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OfflineHeinous_Anus
S.D.M.F.

Registered: 08/03/05
Posts: 310
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
Shit-Sparrows in a Shit-Hurricane...and a Llama.
    #4533770 - 08/14/05 02:39 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

"Why the fuck am I always stuck doing the dishes?"

She gave me a surprised and hurt look. "I do my share."

I slammed a plate into the drying rack and growled to myself. She was sitting at the kitchen table, reading Cosmopolitan. She had been bitching about her subscription for a month. 'Why is it on the newsstands already? Why don't I have it yet? What if it went to my old address?'

Maybe I should have just thrown this issue away. Just to piss her off.

Stupid bitch.

I hope she chokes on the fucking banana bread she's eating. Why is she eating? We just had dinner. Fucking fat bitch.

"Can you at least dry?" My tone was cold. She looked hurt again, but stood from the table and feigned effort at the task. She was putting them away wrong. She was tossing forks where the spoons should go. She was putting the coffee cups where the drinking glasses go. Do I have to put labels on things? How hard is it to follow routine of how it's always been done?

"You're doing it wrong," I scolded, pulling the plug out of the bottom of the sink. "Can you at least try?"

"I am trying," She turned to me and pouted.

"No you're not," I mumbled, cleaning around the edge of the sink. I had to bump past her to clean the stove and gave her an icy look. She just rolled her eyes and dried the huge pot she insisted on using to make pasta tonight. A medium sized pot would've worked. She just likes to waste shit.

I folded up the dishcloth and placed it on the partition between the twin sinks. I turned on the facet to rinse out the last of the bubbles that filled the bottom of the silver basin. That's when I saw it. The bubbles washed away to reveal the long, sharp blade of a kitchen knife.

I looked at the knife, then at her.

She was still struggling with the pot.

I felt temporarily insane. This might work.

Maybe I'll stab her just a little.

I picked up the knife, closing my hand around the damp blade.

"Why is this pot so hard to dry?" She whined.

Those are the shittiest last words I've ever heard. Way to waste your last breathe, you fucking whore.

I was ready. I was going to do this. I drew my arm back, ready to plunge the blade into her back when she suddenly turned. She screamed when she saw the knife and the wild look in my eyes.

"What are you doing!" She yelled, tossing the pot to the floor. It clattered loudly, bringing me back to reality. I blinked, suddenly realizing what was going on.

"I...um..." The reasons I had in my head weren't so clear now. I looked into her eyes and saw her fear. She was afraid of me.

The knife tumbled from my hands. "I'm sorry."

I didn't think she heard me my voice was so weak. I dropped my head and put my face in my hands. I was going to kill her. I didn't know what I was doing. I was out of my mind. Why were those thoughts even in my head?

"Shh..." She said. She stepped forward, taking me in her arms. "Don't cry."

"I was going to kill you!" I sobbed. "Why are you...why are you comforting me?"

"Because." She said with a shrug. "I love you."

"You piss me off," I started. "But I love you too."

She smiled at me, running her hands through my short hair. "Baby, if you are pissed off with me, just tell me."

I starred at the knife on the floor and frowned to myself. "Maybe we should take some counseling or something..." I mumbled.

She looked at the knife of the floor then back at me. She laughed. "Yeah, maybe we should."

I laughed too. What can you do but laugh?

We finished the dishes together. She took a shower while I watched television. Everything felt normal. I was okay. She was okay. We were just a normal couple. We went to sleep that night in each other's arms, the argument forgotten.

Then I stabbed her to death in the bed.

It's easier to kill some one when she's lying down.

Stupid bitch ruined the good sheets, too.


--------------------


I didn't go to college. I went to Ozzy Osbourne University. - Zakk Wylde


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Offlinefreddurgan
Techgnostic
Male

Registered: 01/11/04
Posts: 3,648
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: Shit-Sparrows in a Shit-Hurricane...and a Llama. [Re: Heinous_Anus]
    #4533782 - 08/14/05 02:41 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

WTF

I did not see that coming. I seriously didn't. That was great.


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/


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InvisibleTYL3R
Male User Gallery

Registered: 11/19/04
Posts: 17,473
Loc: Chico
Re: Shit-Sparrows in a Shit-Hurricane...and a Llama. [Re: Heinous_Anus]
    #4533793 - 08/14/05 02:44 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

lol

awesome fucking story man


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OfflineSerioOria
?!one#!>?

Registered: 07/23/05
Posts: 566
Loc: upstate, SC
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
Re: Shit-Sparrows in a Shit-Hurricane...and a Llama. [Re: Heinous_Anus]
    #4533812 - 08/14/05 02:51 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

:lolz0rz: :handth: :cuckoo: :hissyfit: :dancing: :headbang: :rockon: :headbanger: :pirate: :drama: :hitit: :bondage: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder:  :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder:


dude, that was great, loved the ending, keep it up :laugh:


--------------------
Live every day like it is your first
or
Live every day like it is your last
My ArT!!


Edited by SerioOria (08/14/05 02:52 PM)


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Invisiblemuse_sick
ĤŌĿŶĞЋ0$Ŧ

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 12/15/03
Posts: 9,399
Loc: Giu La Testa
Re: Shit-Sparrows in a Shit-Hurricane...and a Llama. [Re: Heinous_Anus]
    #4533850 - 08/14/05 03:02 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

that was fucking great
five shrooms for you


--------------------
:beakedwhale:


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InvisibleNoetical
Flip Horrorshow

Registered: 11/28/04
Posts: 9,230
Re: Shit-Sparrows in a Shit-Hurricane...and a Llama. [Re: Heinous_Anus]
    #4533909 - 08/14/05 03:24 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

"Those are the shittiest last words I've ever heard. Way to waste your last breathe, you fucking whore."


:rotfl: :rofl: :rotfl:

Mr Lahey would be proud of the excessive shit in the title


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
Livin in theTwilight Zone...
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 9,946
Loc: You can't spell fungus wi...
Re: Shit-Sparrows in a Shit-Hurricane...and a Llama. [Re: Heinous_Anus]
    #4533934 - 08/14/05 03:31 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Stephen....fucking.....King.




--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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OfflineHeinous_Anus
S.D.M.F.

Registered: 08/03/05
Posts: 310
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
Re: Shit-Sparrows in a Shit-Hurricane...and a Llama. [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #4533955 - 08/14/05 03:35 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

I'm a Genius with a Penis!

...well, that was a little conceited. But, I still have a penis!


--------------------


I didn't go to college. I went to Ozzy Osbourne University. - Zakk Wylde


Edited by Heinous_Anus (08/14/05 03:42 PM)


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Offlinefreddurgan
Techgnostic
Male

Registered: 01/11/04
Posts: 3,648
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: Shit-Sparrows in a Shit-Hurricane...and a Llama. [Re: Noetical]
    #4533999 - 08/14/05 03:46 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

noeticbuzz said:
"Those are the shittiest last words I've ever heard. Way to waste your last breathe, you fucking whore."


:rotfl: :rofl: :rotfl:

Mr Lahey would be proud of the excessive shit in the title




MR LAHEY

Fuck yeah. Best show and character ever.


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/


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Offlinekosmic_charlie
Truckin' in style
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/18/01
Posts: 5,202
Loc: Deep Elem
Last seen: 2 months, 8 days
Re: Shit-Sparrows in a Shit-Hurricane...and a Llama. [Re: Heinous_Anus]
    #4534278 - 08/14/05 05:04 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

You have definite talent. Good read, very funny. Dark but funny.


--------------------

Goin' where the water tastes like wine.


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OfflineHeinous_Anus
S.D.M.F.

Registered: 08/03/05
Posts: 310
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
Re: Shit-Sparrows in a Shit-Hurricane...and a Llama. [Re: kosmic_charlie]
    #4534453 - 08/14/05 06:13 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Yes, this one was a little dark.

Probably the pain I'm in from the damn wisdom teeth removal.

But, I shall write more uplifting stories! YAY!


--------------------


I didn't go to college. I went to Ozzy Osbourne University. - Zakk Wylde


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OfflineHeinous_Anus
S.D.M.F.

Registered: 08/03/05
Posts: 310
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
Re: Shit-Sparrows in a Shit-Hurricane...and a Llama. [Re: SerioOria]
    #4534961 - 08/14/05 08:39 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

SerioOria said:
:lolz0rz: :handth: :cuckoo: :hissyfit: :dancing: :headbang: :rockon: :headbanger: :pirate: :drama: :hitit: :bondage: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder:  :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder: :murder:


dude, that was great, loved the ending, keep it up :laugh:





I just noticed you live in Greenville.  I live about 40 mins away.  YAY ME!


--------------------


I didn't go to college. I went to Ozzy Osbourne University. - Zakk Wylde


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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: Shit-Sparrows in a Shit-Hurricane...and a Llama. [Re: Heinous_Anus]
    #4535374 - 08/14/05 10:32 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Great read, thanks.


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OfflineWorldbridger
Nemo Lotus

Registered: 05/15/04
Posts: 1,479
Last seen: 11 years, 5 months
Re: Shit-Sparrows in a Shit-Hurricane...and a Llama. [Re: adrug]
    #4535729 - 08/14/05 11:42 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

hahaha!


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InvisibleLe_Canard
The Happy Mutant

Registered: 05/17/03
Posts: 94,280
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: Shit-Sparrows in a Shit-Hurricane...and a Llama. [Re: Heinous_Anus]
    #4535746 - 08/14/05 11:45 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Heinous_Anus said:
Stupid bitch ruined the good sheets, too.





Yeah I hate when that happens....  :frown:

(Another great essay, BTW! :laugh: )


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