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i suck at building lasting relationships
    #8999231 -

I'm turning 24 in less than 2 weeks and I haven't been in a relationship for longer than 3 months, and in the last 2 or 3 years most of them have been 1-2 months at best. It makes me feel like a fuck-up even though i know intellectually that it's not that big of a deal. I like being alone most of the time and am pretty comfortable with myself. I'm a pretty damn good looking, intelligent, easy going and friendly woman so there's really no reason for it. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with being kind of passive, not telling people what i want for fear of getting nothing at all, and being attracted to guys that are a bit too easy going about things who invitably get more and more distant over time. Alot of guys are attracted to me, I get checked out on a daily basis. Alot of them get stoked on dating me initially because they think I'm pretty and that I must be interesting, but in the time it takes me to get comfortable enough open up and be more forward they lose interest. fuck. I'm considering just having a slutty phase for a few months and picking up on a regular basis to practice speaking my mind and saying what I want from people - it's easier when I'm less invested, plus that way I get to have regular sex instead of all these frustrating dry spells inbetween anticlimactic phases of dating.

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Re: i suck at building lasting relationships [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #8999263 -

It sounds like to me when you are dating you have a bland personality.  You need to be more open and showing your true feelings and personality.

No one likes a door mat in the long run regardless of how pretty.

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Re: i suck at building lasting relationships [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #8999281 -

You actually sound like my kind of woman...The kind that leaves me alone.  lol  Seriously though,  you just have to find the right guy.  I think that I would be good with a woman like you.  See my problem is getting with women that want to be too involved and try to take over.  I would much rather have one that minded their own business most of the time and was ok with doing her own thing.(when doing her own thing is not going out and fucking around).

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Re: i suck at building lasting relationships [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #8999285 -

what a whore

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Re: i suck at building lasting relationships [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #9000161 -

I think it's pretty lame to be controlling, but it's also pretty lame to be so easy going that you don't ask anyone to try harder or to make a real effort for you, which is what I tend to do. It's not like I'm desperate to take anything I can get. There are always 3 guys who are obviously into me for every guy I like back, and I keep them at a friendly armslength away without being harsh or using them for temporary attention. Part of the problem is that I am looking for something pretty specific, I'm picky, but when I find a guy I see a real possibility with I just sort of let it go wherever it goes instead of just saying straight up "look, I like you alot, I want this to go somewhere." I let them be half assed because I'm a) afraid of the embarrassment of rejection b) I have a strong aversion to being controlling and I have tended to confuse being right up front about my wants with being controlling when really I know that the difference is in how you express what you want.

#3, what you're talking about sounds reasonable assuming you actually do want to spend a fair amount of quality time with your lady. It's all well and good to be independent and give space and all that, important even, but it sucks when you don't hear from your supposed partner for days on end.

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Re: i suck at building lasting relationships [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9000979 -

hi. i am a guy with your exact same problem.

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Re: i suck at building lasting relationships [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #9001182 -

Anonymous #5 said:
hi. i am a guy with your exact same problem.


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Re: i suck at building lasting relationships [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #9001274 -

Hit me up when you decide to go into a slutty phase. I'll pump your pussy full of rock hard dick, and dry smash you in the shit box.

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Re: i suck at building lasting relationships [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #9001972 -

If im crushing on a woman, she can reveal a lot of things about herself that I don’t like or agree with before I lose interest.  The fact that she has interests, and is passionate is what intrigues me, no matter what it is (in most cases).  A girl that agrees too much, or doesn’t really seem to have any interests appears to either be hiding something, or sheltered and unenlightened.

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Re: i suck at building lasting relationships [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #9002759 -

Anonymous #4 said:
what a whore


sounds like your givin it up to easy hun sorry.. but thats truth you've been in a bunch of relation ships that havent lasted over two months quit lookin for some one you could screw and start lookin for some one you could be wit

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Re: i suck at building lasting relationships [Re: Anonymous #9]
    #9003579 -

#8, my problem isn't hiding my interests or agreeing too much. I'm pretty opinionated and passionate about what I care about and don't hide that kind of stuff from anyone who seems like they want to hear about it. And no, I'd never date someone that didn't want to hear about my interests. That's just stupid.

#9 I'm hardly giving it up to easy. Like I said, I'm 24. I've been dating since I was 16. That's 96 months. I've had a number of 1-3 month relationships in that time but most of it has been spent single and celibate. It's pretty presumptuous of you to assume I just go for anyone I can screw, especially since I already specifically said that I don't do that even though it would be easy for me. I could pick up any night I wanted to, but I generally don't (probably should.)

On a side note, my roomate wants to set me up on a blind date with a guy from his work. I trust my roomate's judgement, so there's a good chance this person is totally someone I'd go for.  Apparently we have similar personalities and this guy is really genuine and friendly which i something I really appreciate, and is especially rare in broader social scene I'm connected to. I think I'm gonna go for it, but the whole blind date thing is kind of nerve racking.

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Re: i suck at building lasting relationships [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9003736 -

Anonymous #1 said:
I could pick up any night I wanted to, but I generally don't (probably should.)



lol so? Thats only impressive if a male says it.

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Re: i suck at building lasting relationships [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9003816 -

My longest is 2 weeks
so you dont suck at all.

Theres blokes at 50 who aint had more than half hour with a prostitute.

Keep trying.  Thats it.  Thats all every other fucker is doin.

In todays day and age most "lasting relationships" are 2 years, 3 kids and a divorce.

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Re: i suck at building lasting relationships [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9003933 -

IMO

I say take a break from dating. 

If you sometimes feel like a fuck-up, then spend the next year or so improving yourself.  Make it the most important year of your life.  Every day, spend time getting better.  Practice everything you are not good at, especially communicating and connecting with people.  Get fit, get focused, get confident.  Do it until you are attracted to yourself, then start thinking about attracting other people.

Don't do the slutty phase thing, you'll only dig the hole deeper.

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Re: i suck at building lasting relationships [Re: Anonymous #8]
    #9003939 -

Anonymous #8 said:
If im crushing on a woman, she can reveal a lot of things about herself that I don’t like or agree with before I lose interest.  The fact that she has interests, and is passionate is what intrigues me, no matter what it is (in most cases).  A girl that agrees too much, or doesn’t really seem to have any interests appears to either be hiding something, or sheltered and unenlightened.


For sure

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Re: i suck at building lasting relationships [Re: Anonymous #12]
    #9004995 -

#12 - i take a lot of breaks from dating. usually at least a few months in between each. that's been the rule more than the exception. I spend alot of time working on improving myself and growing and I've come a damn long way from the neurotic, terribly shy, terribly repressed and anxiety ridden teenager I once was. I feel so good about myself, and so attractive that right now I feel like, OK, I've come this far, I'm pretty damn great, it'd sure be nice if someone on par with me would come along and spend some time. And goddamnit, I'm horny. I want one person around on a regular basis who I can trust, care about, share a bond with and fuck whenever I want.

the problem is either

a) I have an inexplicable attraction to guys that are flaky motherfuckers
b) I pick the right guys, I'm just not assertive enough about what I want

or a combination of or alternation between a and b.

I think I'm way too self analytical.

#11, hahah thanks. that's a good point, and actually makes me feel alot better.

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