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Invisibletak
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I'm insane.
    #582097 - 03/18/02 10:10 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

Once ina while ill get weird thoughts, yesterday, i was describing something to my sister, i was like 'a chain in a feild of hay' theni kept saying of sand...of hay, a chair, in the feild, a chair in the feild of hay...she got sickof it and i shut up for her, but it interested me to keep babbling on. One day i was reminded of my old dog who used to make a low moaning noise when he was lonely. I made that noise only to get louder and louder to the point wherei was screaming it...what was i waiting for? Someone to stop me. Its thing like this that make me feel insane, I am completely normal and i feel just as i was before, so i think 'im not insane, i have alot of logic' however ive never been insane either, so how do i know what it is! I feel like my brain is fried, not real badat all, but maybe to the point where i cant remember as much, or think quite hte same, and it makes me mad. Drugs are drugs, but your brain is the ultimate drug, it is you, and your reality. You mess it up, and not only are you messed up, but the whole world becomes messed up. I also keep having visions of 'it' something along hte lines of "nothing matters" and "complete randomness, while staying in perfect patterns" usually scaring me, followed by "but you dont need to worry, you're not alone" wich comforts me cause if i go down so does everyone. But how do i know they exist? What if they do exist, we are all part of the whole... If i created 5 imaginary friends of mine, and they said 'well if igo down, so does everyone else' thinking it was ok, then i went bonkers, its not ok, they are fucked, cause im thier core of existance. Whos to say when shit hits the fan we arnt fucked aswell.


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OfflineFliquid
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Re: I'm insane. [Re: tak]
    #582250 - 03/18/02 12:57 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

Relax, you can't go insane. Because, everybody is insane. If you are not with the program, then you are insane. Well i say, go to hell you are insane (not you but the government), leave us REAL normal people alone. Don't be afraid its just your sane brain telling you the truth. Governmental programming is telling you, you are getting insane. YOU ARE NOT! Find the right friends, like me. People who know the truth.

Want more help? Come to my site. (With no advertisal intention meant.)
http://www.truth.tk


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InvisibleRevelation

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Re: I'm insane. [Re: tak]
    #582314 - 03/18/02 02:22 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

I was like 'a chain in a feild of hay' theni kept saying of sand...of hay, a chair, in the feild, a chair in the feild of hay...she got sickof it and i shut up for her

I used to try to describe my state of mind to other people in this kind of way but using abstract thoughts and imagery that that are in your head rarely translate well.... There is no line between "sane" and "insane", and if there is it's a very wide and fuzzy one. It's only through repression of certain thoughts that keep the majority on the "right" side of it. If you want to function in this society and be "successful" you need to think a certain way, or so we're told, this leads to all sorts of anxieties about whether or not we've crossed that line.

There was a time not so long ago when I convinced myself I was going insane. For some reason I went through a period of mental change (I put it down to smoking weed, which probably acted as a catalyst). For a good few months it was like my brain went into overdrive, I started questioning the nature of things, along the same lines as what you're going through, I started to question my reality and in the end I started to question my sanity... but all things must pass and in the end I just grew out of it I suppose, I look back on it as a learning process..I gained a lot of insight during that time, and some of it is difficult to integrate into every day life, but I feel better for it, more awake i suppose.

aaanyway... the point is I think I can kind of relate to what you're going through. The thing to remember is, it doesn't really matter *why* you are, or in what form you are, you just are. So be grateful.


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OfflinePachanguero
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Re: I'm insane. [Re: tak]
    #582345 - 03/18/02 02:50 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

If you find that you often have an uncontrollable urge to say something over and over and/or move a certain way repeatedly, then you may have a form of Tourette Syndrome. It's not always as bad as they portray on TV. I have a very mild case, and most people wouldn't notice unless I tell them.

It may also be something like obsessive-compusive disorder. I'm not a psychologist, but if it bothers you to the point where it interferes with your life, talk to a professional.


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InvisibleJared
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Re: I'm insane. [Re: tak]
    #582368 - 03/18/02 03:14 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

Thats not insane.
Insane is locking yourself in your room and not sleeping because thats when teh government sends out their brain waves to rpgoram us to make us tired so they can keep rpogramming us if you dont lseep you arent tired why because they arne tprogramming you if you can stay up for 7 days you break a barrier and level you transcend from their programmed thoughts into real human thoughts cuz thats how long it takes for their pgoramming to escape you but dont worry because they have other frequencies going in your head while youre a wake that make you tired so eventually you pass out cuz its retroactive like a nuclear bomb and thats what they ultimately want to happen with them tehy want us to all get cancer so they can choose the radiation resisant strains of humans to breed an dmake a new race of ultra humans who will never get sick or have cancer.

You know as well as i do.


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OfflineTannis
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Re: I'm insane. [Re: tak]
    #582429 - 03/18/02 04:30 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

When I was in the Bahamas this really large black lady was trying to sell me some stuff that I didn't want and which was over priced anyway...... She kept offering me price after price which I turned down and she finally got really upset with me and told me to "set the price".....
I told her what the stuff was really worth in my opinion and she got really upset and walked away disgusted as she threw this comment over her shoulder.......

...."the trouble with you is---you see too good".....

There are times when I am so connected to what is going on around me that I have trouble separating my feelings from the feelings of those around me...... I feel connected to inanimate objects and don't want to be separated from them.... It's hard to tell where I stop and they begin..... guess maybe on some level..... I don't stop/they don't begin we just are.....
On the one hand---I'm totally insane...but on the other I'm sane...

I guess that's why coins have two sides.....and I guess that's why I'll alway be a best friend to my friends and yet never really feel connected to them.
My cat Jubal likes to crawl up on my bed and sit with as much of her body touching me as she can. When she gets comfortable she settles in and starts to purr and wants me to look into her eyes. I tell her that "Jubal be--- US"...

I really love being around my friends and it is cool to sense how we are totally different and separate but at the same time be totally "us".

I don't know if other people share my experience or not....but does anyone know what it is like to "be" that rock or to know how it feels to "be" a cat walking through the field.... or to feel a room before you enter it ..... to know the corners and the spaces and furniture before you ever open the door.... Does anyone else see a person and suddenly feel like they are going down a long tube that goes to where that person you never met lives....or IS....their state of being.....then I become the person ....feel their hurts and their joys....know things only they could know...... understand in an impossible way where they are coming from and why they think the things they do......??????

I call it journeying.....

I merge with people and objects only to realize that it is only my sanity that makes me feel separate from them in the first place....

All is one and one is all......"Jubal be us".....
It's natural for my cat......it seems insane to me....when I'm me but when we are "us" I must be sane....I see too good......


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OfflineFood
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Re: I'm insane. [Re: tak]
    #582443 - 03/18/02 04:43 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

What drugs do you take my friend ?


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OfflinegeokillsA
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Re: I'm insane. [Re: Tannis]
    #582552 - 03/18/02 06:36 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

you have a wonderful way of thinking and seem to have a perception far beyond that of most people. i am curious, have you always thought/experienced in these ways - or have you learned to condition yourself to become more aware of everything's existance?

currently i am caught in the throes of a state of mind similar to depression. my only true desire can not be fullfilled, and i suppose i should let it go and (as was stated earlier) "supress" the accompanying thoughts, but regardless of how hard i try i can't seem to shake the pain. my friend gave me some Klonopin the other night, which seemed to calm me quite nicely - but i do not want to be dependent on a medication, i want to go back (or at least live in a state similar to) the innocense that came with my youth, where i did not worry about so many things and i could just admire all the wonderful things life has to offer.

but then came my downfall, i became too attached to another, and ended up eating shit for it, paying emotionally ever since. so now i wonder if i am perhaps going insane. i can't stiffle these unwanted thoughts, and in the unlikely event i do, they come flooding back with even greater intensity after some event reminds me of times past. if you have any advice to offer, do so please. help me.. teach me.. to live a life not plagued with sadness and loss.


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OfflinecHeMiCaLoRaNgE
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Re: I'm insane. [Re: tak]
    #582746 - 03/18/02 10:37 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

being insane feels good, don't fight it, just don't let it get in the way of those so called normal actions and responsibilities. being insane used to hurt my responsible life but now i use it just ta chill man. I need to meet more people like me, like you guys, you guys are the shit!!!!!!.


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<+> wOrLd PhIlOsOpHy CaN OnLy bE UnDeRsToOd ThRoUgH aStRaL aWaKeNiNg<+>


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Invisibletak
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Re: I'm insane. [Re: cHeMiCaLoRaNgE]
    #582926 - 03/19/02 02:26 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

Yes, it looks so painful on tv, feels so good in person :] Only thing that hurts is comparing it to somethign else. I am kinda glad i go on and off these depression/existance/insane streaks...when im real scared....not boogyman, rollercoaster scared...but pleading for my existance scared is when i seek truth and guidence the most, and its when i learn the most. Its great. :] I had two good friends, odin and chad, who i moved away from ...they were also real crazy, spoke random shit on thier mind, and we all understood, i never questioned it then...now i moved to LA, where people are basing opinions on what they read in GQ, and real weird. That might be part of it. Also...i dont really say random things alot, it was really that time only, it interested me, and i was thinking 'im insane' while saying it and that drove me even madder... :wink: Have you ever kinda fellen out of this world? Wheni think of existance, sometimes its like...not REALLY but inside my head i will fall out of reality...like i dont see with my eyes no more, like the camera zooms out, and shows theworld in a baloon and imon the outside in the 'understanding' looking in at the projection. Just curious ;]


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Invisibletak
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Re: I'm insane. [Re: tak]
    #582932 - 03/19/02 02:28 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

I was also thinking, Love is a good thing. I know when i do alot of shit i want a bitch that icare aboutwith me. I took E on new years, i felt complete fufilment, complete ... ecstacy, the only thigni was missing was love. Not a girl, but love, someone to share the moment with who i cared about as much as they cared about me. Not just that but i think its a groovy thing.


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The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.


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Invisibletak
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Re: I'm insane. [Re: cHeMiCaLoRaNgE]
    #582936 - 03/19/02 02:33 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

and i love you geokills, lets get married.


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OfflineTannis
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Re: I'm insane. [Re: geokills]
    #583100 - 03/19/02 08:35 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

geokills,
I have always experienced life differently and was shocked to discover that not all people see the world the way I do....
Sounds like you had a rough time and just need to work through the grief of loss of love and loss of "face" ( in the way you look back and kick yourself for allowing yourself to be treated like that....)
If this is not a problem most of the time then relax and let the pain come....
If its something you face most of the time.....talk to a doctor and get some antidepressants to "get you through the rough spot" then you may not need them......

you could also settle down with Tak......hee, hee, ha, ha....


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OfflinegeokillsA
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Re: I'm insane. [Re: Tannis]
    #583191 - 03/19/02 11:47 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

In reply to:

talk to a doctor and get some antidepressants to "get you through the rough spot" then you may not need them


yea, this is already in my schedule right after finals i'm headin' straight to student health.  the problem is that for the last two and a half years, i have loved this person with all my ability and i've tried show her this (esp. since she left me 6 months ago because i really do want her back).  it's pretty clear she is not willing to give us a second chance because she wants to "try new things while she's only 18."  it's unfortunate that i am so hung up on her, she has been my main drive and source of fullfillment for too long and i need to learn how to grab that happiness from within.  it's hard though, i don't want to be alone, i hate the idea of being alone, yet i have no desire to search for another partner at this point in time. 

as for tak, i think i'm gonna pass this one up :wink:

thanks for the input guys.  you are all great
 


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OfflineTannis
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Re: I'm insane. [Re: geokills]
    #583291 - 03/19/02 01:21 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

Sounds like you have a great plan......hey did you know that "love" is an addiction? Really. There are biological changes that take place in the brain and body and you actually "get depressed" when you are away from the person. Sounds like what you are going through is completely normal and to be expected. The problem is though, that you have to let go and "grieve the loss".....or "feel the pain" of what has happened. As long as you hold to the possibility of hope that the two of you could get back together you will not find the emotions or experiences that you seek from within..... Cry it out...scream it out...or whatever but get it out and then you will find what you seek flowing from within......peace out...Tannis


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OfflinegeokillsA
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Re: I'm insane. [Re: Tannis]
    #583324 - 03/19/02 01:52 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

In reply to:

As long as you hold to the possibility of hope that the two of you could get back together you will not find the emotions or experiences that you seek from within..... Cry it out...scream it out...or whatever but get it out and then you will find what you seek flowing from within


it's going to take a long while to give up hope... i've been trying for the past half year.  it's mindfuck.  everytime i see her she'll appear to be the same girl.  she'll hug me, kiss my cheek, put her arm under my shirt and hold me close... when all these feelings come back and when she acts like this it seems that she still does have some interest in me... or perhaps it's just old habit that she hasn't learned to toss yet.  as for crying out, screaming out, or whatever, i cry too often, i scream all the time, and i like to write what i am feeling.  of all the things, screaming brings temporary relief, but then i get sad at the simple idea of trying to forget about what we had, which in turn throws me back into a severely depressed mood.  anyway, i have a final test very soon so i must go.  thanks again for the comments, hopefully i can implement them better in the future :tongue:


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OfflineTannis
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Re: I'm insane. [Re: geokills]
    #583401 - 03/19/02 03:42 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

They say---Time heals all wounds.....that's true unless it causes you to lose hope and kill yourself first......
Best wishes with time and the final......Tannis


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Invisibletak
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Re: I'm insane. [Re: Tannis]
    #583833 - 03/20/02 02:11 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

I figured it out. You must kill her. I just watched cruel intentions! :P I dont need love, but i feel i do. I can get through life without being with someone, however if i were to find the one person, and they died on me. I would love them forever and not need a reason to have anyone else, they were mine, died, and w2ill e with me forever, and i dont need any hoes. Problem solved. Or am i just insane like the topic says?


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Anonymous

Re: I'm insane. [Re: tak]
    #583850 - 03/20/02 02:37 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

Imagine a circle ingulphed in darkness with a fine split in the middle. On one side of the circle theres sane, now go allltheway around to the other side theres insane. Now imagine just for a second that inbeetween the split there is UNSANE. I heard that on some side trance cd or something. Onetime me and my friend were blazing in this old abandoned barn and i recited that all tripy like, repeating the Insane,Unsane just for the hell of it, and his pupils quit responding to light and he tranced out for a minute. It was pretty tight

Fun guys eat fungis


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Invisibletak
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Re: I'm insane. [Re: Anonymous]
    #583881 - 03/20/02 03:26 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

I heard that in a Hallucinogen song... I think? Unsane beyond sanity, and such like stuff?


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