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Invisiblereflectedlight
in town untilthe blood flows
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Registered: 08/22/03
Posts: 926
Loc: aether
weed, self judgement, and else
    #4204261 - 05/21/05 07:09 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

first thanks for clicking this. i smoked for the first time in months and i had some pretty nasty thoughts. i kept thinking i was retarded/insane, my body and mind were falling apart and that everyone knew i was fuckd but never had the heart to tell me. im basically wondering if this was paranoia/self judgement or is this reality and ive been avoiding it? im going to get therapy for my depression/anxiety but im still thinking that i am basically walking dead right now. while i was high I had recurring thoughts that the only way to fix a lifetime of mistakes was to commit suicide but I couldnt drop that on my f riends/family and i needed to disappear/make it look like an accident.

anyway sorry to drop this shit here, but i thought someone might say something to help.


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at this point i think we can be relatively certain seperation exists as a fallacy of finite perception, and the only barrier to infinite creativity is a preimposed notion of certainty and artificial conditioning. nothing is without origin


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Invisibledr_gonz
Registered: 08/18/03
Posts: 44,645
Re: weed, self judgement, and else [Re: reflectedlight]
    #4204291 - 05/21/05 07:25 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

might wanna avoid the weed and any psychedelics for now...


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InvisibleLe_Canard
Doesn't need no stinkin' badge.

Registered: 05/17/03
Posts: 93,425
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: weed, self judgement, and else [Re: reflectedlight]
    #4204310 - 05/21/05 07:30 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I was going to say that it sounded like the weed was working on you, but since these feelings are persisting, perhaps seeing someone about them would be the wisest course. I hope you can get things settled soon....


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InvisibleBi0TeK
elephant man

Registered: 11/07/02
Posts: 3,002
Loc: Yorkshire Moors, Great Br...
Re: weed, self judgement, and else [Re: reflectedlight]
    #4204723 - 05/21/05 10:38 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I've experienced those feelings from weed before.

It's quite common from what I've read on the web and by talking face to face with individuals.

I don't smoke that shit anymore.

BTW, I read in the news today that they re banning the stuff in Holland now where its been legal for years!

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PROMOTE BACTERIA. THEY'RE THE ONLY CULTURE SOME PEOPLE HAVE.


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Invisiblequestion_for_joo
i'm left. youall can bite me
Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 1,591
Re: weed, self judgement, and else [Re: reflectedlight]
    #4204773 - 05/21/05 10:49 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

when i smoke weed i feel really great. if it makes you sucidial i wouldn't smoke it anymore.


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youi was a pig informatnt so you can go fuckyoruselfs


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Offlinecrunchytoast
oppositional

Registered: 04/07/05
Posts: 1,133
Loc: aporia
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: weed, self judgement, and else [Re: question_for_joo]
    #4205319 - 05/22/05 01:40 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

i have those sorts of experiences with weed, usually some flashback visuals involved, no suicidal thoughts.

i use it for self-analysis. it can take a nasty tone if i let it.
but as long as i remember to have compassion for myself (as some poster advised a while back), i can get a lot out of it.

it's like i can see things about myself i wouldn't want to see. as long as i can accept myself anyway, it's okay, and i find it's good for me. it's like, i'd rather accept myself for who i am than who i wish i was, you know?


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"consensus on the nature of equilibrium is usually established by periodic conflict." -henry kissinger


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Offlinehawksapprentice
Yearns to Snowboard
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 3,193
Loc: Oregon
Last seen: 4 months, 8 days
Re: weed, self judgement, and else [Re: Bi0TeK]
    #4205887 - 05/22/05 06:32 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

They didn't ban weed, they banned smoking in the workplace, therefore banning smoking pot in coffee shops. You can still go out on the terrace and light up your join, just not inside the shop itself. Im curious how long this will be tolerated though.


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"I celebrate the Earth, my home, my mother, my grave, and as long as men are Man they must, if they would preserve the integrated being, do the same---[and preserve]--this rank casual hungry smelly sweaty lusting transitory body, my oozy pulpy liquid-bag-swollen body, bones, blood, hair glands, my bejeweled sex; I love and celebrate it all.  never to let men forget that they are animals as much as gods---that is one thing I shall say."

  Edward Abbey


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OfflineTriplexiosis
Lachrymologist
Male

Registered: 12/17/04
Posts: 199
Loc: Europe
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
Re: weed, self judgement, and else [Re: reflectedlight]
    #4205922 - 05/22/05 07:48 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I used to be really paranoid without weed, so when I smoked I felt the same way as you described. It went on for months (I smoke only like once a week or so) Untill I decided to fight paranoia and eventually kill it. Weed actually helped and now I'm more than just fine. No more silly thoughts, hope it works for you :wink:


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"If there were no desire to heal, the damaged and broken met along this tedious path I've choosen here, I certainly would have walked away by now" Tool - Patient

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." Antoine de Saint-Exupery


Edited by Triplexiosis (05/22/05 07:49 AM)


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Invisiblereflectedlight
in town untilthe blood flows
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Registered: 08/22/03
Posts: 926
Loc: aether
Re: weed, self judgement, and else [Re: Triplexiosis]
    #4206892 - 05/22/05 04:03 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

anyway thanks all of you for bothering to reply to my post. i dont understand how I could have been so blind to what ive been doing. weed just helped me to see myself, and i appreciate that, despite the pain of it. Im pretty sure how I am acting a therapist would call a form of paranoid personality disorder, and hopefully Ill get everything straightened out soon. thanks again for replying : )


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at this point i think we can be relatively certain seperation exists as a fallacy of finite perception, and the only barrier to infinite creativity is a preimposed notion of certainty and artificial conditioning. nothing is without origin


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