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Emotional Detachment due to psychological drama during childhood
    #17202277 -

really fucking kills me. I'm so torn up, mainly at my own inability to share my feelings with a particular chick. I just seem incapable of truly opening up to many people for fear of loss, another stab at my weakening spirit, an aversion which buries me deeper in my own pity. I seriously can't take it anymore. A few of us hung out last night and I barely made any meaningful contact with her. We were both tired from the night before, but so what? Even when I'm not, I have these feelings of inadequacy resulting from poor self-esteem. Yes, my childhood was unstable, very unstable and very troubled, even though none of my family really know how I felt and the effects certain family members' action wore away my psyche. I need to talk with someone--I string myself in a jumble of repetitive thoughts, each one further constricting my feelings for her and shrugging her off like I have done so many times before. I'm letting her slip away without making much of an attempt to see if what we have in common. This sounds like desperation, maybe because I am desperate to not let another cool person I actually like get away.

I sense she senses a lack of interest. I definitely can't talk to her about this--it's just not fair for her. At the same time, I don't want this detachment to further build between us and completely ruin our friendship we've cultivated since I arrived here last semester. I love what we have and I don't want things to become weird, but my own issues will undoubtedly create tension and disease in our circle. I detach, dissociate, ignore anyone who shows interest, affection, or appreciation. I'm more than sad; I'm depressed, not only because I may lose my shot with her, but I may lose many similar people because of myself.

I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I have a hard time opening to anyone, even family or best friends. I feel too open, too weak to hear the truth yet too scared not to.

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Re: Emotional Detachment due to psychological drama during childhood [Re: McTwist]
    #17204169 -

Forget about her.

Go for a long walk in the woods on a beautiful day, and just be.

Let it go


--------------------


And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.

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Community > Physical and Mental Well-Being
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