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InvisibleMOTH
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,360
Loc: In the jungle
Will I ever "get a grip?"
    #4726879 - 09/28/05 08:44 PM (11 years, 2 months ago)

Hey.  Just another post from me.  I'm sorry, I keep posting stuff like this in here.  I wonder if I am at the point where I may have to accept my overemotional bullshit.  I don't remember a time when I wasn't an overemotional cunt.  I remember being 13 and fighting against a surge of tears because I thought someone looked at me wrong.  That's pretty pathetic.  Nowadays, I'm better.  I don't care if someone looks at me funny.  Well, not to the point of tears, anyway.  I've learned how to hide my spastic emotional side in public.  At work, everyone thinks I'm very chill and well-put-together, very polite and considerate and kind. 

If they only knew about the other side. 

Anyway, will I ever get a grip on my rampaging emotions?  I'm sorry, I tend to ask similar questions regarding my mental state in this forum.  My bad. 

It occured to me today that I may have to STOP fighting the emotional parts of me and just accept them.  But you see, they are troublesome and interfere in my life in a negative way.  My emotions make me want to give up life.  They are so powerful and overwelming.  I used to think "oh, that's just my ego" whenever my emotions overwelmed me, but I now think it is inappropriate to write them off as "ego."  To call them 'ego' indicates that I at least have some choice in the matter of experiencing them.  Maybe I do, but when they come they take over.  Do you understand this?  It's like, ZAP and then I'm in the grip of a rampaging emotion.  I cannot control it.  I've tried and tried and TRIED.  I've tried meditation.  I've tried breathing.  I've tried going without the weed.  Nothing seems to help me get a grip on them. 

I don't think my feelings are normal.  Not that I care what "normal" is but I am trying to express my thoughts right now.  They are too raw for me to cope with.  I've been trying for 22 years now.  I realized today that in a few months, I will be 23.  Twenty three.  And I am still prone to fits of uncontrollable emotion.  I can throw a bigger and more dangerous tantrum then any two year old. 

I am starting to be unable to stand this.  To stand myself.  I'm sorry to keep putting posts like this in here.  But I am at a loss.  I feel helpless at this point.  I am almost at the point where I just do not give a fucking shit about TRYING to do anythign anymore.  It seems like the more I try to "get a grip" on my emotions the more I fail to do so.  Not even putting myself in a Vulcan mindset helps.  I simply forget everything but the emotion when it comes.  That's all there is. 

Should I just accept them and stop fighting them?  Or should I keep trying to "get a grip" on this creature?  I don't know what to do to resolve my own crazy emotional states and make them more managable. 

How much emotion is acceptable for any one person?  :frown:

Sorry again. 


*me*


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InvisibleVirgilKane
Miner for truth and delusion
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Registered: 05/17/05
Posts: 1,131
Loc: lowdown
Re: Will I ever "get a grip?" [Re: MOTH]
    #4726950 - 09/28/05 08:52 PM (11 years, 2 months ago)

Welcome to my world and I'm 41!  I know that for me it seems that the more I focus on the problem the worse it gets.  It becomes all that there is.  I've been at points in my life where I KNOW that I need to changs and look at things differently and that when it gets the worst because I focus on it so much without ever accomplishing anything.  I know that backing off seems to help me take a more objective look at it and be able to put it in better perspective.  It's easier to act differently when I don't feel like the way that I feel at the moment is all that there is. :heart:

Edit* and quite apologizing, Dork!


--------------------
Absense of evidence is not evidence of absense...

"Religion is a defense against a religious experience"
              Carl G. Jung

 
"So really, ordinary reality is a kind of chemical habit, sanctioned by culture, which says it's okay to use certain drugs, eat certain foods, and have certain sexual behaviors. However, when you transcend all this pre-conditioning by returning to the original wisdom of the animal body, then you discover this immense dimension of opportunity. For some people, it is a frightening risk. To me, that's the psychedelic experience."
Terence McKenna


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: Will I ever "get a grip?" [Re: VirgilKane]
    #4727079 - 09/28/05 09:18 PM (11 years, 2 months ago)

Thanks, I found your post very helpful. It's nice to know I'm not as much as a freak as first suspected because of my emotions.


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
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Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 93,974
Loc: underbelly
Re: Will I ever "get a grip?" [Re: MOTH]
    #4727108 - 09/28/05 09:23 PM (11 years, 2 months ago)

You have to accept them because they are happening.

Instead of fighting them, how about detached observation without judgement for awhile. Start to watch what you are thinking about. Especially right before an emotional takeover. Just notice and don't try to fix anything. Become a thought detective and watch for the clues. Self talk determines much of our experience. You cannot force it to change. If you just observe carefully more and more without judgement it will change on it's own. That's the rule. :wink:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: Will I ever "get a grip?" [Re: Icelander]
    #4727111 - 09/28/05 09:25 PM (11 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Icelander said:
Become a thought detective 




I like the sound of that.  :smile:

You gave excellant advice.


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InvisibleVirgilKane
Miner for truth and delusion
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Registered: 05/17/05
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Re: Will I ever "get a grip?" [Re: MOTH]
    #4727199 - 09/28/05 09:49 PM (11 years, 2 months ago)

It's really funny that you wrote this today.  I basically had a meltdown this afternoon myself.  Life has seemed to be hanging by a thread lately for not much of any good reason and today was when the straw was dropped!

When the event happened(which was REALLY nothing at all), I knew the best way to deal with it and kept telling myself the best way to deal with it.(or how I WISHED that I could deal with it)     

Intellectually that worked for about 15 minutes until I broke because I couldn't live up to my expectations of myself.  I wasn't upset about the event at all, only at myself for not naturally responding like I wished I could.  This brought all the fucked up feelings that I have about myself to the forefront and it all snow-balled from there. 

This is what I mean by stepping back, because when it's all you think about, it's all that there is.  You can know that there are other ways to deal, but it's hardly possible for me when I'm living in "why am I so fucked up" land.

Just be glad that you still HAVE emotions!  I've conditioned myself over the years to fear my emotions and to analyze everything intellectually because I've conditioned myself to analyze everything.(too much time analyzing why I'm so fucked up)  On those rare occasions when I do act like I want to I'll compare it to how I would "normally" act and laugh about it. 

I think it's a good thing to have the emotions, it's just how much control you give them and how you respond to them that's the tricky part.

Also, speaking from personal experience, when you live in that self-analytical world time sloooooows waaaaaay dooooown!  I feel like I've lived a week at the end of a self-analytical(negative, that is) day.  It wears you out and just makes you want to sleep it all away.

If it looks like it's gonna be one of those days, when the second bad thing of what I deem will be just the begining of many happens, I like to look toward the sky and say "Heap it on me!!  Let's see how much I can take!!"  It usually cracks me up because I'm not taking it so seriously and when more bad stuff happens I say "Uh Huh!" and that cracks me up more!  I just make a game out of it and usually it works because I'm basically expecting to see how much will happen without worrying about it until it actually does.

If anyone would happen to be watching this from afar they would probably think that I'm crazy...but then again, I am!! :crazy:

Hang in there Mysh. you'll pull through.  I have faith in you! :thumbup: :heart: :thumbup: :heart:


--------------------
Absense of evidence is not evidence of absense...

"Religion is a defense against a religious experience"
              Carl G. Jung

 
"So really, ordinary reality is a kind of chemical habit, sanctioned by culture, which says it's okay to use certain drugs, eat certain foods, and have certain sexual behaviors. However, when you transcend all this pre-conditioning by returning to the original wisdom of the animal body, then you discover this immense dimension of opportunity. For some people, it is a frightening risk. To me, that's the psychedelic experience."
Terence McKenna


Edited by schapper (09/28/05 09:56 PM)


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InvisibleVirgilKane
Miner for truth and delusion
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Registered: 05/17/05
Posts: 1,131
Loc: lowdown
Re: Will I ever "get a grip?" [Re: VirgilKane]
    #4727206 - 09/28/05 09:52 PM (11 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

You give excellant advice.




:thumbup: :thumbup:

He da Man!


--------------------
Absense of evidence is not evidence of absense...

"Religion is a defense against a religious experience"
              Carl G. Jung

 
"So really, ordinary reality is a kind of chemical habit, sanctioned by culture, which says it's okay to use certain drugs, eat certain foods, and have certain sexual behaviors. However, when you transcend all this pre-conditioning by returning to the original wisdom of the animal body, then you discover this immense dimension of opportunity. For some people, it is a frightening risk. To me, that's the psychedelic experience."
Terence McKenna


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OfflineGrav
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Re: Will I ever "get a grip?" [Re: VirgilKane]
    #4738138 - 09/30/05 08:26 PM (11 years, 2 months ago)

you only live this life once, ellemyshShade
dont be afraid :smile:

accept them
accept yourself
let the chips fall where they will


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Offlinedaimyo
Monticello

Registered: 05/13/04
Posts: 7,751
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Re: Will I ever "get a grip?" [Re: MOTH]
    #4739138 - 10/01/05 12:29 AM (11 years, 2 months ago)

Come on slim...smile, it looks good on ya :smile:.  I know you know better than to let these emotions control you.  Accept what they are, and be all the stronger for it.  Would Picard let this get to him?  Of course not.  He would study it and learn to harness the energy and be that much better.  You cannot change who you are. 

There isn't much that is worth giving your life up over.  Emotions are definitely not one of those things!  You are your own beautiful self, and nothing more.  Take control of the energy that these fits bring and use it for something positive.  They only have a negative influence on you because you allow them to.

If you really think this is hampering your life though, perhaps professional help would be in your best interest.  There is nothing like being able to open up to an impartial party.  Especially when they are trained to deal with such situations.

"Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand." - Baruch Spinoza

"Real joy comes not from ease or riches or from the praise of men, but from doing something worthwhile." - Sir Wilfred Grenfell

"Give not over thy soul to sorrow; and afflict not thyself in thy own counsel. Gladness of heart is the life of man and the joyfulness of man is length of days." - Ecclesiastes


--------------------
"I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man."


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Invisibleredtailedhawk
Explorer of the Mystery
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Registered: 11/24/04
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Re: Will I ever "get a grip?" [Re: daimyo]
    #4741254 - 10/01/05 04:26 PM (11 years, 2 months ago)

Hi OfflineEllemyshShade!

I've read some recent post from you and I can relate. I too wondered when "I would get a grip" on myself, experienced emotional upheaval, mental confusion, depression and anxiety, ... you can say I was completely lost on the dark side of life  :sad:. My troubles started to resolve itself when I did two things.

First was slowing down. I quit my stressful job and developed a peaceful daily mentality. I quit smoking, stop using sugar, caffeine and other stimulants such as white bread and other processed foods, start taking long walks, took on daily meditation practice, stop watching TV and reading daily news, etc. Overall I start living a "boring", repetitive life without dramas most people are involved in. This does not employ I will not save the world one day, I just need some time off.  :biggrin:

Slowing down and avoidance of stimulants is very important. You may wish to do a Google search on things like hypoglycemia and adrenal fatigue to understand what I'm talking about.

Second part was more hard but also more important. I stopped projecting my feelings and mental states to the outside world. Although I slowed down, I still experienced states of anxiety and depression, but now I didn't blame those on UFO's, dark spirits, politics, my friends or family, but entirely on myself. This is a very important step in healing your traumas. You must accept all of your experiences as an interior dynamic of yourself. This does not mean you are sick or a bad person. This doesn't tell anything about you. You may believe you come from outer space, you may believe you are possessed, you may believe anything you like and that may or may not be true, but if you truly want to heal you must put those thoughts aside. Stop thinking about ghosts, spirits, aliens, world affairs, shamans, end of the world scenarios and stuff like that. Nothing about those things will make you healthier. You must ground yourself and start working on the true issues you have been avoiding for so long and that scream out to you to get your attention. Stop and simply listen!

Once you stop projecting your feelings and thoughts to outer elements, you must start to accept them. Don't fight them, don't try to suppress them using alcohol, sex, TV, meditation or other distractions. Witness them as they are without judgement of any kind. Let them flow. Let them be. Don't act on them. Just let them be.

Now you should be getting down to some serious work. I truly believe most of your confusion and problems are based in the traumas of your childhood and I know you will agree. I think it would be very helpful if you continued to work on your problems with the help of skilful therapist, but I have a feeling you don't want to do this. I would suggest you do it anyway. This is nothing to be ashamed of. This does not mean you are bad or ignorant or stupid or crazy  :crazy2: or anything like that. That means you are strong enough to ask for help and that you truly wish to get better.

If you do or do not decide to work with a therapist I also suggest you also embark into psychedelic psychotherapy.  :mushroom2:  Take your time to study works of Stanislav Grof, especially his LSD Psychotherapy and Spiritual Emergency books. Then decide on your substance of choice and follow the guidelince described in these books. You will be working and resolving your deepest traumas, fears and confusions. It will be the hardest thing you will ever do. You will remember and relive all the unexpressed feelings, all the pain of your childhood and fellow beings, you will cry and laugh and die and be born again. And then one day, after many months or years, after you finish your work, you will stand in peace. Forever.

As Don Juan or Castaneda once said.

If you really feel that your spirit is distorted you should simply fix it--purge it, make it perfect--because there is no other task in our entire lives which is more worthwhile.

And remember: Love and be kind to yourself! :flowers: It is not your fault. You are a great human being, that deserves and has always deserved all the love and peace it can get. You may not have receive it, but not because something would be fundamentally wrong with you (it isn't) but because people you lived with didn't know how to give it you.

Don't give up. Your future is bright. Don't give up!

:goodluck:


--------------------

"Who are you who live in all these many forms? You're death that captures all. You too are the source of all that's gonna be born. You're glory, mercy, peace, truth. You give calm a spirit, understanding, courage, the contented heart."


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InvisibleFucknuckle
Dog Lover

Registered: 04/24/04
Posts: 6,762
Re: Will I ever "get a grip?" [Re: MOTH]
    #4746970 - 10/02/05 11:27 PM (11 years, 2 months ago)

I wish I had more time to post but I want to say this..........


Life is very hard in your early 20's
Don't take it all so hard and it won't be hard
I also was a emotional freak gone a stray down the path of insanity during my early life and I am going on 40 and my life is far more than I could have ever dreamed. And yours will be also........I know you will, I sense it.

You and I have had some good words. Believe me when I say your special and your emotional life will bring you great advantage over the real difficulties life will bring your way. Your experience with the bullshit will bring you to a place of sublime power over the small stuff and over whelming power over the big things.

You are the results of a hard road............. well worn and well known by you and thoose that love you. You are the road to perfection within your world and your journeys. You are developing the tools to grant you the keys to the doors you can see and the ones you can not.


Will you ever get a grip ?

Hey baby you have a grip on the fact you have no grip and guess what ?????


You have a grip on your no grip........... so let the ride go and enjoy your specialness and love your self as you are.


Getting advice is cool but being you is much cooler and will bring you to a place of acceptance and understanding. Find the best of what you are and explore that.....................


Lotsa Love  :heart:,

Fucknuckle :tongue:


--------------------
What it is, is what it is my Brother.
It is as it is, so suffer thru it.


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InvisibleLe_Canard
Danger Man

Registered: 05/17/03
Posts: 93,266
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: Will I ever "get a grip?" [Re: MOTH]
    #4747117 - 10/02/05 11:57 PM (11 years, 2 months ago)

Yes, I'm pretty sensitive too - always have been. What's worked for me is to just not take myself so seriously. Easy said than done sometimes, I know...


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