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Internal struggles
    #20385413 -

I just smoked some weed and hung out with my friend. Shit started getting weird when I started talking with someone in my head (claims to be friend sitting next to me). It is a constant battle of me trying to convince myself it isn't real as I talk with the voice. Eventually I just roll with it and it feels like my brain is connected to the other person. It can get really weird cause the voice in my head is constantly trying to make me feel like I have to go through training to become better at this.

The most logical explanation when your mind is fucked like this is that everyone else is fucking with you. There is some major secret about telepathy that I just haven't figured out. Goddamn that shit is frustrating.

The voices speak with you in elaborate stories, but not really. They come in as short phrases that get you thinking things. Like something happened after I got out of highschool and everyone in society learns about a secret telepathic language at some point, but you have to develop your skill at it till anyone can say it out loud to you or give you any help through speech.

Everyone will just look at you stupid if you try to say anything about it out loud, and you don't want to look like a crazy person, lol.

I probably am just a crazy person though.

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Re: Internal struggles [Re: Rhizohunter] * 1
    #20385622 -

I have submitted my reply telepathically. However, you already knew that.

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Re: Internal struggles [Re: Faustoid]
    #20385823 -

Food for thought...
This sounds a little schizophrenia-ish.


--------------------
My trade list!🤯

Dreamcatchers by my girl

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Re: Internal struggles [Re: drizzle7788]
    #20386150 -

drizzle7788 said:
Food for thought...
This sounds a little schizophrenia-ish.



Yeah, that's what doctors say. I don't doubt that I am schizophrenic, or that what I am experiencing is any more than a mental illness, but reality seems to be entangled with how the voices talk. Like, a friend will be looking at something on the computer that is related to what is happening in my head.

Idk, other people tend to do strange things around the time the voices start. It is like they are trying to hint it is real, but not really.

Like, I was with friends and we were about to light a fire. In my head they were all telling me "no, you gotta light the fire Rhizo" and that fire did not get started until I did it. I was being very stubborn that time and that shit didn't get lit for 15 minutes or so.

I think I need it to be real more than anything. For this not to be real seems even less likely the more I think about the level of fucked I have witnessed.

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Re: Internal struggles [Re: Rhizohunter] * 1
    #20386181 -

you shouldn't be doing drugs if you're really experiencing any of this.


--------------------
I'm up to my ears in unwritten words. - J.D. Salinger

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Re: Internal struggles [Re: Rhizohunter]
    #20386183 -

I wouldn't know how to help you, schizophrenia is a very unfortunate mental situation to be in but it seems like the logical part of you knows that your experiencing a hallucination.

Recently I've been experiencing intense feelings, of love for the world and virtual hatred of how fucked up the world is. It's hard to explain. I just we lived in a world of no insults, people who full heartedly love there friends and gives everyone a chance. It's been really back in forth in that matter I love the world so much but so often I see how undignified,brutal and egotistical everyone is.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa, Jellyfish
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:

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Re: Internal struggles [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #20388055 -

Seriously_trippin said:
I wouldn't know how to help you, schizophrenia is a very unfortunate mental situation to be in but it seems like the logical part of you knows that your experiencing a hallucination.



Will this logical part of me remain though. When I get put in situations where the voices come through clearly, all thoughts of rationality are gone.

I have had a grasp of how to block out the voices, but holy hell can they be persistent around certain people. I know schizophrenia is generally a disease that is triggered by external environment acting on your internal thoughts, but that means nothing in the throws of that new reality that manifested around me.

Sadly, I love that "false" reality so much more than this one. I may call it a false reality, but it is very much so real to me.

How far down the rabbit hole will I go this time is the question.

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Re: Internal struggles [Re: Rhizohunter]
    #20388472 -

I'd suggest visiting a psychiatrist before the condition worsens.

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Re: Internal struggles [Re: Rhizohunter]
    #20388483 -

Ahh I see,right now it's just a struggle not to be completely immersed in the delusions. Th closest thing I can relate to is liking dreaming more then real life because life is only occasionally fun.I can't imagine the struggle to comeback from such vivid hallucinations and on top of that conversation with voices. It must be a completely different world. I'm not going to say I understand what you're going through but I can tell you,from what I've seen you handle it really well


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa, Jellyfish
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:

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Re: Internal struggles [Re: Magicman69]
    #20388627 -

Magicman69 said:
I'd suggest visiting a psychiatrist before the condition worsens.



All they will do is tell me to take a pill and see if it goes away. I've seen quite a few, and a counselor.

After a while I realized that the only way to get away from the system is to lie. Being closely monitored feels shitty, especially when they don't do anything to help.

If I go into a manic state and get into trouble in the process they can make me take meds though. The final diagnosis on me was schizoaffective, I don't completely agree with it though.

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Re: Internal struggles [Re: Rhizohunter]
    #20388941 -

Best of luck to you man, I would recommend stopping all drug use for awhile and to take it easy if you haven't already.. Maybe get into meditation if you have yet to as well.


--------------------
Don't worry about me, I've got all that I need. And I'm singing my song to the sky

You know how it feels, With the breeze of the sun in your eyes. Not minding that time's passing by

I've got all and more, My smile, just as before. Is all that I carry with me

I talk to myself, I need nobody else. I'm lost and I'm mine, yes I'm free


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