Ok, so this is basically so I can air some confessions I have recently recalled from my youth.
The first:
My cousin, we'll call him Mike, was visiting once when I was a kid. I was probably 7 or 8, and he was 5. I had this little toy robot bank called "Robie the Robot".
You would put a coin in his hand, press the hand down, and it would lift it to its mouth, eat the coin, chew a few times and then lick its lips with this robotic tongue. The little fucker was cool as shit.
It was the one on the left. My aunt had given us a pile of pennies, lets say we had 30 pennies each. We were supposed to take turns feeding him, and she told us specifically NOT to steal each others pennies.
The little guy was being a dick to me, saying that I looked dumb and my mom was mean (which she isn't) so I set him up for a bruisin.
After feeding the little guy some coins, my cousin goes to use the bathroom. While he's gone, I slip 3 of my pennies into his pile.
When he comes back, I go and tell my aunt that he stole some of my pennies.
She comes into the room and accuses him of theft of my pennies. He denies it, and denies it.
She counts out our remaining coins, and the little fucker had SIX more coins than me!
She bent him over her knee and started to spank him while he screamed and I went into another room to hide while I laughed.
Confession the second:
I was 7 years old.
There was this kid at my grade school, we'll call him Bobby.
Bobby and I and some of the other boys were in a cub scouts group together. Some of our parents were the leaders of the scout group- my mom, Bobby's dad, another kids mom and I think another dad.
Anyway, Bobby's dad was a real schmuck and everyone knew it. We all suspected he smacked Bobby around, and cheated on his wife.
I recently met a girl who was a coworker of mine. She told me her boyfriends name, and I immediately recognized him as Bobby. She told me she was living with him and his family. One day she was using the family computer, and Bobby's dad came into the room and told her to get up off her ass and do Bobby's laundry and make him something to eat. When she replied that she was busy writing an e-mail and that she didn't want to do her boyfriends laundry, he responded that "that is the way things are done in the [last name here]'s household. This is just to give an idea what kind of prick this guy was.
He didn't like me or my mom (Bobby's dad). One day, a shitstorm erupted at a scouts meeting, because Bobby's dad had hit 2 of the other cub scouts. I piped up, and for whatever reason said he had hit me too. I don't know if I just wanted attention, or wanted to get back at him for not liking me and my mom, but whatever the reason, I did it.
He was kicked out as a cub scout leader.
I felt real bad about this, but it balanced out. A couple years later, his wife smacked me around at a school fair, and someone saw. It was reported to the principal and my mother (she worked at my elementary school as the assistant principal). I kept my mouth shut this time and refused to tell on Bobby's mom, so I hope karma balanced out there.
Confession the third:
I was a horrible prankster when I was a kid.
This one's not all that bad. Since my mom worked at my elementary school, I had access to the office. I used to sneak in all the time and mix in colored paper with the white paper in the copy machine, and draw pictures on some of the paper.
I would put cups of water on top of all the doors, and prop them slightly open.
I would rig these toy chests so that when they opened all the toys would spill out. They were the kind that were two halves standing up, and opened by sliding one to the side on wheels. All the shelves met in the center, so I would just close it most of the way, reach in and pull the toys so that they would be sitting in the middle of the crack.
Whenever someone opened it, all the toys would crash to the floor, and I'd be sitting in a corner somewhere with my face between my knees, shaking with silent laughter.
I was considered to be the second best kid in my classes in elementary school (I went to a private school, so the classes were only about 40 or so), and I always resented the smartest kid (she was Asian).
Her family would always vacation in Japan, and one day, she was passing around Japanese coins for show and tell.
I pocketed the biggest one, and never told anyone, even when I was directly asked.
I was a habitual snack-thief. Our desks were always set in groups of 4, and I used to snatch this one girls snack out of her lunchbox every day. She started keeping it directly behind her in her chair, but I became skilled to the point where I could take the snack out of the box while the box was touching her, and she wouldn't notice.
I practiced as a pickpocket, and would constantly steal other kids pens and pencils, and whatever trinkets they had in their pockets.
I ganked keys for the office, and snuck in when no one was there and would rearrange the staff's things on their desks.
Confession the fourth:
When I was in middle school, this kid Ryan always used to bully me. One day I took a permanent marker, and in the bathroom stall wrote "Ryan R rules!".
He got called to the office and got a week of detention later that day.
Another bully in middle school used to pick on me all the time during gym, and while we were changing for gym. Our gym clothes were kept in the bathroom, in racks on the walls, instead of lockers. I went to the bathroom once, and pissed all over his gym clothes. He didn't even realize until he had them on, and he smelled like piss for the rest of the day, since the showers in the bathroom were non-functional.
There was another bully at my school who used to pick on me and all the other small or nerdy kids. One day, I was walking down the hall, and ran into him. There was a ladder leading into the ceiling, and we could see that it opened on the roof. We could see the sky from where we were standing, and I goaded him by saying "I wonder whats up there? I bet its cool as shit." He started climbing up the ladder, and when he got to the top, looked down and said, "you're coming up too right?" and I was like, "Sure!", and he stepped out of view. I had no intention of going up on the roof.
Right then, the science teacher stepped out of the classroom to see what the noise was, saw me looking up the ladder, and I ran around the corner, gaining my escape.
He got expelled for that (again, private school in middle school, it was a strict place). He had been in trouble many previous times, and this was the last straw.
Confession the fifth:
In high school (also private), this one kid Anthony used to bully me, and I hated it because he was a short little motherfucker, and oompa-loompa or Santa's elf looking kind of dude.
He was talking shit publicly about a close friend of mine, who he used to date. He was talking crap about how she cried the first time they had sex because it hurt so much. I was like, "Thats funny, she said you had the smallest dick she'd ever seen!". He was humiliated, and threw me up against a wall.
Later that day, I stole some knick knacks from our homeroom teachers desk while she was in the bathroom. When he wasn't looking, I slipped them in his backpack.
When she came back, she asked the class where her stuff was. No one answered, so she called the vice-principal and the coach up.
They announced that if no one admitted it, backpacks would be searched.
Well, they did search the backpacks and they found what they were looking for. They dragged him down to the office, screaming and denying the whole way. He got in school suspension for a day, and a week of morning detentions (you had to be at school an hour early, our school started at 7:50, which meant you had to be there at 6:50).
I'm sure there were plenty of others, I'll update the thread as I think of more things I want to confess.
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My name is Mud
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