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Had a mental breakdown... repairing the damage
    #6706227 -

About Sunday night I noticed this lump under my left armpit, over the next few days it got a little bigger and I developed a fever. I was driving home from school (about a 30 minute commute) Wednesday night with the fever and forgot that the heat was on.

When I finally got home, I couldn't really remember anything, and became really delirious, soon realizing about the heat, and started freaking out like I had fried my brain. I started crying, freaking my mom out, who called the paramedics and my girlfriend telling her I was losing it.

It was a really weird feeling, I could only focus on one thing, so even though people were panicking around me, I was like on my bed staring at an apple thinking, hmm i should eat. Id take a bite, then forget I was eating it, cry for a second thinking Ive made myself a vegetable, forget, and think about something else for 5 seconds.

So the night passed or whatever, total near death experience, and the next day I really regained all cognitive functioning. Around exactly the same time as the night before, I became delirious again. Crying to my girlfriend about how I was dying, repenting and making her freak out. She took me to see her mom and I got really scared, and started acting like a vegetable in front of her because of these fears she would be skeptical of my condition and shit.

the next day (yesterday) my girlfriend still stood by me and I went to the ER finally. they gave me all kinds of shit through IV and sent me home. Same time I still began to have an episode but finally realized it was a mental trauma at this point, and was able to control my body's reaction. Um, I just needed to get that shit off my chest.

I'm kind of generally anxious sometimes, but never have I acted in such a way to so many people I care about, very non typical behavior. I feel like I owe my girlfriend (6mos.) in ways so big, I don't even know what to do for her. She loved me and stayed by my side, even though I took her to hell with me, 2 nights in a row. I don't know what her mom or family will think of me, we still don't know each other incredibly well, and I'm some 25 year old dating their 18 year old, who's freaking out crying all over the place acting like a retard.

Egh..

p.s. dont drive with the heat on when you have a fever~!~~!~!~!!~!!


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notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

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Re: Had a mental breakdown... repairing the damage [Re: Mickalopagus]
    #6706648 -

Is your armpit still swollen? Have you ruled out mycotoxicosis? There's a sticky post at the top of P&M well-being on this subject.

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Re: Had a mental breakdown... repairing the damage [Re: Mickalopagus]
    #6706881 -

i'm really sorry to hear this dude. dpm't worry what your girlfriend's parents or family will think of it.

i'm glad you got better and i'm glad you have a supporting mom and girlfriend by your side.

godbless

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Re: Had a mental breakdown... repairing the damage [Re: evolprim]
    #6707644 -

Man.... I got food poisoning a couple weeks ago, and was delirious like that. It was scary. Somehow, I got the idea that my sickness was contained in four quadrants of hyperspace or something, each with a certain symbol attached to it. And depending on how I laid in my bed (on my back, stomach, or either side) was connected to each quadrant. It was nuts.

After that though, my mind felt better than before. I was having a hard time before hand for about a year, and still am. But I feel like that broke my mind down and now its building from the ground up, in a more healed fashion. That may seem like total B.S., but that's how I'm experiencing it. I hope it works out the same for you.


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Loving in truth, and fain in verse my love to show, That the dear She might take some pleasure of my pain: Pleasure might cause her read, reading might make her know, Knowledge might pity win, and pity grace obtain.

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Re: Had a mental breakdown... repairing the damage [Re: jonathanseagull]
    #6712537 -

thanks for your input guys, I appreciate it ;0

turned out to be a sebaceous cyst, caused by a deep ingrown hair follicle I guess, or thats what my antibiotics are for.

I figured most of the panicky episodes I was having was due to a low level anxiety, something Ive been dealing with for some time, that finally climaxed when I felt the loss of control (from the heat exhaustion).

Whats kind of pivotal about this experience though is that before I didn't have enough motivation to try and change how the low level anxiety gets to me. Now that it really got exposed, and I saw how damaging the feelings can get, I am ready to take action.

I have bought a meditation book, and am going to dedicate more time to my creative side, my music, and am going to take control over the emotions and feelings in my life.

I hope this provides some insight to any of you who have tendencies towards anxiety. Please don't let it control your life, any aspect of it. You can have better, and deserve better! Complete serenity is in our brains, we just have to attain it, and embrace it. I do believe that.

with love.


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

Edited by mickdawg666 (03/26/07 11:03 AM)

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Re: Had a mental breakdown... repairing the damage [Re: Mickalopagus]
    #6713693 -

I was going to say it could have been a swollen lymph node because they are usually noticeable if you are sick.  Sometimes a doctor will even feel your armpits during a regular exam.

For the record, I had a panic attack once so I know exactly what it is like.  I am usually not prone to that kind of thing but it was totally out of left field.  You start by having your mind pre-conditioned or focused on something, then just a little thing can trigger it and it spins totally out of control.

I'm still kind of embarrassed to talk about the details but suffice it to say I ended up having full-on hallucinations and almost hurt myself badly.  The power of the mind is incredible.  Luckily no one found out.  I am wiser from it though and it has never happened since.  It probably won't happen to you as badly anymore either as long as you are aware that you should just relax and double check before you freak out about something.  Don't worry, you're ok :laugh:

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