I've been growing Salvia divinorum for about four years now, and I've used it all of five times. The first three were quids of about 30 leaves each, and the last two were tincture. I never broke through or had visuals any of these times, but the Salvia "state of mind" did become familiar to me - there was always the feeling of "gravity," the strange thought patterns, etc. Things I heard or thought could be repeated in my head ad nauseam. But I didn't break through, and all of the bodily sensations at least could be stopped simply by moving.
But this time was different. Since my Salvia plants this winter are all on the brink of death - leveled by the thrips infestation that has decimated the rest of my collection - I went out and bought some 15x Standardized leaves. I know that 5 and 10, or even plain leaf are enough for some people, but even when taking tincture I needed alot more than was prescribed to feel anything.
So I load two pinches of these leaves into my bowl, inhale all of them, and proceed to hold. This was alot easier than I'd expected: the smoke was not nearly as bitter and acrid as I had come to expect from smoking plain leaf (which has never done anything for me, btw.) I had already begun to feel the familiar pressure on my face when holding in the smoke became effortless. I felt like I could hold it forever, but after what seemed like an eternity, I exhaled and put down my pipe.
I admit I may have been a bit rash, and can only wonder if things would have been different if I had been a bit more patient. In my excitement to try the new Salvia, I had left my T.V. on, and it was broad daylight in my room. In any case, I stared at the wall were my TV was, and saw that the part of wall not covered by my TV and bookcase looked like the "classic" locomotive. It was yellow (my walls are painted yellow). And I don't know how much time had passed, but I was riding this locomotive. I understood that to be the truth, and I didn't question it or find it odd. I could feel the wind on my face, and when I looked to the left or to the right, I could see other, identical locomotives moving down tracks parallel to this one. I don't know if my eyes were open, or if I was imagining this behind closed eyelids, but I don't think it matters much.
But all of a sudden, horror! I felt a presence, malevolent and female it was. She began to tear the "ceiling" off of this dimension. The horizon was blue and yellow, the sky black, and the seam between the two was a horrible and endlessly repeating fractal pattern. And suddenly I realized that this "vacation" I had been taking in this life of mine was over. She had come for me, I understood. I was like a "sleeper" in a terrorist cell, hiding here and living out my peaceful life with my family, waiting for the signal. My entire life here was meaningless, all a charade. I had a job of some kind to do elsewhere (though I never found out exactly *what* She wanted me to return to.) And now She had come for me, and it was time to go.
Only I didn't want to go, and I was more afraid than I had ever been. It was like a yellow and blue and black apocalypse, and the fractal seam reminded me that there was no hiding from a being with the power to tear the sky from the earth. And that's were my T.V. came in. It was the source of Her power, and I knew that I had to turn it off or I would never see my family again. So I fought my way across the room. It felt like I was clawing my way up a steep hill, but I finally made it there and pressed the button. Then I returned to my bed, and things got better in a way. I was coming down.
The danger was now gone and the visions had ended. I was back in my room, but still terrified of what I had seen. And so cold. So I curled into a fetal position and hid under my covers, hoping that She would not find me again. The Salvia "state of mind" that had become so familiar to me was now a major annoyance, and I hoped it would go away soon.
I awoke an hour later, feeling myself again, with the positive afterglow that seems to follow Salvia usage. And that's that.
Doesn't sound like your typical Salvia experience, does it? But that's all it could have been. Now, with the fear not so fresh in my mind anymore, I look forward to another experience. But definitely not any time soon. I know that alot of people who use Salvia go to the same places each time, and get to know the entities they meet there. But, feeling how I felt, I don't want to use Salvia again if it means another ride on the Doomsday train.
What do you think?
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