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ok, i've already written about this, but this time i hope to hear some feedback:
when i was really really little, before i have any other memories, like age 3 or before, i used to have this terrrible recurring dream. it would bring me to tears. i was in the area right near my moms old office, theres a couch and a little coffee table. i would be around or under the table. this big ugly man would be pointing a finger at me and screaming but without words. he was yelling the most purely evil and terrible emotions at me. just screaming and yelling and pointing and id be screaming "im sorry im sorry". it would bring about this terrible feeling of dread, unlike any other emotion ive ever felt.
slowly, over the years, this faded, along with the memory of it.
then, when i hadn't thought about it in years, spontaneously, about 3 years ago, the feeling came back. the most horrible and indescribable dread. the feeling washed over me. all the memories flooded back. after that, maybe once a month or every other month, it would happen again. Since then, it has become more frequent. At this point, i would estimate that i at least get a little taste of this feeling about twice or three times a week.
I don't know what it means or what's going on. for a time, i hoped that, through tripping, i could help solve the riddle, but as it goes, i never think about it while tripping. it's not possible to think about while tripping.
Anyway, of all things that can provoke this reaction in me, music is the most powerful. especially hard distortiony rock. punk rock that i used to listen to (a few years back, before i got into the jamband scene), would cause this emotion to surface so badly sometimes that i had to stop listening to a certain band forever, because i just couldn't listen without it coming back.
anyway, the music i listen to now rarely provokes it, but it has on occasion
i'm just wondering what is going on? does anyone else have a similar story? i'd like to hear what people think.
what does it mean?