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My Existential Crisis Reflection
    #22932205 -

Some of you are aware of what I went through (do a search). To this day, some 8 months later, I am unsure if I had a mental/emotional breakdown or a real mystical experience, or both. :cookiemonster:

Here is my question: Can one be considered temporarily "insane" if one has discovered the pinnacle of unconditional human love? Or was I truly sane for the first time? Is it not more insane to live in fear of such expression and feeling; to wait until death, or conditions are totally perfect (they never are), and then allow yourself such depth of emotion?

Was it too much? Definitely! It was way too much. Blinded by the light and all that...

If we all saw each other as I saw a random stranger, what might the world look like? :heart:


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Re: My Existential Crisis Reflection [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #22932388 -

IMO unconditional love is a fallacy.  Especially if one is temporarily insane. 

I think what you had is what the Chinese of old called " a dangerous opportunity".  What matters in other words is what have you done with the event emotionally?  How has it changed your worldview and life or are you the same guy typing this that you were before the event?


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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: My Existential Crisis Reflection [Re: Icelander]
    #22932431 -

No one steps in the same river twice. :japsmile:


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Re: My Existential Crisis Reflection [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #22932607 -

I take that as a no?


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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: My Existential Crisis Reflection [Re: Icelander]
    #22933089 -

Define insanity.

:shakeface:


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Re: My Existential Crisis Reflection [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #22933105 -

I think it's both, OC.  As I was reading your posts back then, I couldn't help but resonate with them.  I went through something quite similar many years ago, and I gotta say it can and does qualify as a genuine mystical experience.  That's true.  But it is also true that in such a state, you are not really properly in touch with reality, and that's the proverbial catch.  But in the thick of it, I think we both know, the highs are incomparable.

I think if everyone saw each other that way, all the time, the economy would collapse because no one would want to work.


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Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici

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Re: My Existential Crisis Reflection [Re: DividedQuantum]
    #22933118 -

As a way to deal with the overwhelming energy, I tackled all sorts of projects, many that I had neglected for years - and worked out like crazy.


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Re: My Existential Crisis Reflection [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #22933126 -

Yeah I played basketball all the time, there was a great public court nearby.  Scored 24 points in a game one time.


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Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici

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Re: My Existential Crisis Reflection [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #22933130 -

OrgoneConclusion said:
Define insanity.

:shakeface:


I never said that. I don't think you are any more insane than the rest of us.


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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: My Existential Crisis Reflection [Re: Icelander]
    #22933164 -

I just wanted an excuse to use that gif. :razz:

My alleged TF was sane and chose to be alone and sad out of fear; I was temporarily insane and chose love over everything, would have sacrificed nearly all I had for a chance at such a deep level of intimacy.

Which state is preferable?


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Re: My Existential Crisis Reflection [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #22933195 -

Well, 'insanity' is a purely legal term, not a clinical term. Being found "not guilty by reason of insanity" is a legal defense which must be qualified  by a licensed mental health professional as someone whose condition fulfills the requirements for a diagnosed mental disorder which would interfere with the defendant's ability to understand what [s]he is being accused of. This is different from culture-to-culture. In France, one often hears of a cuckolded husband or wife not being prosecuted for killing his/her unfaithful spouse in a 'crime of passion.' In the USA, there is no excuse - murder in the 1st or 2nd degree depending on whether it was premeditated, planned or not.

Your disclosed "breakdown" is reminiscent of a certain Saul of Tarsus who was going about with persecutors of early Christians while they stoned one Stephen (a follower of Jesus of Nazareth) to death for blasphemy. When Saul suddenly derepressed his great unconsciously held sympathy for the teachings of the man Jesus, he had an experience of light and sound (words), which left him blind and confused for a few days. This 'Damascus Road Experience' has become a psycho-historical example of a particularly poignant derepression. Whether this was or was not a historical event, it nevertheless illustrates an experience no less than Shakespeare has with his fictions. Shakespeare was a great psychologist in his own right, and described all manner of mental illnesses and subtleties of mind in his works with great accuracy.

Derepression comes with attendant feelings of liberation and internal freedom, yet it can be so discontinuous with one's former state of being that it calls into question one's very identity. Hence, your question about your 'sanity.'

“I dreamed I was a butterfly, flitting around in the sky; then I awoke. Now I wonder: Am I a man who dreamt of being a butterfly, or am I a butterfly dreaming that I am a man?” - Chuang Tzu


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself

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Re: My Existential Crisis Reflection [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #22933205 -

:shamecube:


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As far as I assume to know...

Edited by liquidlounge (02/22/16 11:12 AM)

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Re: My Existential Crisis Reflection [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #22933231 -

I am essentially back to baseline after 6-7 months of struggles. I am not sure what to take away from the experience.

Did I truly get a glimpse of The Divine (external) or was it all in my head (internal)? Is there any possible way to discern the truth?


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Re: My Existential Crisis Reflection [Re: liquidlounge]
    #22933234 -

liquidlounge said:
:thatsdeep:


I took the plunge all right!


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Re: My Existential Crisis Reflection [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #22933286 -

OrgoneConclusion said:
Did I truly get a glimpse of The Divine (external) or was it all in my head (internal)?


Join da Club.


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As far as I assume to know...

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Re: My Existential Crisis Reflection [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #22933340 -

OrgoneConclusion said:
I just wanted an excuse to use that gif. :razz:

My alleged TF was sane and chose to be alone and sad out of fear; I was temporarily insane and chose love over everything, would have sacrificed nearly all I had for a chance at such a deep level of intimacy.

Which state is preferable?


When it comes to romantic "love" it's usually more about needs than anything else. Those that actually develop a deep and caring bond do it over time.

Considering our severe limitations in being intimate with our world and ourselves I'd do exactly what you would. I'd take a chance but knowing that the same issues would crop up again as they did in all previous and failed relationships.

IMO the only love is self love and it's developed in a certain amount of isolation.  If you do it you have a much greater chance of any relationship working and imo why all mine did not.  I really couldn't love them because I didn't know how to really value and like myself.  My 2 cents.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: My Existential Crisis Reflection [Re: Icelander]
    #22933357 -

Very interesting, Ice. :thumbup:


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Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici

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Re: My Existential Crisis Reflection [Re: Icelander]
    #22933366 -

It will be interesting if I ever enter another serious relationship to see if this experience has cleared past emotional debris as many allege this is what the Twin Flame journey is truly about.


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Re: My Existential Crisis Reflection [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #22933375 -

yes it will and I wish you well with it. :sun:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: My Existential Crisis Reflection [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #22933613 -

OrgoneConclusion said:
I am essentially back to baseline after 6-7 months of struggles. I am not sure what to take away from the experience.

Did I truly get a glimpse of The Divine (external) or was it all in my head (internal)? Is there any possible way to discern the truth?


There actually are some measures that have been developed to determine whether one has indeed had a religious experience, but perhaps the most telling criteria is whether the experience continues to shape one's inner life of values or whether it fades without having established itself in one's psyche. It is very much like the Parable of the Sower in the New Testament wherein the Word [Logos] of God is 'heard.' This is a parable, and the Logos, usually rendered as "word" means more than merely hearing with one's ears a teaching. It also means that one's mind has been suffused by a transcendental Presence, and that a few different possibilities can result from said experience. I have seen this process with many people who took psychedelics with me decades ago.

If you're not familiar with it, read Matthew 13 as the depth-psychology that it was intended to be, and a practical account of what occurs to different people following an Illumination. If you are one who "has" had an Illumination, by recreating your personality based upon that experience, you "will be given more," and "will have an abundance." I have known people who had life-shaking experiences on LSD, but when queried about them simply dismissed them as "It was just a drug," or "It was a lot of fun." The former turned into an obnoxious, if not well-to-do personal injury attorney whose wife took the kids and left him, and the latter has fallen on permanently hard times because his hidden perversity got him prison time, but now he's Mr. Religion. Neither recreated their lives based on the experience of the Logos, both dismissed the experiences. Worldly concerns (crass materialism) and fear of persecution (of his cultural/religious community) for their experiences - as in the following. Whether elicited by sacred substances or by sacred emotions, the result is the same - the "kingdom of Heaven" is the metaphor.

The Parable of the Sower

13 That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. 2 Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore. 3 Then he told them many things in parables, saying: “A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4 As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9 Whoever has ears, let them hear.”

10 The disciples came to him and asked, “Why do you speak to the people in parables?”

11 He replied, “Because the knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them. 12 Whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. 13 This is why I speak to them in parables:

“Though seeing, they do not see;
    though hearing, they do not hear or understand.
14 In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah:

“‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding;
    you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.
15 For this people’s heart has become calloused;
    they hardly hear with their ears,
    and they have closed their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
    hear with their ears,
    understand with their hearts
and turn, and I would heal them.’[a]
16 But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear. 17 For truly I tell you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it.

18 “Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19 When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20 The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21 But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. 22 The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. 23 But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.”


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself

Edited by MarkostheGnostic (02/22/16 02:15 PM)

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