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Life......WTF
    #6536660 -

Lately I've really been thinking a lot of life. When you're younger it seems so eternal, like you have all the time in world.  Now such concepts seem so naive. It's like all of the sudden 22 years have gone by in a flash, and time keeps speeding up.  I've really been seeing how short life really is recently. In no time I'll be posting about how ANOTHER 22 years flew by. :crazy:

I'm at the point now where I should working on what I want to do with the rest of my life, but that's as elusive now as it was when I was 5 years old.  There are way too many things that I'd love to do, each one capturing my mind fully when I think about it.  Music, touring, archeology, working with tigers, doing all I can to change the world.........

Which one to concentrate on though? I can fuck around with all of them to a degree, and plan too.....however, there's gotta be one thing that I can really concentrate on, and I'm not sure what it is.  I don't want to be 80 years old and realize that I didn't do what I really wanted too. This shit's been driving me nuts lately. :confused:

It's also time to really go places, see things....experience as much as I can. I'll always take psychedelics; my journey with them is far from over; I have so much more to explore, so more to learn. However, as many of you know, I was a hardcore druggie for years, really didn't do much of anything except drugs, and all sorts of drugs at that....I spent a lot more time abusing hard drugs than I did exploring myself sad to say.

So basically, I'm back to exploration, as well as having a good time; but that's a continuation of my journey, and moderation is key.  It's time to devote more energy and time to exploring new things and new places. The shitty thing is, my battle with addiction has left me in a very bad financial state, and at this rate (I'm working, and working hard....but not exactly raking in the dough) it's going to take years to rebuild myself financially and get to the level where I can really do what I want.

I've spent far too much time in my home town, which doesn't suit me at all.  There are very few people here that know what's up, that have any interests or beliefs in common with me. And basically zero girls.....I've come to the conclusion that I'm NOT going to find a compatible woman in this area.  Which isn't the end of world of course, I have a very high degree of inner peace and feel confortable spiritually speaking. It's just that it would be nice, I'd like to be able to share myself & my life with someone at some point.

I don't mean to ramble on here, but I feel the need to get this out, see what you all make of it, see what advice any of the older folks can give me.  I just see time running out, and I want to make the most of the time I have left.

I know I'm still really young, but that's no guarentee as I've seen over the past couple years. Life can be gone in a snap, no matter how old you are. I mentioned my past problems with addiction, and there's another thing that's come along with that, something I've only told a few folks, and haven't mentioned on the shroomery;

I get chest pains fairly often; and I don't know what they are. It's probably nothing, just muscle spasms, but it still freaks me out a bit. I fucked with my heart pretty bad, so there could be something wrong. I just don't know...

It's probably nothing, and I'm crossing my fingers & hoping for the best, as well as trying to live as healthily as I can. I want to take care of myself now, and be in the best shape possible.  It's just one more thing that plays on my mind, something else on top of the overdoses and car accidents that could have easily taken me away and ended this opportunity forever.  So that combined with the racing time and the realization that while I've been standing still for the most part, time & life has most certainly not been, has me thinking a lot lately.

I don't know....there's more I could say, but I think this is the best I can express it all right now.

Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read all of this,

Much love & happiness,

DS :heartpump: :sunny:


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Re: Life......WTF [Re: Dark_Star]
    #6536685 -

I just turned 22 in January. I'm pretty much in your situation but a few things are different but I feel I completely know what your going through. I to want to share my life with a girl and truly believe I found the one. But shes down at the bar playing pool and I'm here desperately waiting for her to text me and ask me to come get her.

I try and stay positive and keep my head up, thats really all you can do. Life sucks and then it gets better... Its a cycle.

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Re: Life......WTF [Re: Dark_Star]
    #6536701 -

80 years is a bit optimistic...

Im 18 and this scares me myself.

Seriously though the best thing to do is not to think about what you need to accomplish within the system, but its to evaluate what you want from life... do you want to see the world etc etc.

I'd like nothing more than to bum around the world possessing nothing more than a spare set of clothes and some water.. my god the stories I would have.

You know in your heart what you really want to do... Whatever it is .. do that :grin:


--------------------
"I only ever hope to reach equilibrium, in Nature's matrix, in line with the meridian" ~ Jehst

:sun: "...and I know that I have to keep breathing, as tomorrow the sun will rise, who knows what the tide will bring?" :sun:

Free Spore Ring Europe
Send any spare spore prints you might have and help the distribution :grin:

Open Source. Freedom.  GNU/Linux

Addicting is not a word.

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Re: Life......WTF [Re: Dark_Star]
    #6536716 -

Greetings darkstar

I'm turning 20 this month. One things thats really important to do is not let a number freak you out. (its easy to think in terms of "oh shit, 20 years..1/4 of my life gone) You are right, we can be taken at any moment. We could have died countless times before this. But we have not. I was sort of on the same boat as you where (are?)... I loved (love) to do so many things. Cooking, history, art, anthropology, astronomy, writing, music, video games, ..it goes on and on.

I think the key in my case was just delving into one. At a certain point, I just told my self that I'm going to pick music and throw my self into it full force. It was scary and still is. This was one of the few interest I had where I had almost no experience in..I started from almost ground zero. But I'm simply made a choice. I'm not going to stop until I die. Theres no reason not to still have passion about those other subjects. I still do most of them.

I say you pick something. One thing you don't want to do is think about how your going to look back on your life. Just simply use the best judgment you can. I'm sure deep beneath it all.. you know what you truly love. That in no way means that other stuff you interested wont get further study. You can do that stuff to. But pick that one thing. And go full force into it. Everything you got. Read books, talk to people who are doing it, read more books, and try and volunteer in that area. It takes a hell of an effort but if your passionate about something, it should be a very small sacrifice.

Never compare. Never look back. Whats done is done. It was meant to happen and it did. Lets work with the time we have left. Weather is only a week or anther 100 years. Good luck my friend.


--------------------
Shroomery Composition Contest

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Re: Life......WTF [Re: Toddo]
    #6537151 -

Thanks for the responses. :laugh:


I think a soul searching (solo) weekend out in the wilderness is called for, possibly with some psychedelics.  That'll have to wait for spring though.


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Re: Life......WTF [Re: Dark_Star]
    #6537343 -

My god!

The young have so many questions:)

Well my brother I have no good answers for you, as a matter of fact I have not figured out the answers to many of the questions you posed for myself yet, and I'm much older than you are!!!!

True, life goes by very fast, so stressing out over anything is a waste of valuable time!

You must love life every day, be happy, smile, laugh, enjoy the little things!
A sunrise is better than any drug, a sunset should be an event to enjoy! A beautiful star fulled sky should be something you can share with loved ones!

Never hate! (I have struggled with this one but believe me, it's a waste of time and remember rule one)

Give of yourself to others, there's no greater gift than sharing with those less fortunate, and you can share in many ways!

(See note about a smile above)

Everything is a means to an end!

Everything!

But most of all Love and be loved!:heart:


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The bus came by and I got on that's when it all began!


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Re: Life......WTF [Re: Dark_Star]
    #6537377 -

I've recently turned 20, and while few things have changed (as a result of turning 20) I couldn't (can't) help but have the rush of feelings, almost suffocating at times.  "oh shit, time to get things in gear" and whatnot.

Like Toddo said, it's about jumping in head first into something, seeing where it takes you.  After an undetermined period, you can decide if you want to try something else.

No one ever said anyone had (has) to know what they want in life, or do the same thing(s) for the next 50+ years, or that they can't do a hundred things.  So long as you're surviving nothing else matters.

Be prepared to sacrifice a lot of things in your life, currently, to make way for these new(er) things.  Don't fear the change, accept it, let it flow through you, and flow with it.

We have no time remaining.  Our bodies, this physical realm, it's all on a lease with no specified end date.

Be safe, brother

:sun:


--------------------
channel your inner Larry David

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Re: Life......WTF [Re: Ripple]
    #6537515 -

Ripple;  Right on, right on. :grin:

Very well said brother, thank you so much for responding. :laugh: :hug:

If you fight fire with fire, the whole world'll burn down. If you get enough water, you can drown the fires out and something fresh & new shall arise from the ashes.  Lets all pour the waters of love and compassion onto the fires of hatred and intolerance!


demius, also very well said,

Quote:
Be prepared to sacrifice a lot of things in your life, currently, to make way for these new(er) things. Don't fear the change, accept it, let it flow through you, and flow with it.



Word up! :cool:




I seriously appreciate all of the responses I've gotten, sometimes you gotta hear that you're not alone, that we're all in this together.



.......and that you're not crazy. :grin:

Life is wild, that's for sure. The more I think about it, the more I'm like "WHOA!" This is all such a miracle, such a beautiful & amazing miracle. There's negatives, but all in all......


Thanks for helping to fill in a potential rut before I fell into it. :laugh:

Much love!


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Re: Life......WTF [Re: Dark_Star]
    #6537529 -

Im 18 right now, and reading these posts is kinda making me realize...im going to get old soon, old meaning 40+, and it will happen before I realize it. Ive noticed that some of you are into Archaeology and Anthropology, those are also my interests in life. Hey, maybe ill go on a dig with you guys some day :wink:. Next year ill be going to University for Arch Anthro and Psych, and it feels like im moving onto an entire new stage in my life; a stage of independance and freedom, and damn, Im excited!

DarkStar man, I think you should get those chest pains checked out man, go to a doctor, dont even postpone it, call tommorow man, because if it IS something that you need to address and take care of, then youll have a better change of fighting it if you find out sooner. Hopefully it'll be nothing, but get it looked at.

Peace :mushroom2:


--------------------
My apartment in New York was on Perry Street, a five minute walk from the White Horse. I often drank there, but I was never accepted because I wore a tie. The real people wanted no part of me.
- The Rum Diary

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Re: Life......WTF [Re: TuneInTurnOn]
    #6537576 -

You know, just picking up and moving somewhere semi-random and trying to "make it on your own" can be a great learning experience.  I did that about five months ago and I couldn't be happier. 

Good luck, whatever you decide.  :heart:

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Re: Life......WTF [Re: TuneInTurnOn]
    #6537644 -

Yeah man, I'm taking audio classes now, and while I really dig it, I'm thinking either archeology/anthropology or working with tigers is where I'd be the happiest. I've seen a bunch of shows lately with people raising tigers and other other predators from birth, and teaching them how to hunt and whatnot.....the idea is to re-establish tigers in the wild, in sanctuaries in africa.  This is the only way wild tigers will remain in the world.

Watching these shows really touched me, especially seeing the bond between those folks and the tigers.  Can you imagine being hugged and licked by a tiger? Having a tiger greet you like dogs do? Rolling around and playing with them?  I'd love that, these shows really re-kindled this interest in me. :grin:

Quote:
DarkStar man, I think you should get those chest pains checked out man, go to a doctor, dont even postpone it, call tommorow man, because if it IS something that you need to address and take care of, then youll have a better change of fighting it if you find out sooner. Hopefully it'll be nothing, but get it looked at.



Yeah man, you're right....I know I should.  I keep putting it off though; I'm not all about going to the doctors and whatnot, and the main thing is that I'm under my parents insurance (I got MAD lucky.....I'm covered until I'm....24 I think, no matter if I'm a full time student or not. :laugh:), and my mom's health is bad.  I don't want to worry my parents, and I'm concerned about what effect the stress would have on my moms health. :undecided:

So it's a complicated situation.  You're right though, for sure.


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Re: Life......WTF [Re: Dark_Star]
    #6537905 -

Just take comfort knowing that when your 24 those same worries will still be around.  I don't think you look at this juncture in your life as a point where you need to choose what you should definetely do in the future.  I would look at it as an opportunity to learn what it is like to know when your mind is telling you something about yourself--in this case you want some kind of goal/direction to chase, or you want a new enviornment, or whatever.   

Somebody posted this quote here on the shroomery a while ago and it really spoke to me at the time.  Maybe it will offer you something


    Anything is one of a million paths. There you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions. To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life. Only then will you know that any path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do. But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition. I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary.

    This question is one that only a very old man asks. My benefactor told me about it once when I was young, and my blood was too vigorous for me to understand it. Now I do understand it. I will tell you what it is: Does this path have a heart? All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. They are paths going through the bush, or into the bush. In my own life I have traversed, long, long paths, but I am not anywhere. My benefactor's question has meaning now. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good. If it doesn't, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn't. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.


I also recommmend moving far away for no other reason than to move.  I've done it a half dozen times and every time it is very liberating


What ever you do, bro, just follow your gut and make sure you don't regret your past.  Its a lesson that only you have recieved and nobody should regret learning something.



:cool:


--------------------
"And we, inhabitants of the great coral of the Cosmos, believe the atom (which still we cannot see) to be full matter, whereas, it too, like everything else, is but an embroidery of voids in the Void, and we give the name of being, dense and even eternal, to that dance of inconsistencies, that infinite extension that is identified with absolute Nothingness and that spins from its own non-being the illusion of everything."

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Re: Life......WTF [Re: Dark_Star]
    #6537907 -

If you're covered under your parent's health insurance, that's all the more reason to go see the doc pronto!  Carin' for your mother's health is kind and all, but to the extent that you would neglect your own isn't such a solid idea. What if you were to kick the bucket out the blue of some preventable condition?  That'd probably hit yo mama a lot harder than seein' you take responsibility for your health and doing what you can to ensure its good standing.

As for the rest, you're conscious of the active role you play in your life, so focus on your goals and do what makes you happy. 
We all gotta create our own path and jive with it, just do what's you.  Good luck! :sun:


--------------------

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┼ ··∙   long live the shroomery  ∙·· ┼
...╬π╥ ╥π╬...

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Re: Life......WTF [Re: DirtMcgirt]
    #6537992 -

Dirt, great quote, thanks for sharing it. :thumbup:


geokills......yeah, you have a point there. I'll keep an eye on it, and if it continues to bother me I'll make an appointment.  The shit comes and goes...... For instance, I feel fine right now. :shrug:



There's been a lot of mention about moving, and traveling...... I definitely feel a STRONG need to do this, the problem is that I can't afford too at the moment, and probably won't for a while.  But yeah, I gotta do it up, ASAP.


--------------------

Edited by Dark_Star (02/06/07 08:19 PM)

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Re: Life......WTF [Re: Dark_Star]
    #6538205 -

Sounds like you need to travel man.. don't have to uproot yourself and move across the world.. but go on a vacation or something. Though.. it IS winter. Which means festival season in a few months :wink:

Myself, I spent the past year and a half more or less homeless, moving around the country, very rarely did I have more than $20 to my name. I learned a great deal. I wouldn't want to be in that situation again, or have someone go through the same thing.. but I can't deny it was a major learning experience. Basically what kept me going was the kindness of other people. I sincerely doubt I would still be alive right now if not for that. I saw my death foreshadowed many times, I could have easily given in and given up. But I kept going.. I struggled with severe depression for most of my teen years and this didn't exactly help the following years. SO MANY TIMES I felt it was completely hopeless, but I kept going. I'm young but I've already come to terms with my death many times over.

I'll be 25 next week. I don't have any major plans for my life, (aside from lofty goals as I've always had..) I don't have a college degree or a chance at one that I can see. Hell, I didn't even graduate high school as I had to drop out to work at 16. Nor do I have parents that will support me in any way whatsoever. (Apparently intelligence has nothing to do with higher education.. I was in all the AP classes and straight A-Bs throughout school.. scoring 160+ on the psych IQ tests etc). I'm also thousands of dollars in debt and licenceless and carless. (Apparently intelligence doesn't make for good money sense either when you are raised with defunct parents) All I have is myself and my very few good friends, and a low-paying job that I'm relatively happy at. I can barely afford rent.. but hey! At least I have a roof over my head.. it's really cold out.

Ripple probably said it best man. I almost cried reading it, that man speaks wisdom.... the kind you can only get through life experience.  Appreciate every single day you have. Be happy just to be alive and breathing.. it is such a wonderful thing to have. Give to others and just spread love.. it is the best thing you can do.

Life is all about what you make of it. You may be dealt a shitty hand, but make the best of it. Take what you got and go from there. Always follow your heart. Be true to yourself and follow your dreams. But most importantly.. just LIVE IN THE NOW, and take things as they come. Plan for the future yes.. but don't get too wrapped up in it... the only reality is RIGHT NOW, it is all that truly exists, the future is only what you make out of the right now.

Bottom line is you've got a lot going for you and people that care.. and you got the right attitude.... so you'll be quite alright :sun:. USE YOUR GIFTS
Just keep on keeping on and be wherever you are the most beneficial for yourself and those around you.


Make the most of your reality
Be well brother
:heart:


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Re: Life......WTF [Re: Shroomism]
    #6538487 -

Ticking away, the moments that make up a dull day,
You fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way,
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town,
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way,

Tired of lying in the sunshine, staying home to watch the rain,
You are young and life is long, and there is time to kill today,
And then one day you find, ten years have got, behind you,
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun...

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but its sinking,
And racing around, to come up behind you again,
The sun is the same in the relative way, but youre older,
Shorter of breath, and one day closer to death...

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time,
Plans that either come to naught, or half a page of scribbled lines,
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the english way,
The time is gone, the song is over, thought Id something more to say...

Home, home again,
I like to be here, when I can,
And when I come home cold and tired,
Its good to warm my bones beside the fire,

Far away across the field,
The tolling of the iron bell,
Calls the faithful to their knees,
To hear the softly spoken magic spells...


--------------------
:sunny: :sunny::sunny:

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Re: Life......WTF [Re: Shroomism]
    #6539976 -

In the book of love's own dream, where all the print is blood.
Where all the pages are my days, and all the lights grow old.
When I had no wings to fly, you flew to me, you flew to me.:heart:


--------------------
The bus came by and I got on that's when it all began!


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Re: Life......WTF [Re: Ripple]
    #6540528 -

I've been thinking the exact same things lately, though I'm only 18.

I don't think I can help you in any way other than to tell you that we're all in the same boat.

One thing I know I want in life is to travel. I don't need to go to Paris or London and all that fancy bullshit (though I do speak German and have gone to school there), there's equally enough to discover in America. I think you need to move out of your hometown, if only just to a city an hour away. It might help give you a new perspective.

(May I add, God, America is such a beautiful place. There is so much to see within this country).

Have you gone to college? What is your degree in? If you haven't, then saving up and working towards some sort of degree sounds like a good idea.

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Re: Life......WTF [Re: hungarianflower]
    #6540596 -

Its threads like this that remind me why I love the Shroomery.

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Re: Life......WTF [Re: adrug]
    #6540642 -

adrug said:
Its threads like this that remind me why I love the Shroomery.


yeah!

Me too!


--------------------
The bus came by and I got on that's when it all began!


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