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Rethinking how I live my life, don't know how to begin
    #25928258 -

My life is decent, I don't have debt, I have a roof over my head, etc.

But I'm not 100% happy with how I live it anymore.

Ever since I was a kid, I spent a lot of time on my own and on the computer. This hasn't changed, and it's how I keep busy during most of my free time. It's also my job (when I have one, I alternate long streaks of not working followed by a year of working, etc)

I move countries a lot. I don't think I have less friends than the average person, but they're scattered all around the planet so it's not usually possible to just hang out with someone physically without flying over.

I don't like that. I want to spend less time on the computer: even though programming and tinkering is fun to me, I feel like I'm doing it too much now. I read books too but that's pretty much it. I wish I could travel more but with only 2 weeks a year while employed and no money to spare while not employed, I very rarely do it anymore.

I would also like to have more local friends so I can hang out and do something else than mostly computing when I'm unemployed.

Here is the thing though: I have a very hard time forcing myself to go to parties or social clubs just to meet people. It always feels like I don't have the willpower and would rather stay home instead which is what happens most of the time.

How can I change this so I'm not as afraid to go and meet people at social events even though I'm very introverted?

How do I get out of this computing all the time cycle? How do I keep busy every day of every week instead?

Any suggestions or insight from people who have been in that situation and got out of it?

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Re: Rethinking how I live my life, don't know how to begin [Re: opsh]
    #25928288 -

I empathise a lot with many of the things you say. I work a desk job as a software analyst and have moved around the world my whole life. My friends are also scattered far and wide and I've had very little success making new ones where I currently reside (NE America), which is unusual for me. I don't gel very well with the culture here.

I suspect that your problem is in wanting to be '100% happy' with your life. I simply don't believe it's possible to be so - rather - one has to learn to accept what is. I've come close when I've lived at Buddhist monasteries and shut out the real world, but that wasn't sustainable for me. Rather, one has to be happy not always being happy in this world. We're surrounded by conditions very far from ideal for perfect human harmony and mental health. It is what it is.

Routine and discipline is what helps me. Lots of vigorous exercise and reading and meditating. Monday - Friday are sacred in that respect and I communicate with my friends around the world on Whatsapp text or video calls. Weekends I go out and meet new people. I'm at peace with it all right now.

Finding that peace started within though. I can't offer much advice other than that.

I do, however, wish you love and peace and all the best with the struggle.

I know how hard it can get too.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: Rethinking how I live my life, don't know how to begin [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #25928312 -

Quote:
Routine and discipline is what helps me. Lots of vigorous exercise and reading and meditating. Monday - Friday are sacred in that respect and I communicate with my friends around the world on Whatsapp text or video calls.


Secret magic formula right there. :yesnod:


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Re: Rethinking how I live my life, don't know how to begin [Re: korgoth]
    #25936916 -

Ok, I once read a research article that said "If you try a new food 12 times, after the 12th time the brain starts rewiring to like it."

I have lived my life by this ever since.

It works, imo.

If I want to do new things, I keep trying and force myself to do it at least 12 times knowing I'm probably going to be extremely miserable those 12 times and my PERSPECTIVE won't begin to REPROGRAM until after that 12TH TIME.

Give yourself a break, ease into it. Makes the transition and habit changing a lot more enjoyable.

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Re: Rethinking how I live my life, don't know how to begin [Re: Jewstress] * 1
    #25937068 -

work sucks the 12th time the 12,000th time every fucking time

I can trick my mind into pretending it’s rewarding and enjoyable though

Just kidding it just gets worse every fucking day because it genuinely fucking sucks because capitalism sucks and being a cog in the bullshit sucks and we’re fucking trapped and that’s all there is to it


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[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]

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Re: Rethinking how I live my life, don't know how to begin [Re: opsh]
    #25939111 -

opsh said:
I would also like to have more local friends so I can hang out and do something else than mostly computing when I'm unemployed.

Here is the thing though: I have a very hard time forcing myself to go to parties or social clubs just to meet people. It always feels like I don't have the willpower and would rather stay home instead which is what happens most of the time.


You yearn for human connection yet at the same time fear it.

This is common and often related to  a controlling personality.

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Re: Rethinking how I live my life, don't know how to begin [Re: TheFakeSunRa]
    #25939114 -

TheFakeSunRa said:
work sucks the 12th time the 12,000th time every fucking time


Have you ever tried engaging in gratitude practice for all of what your paycheck provides?

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Re: Rethinking how I live my life, don't know how to begin [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 2
    #25939311 -

RJ Tubs 202 said:
TheFakeSunRa said:
work sucks the 12th time the 12,000th time every fucking time


Have you ever tried engaging in gratitude practice for all of what your paycheck provides?



I’m not grateful; I’m furious. Fuck that subservient bullshit. The owner of the company I work for makes 1000 X what I make. Think about that. I’d have to work a thousand years to earn what he makes in one. I will never be grateful that I’m allowed to scrap for crumbs like a roach when my intrinsic worth as a human is equal to any man’s. I’m not grateful to be exploited like a fucking mule for a small group of rich cunts. Fuck that shit. I’d rather get cancer.


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[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]

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Re: Rethinking how I live my life, don't know how to begin [Re: TheFakeSunRa] * 1
    #25939425 -

I feel that way too sometimes. In my opinion there are three remedies:

1. Engineer your life and living standards so that you don't have debt, save at least half of your net income, and have as few bills as possible (that means rarely eating out, cooking things from scratch, using public transport/cycling, save every month for vacations and use that money to pay for it, not a line of credit...) By doing this, you don't depend on a job as much. If you're tired of your jackass of a boss, or don't feel like working anymore then you can get laid off (most places will happily lay you off rather than fire you once they see you're not into it anymore) and employment insurance is more than enough to live on

2. Start your own business. Much more easily said than done, and it will take years of hard work before you can even begin hoping living off of it. Not impossible, but requires lots of motivation, hard work, and long hours.

3. Quit working altogether, move to somewhere dirt cheap, live out of a mobile home or a cabin that you built, etc. This is more hardcode as far as living standards go, but you can get by a very long time (for ever?) with very very little money without having to work for someone else.

But yeah I get what you mean. In my opinion, there should be no private companies. Every company should be a cooperative where the employees also get part of the money generated by the business. Unfortunately, most companies (esp. in N. America) are exploitative and it seems that most people are happy just being cogs in the machine.

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Re: Rethinking how I live my life, don't know how to begin [Re: opsh]
    #25939648 -

Right, so... u grow them


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Re: Rethinking how I live my life, don't know how to begin [Re: korgoth]
    #25940046 -

x))
le:buubles bitches x))


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Edited by korgoth (04/17/19 02:10 PM)

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Re: Rethinking how I live my life, don't know how to begin [Re: opsh]
    #25940178 -

Thanks man

I’m trying

Just went through a bankruptcy

My car broke down and I waited two months to get it fixed (because I had to)

I walked to work mostly and bought a cheap bike

Now I am driving a bit especially so I can I get out into the nature

I live near a beautiful beach but it’s a drive

I don’t have a car payment


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[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]

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Re: Rethinking how I live my life, don't know how to begin [Re: TheFakeSunRa]
    #25940268 -

Quote:
I live near a beautiful beach


x))
:raisemyglass:


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Re: Rethinking how I live my life, don't know how to begin [Re: Jewstress]
    #25944509 -

Jewstress said:
Ok, I once read a research article that said "If you try a new food 12 times, after the 12th time the brain starts rewiring to like it."

I have lived my life by this ever since.

It works, imo.

If I want to do new things, I keep trying and force myself to do it at least 12 times knowing I'm probably going to be extremely miserable those 12 times and my PERSPECTIVE won't begin to REPROGRAM until after that 12TH TIME.

Give yourself a break, ease into it. Makes the transition and habit changing a lot more enjoyable.




are you sure you didn't trick your brain into believing this because it was from a scientific "research article?"

what if you only tried it 11 times?  what if after 12 times you still don't like it?  is it the brain not "rewiring to like it" or is it because you simply don't like it?

personally, i think after being stabbed 11 separate times in the abdomen that the results/sensations/experience isn't going to magically become appealing on or after the 12th time.  i'm 100% certain that being stabbed in the abdomen is going to be similar, the same, or worse than being stabbed in the abdomen the first time, the sixth time, the fourteenth time, ad infinitum.

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Re: Rethinking how I live my life, don't know how to begin [Re: Tulipslave]
    #25944957 -

Tulipslave said:
are you sure you didn't trick your brain into believing this because it was from a scientific "research article?"
what if you only tried it 11 times?  what if after 12 times you still don't like it?  is it the brain not "rewiring to like it" or is it because you simply don't like it?



@Jewstress was talking about reinforced behavior over a long period of time. 12 is an arbitrary number, probably works with weird exotic foods.

Now if you want to get shot in the foot... you do it one step at a time. You do it once, the body heals it, a year later you do it again, if you can survive shooting yourself every year for the next 12 years... stop nitpicking.



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