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Shop: Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds, Bulk Cannabis Seeds   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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A bit of curiousity and the way my mind likes making things complicated.
    #9592220 -

Hey guys. I don't know where to start on this, it's something that's starting to annoy me, starting to bug me. This is more of a rant but I just feel I need to get it out.

I work in a music shop, and up until now the guys I've been working are awesome. Well, they're still awesome, and they haven't changed. Assistant manager is a bit of a bastard sometimes, but, he's got more and more bastards on top of him telling him what to do and having big expectations. Fair enough. Most of the time though he is a great guy.

I'm posting here as it's the furthest away from anything anyone at my work would find on the internet.

So, what's up? Well, I'll tell you.

Recently, we got a new person working with us. A girl. She's 26, and I'm 18. She's not really one of your girly girl types, she's into metal and has dreadlocks in her hair and all that. She's kinda cute.

No attraction from me to her was there at first. Nothing. She's been with us for probably about 1 - 1 and a 1/2 months. Only recently have I started to begin thinking about her.. pondering if I should let these fleeting, weird feelings take hold of me and start dreaming of some relationship that will never happen.

I really don't know what's wrong with me. She's 8 years older than me, and well, I can only think of the mental hurt, damage, and pure embarrassment if it got out that I had some feelings towards her. I've just come out of being very depressed from rejection from another girl. However, she fucked me over, I thought something was forming, then she let me know near the end of 2008 that nup, she didn't feel a thing for me. Fucked me ENTIRE year of 2008.

What I'm starting to feel/ponder about this girl who I work with? Nothing good would come out of it, but it is starting to eat at me, a little bit. A little bit now, but once I get obsessed, I start getting depressed again.

I like to make things complicated. More logically, I do things that I deem will promote some sort of better or 'cooler' self-image, for other people, but also for myself. I don't know why I do this. I know I just do.

It's kind of like drugs for me too. It's an image, but not only an image. An image to others that I'm not just your average Joe, someone who wants to start a family, only please others, buy a house that I'll live in until I die, get old, and then, die. Half escapism, half not. If you know what I mean. I don't like the fact I have this "self-promotion" compulsion, because I know and constantly experience the fact that nobody actually gives a fuck. I'm actually not a very social person, but I have it and for the time being it's hard to stop.

Primarily, I've discovered they are a way/ways to have experiences you can't normally have, and well, they are enjoyable. Even with my limited experience in taking them.

So back to my little drama. I'm starting to have these feelings and I don't want them, but I do. You know, utter confusion.

I lay on my bed before sleeping at night and pretend to be with her, just laying there. But then I start insulting myself and telling myself (which is true) that what I'm thinking is a bad idea. She knows I'm an avid drug enthusiast with a huge interest on the topic of psychedelics. She doesn't like this, and I'm judged by EVERYONE I work with on this topic.

The cunts will tell me "don't be stupid, don't go down that road." I try to tell them why I'm interested in it, but they just hit me back with "your just trying to impress us, it's not cool to be a druggie." I'm not a "druggie", but I do get embarrassed when they tell me that I'm just doing it to look cool.

I'm completely into electronic music, she ain't. She's a christian, I've told her how I just can't be bothered with it, and have grown to hate it. I've been getting drunk very frequently recently (have stopped for now) and having a good time, and she frowns upon that. This shitty job in retail has made me almost passionless about life in general, and that shows with my "cannot be fucked" attitude with a lot of things.

Two completely different people. And now I'm starting to get curious, complicated thoughts about wanting to... have some sort of relationship with her.

I don't know what to do. I hate my job. It's retail, I hate customers, I can't stand the sight of them. I haven't got a car, I haven't got any qualifications, and I'm losing passion for everything but music, which won't rake me any cash.


Thanks for hearing me out. Thanks for listening to my rant. I just hope another year of my life is not wasted away by my own fucking mind. Some days I'm happy with myself, other days, I just don't want to be here.


Cheers.

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Re: A bit of curiousity and the way my mind likes making things complicated. [Re: Mr_Insidious]
    #9592331 -

Hmmm...

Well, personally I would...

well...

ok here's my advice (and how I personally deal with it)

two wise words of wisdom :

1. FUCK

2. THEM

there. every time you feel down about something or someone who ISN'T you is making you feel down or trying to put you down, remember those two words. FUCK THEM. they are nobody. the only goal in this life is to make YOURSELF happy, not ANYBODY else.

hope that helps a little bit.


--------------------

koods said:
Young male going by the name "Bassfreak" entered Worcester General complaining of a sharp pain in his buttock region after attending EDM event. Attending physician considered a possible diagnosis of acute rave anus, but upon further investigation it was determined there was nothing cute about patient's anus.
Life-long trip report

Edited by pfxtc (01/12/09 12:51 AM)

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Re: A bit of curiousity and the way my mind likes making things complicated. [Re: pfxtc]
    #9592351 -

yeah man, Dont take into account what anyone else has to say, cause in the end it doesnt matter.

Just keep your head above the water man and good things will happen.... if you let them.:thumbup:

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Re: A bit of curiousity and the way my mind likes making things complicated. [Re: Mr_Insidious]
    #9592368 -

The biggest thing you need to do is not worry about what people think of you.

Where I work a lot of people think I am the biggest asshole in the company and we are talking 100's of people and my reputation. The few that know me know that this is farther from the truth than anything and I leave it at that. I work with them. I don't have to go home with any of them or see them when I am not working.
  Those who do know me think I'm a great caring human. Those who don't and have no interest in knowing who I am. Fuck Them. Life is too short to worry about how everyone perceives you.

  It's normal to see women at work or work with women and think about having sex with them. It's normal human nature.

I was married to someone who was a Christian. It didn't work out. She wasn't very Christian before we got married. Afterward it was well my family all goes to church and the rest of the story goes down hill from there.
 
  Be your own person. Don't let people put you down for who you are. You obviously know that it wouldn't work out between you, but there is nothing wrong with thinking about what she would be like naked. Hell I even undress some of the women at work knowing I wouldn't in a million years go out with them. That's my advice  :death:

I'm old and know what I'm talking about;)


--------------------
1) Cars can hurt you.
2) You cannot fly.
3) It's never a good time to die.
4) Taking your clothes off will draw attention.
5) Keep your mouth shut at all times while in public.
6) Although you may see things that are not there, you won't NOT see things that are there.
7) Don't forget how to breathe.
8) Only carry: a house-key, some loose change, and your address in your shoe.
9) Nobody can tell that you are tripping until you tell them "I'm tripping".
10) No matter how fucked-up you think you are, you'll eventually come down.

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Re: A bit of curiousity and the way my mind likes making things complicated. [Re: Louiscypher]
    #9592385 -

Louiscypher said:
The biggest thing you need to do is not worry about what people think of you.

Where I work a lot of people think I am the biggest asshole in the company and we are talking 100's of people and my reputation. The few that know me know that this is farther from the truth than anything and I leave it at that. I work with them. I don't have to go home with any of them or see them when I am not working.
  Those who do know me think I'm a great caring human. Those who don't and have no interest in knowing who I am. Fuck Them. Life is too short to worry about how everyone perceives you.

  It's normal to see women at work or work with women and think about having sex with them. It's normal human nature.

I was married to someone who was a Christian. It didn't work out. She wasn't very Christian before we got married. Afterward it was well my family all goes to church and the rest of the story goes down hill from there.
 
  Be your own person. Don't let people put you down for who you are. You obviously know that it wouldn't work out between you, but ther is nothing wrong with thinking about what she would be like naked. Hell I even undress some of the women at work knowing I wouldn't in a miilion years go iut with them. That's my advice  :death:


.


--------------------

koods said:
Young male going by the name "Bassfreak" entered Worcester General complaining of a sharp pain in his buttock region after attending EDM event. Attending physician considered a possible diagnosis of acute rave anus, but upon further investigation it was determined there was nothing cute about patient's anus.
Life-long trip report

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Re: A bit of curiousity and the way my mind likes making things complicated. [Re: Mr_Insidious]
    #9592445 -

Quit putting the pussy on a pedestal.


--------------------
Always
Be
Closing

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Re: A bit of curiousity and the way my mind likes making things complicated. [Re: Mr_Insidious]
    #9592517 -

this is like a joke thread or something.

as though you were trolling yourself.

the thread title should have been "i have a crush"
and the content "i have a crush on a girl i work with"


--------------------
You can check the last post in my journal for contact info.

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Re: A bit of curiousity and the way my mind likes making things complicated. [Re: scout24]
    #9592588 -

how is that a joke?


--------------------

I want to show you life for what it's worth, from beginning to end from when your life was first launched 'till when it descends back to earth. From pyramiding at it's peak 'till when it turns back into dirt..

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Re: A bit of curiousity and the way my mind likes making things complicated. [Re: upinthetrees]
    #9592662 -

joke?

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Re: A bit of curiousity and the way my mind likes making things complicated. [Re: scout24]
    #9592715 -

Thanks alot to pfxtc, illume, and Louiscypher, for your sensible, un-insultive replies, and good advice.

It is much appreciated, and I'm just going to ignore those who think for some whacked reason I'm joking here.

Yeah, it's very true I shouldn't be worrying what others think. And well, to an extent I'm letting me be my own person. But my own person, well, is a confused person so I'm standing on unstable ground. I need to work on that.

Sigh, I guess it is just one of those situations I'm going to have mentally focus myself on and work out. :frown:

Thanks again to those who care. :smile:


Cheers.

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Re: A bit of curiousity and the way my mind likes making things complicated. [Re: pfxtc]
    #9593145 -

pfxtc said:
Hmmm...

Well, personally I would...

well...

ok here's my advice (and how I personally deal with it)

two wise words of wisdom :

1. FUCK

2. THEM

there. every time you feel down about something or someone who ISN'T you is making you feel down or trying to put you down, remember those two words. FUCK THEM. they are nobody. the only goal in this life is to make YOURSELF happy, not ANYBODY else.

hope that helps a little bit.


This. No one else has to deal with your problems and no one else knows how you feel, people who pretend otherwise are worthless.


--------------------
With Allure I Look to the Sky With Awakened Eyes

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Re: A bit of curiousity and the way my mind likes making things complicated. [Re: Mr_Insidious]
    #9594028 -

Haha man I feel you, my mind works in similar ways. I have nothing to offer but empathy :shrug:.


--------------------
"I only ever hope to reach equilibrium, in Nature's matrix, in line with the meridian" ~ Jehst

:sun: "...and I know that I have to keep breathing, as tomorrow the sun will rise, who knows what the tide will bring?" :sun:

Free Spore Ring Europe
Send any spare spore prints you might have and help the distribution :grin:

Open Source. Freedom.  GNU/Linux

Addicting is not a word.

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Re: A bit of curiousity and the way my mind likes making things complicated. [Re: scout24]
    #9594074 -

scout24 said:
Quit putting the pussy on a pedestal.


There is your answer fish bulb; you sound to me like your building these women up in your own head to be more amazing people than they really are.

It compounds when they are just trying to be nice people and reciprocate friendly or flirty behavior (not many young guys can tell the difference between the two)

The men then proceed to feel used and hurt because they convinced themselves to fall head over heels for someone that doesn't care for them back.

Young women do it just as often as young men and its a very stupid game to play with your own emotions and many people become jaded and angry at the opposite sex for a long time because of there own mistakes and misinterpretations.

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Re: A bit of curiousity and the way my mind likes making things complicated. [Re: Irdamage]
    #9612370 -

Thanks again guys.

Very true about the mis-communication thing, Irdamage. That's what recently has happened to me and well it has got me a bit jaded. And with the 'putting pussy on a pedestal' thing, I have to say after re-examination, this is true, I can say I'm guilty of that. Not a realistic thing to do, I agree.

There's no mis-communication with this girl at my work, no flirty behavior, just something I've purely got in my head. It's starting to eat me up more.. and I can feel the downward spiral coming again as I find it hard to fight these things.

I appreciate you guys discussing this with me and giving advice. We'll see what happens.

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Re: A bit of curiousity and the way my mind likes making things complicated. [Re: Cepheus]
    #9612373 -

Cepheus said:
Haha man I feel you, my mind works in similar ways. I have nothing to offer but empathy :shrug:.


Hey thanks buddy, appreciate it. Relieving to hear someones got a similar mindset to me on these things. Sometimes I feel like I'm so isolated from everyone else's minds.

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Re: A bit of curiousity and the way my mind likes making things complicated. [Re: Mr_Insidious]
    #9613224 -

the age gap doesnt matter shit, it would be a good experience, in my opinion. However from what you say, it doesn't really sound like this girl is right for you. If you just broke up with your girlfriend for a year then you might be having some rebound symptom of looking for someone to have feelings for. just be wary, 's'all i'm sayin'


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Re: A bit of curiousity and the way my mind likes making things complicated. [Re: Noteworthy]
    #9618168 -

Fair enough man.

That other chick wasn't my girlfriend, she was just a very good friend who I had huge feelings for, and thought she felt the same, for a long time. Little did I know. Consumed an entire year.

I think you'd be right about the rebound thing, looking for someone to have feelings for. Ohwell, even if that's the reason, I'm still feeling for her, and today was even harder, just seeing her again.

Sigh.. atleast I'll have some weed to smoke this weekend. Quite a bit of it. Been so long...


Cheers.

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Re: A bit of curiousity and the way my mind likes making things complicated. [Re: Mr_Insidious]
    #9618199 -

youre best chances with this new girl are if you keep your feelings to yourself and keep actin coo'
dont let her find out that you've suddenly started getting strange attraction to her unless she is clearly coming on to you


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Re: A bit of curiousity and the way my mind likes making things complicated. [Re: Noteworthy]
    #9618227 -

Indigo Children.


--------------------
Tune in, Freak out, Get Beaten.

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