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i am so afraid to die, all the time.
    #21448485 -

I smoked a neardeathexperience of tainted, shaky, crystal enlightenment, where i were shattered, and pulled beyond eternal light, foubd God, enlightenment, allunderstanding, .

That is me. I fear being me. So much pain, i cant stay in touch. I trust noone, except those i see are pure, as i can read people. My lifeis a detachment from myself which never is right. Being in myself is worsr than is is worse than death.

I was not ready to die then. I wanted love. Am i too fucked up to never get it? I have no reason to live. Still i fear death. Should i live in fear? I fear happiness, fear dying og happiness. i need to find love in this life, in order to feel complete, to move on.

I remember at talking of mediums, talking to ghosts, maybe i should talk to one? I feel like a ghost indeed. Help, please?


--------------------
And thus begins the  reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.

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Re: i am so afraid to die, all the time. [Re: Icyus]
    #21449067 -

Ok, let's keep it simple, you had a crazy experience that has imprinted on your brain. It's carved new, never before seen paths in your mind that are giving way to all sorts of thoughts and feelings associated with it.

This is no different than if you had been though a really bad car accident, or a firefight. Use that commonality to ground yourself. You have everything in common with the rest of us.

You are traumatized, so you need to take steps to condition yourself back to a functional level. It absolutely can be done, just as this experience has created fear in you, repeated positive experiences can create peace in you. Always keep that in mind!!!!!!

Step one:

QUIT DOING DRUGS!!!!!
,
Give your mind a break my dude. Stay grounded. Help out around the house, hang out with your friends, play with your dog, whatever man, just don't try and make yourself feel better with more drugs.

Step two:

QUIT DOING DRUGS:

Surely you have ignored step one for whatevr reason, and maybe 6 months down the line you realize it is a crucial step. Take a break dude, there is no excuse. STAY GROUNDED.

Step three:
Recondition yourself as you see fit

Honestly, stay off of these forums and away from heady people who talk about spirituality and drug use frequently. Get an earthly job, volunteer working with children or animals, join a gym. It sounds cheesy but you need to recondition your mind to return to a normal everyday state of living.

Step four:

Consistency.
Your experience was profound and huge and scary. A car accident happens in a second, and it can scar you for life. It takes time to get back on the hourse, take baby steps my dude and slowly find your love for life again.

In general, gravitate TOWARDS animals, children, happy people and media

Keep AWAY FROM negative people, violent and toxic media.

Now go on YouTube and search for "pugs". Then things will cheer you up. Natures clowns :smile:

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Re: i am so afraid to die, all the time. [Re: Mquire]
    #21449916 -

I am too fucked up to be around decent people. I know of noone that are somewhat positive to me.

The only thing that is positive to me is death of the ego, and truth onto oneself, brawery, confidence, empathy.. like pouring a glass of juice, and having the liquid glow gracefully.

I have tried to do everyday things, but it gives me naught, and makes me want to die. I find that being around people i admire, makes me want to live on, fill me with life. Seeing love in action, and i mean real love, and i can tell the difference as i see into people, and i get depressed ontothe lack of notionlessness, the limitation due to doctrine and other sillyness, that people do not see the significance of the only thing that actually makes life be worth it in the end, when you drop all the notions and beliefsystems.. im a moodsick buddha.

I stopped doing drugs last year, stopped drinking coffee, but had one the day of this post.. that would probably explain it.

I still get flashbacks, once a week or so, that make me regret the day i was born, make me regret i didnt kill myself back when i was dead cold to the bone.

I have tended to overwork myself, and i end up wanting to diie shortly after, even though ive found the meaning of life, God, mechabism of the univerae, healing powers amongst other thinga. The only thing to really matter is findibg a girlfriend i am sexually attracted to, that i admire and respect, that i love.

I really need something to love inmy life, and i need to see it everyday. Other than that, I dont mibd if i starwe to death and get horsewhippet in public to make a living. And i need to be let be myself, so i will be capale of giving such a person all she deserves.

Maybe i should go to church? I have never believed in god, butvi have come to know it exists.. maybe I should go to a moske? Become a Imam?

I think that is my profession to be, actually treating people with respect and understanding, and the ability was bestoved upon me.

Yet live to serve a god i have suffered so much? Not enough for me. I need that girl. Fucked up as i am, i do not want a perfect woman, but someone capable of love, and willing to fight for it.

Maybe i should just suck it up? Do as i have before, and keep going for no reason? The comedowns are hard when youv got nothing to turn to.. i should get a cat. Then i will be reminded, will i not? I am still afraid, as my old cat was killed, and my.dog..

I just want to sleep all day..  i have a house to take care of.  A body to keep healthy..


--------------------
And thus begins the  reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: i am so afraid to die, all the time. [Re: Icyus]
    #21449934 -

At the end of the day, we have either made ourselves stronger or weaker.  When you get up in the morning, look at the day ahead and put activities/tasks in there that will:
1. Make your body stronger
2. Get you interacting with nature, animals (no screens, phones, TV's, etc.)
3. Allow you to read positive stuff.  Not drug oriented. Don't overly focus on psychology, ego, etc. oriented stuff. Read biographies of interesting people.
4. Eat really good quality food. Food that makes you healthier
5. Set some goals that allow you to improve your home, your financial condition.
6. Set time aside to fix things, do maintenance and keep all you stuff in great condition.  Organize, clean, get rid of clutter.

When we do this stuff daily, our lives and mental perspective improve.  If we sit around thinking too much and doing too little, we typically get stuck in a mental loop that becomes a barrier.  The health of the body, mind and spirit is the goal of living, IMHO.  When we feel good and are strong, we can do good things.


--------------------
“Order is needed by the ignorant but it takes a genius to master chaos.”
― Einstein


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Re: i am so afraid to die, all the time. [Re: KauaiOrca]
    #21450021 -

KauaiOrca said:
At the end of the day, we have either made ourselves stronger or weaker.  When you get up in the morning, look at the day ahead and put activities/tasks in there that will:
1. Make your body stronger
2. Get you interacting with nature, animals (no screens, phones, TV's, etc.)
3. Allow you to read positive stuff.  Not drug oriented. Don't overly focus on psychology, ego, etc. oriented stuff. Read biographies of interesting people.
4. Eat really good quality food. Food that makes you healthier
5. Set some goals that allow you to improve your home, your financial condition.
6. Set time aside to fix things, do maintenance and keep all you stuff in great condition.  Organize, clean, get rid of clutter.

When we do this stuff daily, our lives and mental perspective improve.  If we sit around thinking too much and doing too little, we typically get stuck in a mental loop that becomes a barrier.  The health of the body, mind and spirit is the goal of living, IMHO.  When we feel good and are strong, we can do good things.


1. I DOnt have energy 2. Havent really got too much oportunities there,but will give it a try. 3. Positive stuff?? Like what? Is there any? I dont know of interresting people. If theyve managed to write a book, theyre no longer interesting. Not so much on principle than that all i admire is true loveand empathy, which is lived. 4. I cant stand the thougt of food, now, but will try. 5. I am to beat down to do anything other than care for something i loved, if i found any. Work? No chace. Begging for money? Id rather be dead. 6. Time, i have got. Energy, not so much.

Maybe i should pick up alcoholism?


--------------------
And thus begins the  reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: i am so afraid to die, all the time. [Re: Icyus]
    #21450064 -

Icyus said:
1. I DOnt have energy 2. Havent really got too much oportunities there,but will give it a try. 3. Positive stuff?? Like what? Is there any? I dont know of interresting people. If theyve managed to write a book, theyre no longer interesting. Not so much on principle than that all i admire is true loveand empathy, which is lived. 4. I cant stand the thougt of food, now, but will try. 5. I am to beat down to do anything other than care for something i loved, if i found any. Work? No chace. Begging for money? Id rather be dead. 6. Time, i have got. Energy, not so much.

Maybe i should pick up alcoholism?


One day at a time.  Eat something healthy.  Go for an hour walk in the next few hours.  Drink a lot of fresh water today.  Make a list of five people from your life that were helpful to you at one time and call them up and say hi and ask them how they're doing and just listen.  Look at this list of books and pick one that interests you … http://thegreatestbooks.org ; and READ an hour a day.  Volunteer some time a a dog shelter or Humane Society and take care of dogs for a few hours a week … you could do the same thing with horses too.  Go to the grocery store and just buy healthy stuff … fruits, veggies, whole grains, juices … that kind of stuff.  Stay off chemicals or at least reduce it … stuff like sugar, caffeine, alcohol, pot … all of it … reduce intake of it …

Do this stuff today and you'll feel a little better tomorrow … then do it again … and again …


--------------------
“Order is needed by the ignorant but it takes a genius to master chaos.”
― Einstein


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Re: i am so afraid to die, all the time. [Re: KauaiOrca]
    #21450069 -

Seems better just to lie in my bed and tarve to death.


--------------------
And thus begins the  reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: i am so afraid to die, all the time. [Re: Icyus]
    #21453717 -

Yo bro. Go on Youtube, and watch/listen to all the Ram Dass you can find. Trust- it will help. It helped me in times of angst. And Alan Watts. But foreal Ram Dass speaks of balance and realizing humanity and individual roleplaying are just as profound as the infinite. 

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Re: i am so afraid to die, all the time. [Re: ihunterfox]
    #21454307 -

ihunterfox said:
Yo bro. Go on Youtube, and watch/listen to all the Ram Dass you can find. Trust- it will help. It helped me in times of angst. And Alan Watts. But foreal Ram Dass speaks of balance and realizing humanity and individual roleplaying are just as profound as the infinite. 


I will


--------------------
And thus begins the  reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: i am so afraid to die, all the time. [Re: Icyus]
    #21455404 -

Sometimes you need to do the thing to receive the power/energy to do it.

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