friends gf

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Anonymous #1

friends gf

#14564094 - 06/05/11 10:46 AM (15 years, 2 months ago)

I met her about a year before they hooked up. From the minute I saw her I always had a thing for her, and had a secret crush on her pretty much ever since. my ex used to get a bit shitty about it. Anyhoo, they hooked up and whatever. Bit of a rocky relationship as he tends to go away a bit and she gets left alone. They've broken up a couple of times. Over time and hanging out, I've become really good friends with her. We have a lot in common and get along like a house on fire, almost I dare say better than her and her boyfriend. while he's away she calls me up to hang out as she was obviously lonely and wanted company. I never made any moves on her, nor ever made my feeligns known and had resigned to the fact I would just keep it innocent and be nothing more than a friend, and I was fine with it. It wasn't like "oh I'm obsessed with her and it kills me every day to have her not know how I feel", it was manageable to say the least. She is actually a really really cool chick, great personality and all the rest of it (and incredibly damn cute)

anyway so my friend was away again recently for quite a while this time and me and her were hanging out, as usual, mostly with the rest of our crowd of people but every now and again she'd call me out for dinner or a drink or whatever, which was fine. No problems.

One night, towards the end, i could tell she was getting really frustrated and fed up with her situation. She called me out to meet up for dinner to chat. I headed down and we hung out over a few drinks. Eventually we'd had a few too many and were both pretty tanked. we moved to another nice little underground bar where we made the bad choice of ordering doubles. a few later, I went to the toilet and came back. Sat down and she cuts me off mid-sentence making some stupid comment about something dumb and irrelevant. She starts "I don't know what it is but it's not just the alcohol... the past 6 months or so.. there's something about you.. ive just wanted to grab you.." to which I said "no, can't do it. i can't go through this again" and then made the mistake of opening the fucking floodgates and telling her how I've felt the last 4 years or so, that I always had a thing for her and always thought in the back of my mind that it should have been her and me together, then she made the move and grabbed me and tried to kiss me, I pulled away and said "can't do it... nope." which obviously upset her a bit. It was kind of weird to think that my feelings hadn't been one-sided this whole time, and those times when we were talking and she was looking at me weren't just me playing mindfuck games with myself.

Anyway, I said we couldn't go on, and we left the bar, and I had the intention of going home alone. We get to the corner and she goes "your place or mine" to which I just said "fuck.. I dont know.. I'm going home though... mine I guess" so we went back to mine, stripped off and got into bed. I'm absolutely shitfaced at this time, and lying in bed in this incredibly dark mental hole, having spent the last 3 weeks at home in bed all day and night eating pizza and watching documentaries my mental state wasn't exactly sunshine and rainbows. She starts cuddling up to me, kissing me etc and we get carried away for a bit before I say "nope.. can't do this" and stopped, rolled over and went to sleep. wake up the next day and it's obvious we're feeling pretty friggin bad about it, but to cure it we get up and go out for the day and hang out, go for a long walk, talk shit and shoot the breeze. talk about our predicament and it'sobvious we're both very much keen on each other but it's more or less not going to happen for obvious reasons. We hang out and I'm adamant on not doing anything more, but i really enjoy her company. we go back to her place and start watching a movie, she snuggles up to me on the couch and i pretty much am sitting there killing myself in my head. i finally freak out when it comes to like 1am and im like "im gonna go home" to which she offers me to stay the night, which I decline, and leave.

the bf is back and they're kind of on rocky ground as shes telling him shes not happy and wants to figure out what she wants. friends have been whispering behind our backs for a long time that something has been going on, long before it actually had. one night she was on the drink just recently and you'd think she'd be hanging out with him but no she was in my room all night with me talking to me, until like 4am when i (sober as a judge) said "i think you'd better leave" which she was kind of offended at but whatever

fuck
how do i get myself into these predicaments

i'm still obsessed with her and think about that shit constantly, and she keeps sending me little cute messages to which i am forcing myself to respond bluntly to, or without encouraging anything... it's gutting because i knew from the start it should have been me with her, but i was too pussy to make the move in the first place. now its too late and im in this mess. the night we kissed i told her "i always thought it should have been us together" and she said "why didnt you make a move i would have been down for that"
well guess wht i was just a big pussy wasnt i

ffffuuuu :foreveralone:

Edited by Anonymous (09/28/11 08:36 AM)

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