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Anonymous #1

friends gf
    #14564094 - 06/05/11 10:46 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I met her about a year before they hooked up. From the minute I saw her I always had a thing for her, and had a secret crush on her pretty much ever since. my ex used to get a bit shitty about it. Anyhoo, they hooked up and whatever. Bit of a rocky relationship as he tends to go away a bit and she gets left alone. They've broken up a couple of times. Over time and hanging out, I've become really good friends with her. We have a lot in common and get along like a house on fire, almost I dare say better than her and her boyfriend. while he's away she calls me up to hang out as she was obviously lonely and wanted company. I never made any moves on her, nor ever made my feeligns known and had resigned to the fact I would just keep it innocent and be nothing more than a friend, and I was fine with it. It wasn't like "oh I'm obsessed with her and it kills me every day to have her not know how I feel", it was manageable to say the least. She is actually a really really cool chick, great personality and all the rest of it (and incredibly damn cute)

anyway so my friend was away again recently for quite a while this time and me and her were hanging out, as usual, mostly with the rest of our crowd of people but every now and again she'd call me out for dinner or a drink or whatever, which was fine. No problems.

One night, towards the end, i could tell she was getting really frustrated and fed up with her situation. She called me out to meet up for dinner to chat. I headed down and we hung out over a few drinks. Eventually we'd had a few too many and were both pretty tanked. we moved to another nice little underground bar where we made the bad choice of ordering doubles. a few later, I went to the toilet and came back. Sat down and she cuts me off mid-sentence making some stupid comment about something dumb and irrelevant. She starts "I don't know what it is but it's not just the alcohol... the past 6 months or so.. there's something about you.. ive just wanted to grab you.." to which I said "no, can't do it. i can't go through this again" and then made the mistake of opening the fucking floodgates and telling her how I've felt the last 4 years or so, that I always had a thing for her and always thought in the back of my mind that it should have been her and me together, then she made the move and grabbed me and tried to kiss me, I pulled away and said "can't do it... nope." which obviously upset her a bit.  It was kind of weird to think that my feelings hadn't been one-sided this whole time, and those times when we were talking and she was looking at me weren't just me playing mindfuck games with myself.

Anyway, I said we couldn't go on, and we left the bar, and I had the intention of going home alone. We get to the corner and she goes "your place or mine" to which I just said "fuck.. I dont know.. I'm going home though... mine I guess" so we went back to mine, stripped off and got into bed. I'm absolutely shitfaced at this time, and lying in bed in this incredibly dark mental hole, having spent the last 3 weeks at home in bed all day and night eating pizza and watching documentaries my mental state wasn't exactly sunshine and rainbows. She starts cuddling up to me, kissing me etc and we get carried away for a bit before I say "nope.. can't do this" and stopped, rolled over and went to sleep. wake up the next day and it's obvious we're feeling pretty friggin bad about it, but to cure it we get up and go out for the day and hang out, go for a long walk, talk shit and shoot the breeze. talk about our predicament and it'sobvious we're both very much keen on each other but it's more or less not going to happen for obvious reasons. We hang out and I'm adamant on not doing anything more, but i really enjoy her company. we go back to her place and start watching a movie, she snuggles up to me on the couch and i pretty much am sitting there killing myself in my head. i finally freak out when it comes to like 1am and im like "im gonna go home" to which she offers me to stay the night, which I decline, and leave.

the bf is back and they're kind of on rocky ground as shes telling him shes not happy and wants to figure out what she wants. friends have been whispering behind our backs for a long time that something has been going on, long before it actually had. one night she was on the drink just recently and you'd think she'd be hanging out with him but no she was in my room all night with me talking to me, until like 4am when i (sober as a judge) said "i think you'd better leave" which she was kind of offended at but whatever

fuck
how do i get myself into these predicaments

i'm still obsessed with her and think about that shit constantly, and she keeps sending me little cute messages to which i am forcing myself to respond bluntly to, or without encouraging anything... it's gutting because i knew from the start it should have been me with her, but i was too pussy to make the move in the first place. now its too late and im in this mess. the night we kissed i told her "i always thought it should have been us together" and she said "why didnt you make a move i would have been down for that"
well guess wht i was just a big pussy wasnt i

ffffuuuu :foreveralone:

Edited by Anonymous (09/28/11 08:36 AM)

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Offlinerunepanther
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14564169 - 06/05/11 11:04 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I dunno why man, but the shits already happened lol. The bf is going to be pissed (happened to me one time with my gf) but he'll deal with it. If they were happy together she wouldn't be feeling anything for anyone else, ya know? If your not like actively hitting on and flirting with the girl and she still wants you for whatever reason they're obviously not happy together... basically its going to be you or you can shut her down and she'll hook up with somebody else and you'll miss out. And if he really wants her to be happy and she's not with him then idk. Im by far not a relation expert or anything but you just gotta weigh ur options

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Offlinedummy
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: runepanther]
    #14564350 - 06/05/11 11:49 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

panther has a good point. but if you go with her you'll totally lose your 'good friend.'


--------------------
People never seem to know what they least suspect is coming next.

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OfflineLZip
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: dummy]
    #14564685 - 06/05/11 01:26 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

basically, you are a shitty friend for doing that to his girlfriend of 3 years. alcohol isnt an excuse.

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InvisibleFleadh
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: LZip] * 7
    #14564948 - 06/05/11 02:47 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Friendships have come and gone but I always regret the girls I didn't bang.


--------------------
Friendships have come and gone but I always regret the girls I didn't bang




I just dont really care what you think

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Invisiblememes
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: LZip] * 3
    #14565195 - 06/05/11 03:44 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

LZip said:
basically, you are a shitty friend for doing that to his girlfriend of 3 years. alcohol isnt an excuse.



my friends could leave their girlfriends naked in a room with me being naked and both of us hammered and i still woulnd't touch 'em. 

its just the law.  my brain is stronger than my penis.

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OfflineSubconscious
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: memes]
    #14565924 - 06/05/11 06:53 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

This is supposed to be your friend? You and the girl should do him a favor and just kindly just fuck off out of his life. Spare him by not going into the full details, but you really don't need to be betraying him like that.

I'm not trying to sound like a dick, but if I was in his situation I would want nothing to do with either of you.

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OfflineKamoopstinoops
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: memes]
    #14565955 - 06/05/11 07:00 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Honestly, the way people feel is the way people feel.

Now I might get flamed by all the self-righteous people regarding the moral aspect of my advice. But in REALITY, feelings are blind and the way people feel is the way people feel.

Look, it would be doing her a favour as she's not happy with what she's getting and people NEED sex. Don't let her starve lol, fuck her brains out and just don't tell your friend. When feelings build up like this, you need to release the pressure in order to see more clearly.

You's would both probably feel guilty after doing it but at least you let it out and would think of more appropriate action to take from there. At the moment yous are both in a clouded limbo and the ONLY way to see the truth is to let it all out.

Be careful about starting a relationship with her because in my eyes that is far more of a betrayal towards your friend than simply having sex with her. I think she needs to find another man and you need to find yourself a girlfriend. But in the meantime, you's BOTH need to let off the steam otherwise you's are both hurting yourselves more than necessary. Think of it as therapy between friends. You seem to have become good friends with her and friends should help eachother out in times of need.

The main point I'm trying to get across is that if you continue trying to do the "right thing" (which I totally respect), the sexual tension will always be there and it will hurt the both of you more and more over time. But if you's give in and let it all out, you will both be able to see much clearer and make a more appropriate decision as to what to do from there. If you's feel guilty, then you know its wrong to move forward with it. If you's don't feel guilty, then it was meant to be.

The other option is to just stop seeing both your friend and his girl and let their relationship take its course without you being involved. But you need to completely distance yourself from them. That would probably be the more "right thing" to do.


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Through the Spintrinfinty of the all Tremongstanooloop, we realise that infinity may after all amount to nothing... space merely being an illusion.

Edited by Kamoopstinoops (06/05/11 07:08 PM)

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OfflineSubconscious
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Kamoopstinoops]
    #14566108 - 06/05/11 07:35 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Kamoopstinoops said:
Honestly, the way people feel is the way people feel.

Now I might get flamed by all the self-righteous people regarding the moral aspect of my advice. But in REALITY, feelings are blind and the way people feel is the way people feel.

Look, it would be doing her a favour as she's not happy with what she's getting and people NEED sex. Don't let her starve lol, fuck her brains out and just don't tell your friend. When feelings build up like this, you need to release the pressure in order to see more clearly.

You's would both probably feel guilty after doing it but at least you let it out and would think of more appropriate action to take from there. At the moment yous are both in a clouded limbo and the ONLY way to see the truth is to let it all out.





That aint cool man... if I was the other dude in this situation i'd be pretty hurt when it all came crashing down. If someone isn't getting what they need in a closed relationship they should break it off and look elsewhere...

Betraying someone and going behind there back is selfish.

I'd much rather have a woman break it off with me and go about her business than simply go around fucking other dudes without telling me. At least have enough respect for someone to break it off first...

And op, if this does evolve into a relationship... you can sleep soundly knowning your girlfriend is a slut who is probably going to go off sucking/fucking other dudes behind your back when you don't do it for her anymore.

:mushroom2:

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OfflineKamoopstinoops
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Subconscious]
    #14566166 - 06/05/11 07:48 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Subconscious said:
Quote:

Kamoopstinoops said:
Honestly, the way people feel is the way people feel.

Now I might get flamed by all the self-righteous people regarding the moral aspect of my advice. But in REALITY, feelings are blind and the way people feel is the way people feel.

Look, it would be doing her a favour as she's not happy with what she's getting and people NEED sex. Don't let her starve lol, fuck her brains out and just don't tell your friend. When feelings build up like this, you need to release the pressure in order to see more clearly.

You's would both probably feel guilty after doing it but at least you let it out and would think of more appropriate action to take from there. At the moment yous are both in a clouded limbo and the ONLY way to see the truth is to let it all out.





That aint cool man... if I was the other dude in this situation i'd be pretty hurt when it all came crashing down. If someone isn't getting what they need in a closed relationship they should break it off and look elsewhere...

Betraying someone and going behind there back is selfish.

I'd much rather have a woman break it off with me and go about her business than simply go around fucking other dudes without telling me. At least have enough respect for someone to break it off first...

And op, if this does evolve into a relationship... you can sleep soundly knowning your girlfriend is a slut who is probably going to go off sucking/fucking other dudes behind your back when you don't do it for her anymore.

:mushroom2:




Believe me, I agree with you 110%. But I'm pointing out that as long as he's associating with his friend and girl, him and the girl are gonna experience increasing mental anguish. Somethings gotta give.

As I said, the most "right" thing to do would be for him to distance himself from both of them. I was just offering an alternative solution if he still wanted to associate with his friends. You'll be surprised at how clearly you can see the situation once you blow off the steam and get the emotions out of the way.

But then again, there's the option of telling the boyfriend of what happened. But it will kinda be like "snitching" on her for coming at you like that lol. Unless you's both talk to him together... He'll be hurt, but thats the most honest way to do it.

So there's 4 options to deal with this situation... 1. Don't do anything with her, continue hanging out and pretend that there's no feelings between you. 2. Blow off the steam and go for it. 3. Distance yourself completely from her and her boyfriend. 4. Get with the girl and confront him and tell him the truth.

As you can see, there's no easy way out. But then again its not an easy situation....

The thing is, I'm speaking from experience as I've been there, done that. I took option 3 as it was getting too much. But to this day, I still wished I tapped her lol.


--------------------
Through the Spintrinfinty of the all Tremongstanooloop, we realise that infinity may after all amount to nothing... space merely being an illusion.

Edited by Kamoopstinoops (06/05/11 07:55 PM)

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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Kamoopstinoops]
    #14567719 - 06/06/11 01:35 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Kamoopstinoops said:
Honestly, the way people feel is the way people feel.
...
Look, it would be doing her a favour as she's not happy with what she's getting and people NEED sex.




No they don't.  People need air, water, food.  Sex is nice but some people do not consider betraying a friends confidence a worthy trade for sex.

Personally I would give up sex before friendship any day, if you see things differently I can see how you would be cool with this behavior.  To me honesty and openness is a big part of friendship, and if I'm sneaking around behind someones back, I am not being a friend to them.

This isn't to say I haven't made mistakes in the heat of the moment, but when I realize I am wrong I do my best to face up to the situation, and do the right thing.  Chicks tend to make me a bit loopy at times, I've found that taking time to focus on myself isn't necessarily the worst thing.  I haven't had sex recently, and I have been more satisfied with my life than any other time I can remember.

I really wouldn't sweat it too much, after all you only kissed her, right?

Edited by moonrockmushy (06/06/11 01:36 AM)

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Anonymous #1

Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #14567906 - 06/06/11 03:28 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

yea we only kissed, we both stopped ourselves before it went further

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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14568019 - 06/06/11 04:32 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I re-read your 1st post -- I don't mean to sound judgemental, I wasn't really talking about you, as I don't know all the details of your situation.  I've been in somewhat similar situations and I just wish I had handled it differently now.  I mean you did mess up a bit, but I know people that have done much worse who I still think of as decent folks; you can get past this but you definately have some tough choices to make.

Honestly fuck what other people say (even me :wink:) about you or her character if you decide to get with her, its not their life.  It sounds to me like your friend is kind of a jealous dude if he was mad at you for just hanging out with his ex, that just makes no sense to me, he doesn't own her.  If you were to get with her I think you would have to be up front with your friend, and hope that he takes it well, but it sounds like he won't.  I just would hope you are doing it for the right reasons not just to get laid.

Dig deep, you'll find the answer.

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InvisibleMisterMuscaria
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14568033 - 06/06/11 04:40 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Im gonna be the devil's advocate here...if you have more chemistry with her than he has with her, why not hook up?
If he leaves her alone for that long he's probably seeing other people anyway.

There is a certain law of attraction and she'll probably be thinking of you when she is with him.

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OfflineSeussA
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: LZip] * 1
    #14568079 - 06/06/11 05:15 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

> basically, you are a shitty friend for doing that to his girlfriend of 3 years. alcohol isnt an excuse.

Or a good friend for pointing out that his bud is dating a bitch that is going to cheat... better to know that now than to know it after they are married, with a few kids, and a mortgage.


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Just another spore in the wind.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Seuss]
    #14568113 - 06/06/11 05:30 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I don't think we could actually hook up, it would completely fuck everything. We have a prety tight group of friends, it's kinda like brady bunch, or Friends (tv) or some shit. We couldn't hook up, and we can't tell him, because it would literally destroy everything. I think we just have to concede that we have strong feelings for each other.
She has never cheated before and it is unfair of you all to talk about her like that, afterwards when we were hanging out she pointed out how shit she felt because it is out of character for her, she has never cheated before and always hated those girls that do. "i'm not that girl/i don't want to be that girl" she said. She is not a cheating whore or anything of the like i think it's just a sad event that i liked her from the start and she developed an attraction to me over time.

he never cheats on her he is definately not like that. i am 100% sure he has and never would cheat, he is an awesome guy.

i am the shit cunt criminal in this situation, nobody else. i should have just parted ways and went home alone and kept my feelings to myself.

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InvisibleMisterMuscaria
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14568122 - 06/06/11 05:33 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

TBH she seemed like she kept trying as where you kept saying "I cant do this".
I think she is more the culprit than you are.

I dont have tightly nit friends like that though, most people I know fuck eachother over in a heartbeat. It's pillage or be pillaged around these parts. And they wonder why Im a sociopath.

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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14568198 - 06/06/11 06:01 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

If you really want to keep the status quo, keeping quiet about it may be a good idea.  You say that she is a good girl but sometimes in situations like this people can act a bit irrational.  There is always a chance that she will tell him, maybe even blaming you, and you will lose both her and your friend.  These things have a way of coming back to bite you in the ass if not fully resolved.

For you and her to be keeping secrets from him, and maintaining your oh-so-tight group of friends sounds pretty contradictory to me.  I used to think of my friends like that, things change, that is part of life.

I mean, can you imagine how it will be hanging out with the two of them once he is back?

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Invisiblewalterwhite
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Fleadh]
    #14568207 - 06/06/11 06:06 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Fleadh said:
Friendships have come and gone but I always regret the girls I didn't bang.



.. those were my grandfather's dying words to me.  Wise man he was.

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InvisibleMisterMuscaria
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: walterwhite]
    #14568210 - 06/06/11 06:07 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Call me insensitive but i feel that way as well.

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