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The underwear goes INSIDE the pants!
    #4403689 -

Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It?s a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what?s not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That?s not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We?re dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,
but we?re putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can?t watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: ?Do you ever wake up tired in the morning??
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don?t even know what the commercial is?
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I?m like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools now? It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
Build the kids? self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What?s going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don?t just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don?t you think?
They?re not masterminds.
?OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright??
?Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can?t I just??
?Who?s the fucking mastermind here? Me or you??

Americans, let?s face it: We?ve been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity. They say we?re in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio. Like we?ll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
?How?d you get through it grandpa??
?Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere.?

Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I?ll sit at a drive thru.
I?ll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker. There?s room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It?s only three more cents.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there?d be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think,
?You?ll see. I?m going to take of the world of computers! I?ll show them.?

We?re in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that?s what I?m going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they?re just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He?s homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don?t you go get a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants. I?m guessing his resume isn?t all up to date.
I?m predicting some problems during the interview process.
I?m pretty sure even McDonalds has a ?underwear goes inside the pants? policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I?m sure it is on the books.

-Lazy Boy


--------------------
"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"

"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer

Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.

"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln

Edited by dblaney18 (07/14/05 03:34 PM)

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Re: The underwear goes INSIDE the pants! [Re: dblaney]
    #4403736 -

The Denis Leary of the Pub.


--------------------
Hi  :scrambled:

My god... it's full of stars...

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Re: The underwear goes INSIDE the pants! [Re: StrandedVoyager]
    #4403758 -

WOW........true shit tho :thumbup:


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Re: The underwear goes INSIDE the pants! [Re: myCo_psyCo]
    #4403824 -

Why dont you credit the original comedian you stole that from

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Re: The underwear goes INSIDE the pants! [Re: imadouche]
    #4403852 -

i think he wrote that... :smirk:

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Re: The underwear goes INSIDE the pants! [Re: imadouche]
    #4403864 -

Whoops, thought I put it in there, thanks for the heads up


--------------------
"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"

"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer

Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.

"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln

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Re: The underwear goes INSIDE the pants! [Re: TYL3R]
    #4403877 -

I wish...whenever I try to write something with a point or creative it always turns out being longwinded and just blah...

Actually, maybe I should consider taking a creative writing class. Dude you're a genius!


--------------------
"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"

"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer

Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.

"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln

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Re: The underwear goes INSIDE the pants! [Re: dblaney]
    #4403978 -

Man that's a great post... I was with you all the way until you got to the homeless people.  I think giving those people money is the worst thing you can do.  Give them food if you give them anything.  If no one gave them anything they would find a way to earn a living, or at least find a homeless shelter or government assistance.  There are places for those people to go.

The rest of the post is awesome though  :thumbup:


--------------------
Just say NO to the War on Drugs.

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Re: The underwear goes INSIDE the pants! [Re: Plok]
    #4403996 -

Yeah I heard that before. It is actually song lyrics.

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Re: The underwear goes INSIDE the pants! [Re: dblaney]
    #4404073 -

"We?re in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago"

What? Minimum wage is much higher then it was 35 years ago. It seems every time you blink it goes up another 50 cents. The rest of it was a good read though, and pretty true for the times. But in the time it took that guy (not you dblaney) to think that up and write it, he could have been out trying to change things, if not just a little. But instead he decides to sit in his air conditioned room on his $2000 computer and bitch about how fucked up our country is.

I don't think he's a genius, I think hes a hypocritical whiner. Just like the rest of us.

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