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 SlapnutRob
Toolhead
Registered: 03/31/03
Posts: 520
Loc: Michigan
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
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 Life suddenly turns into hell 
#2264450 - 01/23/04 12:23 AM (20 years, 2 months ago) |
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If any of you have read my thread "Love Triangle Troubles" you know that I've been going out with this girl for a few weeks now, but she hasn't been my official girlfriend. We've just been hanging out. I really felt like I had fallen in love with her. I've been calling her just about every night... it's like her voice is almost a drug to me. I want to spend time with her as much as possible and I think about her constantly.
I went to the movies with her tonight, and when I dropped her off at home I finally worked up the balls to tell her how I felt about her. I couldn't get the word "love" out but I told her that I think about her all the time, that I like her a lot, and that I want to be together. She basically responded telling me that she likes me but she doesn't think now is the time. She pointed out that she's really bad with relationships, and she just wants to keep it where it is now and see where it goes. I've been looking forward to tonight for almost a week because I really thought she was going to say yes... I knew that she knew I liked her and I thought she felt the same way.
I wasn't too bothered at the time but about five minutes into the ride home I started to cry. I can't remember the last time I've really cried. When I got home I laid in bed for over an hour and cried. I'm fighting off crying now. The problem is that I'm fucking 19 years old, I'm a fucking virgin (I've had my opportunities, but never with someone I liked), and I haven't had a real girlfriend. They say it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved and all. Well I've never fucking loved at all, and until tonight it never really got to me.
I spent the majority of my teen years chasing this one girl who I always thought I would eventually get and never did. She went out with several guys over this period and every single one ended up being an asshole. This situation just reminds me of it a little too much. Especially since she's also mentioned that she's been out with more guys than she can remember, and usually for dumb reasons and not for a very long time. Well then why not the fuck me? Why is it that every fucking time I find a girl that I want to be with, I can't seem to get it? I have a car, a job, I go to college, I'm smart, I'm honest, not-bad-looking, and they seem to enjoy my company, but nothing.
Up until tonight I've been the epitome of an optimist. Any of my friends will tell you I enjoy life and although I can lose my temper, I love life. Well I fucking don't anymore. Nothing seems to matter now. I was in such poor shape when I first got home that I realized how simple it would be to just get my locknife and end it all. It would be a hell of a lot easier than dealing with all this bullshit. But that would be too selfish to my loved ones.
I still think that Rose will go out with me, and perhaps soon, but I spent 5 or so years thinking the same thing about Heather. I'm just fed up with being a generous, nice, seemingly ideal guy, and getting nothing from it. It would all be fine if another girl came along, but this is the first girl to come along in a long fucking time that I've wanted and felt that I had a shot at. I've been able to deal with this emptiness and loneliness for years but I don't know if I can or want to anymore.
I have this feeling, and have been told this before, that I become too much of a friend and less of a flirt... more like a brother than a love interest. What is it? Do I need to turn into an asshole to get my shot?
I feel so pathetic talking like this. I've never been this emotional. But I really don't have anyone that I feel totally comfortable talking about this stuff to (except maybe Rose, that's one of the reasons I like her) and I needed to write about it.
I feel pathetic about this too, but I think I'm probably going to call her tomorrow. I need answers to these questions I've posed here. Why not me? When I first got to know her, she was dating a guy named Jesse, who she now only refers to as "Stupid." I know and she knows that if things don't work out between us, I won't be another "Stupid."
She seems to want to get across the message that she likes me too much to fuck up our relationship with her "bad" relationship skills, but then maybe she just doesn't really like me. I don't know. I don't even know what I'm typing anymore. I'm just rambling.
It's horrible how one's life can be going on the up in every conceivable way except for a lack of love. I really now have sympathy for people who have committed suicide. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow, but I know I won't be the same until I have someone to hold. 
Thanks for reading.
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Anything stated above is fictional roleplay dialog by the character that is Slapnut Rob, in no way representing the actions or beliefs of the man behind the keys.
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 Yarry
Old Timer
Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 23,762
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 Re: Life suddenly turns into hell [Re: SlapnutRob]
#2264541 - 01/23/04 12:57 AM (20 years, 2 months ago) |
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Dude, you say shes been out with a bunch of guys before and your mad that she said she wasnt sure about you.. have you ever taken the time to think about what she said? i kno how u feel, ive been there. but dude, she said no to you because she really does like you. She doesnt wanna fuck up what you guys have cuz she really does have feelings for you. I know that sucks to hear but its a damn good start. just keep up what your doing and shes urs. As far as being the nice guy that girls dont like as a bf, thats me too. and im 19 too. but you know what, its at about our age that girls start realizing what they really want in a guy. They dont need the asshole anymore, they want the guy thats nice, and responsible and shit like that. Just keep on your track and she'll be yours!
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Grumpy Old Man.
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pattern
multiplayer
Registered: 07/19/02
Posts: 2,185
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: Life suddenly turns into hell [Re: SlapnutRob]
#2264708 - 01/23/04 02:03 AM (20 years, 2 months ago) |
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She could be afraid of a relationship or commitment. Thats what you think you want, right? Or maybe you just want to get laid and you don't know it.
She thinks you want a longterm relationship with her, so she doesn't have to "try" to get you, know what I mean? She can now pick you or whoever she wants, you have given her all the power of choice. And if she sees you falling hard over other chicks (aka love triangle) then maybe she figures you are desparate and just going for whatever you can get. Focus everything on her. If you really want her, no other girl will matter. Let her know it too, if there are other girls around, no matter how hot they are, don't give them the "Youre beautiful" look, save that for HER.
Here's a plan u could try: Take her out to a club (where she doesnt know everyone, so she's not afraid of being watched), drink a few (dont get piss drunk), go dancing. Kiss her, simply, on the lips. Then she will want more. Small moves.  Be adventerous, be yourself! Have fun and be confident, don't let any girl get you down.
I've been there man, obsessing constantly over a chick that I've never gotten, the pathetic sobbing. It doesn't mean anything, its not fate blowing up on you, its just unrequited love. Maybe you'll find that some chick has obsessed over you and never gotten you, thats happened alot to me. It's just human nature. Oh and I didnt lose my virginity till I was 19 either, but damn it was worth the wait, cuz I got it almost every day after that.
The good thing is you got two girls that are kinda after you, so one of them will be forced to make a move to scoop you up. You are a player and you don't know it. 
my two cents
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man = monkey + mushroom
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pattern
multiplayer
Registered: 07/19/02
Posts: 2,185
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: Life suddenly turns into hell [Re: pattern]
#2264740 - 01/23/04 02:20 AM (20 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Do I need to turn into an asshole to get my shot?
Sorta. Its not about being an asshole, thats just slang. Its about being in charge of your life, having a bold opinion, taking risks, being an assertive man, living life to the fullest.
Take driving for example. Do you sit at the back of traffic and scoot around like a good samaritan? If so then you are the "nice guy". But thats boring. If you drive more like an asshole; ie driving faster, running red lights, etc. You are more wild. Chicks dig it. They want to tame you. But they can't tame what's already tame.
I drive like a fucking maniac and girls love it! I'm still a nice guy, I give my change to homeless dudes, hold the door open for people, etc.
PS I'm not suggesting that you drive like me but... its an analogy for life. Would you want a girl that was boring? No... and girls don't want guys that are boring either.
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man = monkey + mushroom
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zeta
Stranger
Registered: 05/24/02
Posts: 3,972
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Re: Life suddenly turns into hell [Re: pattern]
#2264747 - 01/23/04 02:26 AM (20 years, 2 months ago) |
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Pettern definitely has the right idea. You're making it too easy for her, give her more of a challenge.
And quit calling her every day!!
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Yarry
Old Timer
Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 23,762
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Re: Life suddenly turns into hell [Re: zeta]
#2265752 - 01/23/04 12:35 PM (20 years, 2 months ago) |
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hah i drive like an asshole and its great. and yeah make her call you for once.
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Grumpy Old Man.
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ArmFromTheAbyss
Old Hand
Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 1,368
Loc: Down here in Babylon
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Re: Life suddenly turns into hell [Re: pattern]
#2266118 - 01/23/04 02:58 PM (20 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
pattern said:
don't let any girl get you down.
Sage.
Does she use a lot of touching with you? That is always a good sign that she would have sex with you.
It seems like you two have a mental connection, very good thing to have with a girl.
But by the way she was talking about not wanting to get into a relationship it seems like something is missing. Girls are not attracted to men sexually the way men are to women. I can't say exactly what makes them like a guy. But the most important thing you can do is show some balls. Be a man, flirt with her and prove that you could dominate her physically, she'll try to test you believe me.
I bet she's hot right? If she is she knows it. And as others said you have to make her chase you. She has probably had hundreds of guys hit on her. I bet that almost none of the guys she's gone out with she actually had a true mental connection with. But you probably do have a mental connection with her. All you've got to do is the rest and you'll have everything, she'll RUN to you. You'll be in love. You've gotta take is slow with getting attached or she'll get scared.
Good luck man, you can get her. You probably have a few weeks left of favorable conditions to prove yourself. You can do it.
P.S. You don't have to be an "asshole" to get girls. Don't be anything you are not, that's fake. Be a good man.
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Edited by ArmFromTheAbyss1 (01/23/04 03:02 PM)
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Frog
Warrior
Registered: 10/22/03
Posts: 4,284
Loc: The Zero Point Field
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
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Re: Life suddenly turns into hell [Re: SlapnutRob]
#2267235 - 01/24/04 12:42 AM (20 years, 2 months ago) |
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If I was dating a guy I really cared about, and if he wasn't reciprocating yet, I would date others until he showed the same interest in me. Not to make him jealous. I wouldn't even tell him. But I could easily focus on just one person, to the point of suffocation, early on.
If I have others to distract me, it will take the focus off the one in which I am interested, and I won't be so devastated when the feelings end up not being reciprocated.
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The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire. -Teilard
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SlapnutRob
Toolhead
Registered: 03/31/03
Posts: 520
Loc: Michigan
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
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Re: Life suddenly turns into hell [Re: Frog]
#2268992 - 01/24/04 06:25 PM (20 years, 2 months ago) |
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Thanks so much for the responses. I am sort of embarassed about this post, because I feel a lot better today. I'm still really bummed, but far from depressed.
To address a couple posts, I do drive rather aggressively. I know I just don't wanna get laid, because I've had chances before, and I've been thinking about this girl all the time. I just want to be with her.
Sadly, I may have to give up on this one (not that I will anytime soon). She wrote me this e-mail:
Quote:
Robbie,
I'm not sure if you understood what I was trying to say the other night when you asked me out. I think you're a sweet kid, and I do like you, but only as a friend. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I'm not interested in a romantic relationship with you. I know I was probably flirting, but it was purely pathological, and I can't help myself. So anyways, I'm sorry and I hope you understand.
P.S. Don't hate me!
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Anything stated above is fictional roleplay dialog by the character that is Slapnut Rob, in no way representing the actions or beliefs of the man behind the keys.
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Cheebatoke
Toker
Registered: 04/18/03
Posts: 153
Loc: Southern TX
Last seen: 15 years, 2 months
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Re: Life suddenly turns into hell [Re: SlapnutRob]
#2269744 - 01/24/04 10:34 PM (20 years, 2 months ago) |
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I never felt love like the one i feel for my spouse. But at the same time she can make me feel loved it can be turned around at any point... for any situation big or small and make you feel like complete crap. Angry, depressed, fucking crazy... ya know?
You cant control other peoples actions and attractions, so why let it get to you so deeply? Obviously you want this chick- were all human and would feel some sadness in not getting her as well(or whatever/whoever it is we desire). Just can't let other people have that big of an effect on you emotionally.
And I dont mean to sound cheesy here... but love will find you, not the other way around. I didnt get into a serious relationship until I was 18, but at the time I wasn't even expecting or truthfully looking for it. Just happened... out of nowhere. When the time and person is right you WILL hookup, just keep your eyes out 
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The only thing permanent is change.
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pattern
multiplayer
Registered: 07/19/02
Posts: 2,185
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: Life suddenly turns into hell [Re: SlapnutRob]
#2271162 - 01/25/04 09:40 AM (20 years, 2 months ago) |
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That sucks man... but the good thing is you don't have to wonder about it anymore and you can move on. The worst thing is not knowing. So she sounds like a good friend. She even sounds like she liked what you told her, I guess she has a big ego right about now. Now, you could just play it cool and let her make the next move, she will want to hear more of your romance, but she's gotta give something to get it. 
Here is a quote my friend had on his MSN recently:
"Never regret. If its good, its wonderful. If its bad, its experience."
I'm trying to get this one girl. She's blonde, beautiful and so awesome. I've posted about her before. Anyways she is sleeping at my place right now (no i didnt get lucky), I just made her breakfast in bed. And she STILL thinks I'm a pig. 
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man = monkey + mushroom
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Yarry
Old Timer
Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 23,762
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Re: Life suddenly turns into hell [Re: pattern]
#2271570 - 01/25/04 12:38 PM (20 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yeah man at least you know now how she feels. i know it sucks but its better to know then to wonder..
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Grumpy Old Man.
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fung_us_among_us
Registered: 12/08/02
Posts: 6,906
Loc: Central Oregon 
Last seen: 2 months, 5 days
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Re: Life suddenly turns into hell [Re: SlapnutRob]
#2272268 - 01/25/04 05:02 PM (20 years, 2 months ago) |
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...
Edited by fung_us_among_us (10/15/10 07:19 PM)
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SlapnutRob
Toolhead
Registered: 03/31/03
Posts: 520
Loc: Michigan
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
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I didn't want to resurrect this thread but I felt like writing again. These past few days my mood just seems to swing drastically. This morning after my favorite class, " the Isreali-Palestinian Conflict," I felt totally fulfilled and hadn't a care in the world. I was bored stiff in the other classes, but my mind was occupied, so I was okay. I then had to go to work. I was fine at work because I was busy, but before and after work, and even sometimes during, I can't fucking get Rose off my mind. What the hell is going on with me? I keep telling myself I don't need a girl who would hurt me like this, and that I'm better than she is, but still... just like the last few nights, the first thing I do is go online to check to see if she's responded to my e-mail yet, and I barely end up resisting the temptation to call her. It gets almost to the point of depression, but I also realize that another factor to my problem, perhaps even bigger than her, is that I still fucking live at home. After a fucking 13-hour-day, I expect to come home to wind down. Instead, as I am typing right now, I have to listen to my dad yell and scream about Dean losing New Hampshire, and about how the Democrats are going to pull a Bob Dole. Now I'm more stressed-out than I've been all day. This jackass needs to learn that the fucking TV can't hear him. Even when he's being tolerable, my dad is here all the fucking time and I fucking long for the day that I can light up a joint in my own living room... sit in peace and quiet.. turn off the fucking TV for once... just do what I want. And now I start thinking about how far behind I am in school work, and now I feel worse. I know how to eventually solve the home problem, but does anyone have any advice for getting a girl off my god damn mind? It's fucking pathetic to me that I still want her, when I don't want her and know I shouldn't at the same time. She hardly ever gets on the computer, so I keep wondering if she read the e-mail and didn't want to respond, or if she just didn't get to it yet. Every time my cell phone rings I hope it's her. How pathetic! Maybe if I talk to her and just resolve this issue once and for all and tell her I just want to be her friend then I'll have peace and be okay with that. Because I know for sure that I still want to be her friend.
I'm not even thinking straight right now. Just to give you the idea of how my life has been lately, I didn't sleep at all last night! I got high, which I told myself I wasn't going to do, and I put my homework off for so many hours that I had no choice but to stay up the entire night to finish it. This isn't healthy.... hopefully after I sleep tonight I'll have things straightened out.
Man I feel so pathetic... up until this past weekend I've been an exemplar of emotional stability.
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Anything stated above is fictional roleplay dialog by the character that is Slapnut Rob, in no way representing the actions or beliefs of the man behind the keys.
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