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OfflineLimelight
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What's wrong with me?
    #5982850 - 08/21/06 12:52 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

hey..  i gotta post here cause i honestly cant talk to this about anyone else. its so low-value that id look like a total failure if i talked to a close buddy.. none of htem understand.

so tonight i was at this party. i started talking to this really hot chick and she said she was crazy. i asked why and she said because. then i kept digging deeper, and i found out she is JUST like me. this opened my eyes and showed me that im not alone. she said "oh my god.. i never met anyone that had the same problem as me.. i cant believe it."
i completely ruined my chances with the chick talking about something so completely bitchlike, but i couldnt help it.

i see now that there are othe rpeople like me... and i want to know if any of you guys have gone through the same thing.

the other thing is you will either know what im talking about, or you wont. you simply cant understand it if you dont have it, so if youre guessing waht it is, you prolly dont know. im talking to the people who have felt this, and KNOW what i mean. the ones who know what im talking about.. KNOW

here is waht the deal is. below are all the things i will think about/things that bother me day to day.

- im a very emotional guy. i have lots of feelings, and thinking in 1-2-3 terms is difficult.  this is both a gift and a curse. i can make friends very easily and read girls emotions, but i suck at doing guy things like football plays/sports rules/math. they are concrete and hard for me to grasp.. cause i think in feelings and not rational thoughts.
-i overthink a lot. im very introspective. this leads to thoughtloops
-these thoguht loops focus on WHAT is wrong with me.. why do i have them.
-i always feel like when im in big groups of people at a party, im alone even though im together. i feel like im a doll in a house of 'other' people.. and i feel like no one understands me. SURE i can talk abou ttheir types of things.. but they dont REALLY get me.. i feel like the odd one out a lot.
-ii get really bad anxiety. the more i think about it the worse it is. not thinking about it works for a little bit, then it all comes rushing back.
-the weird thing is is that i have lots of friends, and i lvoe to go out and do things. thats why its hard for me to accept being 'depressed'.. but at this point i feel like im in a thought hole. i always think 'maybe im this' then i realize ahh.. i have so many friends and people want me to go places with them all the time, it cant be that.. but i think now it is.
-i CANT smoke weed.. its horrible.. everyone else fucking can, but as soon as i do i instantly get paranoid. i feel like everyone is watching me, even though i know they arent.
-day to day i just dont feel good. i dont really feel bad.. just blah feeling.
-about my anxiety.. i get it when im around people.. i always feel self-conscious despite NUMEROUS situations where i SHOULD have 'learned' taht there is NO reason to be self conscious. for example hanging with club owners and whatnot and being cool with them.. but no, i still get anxious and feel like everyone is judging me. it feels out of my control almost..
-i feel like i have to talk about my feelings to people because they bottle up.. and i fucking hate it cause guys arent supposed to do that shit.
-things just haven't 'clicked'... i am seriously waiting for the day when things click but its a very scary thought that it might never...
-lots of my thought patters lead from one thought to another really quick.. and i zone out. then i gotta snap back into it.. then it will take over again.

what do you think/ the girl said when she got on zoloft and it fixed it perfectly. i just wanted to know if anyone else has had this problem and what you did about it. thanks  :heart: i seriously owe thanks to anyone that helps. thi shas been a thorn in my life for so long :frown:


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"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."

Edited by Limelight (08/21/06 01:00 AM)

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Offlineabhi
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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5982859 - 08/21/06 01:00 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

You won't believe me, but ..... that sounds like life to me.


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OfflineLimelight
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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: abhi]
    #5982861 - 08/21/06 01:02 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

fuck that answer. this isnt life. i have this severe enough where im posting about it. i dont see anyone else talking about it. its so much that it makes me feel awful sometimes.


--------------------
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."

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OfflineLimelight
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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5982862 - 08/21/06 01:02 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

sorry to be bitter, but i really cant accept that. i see other people having a wonderful time in life. i cant see myself doing it at all like they can.


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"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."

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Offlineevolprim
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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5982864 - 08/21/06 01:03 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

dont wait for anything to click.

happiness is not a destination it is a path.

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OfflineBleep
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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5982867 - 08/21/06 01:05 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

I deal with the same problems as you every single day except the emotional part is backwards. I am extremely unemotional most of the time except when I do get emotional its usually an extreme trainwreck, of the last three family members ive had die I only cried or let out so much as a sigh during one of them, at which of course I flipped out worse then anyone else in my family.

Anyway, I considered medication as well but I feel like I wouldnt be who I was born as if I was taking regular meds so I stick to the odd "get stoned, laugh my ass off, go about my day" method once a month or so and it usually does wonders.

Other then that, I would reccomend a friend, even just spending an hour or two talking with my girlfriend about some of the bogus shit I think of when I get this way can really take a load off your chest. Just look at your friends and see which one would be the most receptive without being judgemental and do it in person, computers and phones are so fucking impersonal for stuff like this it is very inefective.

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OfflineAkamatsu
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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5982868 - 08/21/06 01:06 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

I think a lot of people could relate to these problems, but unfortunately I don't think that's going to help you.

You need to be comfortable with who you are as a person, and these issues of self consciousness and anxiety aren't going to go away until you are. If you like to talk to people about it, but don't like 'dumping' on friends, maybe you should seek some counselling? In my opinion anti-depressants are just a quick fix, and should only be used if you feel completely overwhelmed and think that you'd be jeopardising your future by not taking them (i.e. failing college, suicide etc.).

If you can't afford or don't want to go into counselling but still feel driven to get 'healthy', try hitting up some self help books. I recommend 'The art of happiness' by his holiness the Dalai Lama and 'Reinventing your life' by Jeffrey E. Young.

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OfflineLimelight
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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: evolprim]
    #5982869 - 08/21/06 01:06 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

this isnt about any shroom hippy wisdom. i HAVE tried that shit. ive tried meditation, living in the now (i bought all the books on it, read them). i did everything in my power... and its still here.


--------------------
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."

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InvisibleDa_Vine
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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: abhi]
    #5982872 - 08/21/06 01:07 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

aje said:
You won't believe me, but ..... that sounds like life to me.




i agree.
alot of us are in or have been in your shoes.
sounds like you know what your problem is you just need to fix it now.

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OfflineLimelight
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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5982874 - 08/21/06 01:08 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

books dont help. ive read literally 30 different books that people have recommended because i thought they would help me. so far im still waiting... ive gone long enough with this bullshit and i cant stand it anymore.


--------------------
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."

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OfflineLimelight
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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Da_Vine]
    #5982876 - 08/21/06 01:08 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

ANTS said:
Quote:

aje said:
You won't believe me, but ..... that sounds like life to me.




i agree.
alot of us are in or have been in your shoes.
sounds like you know what your problem is you just need to fix it now.




i dont know how. thats the problem. yes ive tried a million different things.. im still at a loss. i have super analytical thoughts all the f=ing time about 'what the hell is worng'


--------------------
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."

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Offlinex__Infection13
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Registered: 08/20/06
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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: abhi]
    #5982877 - 08/21/06 01:09 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

Anxiety is the gayest thing that could ever happen to anyone.... But just to tell you, Zoloft isn't for everyone.. the doctor could start you out on it to see if it helps your anxiety but it may not be the right pill for you, you may need to try different ones. In my opinion, I wouldn't take anything... speaking from experience.

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Offlinemakaveli8x8
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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5982879 - 08/21/06 01:09 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

i know that weed anexity to a T, it sucks like shit and i get it all the time these days, but it has ALOT to do with how much you do it a week, and the kind of stuff you get, next time get the shittiest weed you can find....your just OD'ing your mind with it....take whats right for you and don't like them idiots pressure you " come on man take anouther hit"

if all you need is one hit to reach a nice buzz thats all you need anymore is a waste and tell em hey man have fun with the reast i already am.


as for the reast of the stuff, i had a weird thought...there's guys guys and girls guys...and there's nothing wrong with either so don't take this the wrong way were all here to help.

now here's just one thought on the whole deal it could be hormone related, if thats what it is you need to work out at the gym more often...get shit pumpin.....feel like a guy. sports are about having fun ,hittin people, letting out some steam,and thats what you should be doin.....but you talk to girls alot, and vent it all off to them.

im kinda the opposite in that manor, i like sports and like playing them but hardly any friends and ZERO skills workin women over.....but i know what EVERYONE feels and thinks around me and am very self aware. i feel almost like i read minds, switch of a lip and instantly i know what he thought or she.


--------------------
We were sent to hell for eternity :hellfire: Ø:omgawesome:h®
We play on earth to pass the time :foreheadslap:

Over-population the root of all Evil-brings the Elites Closer to the gates.

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OfflineLimelight
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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5982881 - 08/21/06 01:09 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

it feels like i cant learn from past experience almost... lik ei shouldnt feel like this. i SHOULD like myself because people like me. but it feels like its not in my control. it DOESNT get better.. for whatever reason.


--------------------
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."

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Offlineabhi
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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5982883 - 08/21/06 01:09 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Limelight said:
fuck that answer. this isnt life. i have this severe enough where im posting about it. i dont see anyone else talking about it. its so much that it makes me feel awful sometimes.




A thread does not signify severity.

Happiness & Comfort/Mental Stability for you are to be found by you.

I know what you describe.


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OfflineAkamatsu
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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5982884 - 08/21/06 01:10 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Limelight said:
this isnt about any shroom hippy wisdom. i HAVE tried that shit. ive tried meditation, living in the now (i bought all the books on it, read them). i did everything in my power... and its still here.




Then you've pretty much answered your own question, it's time to seek professional help. Good luck, there's no point in putting up with depression. You won't believe how good it feels to be happy again.

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OfflineLimelight
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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: abhi]
    #5982888 - 08/21/06 01:12 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

search for the posts under my name. seriously, just do it. tell me THAT isn't severe. EVERY post by me is HUGE. just look at the titles... they all have to do with anxiety related stuff and finding the answer of whats wrong. they all have that theme. thats years of the same thing


--------------------
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."

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OfflineLimelight
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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Akamatsu]
    #5982892 - 08/21/06 01:14 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

seriously, i hope so.

sorry again, i dont mean to sound bitter. but it was really bad tonight and im really pissed at myself. after that i just said fuck this im not putting up with this anymore. im ersiouly going to get help or something. i just wanted to know if anyone here got on zoloft and if it helped and what your story was.

Quote:

Akamatsu said:
Quote:

Limelight said:
this isnt about any shroom hippy wisdom. i HAVE tried that shit. ive tried meditation, living in the now (i bought all the books on it, read them). i did everything in my power... and its still here.




Then you've pretty much answered your own question, it's time to seek professional help. Good luck, there's no point to putting up with depression. You won't believe how good it feels to be happy again.




--------------------
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."

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OfflineBleep
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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Limelight]
    #5982894 - 08/21/06 01:15 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

Just some further stuff on what helped me based on my last post.

Not worrying about it really helped, along with my unemotional nature I was completely and utterly oblivious at talking to women, and believe me I tried my damndest for three years, with only one girlfriend who cheated on me with MY dealer in 18 years on this earth I gave up.

I met my (hopefully) soon to be wife many years later at a punk rock show in a pit. Now I dont have to tell you twice I didnt go to a concert looking for a 24 year old french catholic girl who had never had a boyfriend and was in the same boat as me as far as problems and anxiety goes. I kinda picture that moment as everything falling into place and me being ok with the freak-out tendencies.

Your milage may vary, but I'd say just relax, enjoy what you do enjoy in life and hope the rest comes naturally. It will.

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Offlineabhi
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Re: What's wrong with me? [Re: Bleep]
    #5982898 - 08/21/06 01:20 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Bleep said:
enjoy what you do enjoy in life and hope the rest comes naturally.




I was gonna try and say it but it can't be said any better than this.

Telling you how I get through anxiety isn't going to do anything for you. You're you.


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