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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Relationships
    #3357612 - 11/13/04 11:23 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

How quick we are to form an opinion of a person, to come to a conclusion about them. It is satisfying to the egoic mind to label another human being, to give them a conceptual identity, to pronounce righteous judgment upon them.

Every human being has been conditioned to think and behave in certain ways ? conditioned genetically as well as by their childhood experiences and their cultural environment.

That is not who they are, but that is who they appear to be. When you pronounce judgment upon someone, you confuse those conditioned mind patterns with who they are. To do that is in itself a deeply conditioned and unconscious pattern. You give them a conceptual identity, and that false identity becomes a prison not only for the other person but also for yourself.

To let go of judgment does not mean that you don?t see what they do. It means that you recognize their behavior as a form of conditioning, and you see it and accept it as that. You don?t construct an identity out of it for that person.

That liberates you as well as the other person from identification with conditioning, with form, with mind. The ego then no longer runs your relationships.

~

As long as the ego runs your life, most of your thoughts, emotions, and actions arise from desire and fear. In relationships you then either want or fear something from the other person.

What you want from them may be pleasure or material gain, recognition, praise or attention, or strengthening of your sense of self through comparison and through establishing that you are, have, or know more than they. What you fear is that the opposite may be the case, and they may diminish your sense of self in some way.

When you make the present moment the focal point of your attention ? instead of using it as a means to an end ? you go beyond the ego and beyond the unconscious compulsion to use people as a means to an end, the end being self-enhancement at the cost of others. When you give your fullest attention to whoever you are interacting with, you take past and future out of the relationship, except for practical matters. When you are fully present with everyone you meet, you relinquish the conceptual identity you made for them ? your interpretation of who they are and what they did in the past ? and are able to interact without the egoic movements of desire and fear. Attention, which is alert stillness, is the key.

How wonderful to go beyond wanting and fearing in your relationships. Love does not want or fear anything.

~

If her past were your past, her pain your pain, her level of consciousness your level of consciousness, you would think and act exactly as she does. With this realization comes forgiveness, compassion, peace.

The ego doesn?t like to hear this, because if it cannot be reactive and righteous anymore, it will lose strength.

~

When you receive whoever comes into the space of Now as a noble guest, when you allow each person to be as they are, they begin to change.

~

To know another human being in their essence, you don?t really need to know anything about them ? their past, their history, their story. We confuse knowing about with a deeper knowing that is non-conceptual. Knowing about and knowing are totally different modalities. One is concerned with form, the other with the formless. One operates through thought, the other through stillness.

Knowing about is helpful for practical purposes. On that level, we cannot do without it. When it is the predominant modality in relationships, however, it becomes very limiting, even destructive. Thoughts and concepts create an artificial barrier, a separation between human beings. Your interactions are then not rooted in Being, but become mind-based. Without the conceptual barriers, love is naturally present in all human interactions.

~

Most human interactions are confined to the exchange of words ? the realm of thought. It is essential to bring some stillness, particularly into your close relationships.

No relationship can thrive without the sense of spaciousness that comes with stillness. Meditate or spend silent time in nature together. When going for a walk or sitting in the car or at home, become comfortable with being in stillness together. Stillness cannot and need not be created. Just be receptive to the stillness that is already there, but is usually obscured by mental noise.

If spacious stillness is missing, the relationship will be dominated by the mind and can easily be taken over by problems and conflict. If stillness is there, it can contain anything.

~

True listening is another way of bringing stillness into the relationship. When you truly listen to someone, the dimension of stillness arises and becomes an essential part of the relationship. But true listening is a rare skill. Usually, the greater part of a person?s attention is taken up by their thinking. At best, they may be evaluating your words or preparing the next thing to say. Or they may not be listening at all, lost in their own thoughts.

True listening goes far beyond auditory perception. It is the arising of alert attention, a space of presence in which the words are being received. The words now become secondary. They may be meaningful or they may not make sense. Far more important than what you are listening to is the act of listening itself, the space of conscious presence that arises as you listen. That space is a unifying field of awareness in which you meet the other person without the seperative barriers created by conceptual thinking. And now the other person is no longer ?other.? In that space, you are joined together as one awareness, one consciousness.

~

Do you experience frequent and repetitive drama in your close relationships? Do relatively insignificant disagreements often trigger violent arguments and emotional pain?

At the root of such experiences lie the basic egoic patterns: the need to be right and, of course, for someone else to be wrong; that is to say, identification with mental positions. There is also the ego?s need to be periodically in conflict with something or someone in order to strengthen its sense of separation between ?me? and the ?other? without which it cannot survive.

In addition, there is the accumulated emotional pain from the past that you and each human being carries within, both from your personal past as well as the collective pain of humanity that goes back a long, long time. This ?pain-body? is an energy field within you that sporadically takes you over because it needs to experience more emotional pain for it to feed on and replenish itself. It will try to control your negative thinking and make it deeply negative. It loves your negative thoughts, since it resonates with their frequency and so can feed on them. It will also provoke negative emotional reactions in people close to you, especially your partner, in order to feed on the ensuing drama and emotional pain.

How can you free yourself from this deep-seated unconscious identification with pain that creates so much misery in your life?

Become aware of it. Realize that is not who you are, and recognize it for what it is: past pain. Witness it as it happens in your partner or in yourself. When your unconscious identification with it is broken, when you are able to observe it within yourself, you don?t feed it anymore, and it will gradually lose its energy charge.

~

Human interaction can be hell. Or it can be great spiritual practice.

~

When you look upon another human being and feel great love toward them, or when you contemplate beauty in nature and something within you responds deeply to it, close your eyes for a moment and feel the essence of that love or beauty within you, inseparable from who you are, your true nature. The outer form is a temporary reflection of what you are within, in your essence. That is why love and beauty can never leave you, although all outer forms will.

~

What is your relationship with the world of objects, the countless things that surround you and that you handle every day? The chair you sit on, the pen, the car, the cup? Are they to you merely a means to an end, or do you occasionally acknowledge their existence, their being, no matter how briefly, by noticing them and giving them your attention?

When you get attached to objects, when you are using them to enhance your worth in your own eyes and in the eyes of others, concern about things can easily take over your whole life. When there is self-identification with things, you don?t appreciate them for what they are because you are looking for yourself in them.

When you appreciate an object for what it is, when you acknowledge its being without mental projection, you cannot not feel grateful for its existence. You may also sense that it is not really inanimate, that it only appears so to the senses. Physicists will confirm that on a molecular level it is indeed a pulsating energy field.

Through selfless appreciation of the realm of things, the world around you will come alive in ways that you cannot even begin to comprehend with the mind.

~

Whenever you meet anyone, no matter how briefly, do you acknowledge their being by giving them your full attention? Or are you reducing them to a means to an end, a mere function or role?

What is the quality of your relationship with the cashier at the supermarket, the parking attendant, the repairman, the ?customer??

A moment of attention is enough. As you look at them or listen to them, there is an alert stillness ? perhaps only two or there seconds, perhaps longer. That is enough for something more real to emerge than the roles we usually play and identify with. All roles are part of the conditioned consciousness that is the human mind. That which emerges through the act of attention is the unconditioned ? who you are in your essence, underneath your name and form. You are no longer acting out a script; you become real. When that dimension emerges from within you, it also draws it forth from within the other person.

Ultimately, of course, there is no other, and you are always meeting yourself.

~







--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: Relationships [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #3358062 - 11/14/04 01:41 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

.


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


Edited by LunarEclipse (11/21/04 06:02 PM)


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InvisibleNariusFractal
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Re: Relationships [Re: LunarEclipse]
    #3358577 - 11/14/04 03:44 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)


What is your relationship with the world of objects, the countless things that surround you and that you handle every day? The chair you sit on, the pen, the car, the cup? Are they to you merely a means to an end, or do you occasionally acknowledge their existence, their being, no matter how briefly, by noticing them and giving them your attention?...
...
Through selfless appreciation of the realm of things, the world around you will come alive in ways that you cannot even begin to comprehend with the mind.


thank you. made this quote into a desktop bmp.


--------------------
You are the microcosm of the macrocosm.


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InvisibleDirtMcgirt
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Re: Relationships [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #3358903 - 11/14/04 07:39 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


--------------------
"And we, inhabitants of the great coral of the Cosmos, believe the atom (which still we cannot see) to be full matter, whereas, it too, like everything else, is but an embroidery of voids in the Void, and we give the name of being, dense and even eternal, to that dance of inconsistencies, that infinite extension that is identified with absolute Nothingness and that spins from its own non-being the illusion of everything."


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OfflinePopeHypocriteIII
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Re: Relationships [Re: DirtMcgirt]
    #3359002 - 11/14/04 09:04 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

This is a very moving and stimulating discussion piece. I think congratulations are in order. I do have one question, though:

Do you believe that, upon realising that one's perception of their surroundings (including other people) is merely a mental projection, one can rectify it? Can we ever completely divorce ourselves of a solipsistic and utilitarian mindset? Can we actually step outside ourselves? How can we, if we use our own faculties of reason and perception to do so?

Perhaps it is simply a matter of habit that we think of people in terms of the role they fulfil in relation to ourselves. Aristotle held that no-one is born moral, but that they had to naturalise moral behaviour by repeatedly exercising it. I agree with this in general and perhaps the same applies here, but can anyone conceive of genuinely engaging with and understanding the inherent worth of every person that they encounter? Our relationships with most others are simply too superficial and fleeting for such a thing to come to pass, unless we instinctively saw beyond their appearance and the circumstances in which we encounter them. Do you believe such a thing can be done?


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InvisibleMellowMood
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Re: Relationships [Re: PopeHypocriteIII]
    #3359232 - 11/14/04 11:44 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

"Ultimately, of course, there is no other, and you are always meeting yourself"

I really liked that. :sun:

Thank you...Im always excited to see your posts skorp :3rd_eye:


--------------------
"Im a dreamin man
yes thats my problem
I cant tell when im
not being real"


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Offlinethe_phoenix
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Re: Relationships [Re: PopeHypocriteIII]
    #3359395 - 11/14/04 12:22 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

PopeHypocriteIII said:
Do you believe such a thing can be done?


I do it, some of my friends do it, many people on these boards do it.


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Offlinefireworks_godS
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Re: Relationships [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #3359421 - 11/14/04 12:35 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

:mushroom2:

:headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :satansmoking:
Peace. :mushroom2:


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: Relationships [Re: PopeHypocriteIII]
    #3359556 - 11/14/04 01:32 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Deeply appreciate the responses by everyone here...  :heart:

Pope, very nicely-put question.
All of this points towards the most natural state of Being, and realization of Oneness, which is enlightenment.
Any difficulty that one experiences in being present, still and open to this state of Beingfulness is usually proportionate to the amount of time you have lived in a mind-identified state. Aside from that, the greatest hurdle to living in an enlightened reality is believing that such a hurdle actually exists.
Mind believes it is hard to be present but it is really the other way around. It is easy to be present and it is hard not to be present. Life actually becomes a struggle when we live for the future, trapped in thought, lost in mental-noise, and in the grips of egoic-consciousness.
Being-cognition, the natural state of wholeness, is prevalent in all healthy children. Most of us, if not all, lived this state of Being at one time or another. With this insight comes the realization that it's simply a matter of remembering the common heritage that all of us once shared and lived in.
Of course, we still do share it and it is always there.. just as the sun is still shining in all its glory behind the darkest of all days, it is simply obscured by the clouds, and it is only a matter of time before the clouds pass away. . . . . . . :sun:
If you read the summary in the initial post from the link, you will understand when I say..
?To our Second-Innocence.?



--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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InvisibleKackleDude
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Re: Relationships [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #3360229 - 11/14/04 04:15 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Thanks for helping me organize these thoughts, they were there but had no words. Very well said my friend


--------------------
yeeeahh, it's gonna be well wicked


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InvisibleSwami
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Re: Relationships [Re: MellowMood]
    #3360581 - 11/14/04 05:51 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

"Ultimately, of course, there is no other, and you are always meeting yourself"

Swami in orange jumpsuit and handcuffs: "Your Honor, it wasn't rape as I was ultimately doing it to myself."

Frog: "Shut up and let ME handle your defense."


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa
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Re: Relationships [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #3360912 - 11/14/04 07:02 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Simply put a perfect way of living. But what if your partner is non receptive to this method of thinking and being? Can one carry the other and still coegsist respectfuly and peacfuly?


--------------------




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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: Relationships [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #3361336 - 11/14/04 08:39 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

"A.


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


Edited by LunarEclipse (11/21/04 06:01 PM)


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: Relationships [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #3361405 - 11/14/04 08:52 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

".


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


Edited by LunarEclipse (11/21/04 06:00 PM)


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: Relationships [Re: LunarEclipse]
    #3361480 - 11/14/04 09:13 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Sheik, good question.
Fireworks and I had a discussion about that some time ago, and he and I are both 'Here-Now-Flowers' and Being-cognizants to our own individual degrees.. and we both reported our close-one's attitudes and behaviors changed as we began practicing Being-cognition and Flowing Here-Now in our everyday realities... Just as one's negative attitudes and behaviors can be quite contagious to others... One's positivity and presence can be efficaciously contagious to another. :smile:
The light of your present-stillness can bring out the light of another... and from this, true communication, which stems from realization of Oneness, can take place and then situations can be dealt with and truly changed.

You can take as many marriage counseling sessions as you wish, and while your therapist gets rich, your 'problems' will never be truly solved until the fundamental root of the problem is seen for what it is. Kill the root, and then the whole tree will fall by itself.

I took your advice to heart today, and when I was in Home Depot attempted to look at each person with no pre-conceived notions. It was amazing. I could feel their energy in an entirely different way, that is without my energy interfering. Whether they even noticed me did not matter. I ended up chatting with a few of the clerks and the cute cashier was pretty friendly.

Beautiful.
I suggest you read Eckhart Tolle's book The Power of Now if you wish to have more in-depth insights into the wisdom that I share with everybody here, and if you would like a more psychologically articulated view of Being-cognition, read Dr. Abraham Maslow's book The Farther Reaches of Human Nature. I give credit to both of these individuals for the inspiration to share that which I've studied and learned from them and others. :smile:



--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: Relationships [Re: LunarEclipse]
    #3361523 - 11/14/04 09:33 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

As a footnote to my post about trekking through Home Depot, I observed the state of Being-cognition in a 6 year olds eyes as she absorbed the splendor of just being in this wonderful place. Another little girl seemed out of balance, with a strained expression and a whiny attitude. She must have been taught that.

It's amazing how long certain children can remain in B-cognition when one considers the fact that from the moment they are born, odds are they're being raised by a pair of parents who are living in D-cogniton - from day One. Infants and children are nothing less than great informational sponges that absorb input from all senses.
From the first day, they are constantly absorbing an environment full of D-cognitive individuals interacting with other D-cognitive people. Certainly, not all of what they see, hear and feel will be of a peachy-picnic. With this in mind, it's practically a miracle that you'll see some 6 or 7 year olds who still have a healthy B-cognition.

I can only hope that by sharing such knowledge of B and D cognition and such spirituality with you and others here, there will be many lucky, lucky children in the future generations who are fortunate enough to have a pair of conscious, present and spiritually-awake, B-cognitive parents.



--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


Edited by SkorpivoMusterion (11/14/04 10:32 PM)


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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa
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Re: Relationships [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #3361526 - 11/14/04 09:34 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Well I am trying to be in the now. I often find myself unconcious of the now acting from the past. But I guess being concious of not being concious can only make one concious.


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: Relationships [Re: Corporal Kielbasa]
    #3361543 - 11/14/04 09:40 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

But I guess being concious of not being concious can only make one concious.

Yes, exactly. When you realize you are not present, you become present.



--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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