Hi, its been about 6 months+ since I last ate mushrooms. With one exception due to setting, mushrooms have always been meaningful and left me with a renewed vigor for life. Ive tripped around 10-15 times on shrooms and dabbled with salvia and HBWR trips. At that point in my tripping history, I was just in awe and learning to be in harmony with myself and others. Now I feel like I have adequate experience to control the trips direction, but I have yet to trip for any reason other than to see where it takes me. The most direction I've put into a trip has been eating shrooms for the purposes of analyzing the interactions of sober people at a party. It was a very interesting and disgusting experience that showed me the pinnacle of modern life is not the Friday night party as I had been led to believe.
Psychedelics have been a double edged sword for my mental health. During and after the trips I became aware of stuff I may have never realized had I stuck to the straight laced path. Unfortunately, that bright glimpse of hope for the peace and love worldwide faded as time passed. It is extremely unlikely that the selfish survival-centered parts of human nature that tear the human family apart will be mended in my lifetime. Months after my trips I became profoundly depressed, anxious, and fought suicidal thoughts. I dont want to spend too much time on this downer stuff, but the suicidal thoughts were due to the imperfect nature of this world. God damn it, we have to get up & go to work in the sick world, come home to television and a sick family life, and in the end realize that we ourselves are not free of imperfections in how we think. My desire to continue living was just dangling by a thread.
I dealt with the anxiety and can now smoke up in public because I can put unfounded fears away. However, the depression is still dogging me. I feel emotionally fragile as I transition from suicidal ideation to healthy thinking. I'm fighting it and feeling better every day, but it takes time. Once you are in a hole and notice all the sick things in the world it can be hard to muster up the motivation to LIVE when you secretly long to be killed quickly and painlessly.
So here's where the trip comes in. Im looking to induce a mystical experience through chemicals to learn to love myself & others, lead me to motivation to take the steps I need to get to the life I desire, and grow closer to trusted friends. I have access to mushrooms, LSD, and peyote. Ive only taken mushrooms, but the mindfuck contemplation might not be what I need right now. Cacti have been described to me as a more lucid, healing trip than mushrooms and I would appreciate any information about psychedelics and healing of the soul.
With what Ive shared, how would you shroomerites recommend I go about the trip? My first thoughts are to share my intentions with the people Im tripping with, meditate, and have a list of questions to contemplate while tripping. Has anyone here successfully used psychedelics to long standing depression? Before you guys have at it, I might add that the trip will take place on private property in the woods of a friend. Bonfire, shelter, fishing, etc are all available.
Edited by arpnuke (06/25/08 11:49 PM)
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