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I fucking suck at showing 'love'
    #23767056 -

been a thing since I was a kid... even been accused of being a sociopath.

thing is, I full on feel it.. in fact I'm so empathetic it's almost a fault... yet.. I can't show it.

like an absolute block comes up, a random hug/kiss on the cheek is almost impossible for me to do.

it's fucked up every single relationship I've had, ever, even family...

and it's fucking up the relationship I'm in now :nonono:

I mean, I can do relationships, was with my last GF for 7 years... but the complaint is always the same.

to say, or even type the word 'love'... is hard and weird.

I want to fix it.... but how??


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Nothing is true, everything is permissible.

Our laws make law impossible; our liberties destroy all freedom; our property is organized robbery; our morality an impudent hypocrisy; our wisdom is administered by inexperienced or mal-experienced dupes; our power wielded by cowards and weaklings; and our honour false in all its points. I am an enemy of the existing order for good reasons.

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Re: I fucking suck at showing 'love' [Re: LuSiD9]
    #23767072 -

That empathy you have is the love. Why exactly does it feel weird to express that to anyone or anything?

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Re: I fucking suck at showing 'love' [Re: mista_dankhead]
    #23767080 -

Check this out, it's something that I recognized in myself

http://www.psychalive.org/anxious-avoidant-attachment/

It's paradoxical, but so is almost everything human.


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I call them Huskies cause they Mush!


Huskies' Grimoire
The Official Wild Cubensis Thread
Easy Instant Pot Agar
Let's Talk Cowtek

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Re: I fucking suck at showing 'love' [Re: Huskies]
    #23767091 -

Perhaps you are like me in some ways.  Knowing what is appropriate or how affection will be received, can be difficult.  I know I don't always feel the sweet intoxication of friendly emotions.  I know that it can be hard to make peopl feel good.  So why wast the risk of sharing affection?  Easier to be rejected by my dog.


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"in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur"

In filth it will be found in dung it will be found

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Re: I fucking suck at showing 'love' [Re: Huskies]
    #23767155 -

Huskies said:
Check this out, it's something that I recognized in myself

http://www.psychalive.org/anxious-avoidant-attachment/

It's paradoxical, but so is almost everything human.



this explains a lot... thank you.

just at the part where it might explain how to change it, or at least deal with it, which is what I'm looking for.

fuck I hate this :tongue:


--------------------
Nothing is true, everything is permissible.

Our laws make law impossible; our liberties destroy all freedom; our property is organized robbery; our morality an impudent hypocrisy; our wisdom is administered by inexperienced or mal-experienced dupes; our power wielded by cowards and weaklings; and our honour false in all its points. I am an enemy of the existing order for good reasons.

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Re: I fucking suck at showing 'love' [Re: mista_dankhead]
    #23767176 -

mista_dankhead said:
That empathy you have is the love. Why exactly does it feel weird to express that to anyone or anything?


that's what I can't explain... I have no idea... hence this post.

upbringing was far from warm and awesome.. it was more like hell.. prolly has something to do with it.

it's the weirdest feeling ever... knowing you love someone, and WANT to show it... but you can't.


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Nothing is true, everything is permissible.

Our laws make law impossible; our liberties destroy all freedom; our property is organized robbery; our morality an impudent hypocrisy; our wisdom is administered by inexperienced or mal-experienced dupes; our power wielded by cowards and weaklings; and our honour false in all its points. I am an enemy of the existing order for good reasons.

Edited by LuSiD9 (10/24/16 05:26 PM)

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Re: I fucking suck at showing 'love' [Re: Morel Guy]
    #23767193 -

Morel Guy said:
Easier to be rejected by my dog.


for me it's my cats... I have no trouble showing love to my cats, never have.

but, it's to the point where my girlfreind is kinda jealous over the fact I can show all this love to my kitties... but not her :shrug:

it's like a broken fucking record.


--------------------
Nothing is true, everything is permissible.

Our laws make law impossible; our liberties destroy all freedom; our property is organized robbery; our morality an impudent hypocrisy; our wisdom is administered by inexperienced or mal-experienced dupes; our power wielded by cowards and weaklings; and our honour false in all its points. I am an enemy of the existing order for good reasons.

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Re: I fucking suck at showing 'love' [Re: LuSiD9]
    #23767222 -

I can suggest some ideas.


My first idea is that maybe you upbringing has affected your ability to show love. I don't feel like I have any problem showing love, but me and my parents fought a lot about a lot of things through my teenage years. I love my parents so much, but whenever they say "I love you" and I'm supposed to say it back .. Idk, it feels weird to say. I'm not exactly sure what this means or how to solve it, but it could be similar to your problem.


My other idea is maybe you have trust issues. Are you afraid that if you let yourself love something, once its gone, you'll be complete wrecked? Are you afraid to put love out there just because there's a possibility that it might be shattered?

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Re: I fucking suck at showing 'love' [Re: lonelypsychonaut]
    #23767280 -

You should work on realizing that loving is ok. Not only ok but the best option ever. The block is in your mind. It is your mind. Your thoughts of how love "should be". Stop thinking and let the empathy flow into language or action and watch your feelings of empathy be shared with your girlfriend just as it does with your cats. Let go. Let your feelings come out. Share with everyone how you really feel. Open your mind and your heart. See "it" how it is. Not how you think it should be. You can do this!

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Re: I fucking suck at showing 'love' [Re: LuSiD9]
    #23767377 -

Do something special for your lady.  Tell her everything she wants to hear or dump her.  I never had a girlfriend as special as my dog.  Most of them were simply convenient than extra special.


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"in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur"

In filth it will be found in dung it will be found

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Re: I fucking suck at showing 'love' [Re: Morel Guy]
    #23767402 -

You may just be a high frequency person who senses that all animals are on on the same wavelength and us humans are sick, and our behavior is contagious so it's best be alone if we are to manifest, but dependency will hold us back from reaching our true state of being, self reliance is the key to the end of unhappiness, I am you, and everyone else is you, you are the last person on the earth. just pretend that the rest of us "yous" arent here, you'll be fine, but that is the absolute truth, one spirit one mind, no more inequality. The animals are you too, youre all alone haha trippy shit.

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Re: I fucking suck at showing 'love' [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23767410 -

Are true state of being is miserable alone with a lacing of deadly sobriety.  A mystical state of ecstasy is not our true state of being or you are not human.


--------------------
"in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur"

In filth it will be found in dung it will be found

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Re: I fucking suck at showing 'love' [Re: LuSiD9]
    #23768004 -

LuSiD9 said:
Morel Guy said:
Easier to be rejected by my dog.


for me it's my cats... I have no trouble showing love to my cats, never have.

but, it's to the point where my girlfreind is kinda jealous over the fact I can show all this love to my kitties... but not her :shrug:

it's like a broken fucking record.


I have had a very similar issue. I've kinda gotten through the "can't show affection ever" but it seems I'm still learning the how and the when. I seem off base sooner or later with alot of my partners and friends. :ohwell: then I almost always revert back into "can't show affection ever." it is quite shitty.


Only advise I can give you is to let yourself be a little impulsive. Don't try to be so controlling. If you feel happy/excited/lovey to be with someone then show it in whatever way that comes into mind.


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          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:

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Re: I fucking suck at showing 'love' [Re: CookieCrumbs]
    #23768678 -

CookieCrumbs said:
Only advise I can give you is to let yourself be a little impulsive. Don't try to be so controlling. If you feel happy/excited/lovey to be with someone then show it in whatever way that comes into mind.


you make it sound so easy :lol:

controlling is definitely not the right word though, I'm far from... this current lady has actually said something along the lines of "I wish you were at least a little bit more controlling sometimes ,it would show that you care"

which I do.. I really do.. but damned if I can actually show it.. FACK

just had a long discussion about it with her tonight... tried to explain this whole thing to her once again, she only slightly gets it... 'it's not you, it's me' too cliche apparently :tongue:

I don't know why it's so hard... but it is... at least when it comes to humans.


--------------------
Nothing is true, everything is permissible.

Our laws make law impossible; our liberties destroy all freedom; our property is organized robbery; our morality an impudent hypocrisy; our wisdom is administered by inexperienced or mal-experienced dupes; our power wielded by cowards and weaklings; and our honour false in all its points. I am an enemy of the existing order for good reasons.

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Re: I fucking suck at showing 'love' [Re: LuSiD9]
    #23768685 -

Our true state of being is all there was, is and ever will be.

I think you'll like it.


--------------------
Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?

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