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it's like he reached into my head and stole my thoughts and feelings.
    #7501660 -

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/det/367342914.html

Fuck you CHORES

Fuck you, cleaning the fridge. How the hell do you get so dirty? I don't eat in there, I simply store food. What the fuck is that stain on the bottom shelf? Do gnomes have parties in here when I'm at work or something? Nasty little gnomes. And, for some reason, I feel really, really vulnerable when I'm bent over, scrubbing your gross shelves. Don't know why. So thank you for keeping my beer cold, but fuck you for making a mess of it.

Fuck you, paying bills. Every fucking month? Are you kidding me? I barely even watched TV this month, I still gotta shell out all that cash? And, while I'm at it, fuck your pathetic little late fees. They're small enough for me to easily ignore them but they add up over time. So thank you for the electricity, water and internet, but fuck you for your constant demands.

Fuck you, deleting old files from my computer. What man can make this decision? It's like choosing which of my kids to leave behind on the sinking ship. Fuck, this is killing me. I hate my old ass computer.

Fuck you, changing light bulbs. It's 2006, right? I was pissed when I wasn't issued a jetpack in 2000 (where's my fucking raygun?!?), but I figured by now technology would've at least advanced to the point where I don't have to stand on my wobbly chair and deal with this crap. Two bonus fuck yous: for scaring the crap out of me when I walk into a darkened room, innocently flick the switch and get momentarily blinded by that huge flash and terrifying pop! Also, for somehow convincing your lightbulb brethren to join you, causing a chain reaction that means I'm filled with fear whenever I turn on a light. Pop! Pop! Pop! What, did you all join in a suicide pact while I was asleep?
Bastards.

Fuck you, washing dishes. Yes, I know, you smell funny, and I know the longer I wait, the more weird slime stuff is just gonna accumulate on you. That's why I've pretty much switched to just using paper plates (fuck you, environment) and eating with my hands. I'm a caveman in an apartment.

Finally, fuck you, writing this rant.


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Re: it's like he reached into my head and stole my thoughts and feelings. [Re: tiny_rabid_birds]
    #7501710 -

indeed

:mad:


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What Would Dexter Do?

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Re: it's like he reached into my head and stole my thoughts and feelings. [Re: usefulidiot13]
    #7501723 -

:kingcrankey:


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Re: it's like he reached into my head and stole my thoughts and feelings. [Re: tiny_rabid_birds]
    #7501752 -

Its 2007, not 2006.


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Retiro Equipaje. Mas uno por favor Cerveza, es mas fina. Psalm 706:6

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Re: it's like he reached into my head and stole my thoughts and feelings. [Re: ShiVersblood]
    #7501759 -

okay? i didn't write it. i read it, found it incredibly relevant to my thoughts. and quite humorous to boot. maybe the dude wrote it in 2006?


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Re: it's like he reached into my head and stole my thoughts and feelings. [Re: tiny_rabid_birds]
    #7501779 -

I might post that on our refrigerator.

I already wrote up these rules for the kitchen:

Quote:
10 Commandments of The Kitchen:

1. WASH YOUR DISHES. If you use pots, pans, dishes, silverware, etc.

a. Don’t do a half-assed job and put it back up. Clean means it should look like new. No one wants to use dishes with little flakes of food shit on them.
b. If you put dirty dishes back in the cabinet, prepare for a swift kick right in the baby makers. No, seriously. You’re gonna get kicked in the balls. That’s just disgusting.
c. If you come home trashed and make some food, it’s okay to wash the dishes the next day, just make sure you do it. Otherwise… it’s your balls.


2. If you are going to leave for more than a day, WASH YOUR FUCKING DISHES. Other roommates shouldn’t have to do your job because you are leaving for a while.


3. Keep the stove/oven clean. If something boils over or you spill stuff, clean it. There is degreaser in the closet and soap on the counter. Use it.


4. Clean up your crumbs and spills. This includes the sink, don’t clog it up. Even if you spilled on the floor, clean it up, fucker. We don’t want bug problems, you messy asshole.


5. Clean up used napkins. No one wants to touch the herpes mouth germs and god knows what else you left behind on your napkin.


6. Don’t leave your belongings on the table for a long time. It’s messy clutter and it detracts from the over all look of the apartment.


7. Don’t leave the sponge in the sink. It’ll grow bacteria and smell like asshole. No one wants to use dishes that were washed with an asshole. Put the sponge next to the sink where it is free to dry.


8. Eating others food without explicit permission is unacceptable. We go grocery shopping at least once weekly, get your own shit. Food isn’t cheap. Don’t be that roommate that mooches off the other people.


9. If you use the plastic silverware, you should help replenish the stock. Go to Quiznos and grab a handful of stuff, throw it in a bag, then empty it in a drawer. Not that hard.


10. If you break a rule, expect to be called out on it. We pride ourselves on keeping a clean room. Don’t take offense to it, pansy. Just follow the rules and you’ll still have the ability to have kids at the end of the year.


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Re: it's like he reached into my head and stole my thoughts and feelings. [Re: Gumby]
    #7501784 -

You must be a real pain in the ass to live with :crankey:


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:hst:
Society in every form is a blessing,
but government at its best is but a necessary evil 
- Thomas Paine

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Re: it's like he reached into my head and stole my thoughts and feelings. [Re: Gumby]
    #7501787 -

dude.. you would hate rooming with me.

i simply say "fuck you dishes". i do them like once a month, if even. the sink smells like an old man. no lie. a fucking old man. i don't understand. but it does. speaking of which.. i need to do dishes sometime soon. women don't like it when i have old man smell in the sink.

fuck you dishes!


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Re: it's like he reached into my head and stole my thoughts and feelings. [Re: gluke bastid]
    #7501789 -

Haha, actually all my roommates agreed on the rules. We run a tight ship in here, but it's clean as hell and we have never seen a single bug.

.. Plus the ladies like it when guys have a clean place :smile:

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Re: it's like he reached into my head and stole my thoughts and feelings. [Re: gluke bastid]
    #7501895 -

gluke bastid said:
You must be a real pain in the ass to live with :crankey:


You must be a real sloven person.

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