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OfflineDivided_Sky
Ten ThousandThings

Registered: 11/02/03
Posts: 3,171
Loc: The Shining Void
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
Emotionally Dissasociative?
    #4687023 - 09/20/05 07:38 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Over the weekend my Grandfather passed away. The service was yesterday and I strangely that I didn't feel much pain despite knowing him and being pretty fond of him. I've noticed that this seems to be consistent with me. It's like on an intellectual level 2+2=4 but emotionally I have 2 twos and a 4 seperate, like there is no connection. Like there is no connection between my living grandfather and the dead one.

In the past I've noticed that when big things happen I always think "Wait till this finally sinks in and hits me," but thing is, it never does. I usually don't really feel these things very much anymore though I make some effort. I get the feeling that I am afraid of feeling pain, but then I think "If I don't have to why should I? What is the point in feeling bad?" I'm not sure if this bad like repression, or just calm and rational dealing with my emotions. I feel like I should feel more, but I'm not sure if this involves becomming overly vulnerable to negative emotions.

I feel like the present had nothing to do with the past and it won't effect the future, that nothing is the way it is for a reason, like effects are disconnected from their causes. I am seperate from who I used to be and will be tommorow, and my life is seperate from all the lives of people around me. I'm trying to understand why.

I theorize that maybe a generation raised on TV learns to dissasociate because TV isn't real. Perhaps when we are used to being emotionally non-responsive to stuff we see on TV we start doing it all the time and reacting to the real world as if it is unreal. For example when something tragic happens on the news and we don't really care, like when people watched the 911 footage on TV many said it was like watching a poorly budgeted movie.

Dissasociation is something people do all the time. Rich people dissasociate the reality of poor people, and many dissasociate the reality of the experiences of animals so they feel fine about killing and eating them. I feel that I am in a process of re-associating these types of things, but I wonder why my personal emotional state is so detached?

I think I started taking drugs because I unknowingly was looking for the hyper-real, because my own world was so dissconnected. Pot sort of helped and encouraged me to look further, but I have discovered that tripping and smoking can certainly teach you alot of important stuff they have yet to, and probobly will never reconnect me with my experiences own.

Am I just to prone to abstracting things? What can, or should I do?


--------------------
1. "After an hour I wasn't feeling anything so I decided to take another..."
2. "We were feeling pretty good so we decided to smoke a few bowls..."
3. "I had to be real quiet because my parents were asleep upstairs..."


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Invisiblemoog
Stranger

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1,296
Re: Emotionally Dissasociative? [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #4687312 - 09/20/05 08:48 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Emotional detachment like this is pretty normal for men. It sounds like you're trying to get to a state that is more "normal." Well, you have to wonder, what level of feeling is normal? I would say that, if you're completely unaffected by a tragic event, you are out of touch with your emotional body. If it's your goal to start feeling again, that's good, but don't think you have to do this to be "normal." As long as you're content with your state of mind, that's really what matters. But what you feel doesn't have to be what everyone else feels. Some people are happy when someone has died, believing that they've passed into a better reality. Don't accept canned emotional responses. Just let the feelings be natural, whatever is natural for you.

Here's something you can do that may help you. Whenever i realize that i've become detached from any feeling, i do this. Just stop whatever you're doing, and ask yourself, "how do i feel?" Stop all your thoughts and just feel what's happening around you. This could take almost a minute to figure out. But don't do anything until you get a genuine, honest response from yourself. And make sure it's a right-brain feeling and not a left-brain thought. If you're alone you may realize, "i'm bored and lonely." That's ok, as long as you felt that and didn't think it. If you do this right you may realize you're using a part of your mind that you haven't been in touch with for a long time.

If that doesn't work, don't underestimate the power of sappy movies. :grin: When i saw Garden State i felt like it brought me out of a 5-year emotionless coma.

Don't worry about why you're so detached. It might be because of our TV culture, or it might not be. Thinking about that is left-brained logical thinking anyway. Try doing less analysing and more feeling. Concentrate on the how and not the why.


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OfflineDivided_Sky
Ten ThousandThings

Registered: 11/02/03
Posts: 3,171
Loc: The Shining Void
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
Re: Emotionally Dissasociative? [Re: moog]
    #4691788 - 09/21/05 09:05 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

It's funny that you bring up movies, because the irony is that when it comes to music and films I am much more emotional than in normal life.


--------------------
1. "After an hour I wasn't feeling anything so I decided to take another..."
2. "We were feeling pretty good so we decided to smoke a few bowls..."
3. "I had to be real quiet because my parents were asleep upstairs..."


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Anonymous #1

Re: Emotionally Dissasociative? [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #4692488 - 09/21/05 11:25 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

er


Edited by Anonymous (04/09/11 09:59 PM)


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OfflineDivided_Sky
Ten ThousandThings

Registered: 11/02/03
Posts: 3,171
Loc: The Shining Void
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
Re: Emotionally Dissasociative? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #4692666 - 09/21/05 11:56 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Yeah, I hear you dude.


--------------------
1. "After an hour I wasn't feeling anything so I decided to take another..."
2. "We were feeling pretty good so we decided to smoke a few bowls..."
3. "I had to be real quiet because my parents were asleep upstairs..."


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male

Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 93,974
Loc: underbelly
Re: Emotionally Dissasociative? [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #4694405 - 09/22/05 11:02 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

" I have become comfortably numb"


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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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