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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Bleep]
    #5982902 -

i started taking my roommates zoloft. but i think i'm bipolar. some days i wanna kill myself. some days i cant wipe the stupid grin off my face. sometimes it can switch within minutes or hours for no real reason. the zoloft makes it so the bad doesnt exist anymore but neither does the fun or good. i feel nothing

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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Da_Vine]
    #5982910 -

you're problem is you are afraid of yourself, afraid of disapointment, afraid to make mistakes.

thats what anxiety is, a nebulous, intangeble paranoia surrounding yourself, particularly in social situations.

it cycles because you are afraid of people KNOWING this about you. You worry you don't fit into your own ideal image of man, so you try to project the image or avoid giving signs of NOT being the image by simply being a wallflower and doing nothing. Problem is, youve been doing this so long, you don't know who you are. You probably dont even have a "comes naturally" state. And youre waiting for it to fall into place.

heres your future barring an life-changing event.

you will gradually settle as a half-self. taking neutral paths, finding pleasure in simple, unobtrusive things.
You may find your life-mate, but most likely it won't be your ideal. Should things become well enough that you find comfort and lose this obsession over whats "wrong" with you.
you MAY actually focus on something great.

but odds are you are truly neutral and therefore will be average.


Personally im alot like you except I know who I am. ANd although i have bousts where im afraid to be myself among others when they are most themselves. I really "come out" when evryone else is sorta withdrawn, and i usually bring them out in the process.

try that, try being funny and trying to make yourself laugh and take others along for the ride,

Reinvent yourself AROUND yourself when others are preoccupied with not being themselves, turn the tables on your situation. Then you will be yourself, and become accustomed to it.

no more needless worry.


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<a href="https://files.shroomery.org/files/04-03/428144166-sry.jpg" target="_blank"></a>

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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: fearfect]
    #5982916 -

you know i think alot of problems have a direct link to events as a child...and i think the problems we have today is our bodys and minds trying to stay young stay a kid, not wanting to accept what we are and all the slavery that we are doing....its like a direct attempt to denie what life is "really" about, and just think about what this "problem" or as doctors would have you believe "a diease".

just think how these diseases affect you and your thoughts about life in general...what the sheild you from....what has happened to you as a kid that you NEVER want to happen again....if thats hard to think about.

put it this way how would you want you children raised? what would you NOT want them to do or have happened to them?

then close your eyes and tell yourself, your not afriad because it happened and your alive and the only thing hurting you are the memorys....you just need to make "peace" and let go to continue your jurney in LIFE....and please don't try to live a life of the perfect person thats been detailed by tv and society....just be YOURSELF and live how YOU want. you clearly don't like how your life is right now...its as simple as this JUST CHANGE, but thats exactly what your afriad of isn't it....think about it for a second take a pause....


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We were sent to hell for eternity :hellfire: Ø:omgawesome:h®
We play on earth to pass the time :foreheadslap:

Over-population the root of all Evil-brings the Elites Closer to the gates.

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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: makaveli8x8]
    #5982927 -

Quote:
its as simple as this JUST CHANGE, but thats exactly what your afriad of isn't it....think about it for a second take a pause....



Exactly, the whole coming naturally thing is like that, it kind of hit me I had nothing to hold on to in my current state so I started living according to my own standards.

  ie. I sold a ton of shit and bought a guitar the next day, lol :wink: Music rules.

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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Bleep]
    #5982934 -

i myself like to dig deep into all the shit we take forgranted....i look at something and say to myself how the fuck did they make that or do that....then i proceed to do it myself so i don't have to rely on other people for it.

so usually i spend my day playing games or thinkin about shit like that....and i don't even think about friends anymore...im just in my own world and say fuck everything else...i do what i like and forget about what a PERFECt life is "sopposed" to be like....i make my own "PERFECT" world and expectations...which is don't expect anything.


--------------------
We were sent to hell for eternity :hellfire: Ø:omgawesome:h®
We play on earth to pass the time :foreheadslap:

Over-population the root of all Evil-brings the Elites Closer to the gates.

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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: makaveli8x8]
    #5982935 -

i can see that.

the paradox that were supposed to be something ideal, in a world where the ideals are created to suit those in ideal positions.
nature is adaptation. if you cannot adapt to the challanges, then you are SUPPOSED to die or fade from success.
thats logic.
if you can't get passed your feelings to survive, then maybe john lennon was dead wrong. maybe love isn't all you need.


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<a href="https://files.shroomery.org/files/04-03/428144166-sry.jpg" target="_blank"></a>

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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5982955 -

Limelight said:
i completely ruined my chances with the chick talking about something so completely bitchlike, but i couldnt help it.

...

this isnt about any shroom hippy wisdom. i HAVE tried that shit. ive tried meditation, living in the now (i bought all the books on it, read them). i did everything in my power... and its still here.




Sounds to me that your head is filled with a lot of fixed ideas about what a tough guy you're supposed to be. Whether those come from your dad, the people around you, or the culture in general I don't know, but it's clear that you're not comfortable with that role.

All this talk about "being bitchlike" for talking about what makes you a thinking human being, and "shroom hippy wisdom" is just habitual reactionary posturing that ultimately doesn't reflect your true self, or else you wouldn't be posting this.

There is nothing wrong with you, you're just trapped in a ridiculous hard-man culture and no amount of antidepressants is ever going to change that, they can however give you the self-confidence to make positive changes in your life.

Oh and just reading books and trying it once or twice doesn't make you proficient in meditation. It takes months of hard practice to start feeling any benefit and years to get any good at it, don't let the crystal waving brigade tell you otherwise.


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"You should view the world as a conspiracy run by a very closely-knit group of nearly omnipotent people, and you should think of that group as yourself and your friends."

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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: koppie]
    #5983413 -

mitchnast - your first post seemed to hit home. i dont like the second half of the post though.. i reread it but im still hazy. so youre saying im neutral and boring in real life and thats all ill be? what can i do to change the anxiety? the thing is that the anxiety is so strong the closer i get to breaking it. like day to day im not anxious about going and talking to people.. but the closer i get to making those decisions where you feel uncomfortable before hand.. i usually can't do those. and when i think about it objectively like i hsould, and realize the past is the past, i have a bad feeling.. and it still makes it difficult.

koppie - i am not trying to be a tough guy or anything. im pretty skinny and i accept that (plan to start working out in a bout a week). its just rather on a mental level rather than a physical level. i worry about what i say because usually what im saying is really random.. and i dont like that sometimes. like what i talk about is usually random offshoots, or ill tell a bizarre/funny story. being 21 at a bar isnt exactly congruent with that. sure i can be myself, but then ill look like a fool. its like i can see other people as being open, and me being in a shell.. but i dont really want ot ocme out of the shell because the things i say are just weird.


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"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."

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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5983416 -

and by bitchlike i mean talking about my emotions. i feel like i have to do it.. and that is something girls do, they all talk to eachother to get it out. i cant do that with guy friends... i can, and have with close friends, but afterwards i feel like my balls shrunk 6x in size, and i dont actually feel much better. my proble is still there and i just looked goofy infront of my friend.


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"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."

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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5983444 -

ok FUCK im just going to be myself today and if i have anxiety it can suck my dick. im going today and do EVERYTHIGN that my mind says 'do that' but im worried to. ZING


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"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."

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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5983458 -

I didn't read all the posts in this thread. Only the ones on this page. No need really because what I have to say needs to straight from me and not colored by the influence of what others have said so I appologized if I'm repeating anyone here. One post I did skim over is that of Mitchnast. Listen to him he knows what he's talking about.

Now, onto my personal dealings with this situation in my life. I walked in your shoes once and for a very long time. I'm willing to bet that you can count on one hand the number of times you've made a "bold move" in a social situation. Well, if you want these feelings to go away then that's exactly what you've got to do. It worked for me anyways.

I'll bet when you go out to a club you don't dance much. When you do it's only because you don't want to be seen standing over in the corner and you dance very reserved hoping no one really notices you. My advice is to dance like you want everyone to notice you and fuck them if they don't like the way you dance. This is just an example of the many ways to make "bold moves" in social situations.

For people like us this takes great courage. So great it seems impossible to muster. Jack Daniels helped me with that a lot. I had a period in my life where I was getting drunk and hitting the clubs almost every night. While it probably wasn't the best thing for my liver it worked wonders for my emotional health. Each night I'd let loose just a little bit more, testing the waters so to speak.

It didn't take long until I was soon the rowdiest mother fucker in the club and it felt great mostly because it was so far out of the norm for me and I was exhilarated that I had finally overcome my anxieties. I realized that the only way to rid myself of these anxieties was to finally confront them once and for all.

In essence the anxiety stems from a question. The question is, "Will I be accepted?". Once you let yourself go and ignore this question you soon learn that it doesn't matter whether you're accepted or not and all your worries were for nothing.

So fuck Zoloft. Jack Daniels is cheaper! P.S. I'd steer clear of ecstacy if I were you. It instantly removes all anxieties but doesnt last long and will leave a person with your condition wanting to feel that way all the time. If you must medicate, don't go this route.


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Edited by 13eetleJuice (08/21/06 10:10 AM)

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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: 13eetleJuice]
    #5983467 -

thanks ! read my last post right before yours.. thats my plan for today :smile: anytime i start to feel anxious i keep saying fuck off anxiety.
bjuice, this is what i was concerned about:

In essence the anxiety stems from a question. The question is, "Will I be accepted?". Once you let yourself go and ignore this question you soon learn that it doesn't matter whether you're accepted or not and all your worries were for nothing.

so youre saying in the end it REALLY doesn't matter? ive always thought it doesnt really matter, but that im like a special case, i know it sounds weird.. but sometimes i feel like i really am, its weird.. thats prolly my anxiety toying with me though and making it so i cant do it. i think of 10000 reasons in my head why im a failure or wahtever. but right now FUCK those thoughts today im going to be bold. Tally ho!


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"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."

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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5983471 -

do you think medicating would be wise for a short period? i definitely dont want to take drugs my whole life.. but it seems like a good idea to take them for a while until i really LEARN that it doesnt matter. i can know it.. but i dont feel it yet, so my chances of slipping back seem quite easy


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"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."

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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5983475 -

You're far from being alone in this. There's millions of people who feel the same way you do but you don't know it because they're all trying to hide thier fears and anxieties just like you and just like you they're doing a damn good job of it. You think you're "wierd" but I'll bet your friends don't. In your mind you see your inadequacies as hugely amplified but they don't notice it at all. The reason is because it's all in your mind. It doesn't really exist in the way you perceive it.

"We are hardest on ourselves"


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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5983477 -

Limelight said:
do you think medicating would be wise for a short period? i definitely dont want to take drugs my whole life.. but it seems like a good idea to take them for a while until i really LEARN that it doesnt matter. i can know it.. but i dont feel it yet, so my chances of slipping back seem quite easy


I urge you to try it without medicating first but if like me you are unable to muster the courage in a sober state then medication may help you. As I stated previously alcohol worked for me. Just don't do anything that would endager your life. I'd rather live with anxiety than not live at all, y'know what I mean?


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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5983478 -

Well you could look at it in the aspect of "oh well, my love life isn't perfect but at least I'm not dead." I mean if that doesn't cheer you up I don't know what would :P

If you're just depressed because you met a person and for some reason you feel hopeless all of a sudden, that happens to me for some reasons whenever the opportunity arises... I guess just step back a bit and view the whole picture.

Ever try smoking weed alone? I used to get paranoid when I smoked with other people, I think everyone has that, they just notice it at different levels. Ignore it and eventually the paranoia goes away (unless you're tailgated by a cop or something...)


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OP is now RP!  Read about it here!


Edited by DRTMaverick (08/21/06 10:20 AM)

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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Maverick]
    #5983489 -

trust me, the paranoia does NOT go away. i HATE weed with a passion because of that. also this is with 0 tolerance mind you. i remember smoking every day and that just deadened the little fire inside of me. i dont want that to go away.


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"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."

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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5983491 -

i feel like i should be getting more, like i deserve more :/


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"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."

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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5983493 -

the funny thing is.. i love tripping. it makes me feel normal :p i dont really have any anxiety at all


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"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."

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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5983499 -

First off, let me just say, I feel exactly what you've described in your previous posts Lime...

Often the anxiety over being singled out as the awkward presence/person somewhere overwhelms me.

What I have begun to discover through simple observation and objective reasoning with myself, are several truths that I think you might find useful.

First, whatever mistakes you have made in the past that have caused embarassing moments, or awkwardness, are in the past. They can never be revived, your history may repeat itself, because no one is perfect, but it's not worth kicking yourself. I find when I get myself into those mental thought loops, the best thing to do is to stop... and begin questioning, why am I think these things, is it productive, what good is it doing now. Do a little evaluation of your thoughts and I'm sure you'll come to realize, even in the midst of all your angst, that those thoughts are not condusive to your ultimate goal of freeing yourself from inhibitions.

Second, it... life... who you are... will never click into place. Often I like to imagine a certain activity taking place in my life, and the next day, waking up to be the most confident and surefooted person alive. But I know the truth, simply from looking around at other guys. It won't happen that way. It will be a gradual process of finding out who you are, and in the end, the wait will be worth it.

Third, simply because you decide today that you arent going to listen to that voice inside your head, doesnt mean it will actually shut up. And dont be so rash as to think that now you have decided to let go, that everyone will like it. There will still be haters, but the trick is to ignore them, and realize that if people like that are around, you dont need to stay, leaving is a very allowable action, and often shows the "haters" that you are uninterested in their asshole attitude. The main point of this is so you understand, life doesnt always go to plan, so if today doesnt work out to be the best day of your life, dont kick yourself too hard. Just let it go

I have more to tell you, but my class is about to start so I gtg... ttyl


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Elevate Organically.

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