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Invisiblesynthesis
everydayjunglist

Registered: 09/30/03
Posts: 398
Loc: va
any poets in the house?
    #2346019 - 02/17/04 03:57 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

i'm no poet, but i've been jotting down stuff here and there. i'm affraid to share it with anybody though, execpt i did with my ex-girlfriend lastnight. its just stuff i've been writing this week and last week... if you're interested then send me an IM and i'll send some stuff to you. i need some feedback on this stuff and maybe improve the structure.


--------------------
http://www.infowars.com


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Offlinebarfightlard
tales of theinexpressible
Male

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Posts: 8,670
Loc: Canoodia
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: any poets in the house? [Re: synthesis]
    #2346024 - 02/17/04 03:59 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Don't be shy dude. Just show what ya got, who cares. Be open to differant views of your thoughts.


--------------------

"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks


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Invisiblesynthesis
everydayjunglist

Registered: 09/30/03
Posts: 398
Loc: va
Re: any poets in the house? [Re: barfightlard]
    #2346054 - 02/17/04 04:09 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

i'm also worried somebody might steal it too. i'm not saying its that good that somebody would steal it. but it is personal and i dont want to show it to everyone. its the same way with all the artwork i've done and music i spun. just kinda private with it.

anyway i'll send it to ya if you want to critique it. i just want honest, constructive criticism.


--------------------
http://www.infowars.com


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OfflineToTheSummit
peregrinus
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Re: any poets in the house? [Re: synthesis]
    #2346490 - 02/17/04 05:59 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Yeah, I say just share it here. I can understand the worry of having someone steal your work, that is a legitimate care. But don't ever worry about critisism. You shouldn't give a fuck if others hate your work, at least I don't. I do it for me, not them. And as for having my work stolen, well if they like it so much they want to steal it then I take that as a compliment!

BTW- I've been reading/writing/reciting poetry since I was a child. I can sit around a campfire and tell poems (mine and others) for hours. Be proud of your work and share it, its a lot of fun.

Heres one of mine. I think I've posted it here before.

UP A HILL

Some people like to pass the time by playing with a ball
They run and kick and jump and hit and throw and slide and fall.
And others aren't the active type, the thing they like the best
Is to watch TV or read a book but basically just rest.
And there are some who go out late and party every night
And don't go home until they see the early morning light.
And then theres the artistic type who paint and sculpt and draw
To fashion wondrous works of art that leave the rest in awe.
Yes people have so many ways, their empty time to fill,
But I find I am happiest when hiking up a hill.

"Why do you like to walk up hill?" the others ask in vain
"I don't see what there is that you could ever have to gain.
Now going for a little hike I guess I understand
But certainly there are some trails across some smooth, flat land!
To bust your ass to climb a hill, I think you are a clown
Cause when you finally reach the top you just have to come down!
And when you've wasted all that time and energy and such
You're right back where you started and did not accomplish much!"
The reason people think this way is not because they're weak
Its just that they have never stood upon a mountains peak!

I guess it is a feeling that I just cannot explain
A joy, a thrill, a rush, a chill and just a little pain
To see the summit right in front but not let yourself stop
Until those last deliberate steps, And then you're on the top.
And though your body's tired and worn and ready for a rest
Your spirit and emotions soar, the feeling is the best.
Endorphins and adrenalin are coursing in your veins
And over all a feeling of great satisfaction reigns.
I've never found this feeling in a sport or book or pill
The only place I get it is from hiking up a hill.

So when you think that I am strange for doing what I do
Believe me when I say I sometimes feel the same for you.
But if you want to play some sports with me, then that is fine
And after that we'll watch TV and have some quiet time.
And then we can go out at night and paint the town up red
(And most likely wake up next day with throbbing in our head!)
And then we'll draw some pictures of a landscape or a tree
And proudly hang them on a wall where everyone can see.
Then, when we've finished all those things, I'll show you my great thrill
And we'll go out together and hike up the nearest hill!


--------------------
You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!


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OfflineInfrared
sleeping
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Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 12,988
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Re: any poets in the house? [Re: synthesis]
    #2346570 - 02/17/04 06:13 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

you can send it to me if ya want. i really doubt someone is gonna steal your poems and then print them and make money off them though :smirk:  i write short free flow minimalistic poems


High OFF of-

lightning fast...round the bend
no time to think...or any money to spend

i took the time to watch the sun change hue...
out of sight...but yet still in view

rest tonight..... for tommorow will be brand new


--------------------
When chemistry is outlawed.. Only outlaws have chemistry:rainbowdrink:


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Offlinebarfightlard
tales of theinexpressible
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Re: any poets in the house? [Re: synthesis]
    #2346586 - 02/17/04 06:15 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Sure send it over.


--------------------

"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks


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Invisiblesynthesis
everydayjunglist

Registered: 09/30/03
Posts: 398
Loc: va
Re: any poets in the house? [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #2346646 - 02/17/04 06:24 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

OK, F it i'll just post it. this is just stuff i have stored in a text file on my computer, i just need to try to arrange it into a good structure. some of it is just random stuff and doesnt fit into any structure.



hope for a transient daydream

the sky awaits the midnight wind
to carry me home again
delicate patchwork of a faithful cloud
the gentle breeze makes a thunderous sound
beams of light shine through the mist,
a spectrum of light that that some might miss,
crashes through my window without a fight
the moon stays placid as the stars become bright
darkness fades away as i close my eyes,
generous colors fill the empty, placid skies

the halcyon breeze becomes so serene
dark and hallow as it is divine and clean
shadows drift through the desperate air
fair and silent with an indefinite stare

the music fades through the precious night
sounds of laughter become so bright
old grey thoughts of you
becomes a gentle blue
a tear blown by the delicate wind
carry me home again
carry me to where the rivers end,
carry me to where the light will bend
to the timeless tranquility of the night
carried beyond the infinity of sight

tomorrows wind will never say
what dreams the daylight had given away
infinite sorrow and indefinite joy,
the seeds of madness are insanities ploy

--------------
criminal
--------------

when i was but a child, i was shown,
the future is in no ones hands but your own,
seize the day and tip your hat,
grab the reins and never look back


eventually that boy went astray,
couldn't stay ahead of the demons at bay,
thought he'd pull a crime
never thought he'd do no time


well who woulda known,
that the boy was all grown
with a 6 shootin pistol and a will of his own

6 feet deep with the earth to your back
and it all turns out that the world cut you no slack
carry the weight of the world on your back


grassroots boogie
so she wept
you tend the horses, i'll make the wine
mulberry bush
time to see the sunrise

maria
met a girl with flowers in her hair,
sparkles in her eyes when sadness fills the air

she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders

grass in the garden
spirits in the wine
nobody to take care of me
yet the weather is fine

mulberry bush--------------------------------------------

hey hey the shadows to bless my soul
there there the moonlight please pardon my howl
here here woman dont move too fast
way way yonder ponder where the blue turns to grass

row row soldier, make the day
hear the lightning, stay stay away
do do come down, you can speak to me
but don't hurt the flowers that cry cry to me

lets all hurt, lets all pray
let us all rally round the fire and sing the day away
lets all go fishin, lets all sip some wine
let us all give away the fire, but save the time

life is short when sounds are blue
we'll go back soon when the fires are through
stay away from the troubles too
they are silent and true


whats purple when you got no soul
whats green when you cant slow the roll
talk to me gracious and talk to me slow
talk to me soon though cuz true colors soon show


i cant row no more, no more
too many times the waters changed the flow
now the creek wouldnt come to see all the seeds a sown
now the garden has become too blessed to moan

it might moan a gentle cry, but the rivers have run dry

the angels sing for you, sing songs of sadness too.
it hurts to listen to the sound of heaven in blue
why not carry the angels away
maybe someday

around that mulberry bush
or maybe to the gardens of eden
chase around that summer sound
do a dance till you start breathin

lets all sing the blues
lets all pick and shovel too
dance around that great oak tree
another joyful day, just you and me

well how did it all fall?
turned to nightfall once and for all
with the weight of the world and the sins of us all

need to cry the tears away
cuz tomorrow is just another day
'nother day for you and me
to carry the kindness and sorrows that be

try to forget it,
try to forget that pain
live through the deep
cuz another day it will rain

we cant be happy, we cant be sad
what became of the joy we had?
it became so hallow, just green and blue
a tortured soul with nothing left to do


we believe. we believe in sunrise and sleep
we follow the elephant and follow the sheep
try to say a riddle that i may keep
figured out the secret that some may speak

till the cold mountains fall

the sun shines a familiar stare
who will carry me there

married
carried
burried

who wants to see the crimson shining bright
who wants to hear a secret solitude tonight

we'll all be happy down there
we'll sing a tune without a care

is this all thats faith, is this all thats dear
is this all i hold close, true and pure?

end of joy, the end of time
end of laughter, end of rhyme


--------------------
http://www.infowars.com


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OfflineInfrared
sleeping
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Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 12,988
Loc: Chicago, USA
Last seen: 3 years, 14 days
Re: any poets in the house? [Re: synthesis]
    #2346674 - 02/17/04 06:30 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

you got some pretty good stuff. i like this verse

Quote:

the halcyon breeze becomes so serene
dark and hallow as it is divine and clean
shadows drift through the desperate air
fair and silent with an indefinite stare




--------------------
When chemistry is outlawed.. Only outlaws have chemistry:rainbowdrink:


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OfflineCerebralFlower
whats left?

Registered: 02/09/04
Posts: 1,326
Loc: only the truth is left
Last seen: 7 years, 6 months
Re: any poets in the house? [Re: Infrared]
    #2346935 - 02/17/04 07:24 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Im amazed at how many people think a poem has to rhyme. I am in an advanced compisition class (free writing) and not 1 of the poems ive written has rhymed, in fact your not supposed to make them rhyme.

The reason is because when you rhyme its taking the natural flow out of it, and your not using a word to express the way you feel really your using it to rhyme with the previous sentence

No offense to any of your guys' poems im sure theyre good.
just try writing without rhymes, for a change


--------------------
God says dance with your heart
And shake free of you desire

Where theres a will theres always a way
When you get confused listen to the music play



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InvisibleInfectedShroom
bout time weinfected them

Registered: 09/01/03
Posts: 113
Loc: Beija Flor
Re: any poets in the house? [Re: synthesis]
    #2347156 - 02/17/04 08:29 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I thought your poems were really good. I dont think there is such a thing as a bad poem. A poem is an expression of the heart and soul. Whether it rhyms or doesn't, whether it has structure or not, whatever it takes to express yourself.  :thumbup: :cool:


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OfflineInfrared
sleeping
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Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 12,988
Loc: Chicago, USA
Last seen: 3 years, 14 days
Re: any poets in the house? [Re: CerebralFlower]
    #2347165 - 02/17/04 08:31 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

yea.............. i am well aware of that

sometimes i write poems that rhyme sometimes i dont. i also write poems that i use for songs..... so its usually better when you have at least some rhyming for a song(not always of course)


--------------------
When chemistry is outlawed.. Only outlaws have chemistry:rainbowdrink:


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Invisiblesynthesis
everydayjunglist

Registered: 09/30/03
Posts: 398
Loc: va
Re: any poets in the house? [Re: CerebralFlower]
    #2347533 - 02/17/04 10:32 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

thats cool, i'll have to start trying that out and breaking up the rhymes more.

i like the way rhymes sound more because when i hear and write it it sounds like music. i hear what ya mean though about the free-verse, i'll have to try to see if i can write like that.


--------------------
http://www.infowars.com


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Invisiblesynthesis
everydayjunglist

Registered: 09/30/03
Posts: 398
Loc: va
Re: any poets in the house? [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #2347546 - 02/17/04 10:38 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

i like your poem. this lyric struck a particular chord with me-
Quote:

I guess it is a feeling that I just cannot explain
A joy, a thrill, a rush, a chill and just a little pain
To see the summit right in front but not let yourself stop
Until those last deliberate steps, And then you're on the top.





sounds really good  :thumbup: i understand what you mean


--------------------
http://www.infowars.com


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Invisiblesynthesis
everydayjunglist

Registered: 09/30/03
Posts: 398
Loc: va
Re: any poets in the house? [Re: Infrared]
    #2347553 - 02/17/04 10:42 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

lightning fast...round the bend
no time to think...or any money to spend

i took the time to watch the sun change hue...
out of sight...but yet still in view

rest tonight..... for tommorow will be brand new 




that really is beautiful man  :smile: i feel ya


--------------------
http://www.infowars.com


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OfflineToTheSummit
peregrinus
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Registered: 08/23/99
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Re: any poets in the house? [Re: CerebralFlower]
    #2351332 - 02/18/04 06:39 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Of course poetry doesn't have to rhyme. I've read a lot of great works that didn't rhyme. But when you remove rhyme and meter from a work it seems to me to be just prose rather than poetry. To me the word 'poetry' conjurs up images of flowing verse that has structure and more often than not rhyme. I know that this may not technically be the correct defenition of poetry, its just how I see it.

I was raised on old cowboy ballads. I was quoting entire Robert Service poems before I was 10 (first one I learned was The Cremation of Sam Mcgee). And now most of my work is influenced by this. I write very structured poetry with fairly strict ryhme and meter patterns. And my poems all tell stories. There is never some secret meaning or deep-thought process required to enjoy my poetry. It is pretty straight forward and easy to understand. I've never felt the need to get real philosophical in my poetry, I just like it to be entertaining.


--------------------
You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!


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OfflineCerebralFlower
whats left?

Registered: 02/09/04
Posts: 1,326
Loc: only the truth is left
Last seen: 7 years, 6 months
Re: any poets in the house? [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #2351479 - 02/18/04 07:15 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Infected shroom I tottaly agree.
In fact, thats probably how we all start, just writing down things we feel. For me it started when I got high, I would write things down, so amazing!

Heres something I got 24/25 on... it was for valentines day, I think it mimiced a william carlos williams love poem style

I dont love the earrings
Which you drape on your body
Or the clothes that cling to you
Not even

I love the colors of your soul
The hue rshing blood gives your smooth skin
Like a subterranean river glowing pink beneath
In the soft world of eternity

I love the energy flowing between our hands
The balance that lies between us
Losing ourselves
In eachothers cerebral flowerbed



I got the idea for subtereanean river when looking at the hue of my skin change when i moved it, while on morning glory
All of my writing has a base on drug expereince. Marijuana started it all for me. Trips are inspiration, inspiration is fodder for writing


--------------------
God says dance with your heart
And shake free of you desire

Where theres a will theres always a way
When you get confused listen to the music play



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InvisibleInfectedShroom
bout time weinfected them

Registered: 09/01/03
Posts: 113
Loc: Beija Flor
Re: any poets in the house? [Re: CerebralFlower]
    #2351772 - 02/18/04 08:39 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Cerebral - wow i really liked your poem  :thumbup:

i've been so busy with school and work that i dont have the time to write anymore  :frown:


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OfflineSnape
Eternal Chaos
Male

Registered: 08/05/03
Posts: 2,285
Loc: Montreal, Quebec
Last seen: 2 years, 15 days
Re: any poets in the house? [Re: synthesis]
    #2351807 - 02/18/04 08:48 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I sent this poem countless time on the Shroomery and nobody ever told me if they liked it or not... So here it is for the Xth time. (Where X > 1000000)

Perception Within a Silvery Rain

Lightning comes speed passed me at my lacered brain
Wonders, oh why I built and destroyed the silvery rain
The room is clean and cleared until dawn casts tomorrow
Then my throath will contain the dreadfully bitter taste of sorrow

Ache is what I feel, the darkness surrounds me as thousand of spiders
No, I won?t ever be slained by this swarming horde of black riders
My last chance will be the love for Her that dwells deep inside my core
I may be blinded, but not for long because I know what cannot be anymore

Everlasting is the song written by the Hands of the Creator
The deepest sign of desire you may see is in the Shadows? behavior
Slowly summoning dim blue lights by its restrenghtened misty and eerie appearence
Clearly I see the spirit fly up and soar back down near the deep lake?s water

From this rhyme you know how it might feel to lose track of time
For nothing is more beautiful than loving Her until commiting crimes
The sky seems to cut down the food of its legendary lust
I will be gone for now, but expect my return and I?ll die for Her if I must


--------------------
I'm floating in the sea of stars,
I'm drifting away from the shore
I will be lost in the dream when the dark days come
But I will make the time run backwards and
I'll make the stars shine again


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OfflineFrog
Warrior
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Registered: 10/22/03
Posts: 4,284
Loc: The Zero Point Field
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
Re: any poets in the house? [Re: Snape]
    #2351850 - 02/18/04 08:59 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I'm no critic, but it sounds nice to me. It flows.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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OfflineCerebralFlower
whats left?

Registered: 02/09/04
Posts: 1,326
Loc: only the truth is left
Last seen: 7 years, 6 months
Re: Silvery Rain [Re: Frog]
    #2351861 - 02/18/04 09:03 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Its nice snape. Some of those images are really awsome
"The room is clean and cleared until dawn casts tomorrow"
Dawn cast tommorow= really good


--------------------
God says dance with your heart
And shake free of you desire

Where theres a will theres always a way
When you get confused listen to the music play



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
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