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I have recently started seeing this girl and for the first time in years I feel content. I just feel happy and generally better all round. A few months ago (before I met her) and for years before that I was depressed.. sometimes just a little, sometimes intensely.. but always feeling bad about myself.
I know this sounds stupid but now I'm scared even more, scared about what will happen when she finishes with me (I can't see myself dumping her). I just know that I will dive straight back into depression and it will be even worse than before.. even thinking about it now gives me "that" feeling. I can tell this is going to be the reason she dumps me, I feel so scared of rejection that I can't relax and really say everything I want to say in case it's the "wrong" thing.
To make a long story short, I get paranoid... alot. I get paranoid and can't shake the thought that I've done or said something wrong and that everything is going down hill. I can tell this is putting a strain on things, but then again... maybe I'm just being paranoid?
I don't know what I'm asking or hoping for from this post but I've posted here before and it's helped me alot. So I guess I'm just asking for your thoughts...
-------------------- "You can either believe you can do something, or believe you can't.... either way your right"
Firstly, don't think about the end when it just started. Otherwise, it will be doomed from the beginning.
I'm very glad to hear that you are happy and things are looking up, but please, don't depend on her to bring you happiness because you are right, if she leaves, you will go back to the depression you felt before and more than likely, it will be worse.
I know it's hard to just 'stop' being paranoid. It won't just happen over night and it's a hard thing to overcome by yourself. I used to be very paranoid, and I still am. But it's gotten alot easier for me because I have friends that push me positively every day. You need some support.. You need someone or a few people to build you up, to make you understand that there is no reason for you to be so paranoid.
I don't know if this will help you in your present situation.. But I wish you all the best and I hope you are able to get out of the depression you felt before, even if this relationship doesn't work out. Try not to become too dependent on her. If you do, and if the relationship doesn't work out and she leaves, you will feel that your happiness left with her.. Which it hasn't. You just need to realize all the things in your life that do bring you happiness. I'm sure they are all around you, but you have overlooked them because they didn't seem significant.
The best of luck to you. My heart is with you.
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
*-_Thread_Jacker_-* To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space
Try to use the time now , when your feeling happy and more satisfied, to develop yourself. Reevaluate why your currently unhappy, and figure strategies to get back on track. You can't use your gf as an emotional crutch. By giving yourself a feeling of self-worth your always adding value to your relationship at the same time.