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 Buddha5254
addict
Registered: 04/22/00
Posts: 532
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 Help is here 
#1363784 - 03/10/03 04:27 PM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hey what's up everyone. Im really glad this forum was created. Just wanted to say that I am here to help anyone, particularly with anxiety, panic attacks, and depression. This is because I have had significant problems in the past with these maladies. So if anyone needs a helping hand or a guiding voice, Ive been there and hopefully I can help you get through the bad times. hang in there
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Anonymous #1
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- Post History Deleted Upon User's Request -
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 lucid
Jack's AlteredConsciousness
Registered: 03/29/03
Posts: 6,319
Loc: up on the bidet
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
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Re: Help is here [Re: ]
#1416614 - 03/29/03 07:45 AM (21 years, 23 days ago) |
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Hi Budda ! I desperately need help... :-(
I've never been a frequent drug user - only used pot a couple of times in the past which a friend gave to me, who swore to the deeply spiritual effect of the weed. The same friend gave me some shrooms (I never asked for em - he said they would "increase the is-ness of things") and I took only 2 capsules (2 grams of Psilocybe Stropharia cubensis) about 3 weeks ago. I had the most nightmarish time of my life :-( no hallucinations or auditory distortions, but extreeeeme, horrifying paranoia... I thought my mind was going to collapse, that I would go insane and would see nothing but horrifying immages for the rest of my life (even if I fell asleep, went into a coma or died). To my horror the feelings have persisted for about 3 weeks now :-(
I've always been a happy person, smiling through the toughest times of my life. I was always a happy kid too despite family troubles. My wife walked out on me a little over a year ago, my parents became homeless and moved in with me, and I lost 2 jobs in the last year and yet... I remained happy through seemingly terrible times. I've been meditating for most of my life and firmly believe that all things good and worth having - joy, happiness, love, compassion - are to be found inside of each of us. I've never been drawn to materialistic things, not because I think that they're bad in any way, but I simply never found any joy in them. My happiest moments have been meditating by a lake or on a hilltop, in sheer extascy and rapture (In keeping with the mind-identification theme from Fight Club...I was Jack's Spirtual bliss). I always used to wonder why people get depressed - this was a terrible thing I did... I judged... I thought that people just need to "be happy". After taking the shrrooms I've plunged into the depths of hell myself :-( I get utterly terrible panic attacks lasting hours (6-7 hours at times, if not entire days). I feel like any minute I'll go insane and will start to see horrific images/sounds. Everything around me (that I used to consider exquisitly beautiful) now seems baren and hostile :-( The shrroom has turned my very soul inside out. I feel I've seen such horror that I'll never recover. I had never known such horror before - i.e. I never thought the mind could come up with such dreadful ideas and attack itself so relentlessly... but I guess at some level I must have, since the shroom can't create anything new in the mind. Reading bad trip reports and permanent psychosis reports from shrooms is what really spurred the bad thoughts - now I really believe I'm going to rot in hell :-( I've gotten extreemly suicidal as a result - only because I'm in soo much agony :-( I wish I could be my old happy self again,
I wish I hadn't taken it, I wish I could take time back, but I can't. "I am Jack's regret"...
I used to read a lot of Castenada, Philosophy, Spirituality and now all of that (which I used to cherish and view as wisdom) is comming back to haunt me... I keep questioning Reality and really freak out at times. My mind attacks me with ideas like, "is this real ?", "what if the only reality is horror ?" and terrible things like that.
I keep telling myself to think positive... "Ignore this terrible drug", "stop this talk or I'll throw the leaches on ya" ;-) ("Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas"). I've also tried shutting off my internal dialogue, which can be tough to do, but even when I do acheive a certain level of menatal quietitude, it can have varying effects (i.e. at times I still feel anxious and depressed despite the absense of thoughts).
I went to the ER after the shrroom and then to a private doc and they simply prescribed Ativan and Paxil respectively and gave me no time at all to listen to what I was going through and how I felt. Typical doc solution... here's a pill. I havn't taken either yet, I want to do this without more drugs, I want to be my old happy self again, I want to erase this memory from my mind so I never even know that such terror exists. I don't want to have to battle this for the rest of my life (and I don't want to end my life either).
I can't run from my own mind... "where ever I go there I am..."
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"no-mind un-thinks no-thought..."
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enotake2
Stop Bush's war
Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 1,457
Loc: Comfy chair in my lounger...
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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Re: Help is here [Re: lucid]
#1417322 - 03/29/03 07:59 PM (21 years, 23 days ago) |
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Yeah it is typical doctor behaviour to just hand out pills without addressing the cause of the problem or offering counselling. Sometimes pills help if you are severely depressed, but counselling lets you air and reflect, and helps you to help yourself. From my training in psychology, I reckon pills should be taken if you are severely depressed only so that you are able to do therapy and implement strategies you learn in therapy, and the pills should be a temporary solution. Then the skills you learn in counselling can be used if you ever start to get depressed at a later date, and give you control, not the pills. I'd suggest finding a counsellor. Take the pills if you want, but not as a long term solution. I helped myself out of an episode of depression by using skills taught in a book - 'Learned Optimism' by Martin Seligman. Its not really for pessimists, it just acknowledges that some of your thoughts are often pessimistic when you are depressed, and helps you to effectively deal with any negativity.
For the panic attacks you might find the information useful here
I am sorry to hear your pain, mate. Good luck.
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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.
"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium
"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.
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Anonymous #1
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 Re: Help is here [Re: enotake2]
#1418687 - 03/30/03 05:48 PM (21 years, 22 days ago) |
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- Post History Deleted Upon User's Request -
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enotake2
Stop Bush's war
Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 1,457
Loc: Comfy chair in my lounger...
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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Re: Help is here [Re: ]
#1418876 - 03/30/03 08:17 PM (21 years, 22 days ago) |
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Thank you 
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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.
"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium
"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.
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40oz
Registered: 01/18/01
Posts: 30,119
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
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Re: Help is here [Re: enotake2]
#1419256 - 03/31/03 01:45 AM (21 years, 21 days ago) |
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Quote:
I helped myself out of an episode of depression by using skills taught in a book - 'Learned Optimism' by Martin Seligman. Its not really for pessimists, it just acknowledges that some of your thoughts are often pessimistic when you are depressed, and helps you to effectively deal with any negativity.
he,heh,he....i used a book for positive influence on life and also love,
the 1st one is called 'the four agreements'
and the 2nd: 'mastery of love'
they are both by 'don miguel ruiz' ---> www.miguelruiz.com
i suggest you get them...
to me, those books are my bible so to speak...
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 - - - -      
 
tiny_rabid_birds said:
"your avatar is dirty."
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Buddha5254
addict
Registered: 04/22/00
Posts: 532
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Re: Help is here [Re: lucid]
#1421617 - 04/01/03 03:16 PM (21 years, 20 days ago) |
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Hey did you check your Private Messages?
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