives. I don’t think leaving or taking three weeks to reflect is really going to help. I feel sticking with it, forgiving, accepting, and moving forward is what’s right.
That’s just me though
-------------------- TEKs I Like
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grati
Explorer
Registered: 06/19/17
Posts: 1,011
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333] 1
#25978266 - 05/07/19 04:59 PM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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You know she's gonna cheat on every opportunity she will have, right?
I had an ex like that and I'm glad it's over because I met a super kind and hot girl after her.
-------------------- The eyes are useless when the mind is blind Candyflipping
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LizardWizard
GnomeGrower
Registered: 01/07/15
Posts: 13,717
Loc: the parking lot
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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333] 1
#25978373 - 05/07/19 06:00 PM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
MadHatter333 said: It’s going to be open communication and good times from here on.
It's going to be so funny when you come back in a while complaining about the next thing that happened.
And if you let your GF insult you like that why you think other people gonna show you any more respect? You gotta earn that shit!
-------------------- The best things in life can be smelled on one's fingers.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student
Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Just found out my partner has cheated on me several times [Re: MadHatter333] 2
#25978583 - 05/07/19 06:01 PM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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This thread has been closed.
Reason: OP Requested.
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