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Anonymous #1

Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: koraks]
    #15135894 - 09/26/11 08:32 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

thanks.. what you say makes a lot of sense and in fact has more truth to it than i could probably conceive

i have sso much i could whine about right now but there is no point

i just feel incredibly shitty and want nothing more than her. but there isnt a lot i can really offer her

fuck it


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #15135913 - 09/26/11 08:38 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

It's ok to wallow for a bit. Don't loose yourself in it, but I'll be the last to say that you should put on a happy smile right on the spot and be merry about it. Of course it sucks. It's perfectly ok. Got a good friend who you can drag out to a bar and get drunk with, maybe? It always helps to whine to someone while getting intoxicated. At least, for me it helps...

Quote:

i just feel incredibly shitty and want nothing more than her. but there isnt a lot i can really offer her



Of course you want her. Nothing wrong with that. And you probably have a lot more to offer than you're letting on right now, but at this moment, she just isn't capable of accepting your offer. Still, it seems like a good thing to let her know that you're still there for her. I mean, best case scenario = she uses your shoulder to cry on if (when?) her relationship goes bust anyway. Which, by the way, she won't do if you come across as very depressed, unhappy or needy. So if you speak to her, it's ok to let on you feel shitty about the whole thing, but try not to appear completely bummed out and down. Keep your head up man!


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Anonymous #1

Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #15135915 - 09/26/11 08:40 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

and  thanks for not just abusing me for my bad decisions and letting this situation spiral out of control

it wasnt just a matter of sexual tension, i thought this girl was amzing when i first saw her, years ago, she didnt even know who i was until a cpl years later by which time she was dating my friend.

i had just broken up with my gf, and hae been single since (2.5 yrs now) with very limited sexual activity in that time and virtually no interest in any girl whatsoever let alone attachment toanyone but this one girl, whom i never showed my interest in, kept my feellings hidden and just provided myself as a friend, as she doesnt have many in this town and we just get along together like a house on fire. i never made any move, hints or anything, she made the moves on me, i kept my feelings hidden until that first night she told me how she'd felt

i am sick of being alone, i am sick of not knowing how to take confidence and control and find myself a nice girl.. but the worst problem of all is that i dont want any other girl but her, and i dont want to have to go through this heartbreak again of waiting for my feelings for a girl to disappear over, no doubt, a long period of time, and no doubt we will see each other again very soon, and keep seeing each other in social settings which is going to make it harder again


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Anonymous #1

Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: koraks]
    #15135925 - 09/26/11 08:49 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

koraks said: I mean, best case scenario = she uses your shoulder to cry on if (when?) her relationship goes bust anyway.




i think thats kind of how this whole mess started in the first place, her relationship was getting bad b/c of her bf's travels. hes never around, i kind of am, and we hang out.

from what i gather the bf at the moment thinks things are all fine and dandy, but im sure she is just really confused, she kept saying last night she doesn't know how to break up with him, seeing as he's planned a trip away for them both, and she doesn't know what to do... she wants 'space' but idk

its all a bit messy

im sick of getting drunk, im sick of partying, ive been doing it for the last few wks just to be with her, which is totally unhealthy in more ways than just physical...



i dont know, its just one of the challenges of life..

the sexual tension when we are out together is fucking incredible, we can't keep our hands of each other, always ducking out to make out, fool around and whatnot, when we get home to sleep, do things to each other that we both really like, which is something for me was always hard to find, not many girls do things that can turn me on like what she does.. before all this shit started i used to look at her when she'd walk into a room and just melt, and just go "fffffuuuuu" in my head in pure frustrration, not many girls have had that effect on me, if any at all..


Edited by Anonymous (09/26/11 08:57 AM)


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InvisibleautomanM
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Registered: 09/18/03
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #15135966 - 09/26/11 09:02 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Don't accidentally fall into the role of being her fall back plan... her relationship parachute. You deserve to be someone's first choice. Don't forget that.


--------------------
No, no, you're not thinking, you're just being logical. ~ Niels Bohr


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
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Registered: 07/16/08
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: automan]
    #15136083 - 09/26/11 09:37 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

automan said:
Don't accidentally fall into the role of being her fall back plan... her relationship parachute. You deserve to be someone's first choice. Don't forget that.



QFT.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #15136094 - 09/26/11 09:40 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

yeah  i kinda thought of that but pushed it into the back of my mind..

thanks


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OfflineVsnares.Zappa
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #15136730 - 09/26/11 12:27 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

DSHSB


Edited by Vsnares.Zappa (09/26/11 12:29 PM)


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OfflineBipolarbear
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Vsnares.Zappa]
    #15138127 - 09/26/11 06:18 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

OP you did the right thing finally.  You feel terrible because you are the only one experiencing loss she is holding onto whatever sliver of decaying relationship she has left with her boyfriend so she isn't pining.  She will though when they break it off, and trust me, they will and when she does she will come a calling to you.  It could be a few months from now but when she does I wouldn't take her call.  She is trying to have her cake and eat it too.  Fucking hate that expression but it's all I could think of.  It's really disgusting when people do what she is doing.  She wants to comfort of a relationship at all times never to feel the loss of love so she seamlessly goes in and out of relationships.  This is a terrible move and it will only serve to fuck her up later.  It means she never grieves for past relationships and at some point it will all come to a head. 

Either way, she is acting really shitty by playing to whomever gives her the affection of the minute.  She is never someone you can trust.  If you know what is good for you then pine for her but don't break down and accept her inevitable texts in the coming months when things with her boyfriend dissipate.


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Bipolarbear]
    #15138906 - 09/26/11 08:44 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Wise words.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Bipolarbear]
    #15139074 - 09/26/11 09:13 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Wow thankyou that actually helped a lot. Most of what you said is true.. But she has never done 'anythinbg like this' before, never cheated on anyone and she said multiple times how much she hated herself for what she was doing, I guess you could say our attraction to each other was just that strong I'm not trying to brag but I am more her type than her bf he just made the move on her years ago b/c of course I never wld. It takes two to tango and I coulkd just have easily declined her advances but I let my feelings for her get the better of me I'm just as big an asshole

I feel bad for letting this escalate. I feel bad for putting her in this position I possess the willpower to have not let this happen. Now we have a circumstance whrere I have hurt myseld with a loss perhaps even lost a really close friendship with her and disobeyed trust between her bf an I, whether he will ever find out I don't know but we were gettinbg really careless abt showing our affection in public


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #15142933 - 09/27/11 04:57 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Dude, lay off the xanax and booze, don't punish yourself.  Please find a more healthy outlet: exercise, art, music, or at least cannibis :bigjoint: trust me, you will not ever be ready for a relationship if you keep that shit up too long.

Don't blame yourself, or anyone else for that matter.  Being a moral animal is not always easy.


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Offlinedshow
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #15144579 - 09/27/11 10:16 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

I have had the same girl do the same thing to me 3 times now over the last 8 years. She kept saying how much we were alike. Wed talk and talk. She even hooked up with me when she was dating her first bf. But each bf, and each time, i was like the "last" option" to where i noticed she was just a branch swinger. One bf to the next and kept me in the side pocket just in case.

When i found out she got a new bf a couple months ago. I ended all contact. Forever.


Anon you deserve better. Your not her first choice, she does not like you "that" much or she would dump him for her. Your pretty close to being in the back pocket. A reserve, a fall back plan, an ego booster.


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Invisiblefoodsgoodtoo
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: dshow]
    #15144754 - 09/27/11 10:56 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

This thread seems much shorter than 4 pages. I have had a friends ex gf come on to me right when they broke up. But she really just wasn't my type I would say (I have no clue who is either) and I guess I'm thinking I want to associate with a whole new network rather then kinda burn my bridges. She actually called me a week ago when I was biking. I was trying to get with her friend back then who is I would consider less attractive (on the inside) but didn't get none.

Hope I wrote that right. Every situation is different. My dad says go with what you feel. But don't let that bring you down into a hole.

This is something you really can't take advice from, because I just grew up knowing these feelings. We can't change who you are or how far you'll take it. You took it pretty far already so I'm thinking your boy isn't that much of a boy to you.


--------------------
 


Edited by foodsgoodtoo (09/27/11 11:01 PM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: dshow]
    #15144938 - 09/27/11 11:36 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

dshow said:
I have had the same girl do the same thing to me 3 times now over the last 8 years. She kept saying how much we were alike. Wed talk and talk. She even hooked up with me when she was dating her first bf. But each bf, and each time, i was like the "last" option" to where i noticed she was just a branch swinger. One bf to the next and kept me in the side pocket just in case.

When i found out she got a new bf a couple months ago. I ended all contact. Forever.


Anon you deserve better. Your not her first choice, she does not like you "that" much or she would dump him for her. Your pretty close to being in the back pocket. A reserve, a fall back plan, an ego booster.




I can see what you're saying but i dont think this is entirely the case in my situation .

Although I can say her boyfriend could quite possibly offer a lot more than I could.. but if i were given the chance I would do so much for her. I'd love to take her away, start taking her on full blown dates, just be with her... don't think it can happen given the situation.

it's my birthday soon and she's coming and she'll be the only one there... t's going to be interesting

i already miss not having her, i really want to see her.. but i think she too realised we need to distance ourselves before things get way out of control


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Anonymous #4

Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #15145898 - 09/28/11 07:46 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

You know how she has been coming onto you? She would do the same to you with another doood.

You were if anything an ego booster man, yea she liked you, but she clearly likes her bf more otherwise she would drop him for you.

What your doing by separating is right though.
3 situations:
  1.)I had a good friend's girl came onto me and tell me she wanted me the whole time, i didnt do it, and said we cant. I stopped hanging out with them until my friend and her broke up. Felt good.:thumbup:
 
2.)I also hooked up with a another friend's girl. I still feel bad to this day.:thumbdown:
 
3.)I have also had a friend hook up with my girl and she left me for him, to this day im still feeling that in the back of my head.:thumbdown:


Do the first positive, and don't do the last 2 negatives. Cuz it feels bad.

Either way, she had a choice, she could of dropped him and at least tried for you, but she didn't. Since she did not do everything in her ability to make it work with you, its obvious you know what you have to do. Find someone else.

This situation is very sad in a way. It sounds very similar to a story in my life. I was in love with that fucking girl. :sad: save yourself, run.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #15145989 - 09/28/11 08:20 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

thankyou... as i said earlier she was talking about leaving him and put the motions in place but he completely freaked out and came running back and basically smothered her i think and... well i dunno, i know what you're saying.. she was tlking for a while about leaving him and us hooking up.. but again as i said because of how tight nit our friend hroup is it just wldnt happen. she would not do this with another guy and has had many oppurtunities to (she is gorgeous and is hit on constantly) and never would.. this is completely out of character for her it was just our attraction
in saying that, we have kept our distance.. we havent seen each other this wk... which has killed me but we have been messaging flat out.. keeping it as innocent..  know that when i see her its going to be really hard.. idk what to do

i really have strong feelings for this girl like none i have had for a long long time..


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Offlinedshow
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #15146011 - 09/28/11 08:26 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

I accidently posted #5 as anon lol... GL:aweman:


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Invisiblefilthydee
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #15146222 - 09/28/11 09:16 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

moonrockmushy said:
Dude, lay off the xanax and booze, don't punish yourself.  Please find a more healthy outlet: exercise, art, music, or at least cannibis :bigjoint: trust me, you will not ever be ready for a relationship if you keep that shit up too long.

Don't blame yourself, or anyone else for that matter.  Being a moral animal is not always easy.




very good advice to be heeding from moon here.


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InvisiblepachooDiscord
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Registered: 09/10/10
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Re: Kissed my good friends girlfriend... again [Re: filthydee]
    #15150991 - 09/29/11 01:59 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

dude, i am so confused. this is a really bad situation. it looks like you are her second choice, like some posters already said.... and then in the original post. she's only noticed the spark for six months. you for four years. get away from her homes. she's acting on her loneliness in her relationship.

but you probably won't. you've already let it go too far. sucks man.

now you have to wait for the fires to burn out. there's only two scenarios.....

a) she will eventually tell her bf, your friend, about the whole shebang. big fight between them. tension with you, probably a fight. all friends in that tight circle thinking you're both assholes and shun you. maybe they'll forgive you. who knows..

b) they break up and then everyone still gets mad because now you're picking up your friends scraps. not really saying she's a scrap. but you got second picks. it doesn't matter how much attraction you have for each other. then, probably some shunning. maybe forgiveness.

my advice, cool it the fuck down. it's gonna make everyone feel uncomfortable. and she's not in her right mind. and you're pining. too much man... makes my stomach queasy. you sound like a really sweet guy. don't hurt yourself over this. get out in the world and stop partying. you need to think. 

and what the hell. how the hell do you have so many friends but be alone on your bday?!


--------------------


:heartpump::heartpump: :heartpump::heartpump:


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